Nothing Can Make You Forget

For all I know, my eyes could be open. Although I fell to the ground as I lost consciousness, I might be sitting or even standing. I have no way to tell.

I might be dead. I might've fallen sideways onto the road and been run over.

I always imagined death as an exciting thing, if I'm honest. Something that would send a shiver down my spine to tell me that I was dead the moment it happened. As it is, I'm not even sure if I have a spine.

I try to wriggle my fingers, but I can't even feel them. I can't see them. Maybe there's nothing to see.

I strain my ears for the familiar sound of my own breathing, for car horns, people shouting, an ambulance or even a police car, but I can't hear them. There's nothing to hear. I want to scream in frustration but I can't feel my throat, I don't know if I'm making any noise. I've already forgotten how to scream. Nothing can make you forget.

My thoughts are all that's left for me. Even my memories are fading into darkness. My wife's voice, my baby daughter's face, don't seem to exist anymore. I'm utterly alone, without even my own voice to keep me company.

Brother.

No, no, no. I'm not alone. I'm not alone and I wish I was.

None of us are ever alone.

It read my thoughts. It read my thoughts. How do I repel a creature that reads my thoughts? And there's more than one. Let me out, let me out of here!

Out, Brother? I do not understand.

How do I answer? How do I tell it to go away?

I will leave you if you wish. You will not like feeling alone.

No, wait, stay, please. (What am I doing? Am I mad?) I want to - to talk.

Very well. I do not understand your word 'talk', but I will stay.

Deep breath. (Am I breathing? I should be breathing. I'm still alive. Unless I'm dead.) First, where am I?

'Where'? Explain what you mean.

It's a simple question. Where am I?

I do not understand. Explain.

I can't explain! It's simple.

Please wait. I will connect you to - (My thoughts are muddled. The word was something like - I can't remember it. Already, only seconds later, I can't remember it.)

I think it... He... Is gone. I didn't feel him leave, just Like I didn't feel him arrive. Can this - these creatures see? Have they got senses where I have none? Am I truly alone in this state?

I can do nothing but think to pass the time. Time? I've lost track of it. I've heard people say that Time is a man-made concept, but when Man is removed, what happens to Time? Does it continue, or does it simply cease to exist?

Did it ever?

My memories have drained, and I don't remember my life before this Thoughtful state of being. How can I be sure that Time ever existed? That I ever existed outside of this world?

I know that I once had a life. I know it. I must hold onto that, or my sanity will slip away.

Brother.

AH. You're back. How long has it been since I came here?

Long? Here?

How much Time has passed since I appeared?

What is Time? Please explain.

(Calm down. Maybe he just knows it with a different name.) Time is - well, time is - I can't explain.

You cannot explain something that does not exist.

You can. But that's not what I mean. I meant, Time does exist. I've felt it.

Felt? What is 'felt'?

Please stop! I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. Just leave me alone.

I will retreat, but you will not like feeling alone.

That's it, that's 'felt', you just said - Oh. I didn't feel him leave.

He's scaring me now. I don't know which thoughts are my own, which opinions are my own. The things he says, the questions he asks, are confusing me and making me unsure of what's real and what's not. Is this world, this Nothingness, real? Or am I only imagining it?

Brother.

Do you always enter someone's thoughts like that?

It would be impolite to intrude without warning. 'Time', please explain it. My Elders are intrigued.

Your Elders? No, I won't ask. But why should I try to explain it to you?

You do not have to. But I see your thoughts. You doubt the existence of 'Time', and an explanation would sooth your mind.

You're right... Time. Well, time is - Time is - I can't do it. I just can't.

You cannot explain it because it is not real.

No, it is real. I know it is. I've felt it.

You have said that something must exist for it to be explainable - I never said that - The opposite is also true.

No, it isn't true. Time exists. It does exist. Stop messing with my head! (Despite myself I feel a warmth growing in my head. A cozy, tired warmth...) No, I won't believe it. Time exists. I've felt it. I've felt... Felt? What is felt? My arguments are using words without meaning.

Indeed, Brother. You are finding enlightenment. 'Time' does not exist, neither does 'Felt'.

No, they both exist! I know they do. (The warmth, the tiredness, is growing.)

Words without meaning... 'Felt'... 'Time'... What are they after all, but words?

They do not exist. 'Time' does not exist.

It does, it do- (The warmth finally takes over. Everything is wonderful and warm. Everything makes sense at last.)

'Time' does not exist. 'Felt' does not exist.

You are right. (It's a relief to finally say it.) 'Time' does not exist. 'Felt' does not exist.

'Senses' do not exist.

Indeed. 'Senses' do not exist.

The world you think you remember does not exist. It is only your imagination.

The world I think I remember does not exist. It is only my imagination. I understand.

All of these things do not exist.

They do not exist.

You are tired, Brother.

I am tired.

You are very tired.

Very tired...

Sleep, Brother. Sleep.

...

It is so warm...

My Brother is gone. I remember... What was I going to say? I don't remember. Nothing is making me forget...

Nothing can make you forget. Nothing can make you forget. I remember.

I remember.

*****

The brightness is overwhelming. Darkness would've been just as stunning.

It takes me moments to recall how to open my eyes. I search for the right muscle, moving my fingers and turning my head before my eyelids raise. I see.

I'm in an empty hospital ward, hooked up to a life-support machine, its beige-grey walls obnoxiously bright.

The heart-monitor's bleeping pounds in my ears and prevents me from thinking straight. I struggle to find the muscle that turns my head, and eventually one of my ears are pressed into the pillow, but the sound persists.

I push my hands toward the blanket in an attempt to get it over my head, but in my current condition I can't find the small muscles necessary to move my fingers.

I leave my arms limp over the blanket, hating the overpowering smell of antiseptic that hangs in the air, remembering. It was never this strong before.

The clock on the hospital wall ticks violently. My head throbs along with it, mirroring each beat.

Footsteps in the hallway beside my ward. I look towards the door just as a woman walks in. Her navy-blue eyes widen, tears beginning to form.

My wife. Nothing can make me forget her.