280 comments

Crime Mystery Fiction

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

Slowly, I pulled into the driveway of the house labeled 2269 in silver letters. The sound of waves crashing on the shore reached me the moment I was out of the car. A salty breeze blew my red and yellow cape every which way. I gathered all of my courage, then strutted up to the front door. With one last deep breath, I knocked three times.

A young woman opened the door. Her piercing blue eyes widened as they scanned my outfit.

“Uh, hi. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Are you Avenlee Hursch?” There was no time to waste.

“Yes. Who are-” Before she could finish, I grabbed her by the arm. I wrapped a blindfold over her eyes, slapped handcuffs on her wrists, and we were gone.


Fifteen minutes late, I parked the car next door to an apartment complex. I left Avenlee after locking the car doors and headed to the apartments.

I repeated the same process I went through with Avenlee, picking up a middle-aged man. From what I knew, his name was Graham and he was a chef.

Two down, two to go.


Another house, but this time was different. Kavya put up a fight. The moment I tried to take her out of the house, she trashed and threw a quick right hook.

Crack!

“You broke my nose!” I screeched. She threw cuss words, tried to loosen my grip, but I pinned her arms behind her.

“Leave me alone; let me go!” Kavya yelled. Without another word, I put the cuffs and blindfold on her.

Maybe she is a good fit, I thought as I shoved Kavya into the car.


Hoping the next candidate was easy like Avenlee and Graham, I jogged to the door. After her talk of escaping in the car, I didn’t want Kavya to have the time to. I pounded on the door, but it didn’t open. I rang the doorbell, knocked again, and finally, a groggy man revealed himself. He was in a bathrobe and had heavy bags under his eyes. His actions were sluggish.

“I’m guessing you’re a writer. Let’s go.”

Still half-asleep, the man made no move to stop me as I went through the motions and sat him in the passenger’s seat. He was asleep before we left the property.


A tiny handle stuck out of the ground, almost unnoticeable. After checking no one was watching, I pulled on it, and a hatch opened to steps.

“These are steps. Might want to hang onto each other going down,” I advised. Avenlee reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I began the descent down, our footsteps echoing on the metal. 

“Close the door!” I said. It clanged shut.

“Where are we going?” Graham questioned.

“This feeling would be great to describe in a book,” the writer, Devan, said. I rolled my eyes.

“If you don’t tell me where I’m at, someone’s gonna die!” Kavya was one brave soul, but I knew it was fake. Avenlee gasped at the threat but didn’t say a word. I refused to reply to any of them.

We were now walking down a metal hallway. The organization couldn’t afford something to hit ground level and crack the walls, that being the reason for all of the metal.

“Why are we walking so far? I can’t see! I’m starving, too.” Graham continued to complain.

“Shut UP!” I snapped. All four of the captives stayed quiet. I stopped in front of a mustard yellow door and had the number 67 at the top.

“When we enter this room, I will take your handcuffs off, but don’t be getting any ideas. Once I’m out of the room, you can take your blindfolds off. Anyone who does otherwise will be executed,” I explained. It was an empty threat, but it sure did the trick.

I pulled my ID card out of my checkered jeans and swiped it on the scanner next to the door, which automatically opened. Determinedly, I marched the group into the room. Using a key stored in the pocket of my pants, I unlocked each person’s cuffs, then led them to their seats.

“Enjoy.” I left the room, then lifted my watch to my mouth. “Potential recruits are in the dining room. Reporting to your office now.

“Wonderful,” a voice snickered back. I smirked, jogging down long, twisting hallways. I passed hundreds of different colored doors. These were all the rooms of my organization’s members.

To my relief, I finally reached the forest green door. Two beefy guards stood in my way. I raised an eyebrow. Both men quivered.

“So sorry, miss. We forgot your-” the bodyguard on the left started. My eyes narrowed.

“You forgot my importance? Do that again and I’ll show you how important I am,” I scolded.

“Of course, ma’am. We’re so sorry,” the other idiot said. I nodded, satisfied. They stepped aside and the door swung open. Rock music blared from an electric guitar played by an older man.

“Richard! You should be watching the cameras! I’m surrounded by idiots.” I watched as he continued to spin around in his chair behind the desk while he played his guitar.

“They’re going to find a way to ESCAPE!” I screamed. Reluctantly, Richard stopped strumming strings and looked at me.

“I’m not stupid, Athena. I know Kavya could leave if she wanted to. But, you see, these glasses I’m wearing have a built-in screen connected to the cameras.” Richard rolled his eyes at me, then waved me away. Furious, I walked to the room next door.

Computer screens lined the walls. As most of the rooms’ occupants didn’t allow cameras, a lot of the screens showed the hallways.

“Which room?” the tech guy, Adam, asked from the corner.

“Dining,” I replied. He nodded, tapped a few buttons on the wall, and every screen switched to show the dining room at every angle. The four people I took sat at the table. They stared at each other, seeming to be in a silent argument.

“Kavya’s looks the most savage, she should try it first. Unless she’s a chicken, of course,” Graham sneered.

“I am not a chicken. I’ll do it.” After a hesitant moment, Kavya picked up a fry that sat in front of her. She lifted it to her mouth, and with a glance around the yellow room, took a bite.

Swallow.

“I’m not dead. Eat.”

Still a bit worried, the other three ate a few fries and a bite of their burger. I smiled, glad that they trusted each other.

“I got a message from Richard. He says you should go down there now,” Adam stated.

“Tell him not yet. It’s not time.”

“But-”

“Just tell him no for Pete’s sake!” I exclaimed. People were so scared of Richard for some reason.

Turning back to the screens, I sighed. The men and women weren’t talking to each other. Just great.

Minutes passed. The bland noise of plates and glasses clinking on the oak table was excruciating.

“Tell Richard I’m going in,” I said, already out the door. As quickly as possible, I maneuvered my way back to the mustard yellow door, immediately going inside. All eyes were on me.

“My name is Athena Mondue. I am a part of the P.T.S. organization. The four of you are potentially going to be new members. Enjoy your dinner.” Then I left.

Waiting for me in the screen room was Richard; he watched the many screens intently. I came up next to him to see three mouths moving almost fearfully. Avenlee stayed quiet, but she still seemed interested in the conversation.

“What kind of name is Athena?” Kavya asked.

“I don’t like her! She broke my nose earlier!” I shouted, turning to Richard.

“She’s feisty like you. She’s in. Adam?” Richard beckoned him from his corner.

“Yes, sir?”

“Tell Marshall to get Kavya to join and to tell her what she has to do to become a member. Thanks.” Richard waved Adam away.

“What do you think P.T.S. stands for?” It was Devan. I turned back to the screens.

“Why didn’t she tell us more? And this food is atrocious,” Graham whined. It was so annoying.

“He’s out,” Richard and I said in unison. I heard Adam tapping buttons right away.

Shortly after, we watched two bodyguards walk into the dining room. One of them grabbed kavya, the other snatched Graham. The two were lugged out of the room, half-eaten plates left on the table. Avenlee gasped and Devan’s eyes widened. They both jumped when the door slammed shut. That was P.T.S.: quick, but leaving with a bang.

“The ‘s’ in P.T.S. probably stands for society since Athena said it was an organization,” Avenlee whispered. It was surprising to hear her talk, considering she hadn’t said a word since I collected her.

“You know, you’re right! And the ‘p’ could stand for professional!” Devan exclaimed.

How were they cracking this?! I thought.

“But what would the ‘t’ be?” Avenlee furrowed her eyebrows in deep thought while she nibbled on a fry.

“Athene seemed sneaky, and those guys were strong enough to crack skulls during a getaway. Maybe that has something to do with it,” Avenlee said. She smiled, knowing she was getting close to the name of my organization.

“Man, this would be a great plot for a book!” Devan took a celebratory bite of his burger.

“I like his energy, good for when we have a big project. But he’ll expose us in his writing. He can’t be recruited.” I looked at Richard, hoping he was on the same page.

“You’re right. He and the complainer will have to be… you know. The girls will become members.” Slowly, a smile came to Richard’s face; he was proud of me. I didn’t say anything, but I grinned ear-to-ear.


---


Six of us stood in the middle of a forest. Avenlee and Kavya each held a pistol. Devan and Graham were across from them, styling blindfolds yet again.

“Avenlee and Kavya, repeat after me. I will dedicate my life to P.T.S.” Richard stated.

“I will dedicate my life to P.T.S.” Kavya and Avenlee repeated.

“And I will do whatever is asked of me, no matter the cost,” Richard continued. The women copied him.

“Great! Complete your first assignment, ladies,” I ordered. Confidently, two guns were raised.

Bang!

Bang!

Graham and Devan dropped.

“Welcome to the Professional Theft Society.”

July 09, 2021 00:12

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280 comments

Check my bio, I'm leaving but not sure how to say it.

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03:29 Aug 17, 2021

Okay. Aw, we’re going to miss you so much, Jade! Also, I hope that you feel better and have fun with music!

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Thank you so much! I will! :.)

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12:25 Aug 21, 2021

My pleasure! :D

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18:25 Aug 10, 2021

*darkness *spotlight on me *evil voice Well well well HELLO THERE

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22:23 Aug 10, 2021

*shivers *gasps *ohnos ... hi

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01:12 Aug 11, 2021

*hehe ayyyyyyyyyy wassup?

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20:37 Aug 11, 2021

*lol yoooooooo nuttin much, just chillin wassup with you? i can't- i'm literally lol-ing

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01:00 Aug 12, 2021

Oooh noice! Same here, went to the beach then ate about 1500 calories so yippee :D Wdm lol- MSKANAJHSA YEET

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14:46 Aug 14, 2021

Haha thanks Oh funnnnnn Nvm haha- JDICYENSOYDH YEET YEET

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Palak Shah
14:31 Aug 08, 2021

I love the story Bronana, it was written very well. Great job :)) Also, I love your profile picture :))) Could you please read my latest story if possible :))

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21:23 Aug 09, 2021

Thank you so much! :D Of course, I'll add it to my list. ;)

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Palak Shah
18:12 Aug 10, 2021

Thanks :))

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22:23 Aug 10, 2021

No problem.

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Palak Shah
16:55 Aug 11, 2021

:)))))))))))))))))))

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Ayush Kakar
01:50 Aug 07, 2021

🍌. :D

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21:23 Aug 09, 2021

Thanks!

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TJ Squared
13:36 Aug 06, 2021

Just to let ya know, Reedsy finally did update, but not in the way most were expecting. They just changed the contest a bit. https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/faq/

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21:25 Aug 09, 2021

Thanks, Wolf! I'll check it out. :)

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TJ Squared
21:26 Aug 09, 2021

:)

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03:30 Jul 31, 2021

Am I the only one who doesn't see an update...? OMG RIGHT WHERE IS IY -I think I might be getting Writers' Block for the first time... ugh... I'm so sorry for you peeps that get it all the time... :'( Oop sowwy and yeah it sucksssss -I'm lowkey excited to see what the Reedsy update is going to be... YESSSSSS if downvoting isn’t taken away ima be furious -Reedsy NEEDS to add a search bar where we can search peep's accounts AND stories!!!!!! *idea from l u n a n a* EXACTLYYYYY

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03:33 Aug 01, 2021

LIKE WHAT THE HECK I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING AN UPDATE thanks and yesssss OMG ME TOOOOOOOO YASSSSSS

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03:35 Aug 01, 2021

YESSSSS haha we both have exactly 900 points rn- anyways hru?

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14:18 Aug 02, 2021

haha but not anymore lol- I'm good, you?

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Ivy Spade
22:52 Jul 29, 2021

I know I'm late- But I love your story sooo much! Keep it up! (Also, I read in your bio you have fish! I love fish! I have a betta myself plus 2 baby shrimp that I raised once their mom died-)

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23:13 Jul 30, 2021

People are late constantly lol- Thank you so much! (Oh, awesome! Mine are regular goldfish, but at one point I had a glowfish, a betta, an angel fish, plus another goldfish lol)

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Ivy Spade
12:27 Jul 31, 2021

Lol nice. Also, glowfish is really cool!

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03:25 Aug 01, 2021

Yerp lol. Yeah! Dumbledore (the glowfish) was awesome ;)

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Ivy Spade
03:55 Aug 01, 2021

Oh! I love that name!

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14:17 Aug 02, 2021

Thanks! lol

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TJ Squared
17:56 Jul 27, 2021

Hey, tell as many people as you can that Reedsy's updating this Thursday-Friday and to remember your password, because after it updates you'll need to know it to prove it's you and we don't want people getting locked out. So yeah. Please please PLEASE tell others about this!!! (from Dhwani Jain) and how you been?

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23:08 Jul 27, 2021

Thanks so much! :) I'll be sure to put this in my bio. Pretty good, how about you?

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TJ Squared
23:31 Jul 27, 2021

'course :) doing fairly well, catching up on some reading and such :)

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00:32 Jul 28, 2021

sounds fun :) I have a goal to finish the book I'm reading by the end of the month and I need to do a LOT of reading to meet that goal lol *laughs to cover nervousness of not finishing*

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TJ Squared
00:37 Jul 28, 2021

XD I understand. what book is it?

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00:44 Jul 28, 2021

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets This is my second time reading it

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Pippin Took
15:44 Jul 25, 2021

🍌 :D

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02:25 Jul 26, 2021

Thanks!

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TJ Squared
00:22 Jul 20, 2021

🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌 'go b a n a n a s go go b a n a n a s' XDDD hewoooooo we haven't talked much, so hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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02:32 Jul 20, 2021

Haha, thanks! XDDD Hewwo! No, we haven't! Heyyy! How are you?

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TJ Squared
02:36 Jul 20, 2021

ofc lol XDD :D i'm doing well, hbu? do anything much?

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15:17 Jul 20, 2021

I'm doing pretty good. Not really, just hanging out. :) Any good book recs?

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TJ Squared
16:20 Jul 20, 2021

That’s cool :) Hmmm The Hobbit, A Wolf Called Wander, and pretty much anything from Rick Riordan lol Any from you?

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18:04 Jul 20, 2021

:) Awesome lol The Looking Glass Wars, Because of Mr. Terupt (this is more for, like, fifth graders but it's still a happy & sad story), and the I Am Number Four series

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WOAH HEY BROOOOONANANAAA

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20:52 Jul 16, 2021

HEYYYYY c e l a n a ME SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK! WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN FOREVER!!

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c e l n a n a AWWW TY!!!! IK AAAHHHH

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02:56 Jul 17, 2021

yassss c e l n a n a oop- i changed my friend's name into their banana name and i forgot to add that first 'n' *gets angry with self* must go change it.... YOU'RE WELCOME!! <3333 So what's going on with ya?

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h a h a OOPS XDD <333333 Not much, you?

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00:48 Jul 18, 2021

XD <3 Not much, either, lol. Are you working on any writings right now?

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20:54 Jul 15, 2021

WAYYYYTTTTTT WUT A SECOND AFTER I LEFT THE COMMENT I CHECKED UR BIO AND AHEM BESTIE OF THE MONTH?!?! DAT’S A THING?!?! THANKKKKK YOUUUUU SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE *happ 1000*

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21:03 Jul 15, 2021

BESTIE OF THE MONTH IS TOTALLY A THING AND YOU TOTALLY DESERVE IT!!! MYYYYYYYYYYY PLEASUREEEEEEEEE BESTIEEEEEEEEEEE *?*

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21:22 Jul 15, 2021

YAYSIES TYYYYYYYYYY *me being happ, level 1k*

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21:32 Jul 15, 2021

OMG THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU ARE A BESTIE OF THE MONTH YOU ARE HILARIOUS AND YOU'RE WELCOME XD *oOoh that makes me happ 1000*

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20:52 Jul 15, 2021

Oooooh this is awesome! Mystery is hard to write but you pulled it off with a flourish lol—this was intriguing and I like how the story built up to the killer end ;D Great job, Brooke!

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21:02 Jul 15, 2021

Ooh, shanks you, Aerinnnnn! :D

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Sia S
05:47 Jul 15, 2021

Okay ummmm if you have an amazon echo dot, does it ever randomly just start lighting up and blinking? Like almost like it found out something important to tell Amazon and it's excited? *false laughter* XDDDD ikrrrr okiee, imma help you with this, I have one too! What colour does she light up? Cuz ifnits green, then its a notification, blue means, its switching on.

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17:51 Jul 15, 2021

Well she lit up blue, and I know that it’s normal for it to turn on and light up blue after you plugged it in, but I’d had it plugged in for a while soooo…?

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Sia S
02:58 Jul 16, 2021

Oop- maybe your WiFi was low, cuz it can delay the lightning

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16:40 Jul 16, 2021

Maybe. Thanks for your help! :D

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Sia S
07:28 Jul 17, 2021

Welcome! :)

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Shea West
21:32 Jul 14, 2021

So I loved the little twist at the end, because Girls Rule right?!! I think what I wanted to hear more of (whether or not you gave away what PTS stood for early) is maybe some backstory on how or why Athena was going after these people? A little buildup if you will. Perhaps a small snippet of things Athena has stolen or what the society stands for, just enough to leave us/the reader curious. Your ending could almost be your beginning. It provides shock and pulls you in. To consider: The beginning has a lot of telling and not showing. Yo...

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02:23 Jul 15, 2021

Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback! I totally understand where you are coming from. Wow, you are an amazing writer! Just that paragraph alone left me in awe. I do struggle a lot with show-not-tell, so thank you for that tip. Thanks again, especially for the advice!

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Shea West
04:13 Jul 15, 2021

You are so welcome!!

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Riya 🌺
05:14 Jul 12, 2021

🍌 Also great story! It had so much suspense and had me reading till the end, (which usually doesn't happen) I loved the dialogue and how the story started with mystery and then you got to know what was happening little by little. The ending was great, you finally got to know what PTS stands for.

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15:06 Jul 12, 2021

Thanks and thank you so much! 😊

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13:08 Jul 11, 2021

WHOOP ANOTHER STORY TBR YAYYYYYYYYY~~ No but really sorry if that sounded sarcastic CONGRATS ON POSTING A NEW STORY LOL

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15:05 Jul 12, 2021

LOLOL SHANKS YOU!!!!!!!!! eep- i’m dumb. what does TBR mean?

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13:16 Jul 13, 2021

To be read, like, I’ll read it soon XD

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18:06 Jul 13, 2021

OooOooH. That's what I thought but i'm dumb so.... XD and thanks!

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Unknown User
21:32 Oct 19, 2021

<removed by user>

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21:45 Nov 03, 2021

Oh, okay! I meant it as more of a joke and not she actually broke her nose, but thanks anyway!

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Unknown User
21:46 Nov 03, 2021

<removed by user>

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21:49 Nov 03, 2021

Um, okay?

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Unknown User
01:36 Oct 14, 2021

<removed by user>

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Unknown User
01:36 Oct 14, 2021

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11:10 Oct 15, 2021

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 No, please continue!!!!! Love it <3333333

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Unknown User
23:04 Jul 20, 2021

<removed by user>

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01:58 Jul 21, 2021

Oh yay! I wuv bananassssssss toooooooo Your name shall be s i e n a n a :)

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Unknown User
06:13 Jul 21, 2021

<removed by user>

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14:38 Jul 21, 2021

Youre shelcome!

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