54 comments

Historical Fiction Science Fiction

 I wake feeling refreshed as I did not for years. Benedictus Figulus's combination of Leonardo's machine and Paracelsus's formula stands proven. My hands are those of a maid, not a matron nearing old age. The catacomb in which I hid the pseudo-sarcophagus while the alchemical principles worked their physic upon my decrepit body stands laden with dust, a thick sediment over an inch deep. Had the long vents which allow shafts of sunlight to enter failed, I should be in darkness. Sitting up, my hair tangles with my body, long as a damsel's from a faerie tale. The time required for this experiment staggers the mind. I am adamant- none shall discover I am her and not a descendant. Should enough time have passed, I may make my way unremarked.

Imprisoned here, Thurzo thought my power ended, but it grew. Now, I need only take the hidden box of jewels and find a money-changer to return a thousand times more deadly. Once others understand the power at my disposal, all will seek to pay me for eternal youth. My dress shreds like cobwebs, but the beauty of my perfect legs distracts me. No more the veined, sagging flesh covering withered limbs, instead the firm perfection of a teen. Perhaps the secret compartment, accessible only through the bottom of my rejuvenation bed, will contain clothing more appropriate for a countess who shall soon be an empress.

Clever machinations of an artificer allow the bed to fold back like a pair of triptych. Lead-sealed, iron boxes lie underneath. Jewels, clothing, and the tomes- the all important details of this medical wonder are contained therein. Perhaps, though, I should keep the secret for myself, allowing no other the apple of life. Indeed, if the Catholics prevailed, I might be burned for attempting to reach Methuselah's age. I crack the seal on the largest box, the one which should hold clothing. Inside, I find a peasant style dress, though crafted of silk to avoid chafing my skin, fleece-lined boots, and a heavy red cloak. Attired thus, I shall escape detection by any guards who remain after such a long time. I open the box of jewels and I use a jeweled dagger to trim my hair to a roughly uniform length near my waist, then return it to the box. I take a simple silver broach inlaid with lapis lazuli. Such might be the family treasure of a peasant and is something I might readily lose without sorrow. The greater pieces, the gold set with rubies, sapphires and diamonds, the strings of pearls, the opals and emeralds set in an ancient electrum crown dating to the Greeks- all must remain hidden until I can safely use them.

Exiting the chamber, I find a wonder unexpected. The stone panel still swings freely, but only once the hidden catch it released. However, the entire hallway is lined with some form of eldritch balls, globes which glow as though filled with fire. A thin cord runs along the seam of wall and ceiling, connecting them. I suppose it must carry whatever alchemical mixture feeds the spheres- though it seems far too thin, for such bright illumination. Unlike my chamber, this passage sees many feet, preventing the accumulation of dust. I drag the hem of my cloak to obscure the mess which otherwise reveals the line of entrance, and egress, from my safe haven. Would that I had a servant to sweep it for me. But those days are long past.

Following the line of uncanny lighting, I reach an area populated by folk. They dress in such rich diversity, I fear I have stumbled unknowing into an assemblage of peers. The babble which reaches me dispels the notion, for it is the peasant tongue of Czechs, not Hungarian befitting nobles. Someone calls to me, "Are you on the staff? A boy just spilled his drink over there. It needs cleaning up."

I throw back the hood, hoping my noble visage will intimidate. "Do I appear a char woman?"

"Oh look, it's a performance piece. She looks just like Countess Bathory."

"Let me see the heir of Dracula."

"I want a picture. Get out of the way."

"When did they add this?"

The babble quite takes my thoughts from me. Did other medical miracles survive and I am now heralded as a saint? I cannot imagine why they ask about a remote relationship to Romanian monarchs. Did one later take up my work? How fitting the machinations of the Palatine should fall to the inexorable hand of history which, in the fullness of time, reveals all hidden truths.

A teen girl, who is no older than I now appear, grabs my sleeve. "Do you have any fake blood for a vampire shot?"

"I have no idea what you mean." I try to disengage from the child. Her hand leaves a sticky imprint on my shirt. I snap at her, "Look what you did?"

"Please, it'll come out with the wash." She waves her hands like a fishwife. "But I really want to get a picture of me with the Blood Countess. Don't you have some colored syrup or something?"

"I want a picture of you bathing in blood." Another voice from the crowd.

"Bathing in blood?" I am repulsed. How thick did Gyorgy smear his slander to make so many believe the charge? "I would never do such. The entire case against me was an intrigue meant to steal my lands. Are the folk of this era such cretins?"

"Ooh, this is good. The old conspiracy theory revisited." The girl clearly believes I am a play actor. Now I see my mistake. This place swarms with folk, here to gawk at my besmirched memory, and my movements will eventually be noticed. I must take my entire treasures with me, to ensure I need never again return to this place.

"Alas, I, the ghost of Elizabeth, Countess Bathory, should be reduced to such a state. I must return to my slumber." With those words, I exit and head back to my sanctum. I will use my jewels to purchase whatever aid I need to bring my sleeping rejuvenation device out. Then I will wait, building my wealth until I can make the heirs of my detractors pay for their insults. They wish a bloody countess? I shall give it to them.


Historical Notes- Gyorgy Thurzo, Palatine of Hungary, investigated the charges against Elizabeth Bathory in the early 1600s. He saw her convicted and placed under house arrest, or perhaps confined to a single room, in her castle at Csejte. The lurid tales are the foundation for the hypothesis that Bathory was a serial killer unmatched by any woman ever. However, Thurzo and certain others profited by the seizure of Bathory's lands. This has led to the second theory, that Bathory was subject to an elaborate frame, rather than being guilty of any wide ranging evil.

Leonardo da Vinci is a typical source for fantastic devices. Paracelsus was a medical scholar of the middle 1500s and his theories were broadly reprinted (and possibly expanded upon) by Benedictus Figulus. Bathory might have been a patron of Figulus as they were contemporary. As the wealthiest person in Hungary, she could have afforded research into a unique device. Sleeping for centuries while your body rejuvenates is thematically identical to a time machine which only works once.  

August 31, 2020 05:36

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54 comments

Bianka Nova
22:14 Sep 09, 2020

I admit I haven't read that many of your stories, but out of the ones I did I also liked this one best. I think it's a genre thing + personal preferences. I believe it has the potential to become a really funny novel(la). 👍 Thanks a lot for the historical notes. I investigated even further because I'd never heard of the Countess and it seems like a great miss. Don't judge me, but I've found out that there's a film by Julie Delpy based on her. I think I'll check it out instead of reading more on the subject 😊 Feel free to comment on any o...

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B. W.
05:02 Sep 09, 2020

I liked this story and you did a great job with it ^^ i don't think anything was wrong with it so guess what? i'm going to give this story a 10/10 :) though question (i think) on almond milks account (thats what i think her name is but i could be wrong) you mentioned that someone has kept saying things of how terrible some things are but i've looked at all your stories and haven't found a single comment like that so were they deleted or something? or do you mean on something else? do you maybe need help with them?

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Charles Stucker
07:20 Sep 09, 2020

I mean when I go and comment on other people's stories. I have a group who often ASK me to come look because I've commented on their things before. The person in question looks at those other peoples stories, sees I commented, then goes to GREAT lengths to tell me how I'm being mean to these people by offering my advice.

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B. W.
12:42 Sep 09, 2020

how long has this person been doing this for?? i don't understand why they'd be wanting to do that

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Charles Stucker
18:01 Sep 09, 2020

Just a couple of days. I have no clue why. But it's annoying because a good critique takes time I could use for something else.

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B. W.
18:08 Sep 09, 2020

Isn't there a way to maybe try and stop it? Like reporting them to something possibly? I'm probably not much and you probably wanna do it yourself but maybe i could go to one of em and try to talk to them? only if you want me to.

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Charles Stucker
21:33 Sep 09, 2020

Right now, I'm hoping that the ignore option will make them grow tires and go away. I just needed to vent because people like that plague me anytime I'm in a critiquing group. I actually had two groups ban ME because people whined about my critiques. Complaints like, "He wants me to change things and waaah!" Reedsy is such a breath of fresh air, with so many people who actually want to improve their craft. But into every barrel a rotten apple must fall...to mix the metaphors. And if you can't take it to a mixer (local slang for party) what i...

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John Del Rio
20:49 Sep 13, 2020

i actually like the way you review stories. you do point out opportunities and your thoughts on how best to remedy them. and then you offer your overall thoughts on the story. the problem is that criticism has a negative connotation. criticism is a way to review and offer feedback and should actually be something to be cherished.

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Regina Perry
13:50 Sep 10, 2020

To quote from the story itself, "Ooh, this is good." I really like this take on the prompt. The reaction of present-day tourists to Elizabeth and her reactions to them were very well done. It's especially amusing how they thought she was supposed to be a vampire, because if you think about it, sleeping for centuries to regain youth is not altogether unlike being undead. (I realise that she was actually thought to be a vampire. Perhaps that's what gave you the idea?) The historical notes were also really helpful. Sorry I didn't catch the...

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Charles Stucker
16:47 Sep 10, 2020

Thanks for that catch. I can still use it for my copy. Yeah, Bathory was an educated polyglot of a snobbish rich Hungarian noble. Hence, I wrote in her voice and went further than I should have.

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03:00 Sep 05, 2020

This is so funny. Something about it reminds me of Don Quixote. I have to read your stories slower than others to fully understand your carefully chosen words. That’s a good thing. Well done.

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B. W.
16:29 Sep 21, 2020

I've been writing on another story on the thing (just for fun though i'm never gonna publish it) and maybe a few of the other things that you suggested, though i'm not sure any of it's working. any other ideas on how to get rid of writers block?

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Charles Stucker
18:18 Sep 21, 2020

Do you have any idea what you want to happen in any scene of the book? Maybe a big fight later in the book or a piece of witty repartee you think will be interesting? Write that piece and see where it takes you.

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B. W.
18:23 Sep 21, 2020

Well i think i told you that i've been planning on trying to get Willow and Harlow together but even then i still feel that part is gonna be terrible and still i'm working on chapter 5 and that'll probably happen much later in the book the only really interesting thing so far that i've thought of for the whole thing is that (like my little thing, together) their both Neko's or whatever those are because i keep forgetting the name, but that's not even important really and won't do anything with romance

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Charles Stucker
20:38 Sep 21, 2020

Any scene is good, as long as you can get it down on paper (entered in your computer). Writing is a habit you can form. Once the habit is strong, it takes a real disruption to break it. So write something every day, even if it isn't quite what you want. Maybe think in terms of a novella- call it 15,000 words- an achievable goal. Try to complete that much for your story. It becomes the first arc in the book.

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B. W.
20:42 Sep 21, 2020

But how do i do the romance still with the two of them, maybe ya could give me an example or something? I think you gave me an example or just advice on the 'together' story with the girls who were also Nekos

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Charles Stucker
21:26 Sep 21, 2020

Romance is about emotions. So have them doing something innocuous and let the sparks fly- inside each head independently. Then put in an inciting moment where they each realize the other one feels the same way and let them kiss. I have a Middle Grade manuscript where two main characters skirt the issue all the way to the end, then kiss at the climax of the story. I won't put that here, but if you send me an email, I can let you look at that final part.

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John Del Rio
20:46 Sep 13, 2020

as well written as your other story that i have read thus far. very different genre than the first story i read but so good. i think the Countess did not realize how long she would slumber before returning to the world. i like how imperious she was; though to her she was simply being herself. i like how crass the present day tourists were compared to the Countess. i would enjoy reading/learning more about her experiences in the present day.

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Charles Stucker
21:58 Sep 13, 2020

I am considering a continuation if the right prompt presents itself.

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John Del Rio
23:01 Sep 13, 2020

and i think the prompt would influence the way the continuation goes.

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Charles Stucker
00:28 Sep 14, 2020

Certainly, though I have a degree of expertise at twisting things...insert smiley face emoji.

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Yolanda Wu
06:16 Sep 10, 2020

This was such an intriguing story, I was hooked right from the first paragraph and couldn't stop reading. I love the crossover with science fiction and historical fiction which is definitely something I don't usually read, and I think you did it really well. I remember watching a video about Elizabeth Bathory years ago, and you story makes me want to want to learn more about her. Amazing work!

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Noor Ahmed
01:51 Sep 10, 2020

Wonderfully written, Charles! Just the right amount of humor and made me laugh out loud. Keep up the good work.

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Freddy Iryss
21:26 Sep 09, 2020

Your story made me look up Elizabeth Báthory - what an intriguing story. I have recently written a hist-spec piece about Johannes Kepler's mother, Katharina, who was persecuted as a witch because she was a difficult woman. Your take on what is probably in part historical fiction itself is very clever. I think the historical note at the end (while great info) takes away from your powerful ending; maybe a line to separate the two bodies of text or the use of italics would make for a good transition.

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Charles Stucker
21:29 Sep 09, 2020

Thanks. I'll have to remember to keep a better notation for the historical notes when I use them.

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Tejas Chandna
18:41 Sep 09, 2020

Great job Charles! Confirms you an experienced writer, on a journey to sprinkle some humor to the batter of history, waft us a perfect story and serve us the crave to like, follow and read more! Can you read my story "Freedom to fire the flies"?

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Doubra Akika
08:46 Sep 09, 2020

Hey Charles! Sorry, but I was wondering if you’d mind taking a look at my recent story. I read this a while ago and commented, but there wasn’t really another way to ask for your feedback. If you’re busy, I completely understand that but your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Hope you’re staying safe!

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Sampada Sharma
10:34 Sep 08, 2020

I really love your take on the prompt. The character is so fleshed out even with such word restriction. And your word choice is so carefully chosen. Loved it!

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Batool Hussain
13:45 Sep 07, 2020

Hey Charles. I've given feedback on this piece of yours already. I don't want to bother but I would love if like every week you give some constructive criticism on my recent one. Thanks I understand if you're busy, just tell me so.

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Indra Hatpins
18:52 Sep 06, 2020

Hello Charles! This was an intriguing story! Wickedly original, you've got a flair of your own. I do suggest, however, that you use more of short sentences, because reading your writing is a little on the difficult side (I had to read it twice :P). Hope you find this constructive. Cheers. P.S. please check out my submission. It's my first! Thanks!

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Charles Stucker
20:32 Sep 06, 2020

I got stuck in first person with a very-educated, snobby, medieval noble. They get like that. And you got the version where some of the excessively long sentences were already shortened.

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Pepper Mint
10:47 Sep 04, 2020

Hi, um... I accidentally deleted my story, so I reposted it. I changed the parts you suggested. It was really a great help. Thank you for taking your time in helping me! :)

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Pepper Mint
13:33 Sep 02, 2020

Wow, nice story! I liked how the story flowed. Can you please check out my recent story, and share your views on it? I will be honored to learn from you!:)

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Batool Hussain
12:57 Sep 02, 2020

Hey! I read your bio where you've said that your short story 'The Awards' got selected for publication. Are you talking about short story on Reedsy? I can't remember reading any story with that title. Would love to read, though. And Congratulations!

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Charles Stucker
15:59 Sep 02, 2020

No. It's a sci-fi story that predates me at Reedsy. Getting something published takes time- 6 months to a year- because of the number of submissions. Unless you are a famous writer, you get put into the "waiting to be read" list. Then you wait. And wait. And wait some more. I submitted it last year, and finally got a notice a couple of weeks before. I accepted their contract, then they had to confirm acceptance. Now it just needs to have the issue hit the web- it's an e-zine, but one with enough readership and pay rates hat it is pro publica...

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. .
00:43 Sep 01, 2020

Lovely story, no words can describe how good this was!

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Rebecca Lee
00:15 Sep 01, 2020

Oh, Sir Charles, you have delighted once again with your unique twisting of your imagination and history, and then you spice it with some humor. Elizabeth, Countess Bathory, is perhaps one of my favorite characters of the stories i have read so far. Being that you are the resident expert here with writing and such, I hate to point this out - because I could be wrong. It could be just a pet peeve of mine from my old newspaper editing days - but you have some tremendously long sentences and even longer paragraphs. For some readers, tha...

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Charles Stucker
00:30 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks for pointing out the problem I have using the voice of Bathory. She was known to be highly educated and I needed her to sound both smart and aristocratic. I can break up the sentences and insert other words. I'll check the paragraphs, but they are probably the result of either long complex ideas which don't break apart easily. Still, I put it up HOPING someone like you would catch my errors.

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Rebecca Lee
01:34 Sep 02, 2020

I liked her, and I got it. I appreciate your style.

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Doubra Akika
21:33 Aug 31, 2020

Hey Charles! Amazing story as always! I’m really getting used to historical fiction 😌. Your writing is perfect for that sort of thing. This was funny and a very amazing take on the prompt. One of my favorite of your stories so far! Hope you’re staying safe!

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