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Adventure Funny Fiction

Puffing up my chest, I prepared to bellow. “Down, down, down, NOW.” I shouted. All 20 people hit the floor with a series of thuds, scuffles, and muted cries. I looked around and without turning to towards the back where I knew my partner waited, I raised my hand to signal that all was under my control. It was difficult not taking the extra time to savor having reached this part of our plan. As my size 13 foot firmly pushed down onto the back of the guard’s neck—without my permission, my mind wound back to when we had cooked up this grand scheme.

Six months ago, our world collapsed. I and my partner, Roy, had created a successful business when we joined forces as day traders. We were young, savvy, and just plain brilliant for knowing what was good, bad, and ugly with high liquid stocks and currencies. The last few years, we jumped on board with crypto currencies and we’d been on a steadily climbing rocket that was going places no man had been before. Or so it seemed—then.

Did we have all our ducks lined up in a row and taken good care of ourselves and our customers? Did we have backup and redundancy plans in place? Uh, sure… Okay, maybe this is where we were not so savvy and the great entrepreneurs we thought we were. No! With a shudder, I wrenched back control of my thoughts. Anything to stop my mind from going near that ledge—the one Roy had recently rescued me from. I must keep my focus—just a little longer. Reminding myself, I compared how much easier things were now, to just after the incident. It had taken my partner's cajoling, anger, and finally when he was about to rid himself from my hellish nightmare, and walk away from me for good, I could finally drag myself up from the bottom of my hellhole. Our present circumstances were enough to send me back down again. We realized that for me to make it and get out of the deep depression sucking the life from me, it would take careful planning and utilising all of my skills to create some serious action—positive action, that is.

I snapped back to the present again, when I felt squirming beneath my firmly planted boot.

"Hey, what're you doing?" I demanded. "Nevermind—just stop moving or my itchy trigger finger may accidentally twitch." I snarled through clenched teeth. Let it go. Let it go. Let it all go, I reminded myself, barely able to keep from whispering the mantra out loud. "Okay, everyone, make certain I see your hands at all times, but I don't want to see any eyes looking up. You got that? Do you all know how to keep your heads down and your hands where I can see them?" I turned my head slowly, looking at each person. "Or is there anyone that needs a lesson?" I shouted and everybody jumped in alarm. When my foot lifted, almost completely off the guard's neck, my head whipped down and with the muscles in my jaws working overtime, I leaned into the guard's left ear, "Are you the one that needs a lesson?" I whisper yelled, eagerly awaiting his answer. I was itching for a fight. Anything to keep my focus on the here and now. We had to complete what we started or everything would be for nothing. Once again I got up close and personal as the guard was still squirming and mumbling his reply. "Okay, I'll show my leniency, just this once. Now speak up so I can hear you—but don't look up." I reminded him with a sharp jab of my gloved finger into the back of his neck.

"I have to pee—right now!" The guard's voice was suddenly loud in the room's stillness. It seemed everyone was paying attention to what was happening over here.

"Well, when you put it like that, sure." I said while hauling his 6'0 foot frame up from the floor. Without turning my head, I thrust him behind me, knowing that Roy would gladly march the guy to the restroom.

"That, folks, was my one 'nice' gesture." I half-heartedly crooked my right finger, quoting the word nice. "I will now come around and remove your phones, wallets, and any damn thing I please." I stated as I deliberately marched towards the first person on my right. With a swiftness that was wasted on all of them since I had commanded them not to look up, I quickly waded through them removing jewellery, wallets, keys, and cell phones. I had a tidy, growing pile once I completed my circuit of the room. This pile of goods alone was going to be a huge win for us. After all, it was a smaller bank, but a very opulent one. We knew from our clients' experiences that had banked here in the past.

By this time, Roy had gagged and tied up the helpless guard, and like the well-oiled team we were, we finished the rest of our nefarious plan in record time. "Just as we expected, Roy, everything's falling into place." I nodded, looking around in satisfaction as I noticed hands still placed where I could see them. With a smirk, I looked down at my shirt. I knew my idea of getting artwork done on both the front and back with a picture showing the chalked outline of a prostrate body, face down, hands up would work on at least one person.

Ten minutes later all we could do was laugh—we were laughing like maniacs, and I wasn't certain I could keep the car on the road. I chokingly looked to my right and continued to fight to get air into my lungs, even though it was swirling all around us. We were driving away from the bank in one of the best cars I had found in the lot. A classic, souped up Chevy with the top already down had been impossible to resist. After all, I had collected all those car keys. We both looked fondly back at the bank and without a single regret, I stomped on the gas pedal and we rocketed onto the interstate and away from the scene of our best partnership scheme ever! What's a body to do when you lose everything?

"Hello, hello! Earth to Ray, earth to Ray." In exasperation, Roy was shaking me back to reality.

"Dang! Are you serious?" I shook my head in dismay. "None of it was real?!" I wailed, throwing my head back and my hands in the air.

November 19, 2020 20:59

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