Treachery

Submitted into Contest #241 in response to: Start your story with an unexpected betrayal.... view prompt

25 comments

Drama Fiction Science Fiction

I looked upon my brother in shock because the one I loved and cared for had just betrayed me.        

         “How can you do such a thing?” I asked Nikom. “Do you not have the love for me as I do for you?”

         Nikom looked upon me with a stern look, but there was a flicker of regret.

         “This needs to be, Grason,” he muttered.

         I looked upon him with disbelief. My heart crushed by such a situation I was now encountering. It was the last thing I would ever expect in life.

         “Take him far away,” Nikom said to the men in black robes, standing in front of us. Then he looked at me once again. “I will tell father the unfortunate news of your death.”

         I rushed at him but knew there was no way to beat him or even get passed him. Nikom was the athletic one of the family. He stood a foot taller than me and had a muscular build that he would be able to lift me above his head with one arm. I would try but before I could do anything to him a fist connected to my abdomen knocking me back a couple of steps and doubled me over. I tried to breath as I gasped for air.

         Moments later the men grabbed a hold of me. I looked up at my brother one last time that night before a hood covered my head. He had a smirk on his face which brought an emotion I never had before toward my brother, hate.

         My body dragged then hands and legs tied as they carried me a great amount of distance until thrown onto a solid surface with bits of straw. I realized I was on a wagon as I heard the creak of the wheels as we started moving along.

         “No one will help,” I thought as I lay there. There was no good Samaritans in this town. Or more than likely too afraid to do anything or their life is forfeit. The reason why I came with my brother every time we went into town. No one would mess with me with my strong brother by my side. My protector. Now my betrayer.

         As the wagon rolled, I thought of the events that took place earlier in the day. Always started with the two of us doing tasks for our aging father. Working in the fields, feeding the animals, fixing our aging home, going to the market to trade, and other tasks.

         Today, Nikom worked in the fields while I fixed a hole in the roof. Both of us finished around the same time as daylight was ending. Tonight was my turn to cook the meal. Once we all sat at the table my father prayed for the usual blessing then we ate our meal.

         “Do you see the wonderful job Grason did on the roof?” my father asked my brother as he patted me on the shoulder. “Such fine work. Proud of him.”

         “Yes father,” replied Nikom.

         I glanced at Nikom and saw a flicker of a displeased look on his face before it changed to a smile. I thought nothing of it as I finished my meal.

         Not long after Nikom and I decided to head into town for drinks. We had a pleasant evening as we conversed and drank away. A practice that we have done on countless occasions.

         It was quite late when we decided to head home. Most places closed and the townsfolk fast asleep. We walked and at times stumbled along laughing as we recalled funny moments of the past. That ended when the men confronted us. I figured we had a chance to take them on, especially with my brother’s strength, but that ended with my brother’s betrayal.

         “I thought he had the same amount of love for me as I do for him,” I thought.

         Did I possibly pass out from too much drink, and now experiencing a nightmare? If so, then it was a long one. Not able to see a thing, jouncing around for what seemed like for ages. Eventually I could make out daylight through the hood, and not long afterwards the wagon stopped. Moments later they pulled the hood off and in pain closed my eyes to the brightness.

         “Time for a bite to eat,” one of the men said in a deep, menacing voice.

         “Where are you taking me?” I asked.

         “There are precious ores needing dug up,” the man replied as a better look of him showed a long, jagged scar running from his forehead to his chin on the right side of his face. “You will join my slaves to labor away. You are puny but you are young so will work hard and become stronger or you will die.”

         “My brother did this?”

         The man chuckled. “Yes, he did. That is why you will survive. One day in our kindness freedom will be granted, and you will seek out your brother for revenge. How I would like to be there to see the two of you meet.”

         “He is going to tell my father I am dead,” I muttered.

         “Your brother has no faith in you,” the man said with a grin. “He expects you will die as you labor for us. We will see,” he said with a snicker.

         “You will release me?”

         “Of course, but it will be years down the road. Do not expect to go back to a living father. Your brother will be the same age as your father is now. With our hard work you will be the stronger brother once you meet again. If the two of you ever meet again. We live in a harsh world so none of us could be around years from now,” he said and chuckled before he thrust an apple into my mouth. "Eat. We need you well-nourished for you will start working once we reach our destination."

         “Where are we going?” I asked once I took a bite, chewed, and swallowed.

         “To lands you have never been to before.”

         “How many days?”

         “Many. Now shut up and eat. I have other tasks.”

         I ate the apple and given lukewarm water to drink.

         It was not until later that we started moving again. This time I did not have a hood over my head so I could see my surroundings. It did not matter that I could see since I did not have a clue where I was. No surprise since I never travelled great distances. Mainly just to the town or surrounding forest around home.

         The days ticked by which after the first full day they cut the rope binding my arms and loosened the ropes around my legs.

         “Keep the ropes tight for too long will result in you being no good to us,” the scarred man told me with his usual chuckle.” Just do not get any ideals of trying to escape. We have a couple of expert archers, and if that does not stop you, we have ones with good aim with the axe. They will take off your feet,” he said as he slammed his fist on the wagon. “You can still get around scooting on a cart. We just need your arms to pick and dig.”

         He left me as he laughed hysterically.

         We moved on and the ropes around my legs were finally undone so I walked the rest of the way to the destination.

         There were times I thought of running away, not caring if an arrow took me down. But chances they would just wound me then it would be the loss of my feet. Even if I escaped, I would not have a clue where I was going. As long as I was away from these ruffians. But then the risk was too high and one day I would confront my brother.

         The day came we reached our destination and I saw more enslaved like me of all ages. Ones that looked similar in age to my father or others half my age.

         “How can the rulers of this land allow such barbaric treatment?” I thought. Later, I would find out it was the ruler in charge of such an operation.

         After that day of arrival, the days ran the same for who knows how long. To go underground day after day and work in the mines was excruciating at first. For the first few weeks I wondered if I would survive as I dug, loaded, pushed, pulled, carried, and other painful work habits. Once my shift ended, I went to an exceptionally long building with cots and immediately fell asleep. As time went by it became easier to work so once done there were times I played dice or card games with my fellow slaves.

         There were men just like me when it comes to the build of their bodies, so thoughts of revolting came to mind, but upon seeing the guards I knew there was not a chance. They were all giants and more muscular. I also saw the guards in action as they quickly eliminated slaves who fought back or tried to escape. It did not matter about the size or strength because the guards were excellent at what they did.

         Three of four years went by when it all changed. The ruler of the lands close by the one I was captive in invaded. Half of the guards watching us left to join the army to defend their land.

         “Time to revolt,” one of my good friends, Stinlok told me one night. “With all of us we shall win our freedom.”

         “I am with you,” I told him.

         “It will be two days’ time as the news goes around. Be careful that the two spies among us do not find out.”

         I nodded my head as I thought of freedom. But will I ever be free? Maybe the body but my soul might never recover and remember those pleasant days of years ago.

         The day of our revolt the plan was to attack once the sun went down, but the invading army beat us to the punch. As we worked underground we heard a commotion above ground. The few guards down with us quickly left as we stayed where we were until the sounds of battle ended. Then we waited for the guards to return but they did not. Eventually, we went above ground and came across our saviors. They had taken out our captives and now we were free. But I was about to be surprised.

         As I sat on my cot resting and trying to take in my freedom the captain with his soldiers entered the building. I glanced up then looked back to the ground. Footsteps approached and stopped near me.

         “Grason?” the familiar voice asked.

         I looked up and saw Nikom. In a flash I was up and hands around his neck. The soldiers nearby took out their swords to thrust them into my body.

         “Stop!” Nikom cried out.

         I squeezed tighter, but once I looked upon his face, I saw the sorrow in his eyes. It looked like he had aged years. I loosened my hold until I dropped my hands. The countless thoughts of taking out my brother dissipated as I stared at him.

         “I am sorry for my foolish act,” he told me as he rubbed his neck. “I deserve death by your hands.”

         “Why?” is the only word I could say.

         “Jealousy. Deceiving myself. Being so foolish. Letting my hatred control me.”

         “I had such love for you Nikom. I would never hurt you. I would die for you just to be deceived by you.”

         “Forgive me brother. I have been searching for you not long after I did my despicable act. I did not know where they took you. I was starting to think that I lost you.”

         “Father?”

         “He is hanging in there. He believes you are still alive even when I told him you were dead. I pray he is still around since it has been months since I was home.”

         I looked at my brother and could see that his soul was as tortured as mine if not more. The pain I felt for years started to dissipate. My hatred melted away. Next moment I gave him a hug.

         “Let’s go home,” he whispered in my ear.

         The tears flowed as I was finally able to release the pain in my soul.

         Nikom was able to be relieved of command, so we were able to head home to see our father. To return to our glory days as I learn to forgive. Once home we all embraced, and happiness came upon us all.

March 12, 2024 17:04

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25 comments

Zavier M. Ames
04:34 Mar 28, 2024

Hello Corey, Your story was fantastic! You put the main character through quite an adventure, and just as I was about to lose hope, things turned around. The ending was forgiving. I'm not sure every brother would be as open-minded, but that also speaks on the character's growth and emotional intelligence. I'm also a bit sloppy with my editing, but I'm working on improving that, and getting better at it. I don't use any editing software to improve my skills, but perhaps less is more. Grammarly could help us both in a pinch. Well done! Keep...

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Corey Melin
22:01 Mar 28, 2024

Thank you for the comments. For my last story on Reedsy I used pro writing aid then went to grammarly. Being the imaginative writer I will probably always have editing issues. The funny part is that I read a lot and see many errors but still enjoy

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Graham Kinross
03:18 Mar 23, 2024

Grason is far more forgiving than I would ever be. No chance I could get over a betrayal like that from someone so close. Are you a forgiving person?

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Corey Melin
03:43 Mar 23, 2024

I have forgiven people that has caused pain in my life. A brother I hated when young now get together all the time. But nothing like this story , thank goodness

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Graham Kinross
22:51 Mar 23, 2024

That’s good. It’s probably easier to forgive than hold a grudge.

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00:26 Mar 22, 2024

Oh my god, I thought for sure the story wasn't gonna have a happy ending! Had me on the edge of my seat the whole time lol

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Corey Melin
02:00 Mar 22, 2024

Thank you for the comments. We get enough bad endings in reality so nice to have a good ending

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Viga Boland
23:13 Mar 21, 2024

Hey Corey! This story has such “good bones”. Good plot, engaging characters, nice finish. The only issue, as others have pointed out, is the editing. It’s a shame you didn’t take the time to give a good story the needed “polish”. Does bad editing automatically disqualify a writer from winning on here? No, but it does make judging harder. I used to judge on here…no more… but the minute I came across the story with bad grammar and bad editing, and all that kind of a thing it’s a real turn off, so it doesn’t help if you’re hoping to maybe win o...

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Corey Melin
01:58 Mar 22, 2024

Thank you for the comments. I just went thru pro writing aid then went thru grammarly to fix my numerous errors. Can’t fix it in Reedsy now. Oh well. Hopefully enjoyable

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Viga Boland
03:18 Mar 22, 2024

It was. Keep on writing Corey. You’ve got what it takes. 😉

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00:52 Mar 20, 2024

I was also reminded of the story of Joseph and his jealous brothers. (I read the other's comments) Agree that editing is needed without going into details. Grammarly? A proofread before the cutoff? Reading the story aloud? I have concluded that using similies, metaphors, alliteration and novel words with vivid descriptions, as well as a story with brilliant characters, a story line that grips a reader, twists, and a profound ending, These are all hallmarks of winning stories. Yet, I am sometimes surprised by the choices. I have read winnin...

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Corey Melin
01:12 Mar 20, 2024

Thank you for the comments. I usually go thru Pro Writing Aid but not this time around. I need to start doing it again since my imagination is in full gear but editing is subpar I’m with you on winning stories but I try to put myself in their shoes. Tough job since many good reads. I stopped submitting not long after I first started in 2019 due to thinking the judges choices were terrible and the conspiracy theory of them picking people who worked for Reedsy. Crazy thoughts. Winning is a plus but a bigger win is entertaining readers. Take care

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01:18 Mar 20, 2024

Writing anywhere is all good practice and writing stories to entertain and inspire readers is what it's all about. Also being inspired by others. I agree with you.

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Rod Gilley
18:14 Mar 16, 2024

Hi Corey, You told a cool tale here. In few words, the main character goes on quite a journey, in life, and in heart. Very well done! I haven't done much here on the Reedsy site to date, so I don't really know what they look for, how they judge a story. The one weakness in this story is the editing. Would that stop you from winning the contest? I have no idea. Even Word's editor would have been a good idea. Again, you wrote a strong tale. You took me into the world of Grason, I went along with him on his journey. That is a powerful skill in ...

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Corey Melin
18:46 Mar 16, 2024

Thank you for the comments! I have read contest winners and shortlist that needed work so I don’t believe it disqualifies your story. There are many excellent stories on Reedsy so I would not want to be judge. I try to put myself in their shoes since there are times I think their choices are poor. For me a win would be a plus but the main reason why I stay on is to read great stories and be critiqued. Always need improvement. Best of luck for you

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Suzanne Marsh
21:14 Mar 13, 2024

Corey, what a great read. I will try the suggestion you gave me. Sue

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Corey Melin
16:37 Mar 14, 2024

Thank you for the comments. Hopefully it helps for you

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Darvico Ulmeli
14:01 Mar 13, 2024

I grew up with three sisters, and they all betrayed me for reasons known only to them. They were my entire world, my only family, and their betrayal left scars that would never go away. But I never felt hate or desire for revenge, only sadness. I understand why Nikom did what he did; sometimes, I wanted to hurt them, but that would damage my soul in ways that couldn't be restored again. Betrayal is terrible, even worse when it comes from someone we love and trust. Well done for capturing that dreadful feeling.

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Corey Melin
16:23 Mar 13, 2024

Thank you for the comments! I have two sisters and two brothers. Thankfully no betrayal but there have been tough times

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Alexis Araneta
09:23 Mar 13, 2024

Why is it I thought of Hamlet (and its cartoon version, The Lion King) when I read this. Glad both brothers ended up safe by the end. Great one !

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Corey Melin
16:21 Mar 13, 2024

Thank you for the comments! A story that has been done countless times throughout history

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Mary Bendickson
19:26 Mar 12, 2024

Somewhat reminded me of the story of Joseph betrayed by his brothers and years later he was able to forgive them and reunite with his father. Thanks for liking my fable. And my museum piece.

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Corey Melin
21:06 Mar 12, 2024

Thank you for the comments! Loosely based off the story

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Unknown User
14:10 Mar 13, 2024

<removed by user>

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Corey Melin
16:20 Mar 13, 2024

At first I was planning on going that direction but this was one of the stories that I wasn’t sure about the middle and the ending. Thanks for the comments

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