111 comments

Mystery Sad Crime


“There’s a body on the floor.”

“I know.” Naomi picked her teeth.

“There’s blood on the walls. I can’t let you do this if you don’t clean up after yourself.”

“What’s the point of it?”

“What’s the point of what?”

“Existence.”

“Are you on drugs?”

“I have better things.”

“So you are on drugs.”

“What difference does it make?”

“You tell me.”

“You’re the smarter one.”

“I made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does”

“Did you meet him again?”

“He found someone else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a good guy.”

“No. Anyways, how's Mom?”

"Haven't talked to her in months."

"I thought you used to."

"They have cancer."

"Both?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"It's been a year." 

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"I was sick."

"How serious is it?"

"They're dying this week."

"Did they pay off the debt?"

"No."

"Pass the salt."

"Why?"

"I want to put salt on his wounds."

"The body?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Don't take drugs."

"I was kidding."

"Naomi. I'm serious.'

"Fine."

"Good."

"Call Mom."

"I lost my phone."

"You're irresponsible."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

‘You’re a good brother.

“You pay rent?”

“I work at a pizzeria nearby.”

“Oh.”

“He’s getting married.”

“You okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“I love you.”

“Thanks.”

“Let’s watch Friends.”

“I don’t have a TV.”

We’ll watch it on the phone.”

“I’ll get chips.”

“I got a promotion. At work. You should come someday.”

“Overachiever.”

“You deserve better.”

‘We all do.”


***




January 11, 2022 12:05

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111 comments

19:52 Aug 24, 2022

yo yo yo hey, i'm june. i'm new, so i figured i'd like ✨introduce✨ myself or something idk. so I read your story and i think i'd like to provide feedback because i myself always find that super helpful, so here goes. ꕤ love love love LOVE the format you used, the lack of dialogue tags throughout this whole thing just makes it a lot more fast paced and interesting ꕤ random, but I love the name naomi, i am a lover of naomi scott, i would totally marry her if i was a man and not a minor ꕤ i LOVE true crime which is why i clicked on your story...

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Sia S
10:38 Nov 06, 2022

thanks June! This was really sweet of you, I've just been down lately. Tysm for the feedback :) I love crime stories too

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20:45 Jul 20, 2022

I really loved this story! It was fast paced and kept me intrigued. The only thing that I would say for critique is to maybe add a couple extra notes like you did with "Naomi picked at her teeth" just so that way the reader can keep track of who is who. Other than awesome! <3

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Sia S
15:04 Jul 29, 2022

Ooh, OK. Tysm!!

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00:35 Jul 30, 2022

Yeah ofc!

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Vera Vuscoe
22:26 Jun 22, 2022

Oh wow, this is good. I've almost never seen a story like this, with pretty much all dialogue. The only one like this is a book called this is not a drill, a book that's all texting. I think I mentioned it in my bio. So, feedback, I don't have any. Nice job, this is hard and you have inspired me to try it :))

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Sia S
06:23 Jul 17, 2022

Thank you so much!! So sweet of you :))

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Vera Vuscoe
21:52 Jul 17, 2022

you're welcome! :)) (edit: also I saw on your bio wolves 4 life. I was just wondering if you've seen this movie? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp6ehxZvvM4)

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Sia S
15:02 Jul 29, 2022

Haha, that was an inside joke with my friends :) I haven't, is it good?

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Vera Vuscoe
21:26 Jul 29, 2022

It’s amazing, you really should. One of my favorite movies.

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Sia S
16:39 Aug 14, 2022

oh nice

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Philia S
02:22 Jun 03, 2022

Hey! Everything good?

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Sia S
06:22 Jul 17, 2022

Nah man

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Philia S
14:53 Jul 18, 2022

Oof. I'm here to listen if you wanna talk about it or anything. <3

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Sia S
15:03 Jul 29, 2022

ty

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Dhwani Jain
18:23 May 26, 2022

Hey! Where are you? Why has Reedsy been so boring lately? (copy-pasting this to a lot of people as I'm BoReD)

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Sia S
06:22 Jul 17, 2022

Ikr

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Dhwani Jain
08:41 Jul 17, 2022

=D School started?

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Sia S
15:01 Jul 29, 2022

Yea

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Philia S
13:01 May 24, 2022

PLEAS DONT DISPAPEAR AGAIN-

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Sia S
06:22 Jul 17, 2022

Haha, sorry. I just went thru a breakup lol

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Philia S
14:54 Jul 18, 2022

That sucks. I'm sorry. Like I said, here to listen. <3

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Sia S
15:03 Jul 29, 2022

ty

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Philia S
16:04 Jul 29, 2022

<3 how are you? better than before, i hope?

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Sia S
16:39 Aug 14, 2022

yea :)

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Philia S
02:15 May 16, 2022

I had a dream about you last night, strangely. Hope you're doing well. It's fine if you don't but please respond to this if you see it. Praying for you. <3

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Sia S
11:11 May 16, 2022

I want to cry rn, that's so sweet of you. I've never had a friend care so much, this is so sweet that someone actually bothers at me. no, really this is very sweet, I don't even know how to respond. ily <3

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Philia S
11:15 May 16, 2022

<3 Anything for a friend.

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Sia S
11:23 May 16, 2022

:')

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Sia S
11:11 May 16, 2022

wat was the dream lol

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Philia S
11:16 May 16, 2022

Idk, I forgot it now--as happens with me usually. It was about you coming back and me finding it through a comment thread of you and Skye, I think. (probably cause of the colour similary of your pfps?) BUT LIKE FORESHADOWING? I HAD IT LAST NIGHT AND VOILA-HERE YOU ARE-

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Sia S
11:23 May 16, 2022

😂🤧🤧 Maybe... ;)

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Philia S
11:32 May 16, 2022

XD Also, "I'm sad." What happened?

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Sia S
05:41 May 17, 2022

😂 Lol feels like we all grew up too fast

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20:12 May 08, 2022

Hey, would you like to do, like, a critique exchange? I have some stories I need advice on, and I'd love to give feedback for yours!

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Sia S
11:06 May 16, 2022

Sure! Like which one i should critique. Love the username :)

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12:53 May 16, 2022

Just the newest one, I guess.

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Sia S
05:42 May 17, 2022

Sure

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Dhwani Jain
15:47 Apr 13, 2022

You know Sapphire? We have a collab coming up on my blog at 04:06 p.m. IST tomorrow (April 14). Do check it out, here's the link (https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/)

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Sia S
11:05 May 16, 2022

Nice! Sure :)

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Dhwani Jain
12:09 May 16, 2022

Thanks. How are you?

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Sia S
05:41 May 17, 2022

Fine, and you?

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Dhwani Jain
12:25 May 17, 2022

Nice... Sab kaisa chal raha hai, school-wise and all?

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Laiba M
19:16 Apr 12, 2022

Hii Sia!~ It's been so longg, I've been off Reedsy for what seems like forever :( This story is really good! I love how it's all in dialogue and you make such an interesting story through brief sentences. I can't think of a thing to critique-it's so short but sweet and ever so smoothly transitions between topics :) Great job!!

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Sia S
11:05 May 16, 2022

Hey! Omg, ikr it's been too long. Thank you so much!! That's so sweet :)

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Laiba M
01:29 May 18, 2022

Yes, it hass~ And of course, I love reading your work :)) How are you?

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Philia S
18:12 Mar 22, 2022

Hey Sia! How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while. :)

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Sia S
11:04 May 16, 2022

Girl hey. Schools been catching up. How are you?! I keep thinking how cool reedsy was. Finally made the courage to log on.

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Philia S
11:14 May 16, 2022

I HAD A LITERAL HEART ATTACK WHEN I SAW THE NOTIF-IM NOT EVEN LYING WHY'D YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT- TvT I'm fine. Vacations have begun. :D Wby?

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Sia S
11:23 May 16, 2022

HAHAHAHAHAH sorry, life happened 🙄🙄 Me too, mine are bout to get over in June D:

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Philia S
11:31 May 16, 2022

TvT Oof. TvT Well, enjoy them while you can. XD

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Sia S
05:39 May 17, 2022

😭😭🤧🤧

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Eren Yeagar
03:35 Feb 25, 2022

Hi! This is an amazing story, well crafted and interesting...

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Sia S
16:17 Mar 19, 2022

Thank you!!

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Eren Yeagar
06:33 Apr 02, 2022

😄😄

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Eren Yeagar
03:35 Feb 25, 2022

Btw try to guess who ia am

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Sia S
16:18 Mar 19, 2022

Gurgeet? :)

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Eren Yeagar
06:33 Apr 02, 2022

Yaaaaaaa

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Sia S
11:05 May 16, 2022

:)

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13:44 Jan 30, 2022

You asked for feedback, here it is! The only-dialogue element lead to a sort of mysterious tension. It's like, woah, they seem really chill about this dead body. It sort of put this image in my had of a brother and a sister standing in a basement and the sister just sort of saying "bro. Dead body. Why." Over time, the image started evolving, changing to match the story. Even though there are no descriptions, it was still really visual for me. Just some punctuation: “I made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does” There should be a period at...

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Sia S
16:57 Feb 01, 2022

Thanks so much!! :) I'm happy you liked it! Oops, thanks for pointing it out!

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21:45 Feb 01, 2022

You're welcome! No prob!

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Sia S
14:39 Feb 07, 2022

:)

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15:18 Jan 22, 2022

OOOOOOOOH this is cool!! dialogue only stories are so freaking hard to write oop

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Sia S
16:52 Jan 23, 2022

Yayy thank youuu Omg they AREEEE lol

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Sia S
16:52 Jan 23, 2022

Yayy thank youuu Omg they AREEEE lol

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Dhwani Jain
10:56 Jan 19, 2022

Hey Sia! I forgot to say this in my previous comment, but your last story, 'The Crown' was somewhat similar to this, wasn't it? SoMeWhAt? Are you into murders and mysteries and that sort of stuff right now?

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Sia S
10:43 Jan 20, 2022

Hey! Hmm, I guess you could say that, yes. Yeah. Sort of, I haven't read much in a while though.

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Dhwani Jain
11:15 Jan 20, 2022

Yeah You wanna read some cozy mysteries?

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Sia S
06:25 Jan 21, 2022

Yeah, ig.

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Dhwani Jain
11:24 Jan 21, 2022

There are many books, available for FREE on Google Play Books. I have the reviews on few of them on my blog: www.djdhwanijain.wordpress.com Beachside Bakery The Witching Place Pains ans Penalties and many more...do read the reviews for more

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Sia S
16:49 Jan 23, 2022

Oh, that's nice! Tha is for the recommendations! Will check them out :)

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Kate Granger
17:03 Jan 14, 2022

This is a really cool story… but I am a little confused. I know the point of it is a dialogue story but maybe you could do a longer follow up? I wanna know the whole thing 😁

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Sia S
10:42 Jan 20, 2022

Hey! Aw, thanks! I have my exa,so as of now, but I'm sure I can come up with a new piece in a while. :)

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Dhwani Jain
06:54 Jan 13, 2022

Sia, This story - the idea of it - was nice. But maybe it was just not suitable for a dialogue only story? I don't know. I didn't really understand the whole situation. Maybe it's just me...

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Sia S
09:00 Jan 13, 2022

Hey, I'll see based on the feedback. Thanks though.

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Dhwani Jain
09:03 Jan 13, 2022

=D

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Sia S
10:45 Jan 14, 2022

:)

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Corbin Sage
19:36 Jan 12, 2022

Great story! I admire your ability to tell a story just through dialouge.

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Sia S
08:59 Jan 13, 2022

Thank you, this was my first time :) Hey! I'd like to read some of your work, though I dont know where to start. Could you suggest some titles?

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Corbin Sage
00:55 Jan 14, 2022

Of course! It all depends on what you're looking for- my newest story is "The Ring", and "Humanity" and "Humanity's Betrayal" are some of my favorites. I'd love some feedback on "The Ring" since it's new- but of course don't feel obligated to comment anything :)

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Sia S
10:46 Jan 14, 2022

Thanks, I'll see :)

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Philia S
12:33 Jan 11, 2022

Very interesting, I must say. Kinda confusing. XD But still, overall, really great! I'd like to know what you were thinking while writing the above, lol, if you'd like to tell- Also, what's that link at the end?

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Sia S
16:11 Jan 11, 2022

Haha, thanks!! Of course I would lol I have no idea. I just started typing. I imagine this to be like- a deranged sibling encounter?? Dont even ask lol Dunno, lemme check. Ohhh it was my browser security link

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Philia S
10:00 Jan 12, 2022

Aha. That's cool. :D Btw, when are we meeting? Like for the collab. Tonight?

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Sia S
10:33 Jan 12, 2022

Sure! I'm fine now, or in two hours.

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Philia S
12:23 Jan 12, 2022

Okay. I'm on the rp doc rn, if you can be there.

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Sia S
12:25 Jan 12, 2022

Okay!

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Unknown User
08:06 Jan 22, 2022

<removed by user>

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Sia S
16:51 Jan 23, 2022

😂😂😂 Haha, I'm happy i made you laugh lol. Nice pfp!!

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Unknown User
19:50 Jan 23, 2022

<removed by user>

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Sia S
08:05 Jan 29, 2022

:o Woww

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Unknown User
22:34 Jan 30, 2022

<removed by user>

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Sia S
16:59 Feb 01, 2022

:u

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