76 comments

Mystery Sad Crime


β€œThere’s a body on the floor.”

β€œI know.” Naomi picked her teeth.

β€œThere’s blood on the walls. I can’t let you do this if you don’t clean up after yourself.”

β€œWhat’s the point of it?”

β€œWhat’s the point of what?”

β€œExistence.”

β€œAre you on drugs?”

β€œI have better things.”

β€œSo you are on drugs.”

β€œWhat difference does it make?”

β€œYou tell me.”

β€œYou’re the smarter one.”

β€œI made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does”

β€œDid you meet him again?”

β€œHe found someone else.”

β€œOh.”

β€œYeah.”

β€œHe’s a good guy.”

β€œNo. Anyways, how's Mom?”

"Haven't talked to her in months."

"I thought you used to."

"They have cancer."

"Both?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"It's been a year."Β 

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"I was sick."

"How serious is it?"

"They're dying this week."

"Did they pay off the debt?"

"No."

"Pass the salt."

"Why?"

"I want to put salt on his wounds."

"The body?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Don't take drugs."

"I was kidding."

"Naomi. I'm serious.'

"Fine."

"Good."

"Call Mom."

"I lost my phone."

"You're irresponsible."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

β€˜You’re a good brother.

β€œYou pay rent?”

β€œI work at a pizzeria nearby.”

β€œOh.”

β€œHe’s getting married.”

β€œYou okay?”

β€œI don’t know.”

β€œI love you.”

β€œThanks.”

β€œLet’s watch Friends.”

β€œI don’t have a TV.”

We’ll watch it on the phone.”

β€œI’ll get chips.”

β€œI got a promotion. At work. You should come someday.”

β€œOverachiever.”

β€œYou deserve better.”

β€˜We all do.”


***




January 11, 2022 12:05

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

76 comments

Dhwani Jain
18:23 May 26, 2022

Hey! Where are you? Why has Reedsy been so boring lately? (copy-pasting this to a lot of people as I'm BoReD)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Philia S
13:01 May 24, 2022

PLEAS DONT DISPAPEAR AGAIN-

Reply

Show 0 replies
Philia S
02:15 May 16, 2022

I had a dream about you last night, strangely. Hope you're doing well. It's fine if you don't but please respond to this if you see it. Praying for you. <3

Reply

I want to cry rn, that's so sweet of you. I've never had a friend care so much, this is so sweet that someone actually bothers at me. no, really this is very sweet, I don't even know how to respond. ily <3

Reply

Philia S
11:15 May 16, 2022

<3 Anything for a friend.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Philia S
11:16 May 16, 2022

Idk, I forgot it now--as happens with me usually. It was about you coming back and me finding it through a comment thread of you and Skye, I think. (probably cause of the colour similary of your pfps?) BUT LIKE FORESHADOWING? I HAD IT LAST NIGHT AND VOILA-HERE YOU ARE-

Reply

πŸ˜‚πŸ€§πŸ€§ Maybe... ;)

Reply

Philia S
11:32 May 16, 2022

XD Also, "I'm sad." What happened?

Reply

πŸ˜‚ Lol feels like we all grew up too fast

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
20:12 May 08, 2022

Hey, would you like to do, like, a critique exchange? I have some stories I need advice on, and I'd love to give feedback for yours!

Reply

Sure! Like which one i should critique. Love the username :)

Reply

12:53 May 16, 2022

Just the newest one, I guess.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
15:47 Apr 13, 2022

You know Sapphire? We have a collab coming up on my blog at 04:06 p.m. IST tomorrow (April 14). Do check it out, here's the link (https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/)

Reply

Dhwani Jain
12:09 May 16, 2022

Thanks. How are you?

Reply

Dhwani Jain
12:25 May 17, 2022

Nice... Sab kaisa chal raha hai, school-wise and all?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Laiba M
19:16 Apr 12, 2022

Hii Sia!~ It's been so longg, I've been off Reedsy for what seems like forever :( This story is really good! I love how it's all in dialogue and you make such an interesting story through brief sentences. I can't think of a thing to critique-it's so short but sweet and ever so smoothly transitions between topics :) Great job!!

Reply

Hey! Omg, ikr it's been too long. Thank you so much!! That's so sweet :)

Reply

Laiba M
01:29 May 18, 2022

Yes, it hass~ And of course, I love reading your work :)) How are you?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Philia S
18:12 Mar 22, 2022

Hey Sia! How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while. :)

Reply

Girl hey. Schools been catching up. How are you?! I keep thinking how cool reedsy was. Finally made the courage to log on.

Reply

Philia S
11:14 May 16, 2022

I HAD A LITERAL HEART ATTACK WHEN I SAW THE NOTIF-IM NOT EVEN LYING WHY'D YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT- TvT I'm fine. Vacations have begun. :D Wby?

Reply

HAHAHAHAHAH sorry, life happened πŸ™„πŸ™„ Me too, mine are bout to get over in June D:

Reply

Philia S
11:31 May 16, 2022

TvT Oof. TvT Well, enjoy them while you can. XD

Reply

😭😭🀧🀧

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
A Writer :)
03:35 Feb 25, 2022

Hi! This is an amazing story, well crafted and interesting...

Reply

A Writer :)
06:33 Apr 02, 2022

πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
A Writer :)
03:35 Feb 25, 2022

Btw try to guess who ia am

Reply

A Writer :)
06:33 Apr 02, 2022

Yaaaaaaa

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
13:44 Jan 30, 2022

You asked for feedback, here it is! The only-dialogue element lead to a sort of mysterious tension. It's like, woah, they seem really chill about this dead body. It sort of put this image in my had of a brother and a sister standing in a basement and the sister just sort of saying "bro. Dead body. Why." Over time, the image started evolving, changing to match the story. Even though there are no descriptions, it was still really visual for me. Just some punctuation: β€œI made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does” There should be a period at...

Reply

Thanks so much!! :) I'm happy you liked it! Oops, thanks for pointing it out!

Reply

21:45 Feb 01, 2022

You're welcome! No prob!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

OOOOOOOOH this is cool!! dialogue only stories are so freaking hard to write oop

Reply

Yayy thank youuu Omg they AREEEE lol

Reply

Show 0 replies

Yayy thank youuu Omg they AREEEE lol

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies

LMAO "Are you on drugs?" WAI I CRACKED UP-

Reply

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Haha, I'm happy i made you laugh lol. Nice pfp!!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
10:56 Jan 19, 2022

Hey Sia! I forgot to say this in my previous comment, but your last story, 'The Crown' was somewhat similar to this, wasn't it? SoMeWhAt? Are you into murders and mysteries and that sort of stuff right now?

Reply

Hey! Hmm, I guess you could say that, yes. Yeah. Sort of, I haven't read much in a while though.

Reply

Dhwani Jain
11:15 Jan 20, 2022

Yeah You wanna read some cozy mysteries?

Reply

Dhwani Jain
11:24 Jan 21, 2022

There are many books, available for FREE on Google Play Books. I have the reviews on few of them on my blog: www.djdhwanijain.wordpress.com Beachside Bakery The Witching Place Pains ans Penalties and many more...do read the reviews for more

Reply

Oh, that's nice! Tha is for the recommendations! Will check them out :)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Kate Granger
17:03 Jan 14, 2022

This is a really cool story… but I am a little confused. I know the point of it is a dialogue story but maybe you could do a longer follow up? I wanna know the whole thing 😁

Reply

Hey! Aw, thanks! I have my exa,so as of now, but I'm sure I can come up with a new piece in a while. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
06:54 Jan 13, 2022

Sia, This story - the idea of it - was nice. But maybe it was just not suitable for a dialogue only story? I don't know. I didn't really understand the whole situation. Maybe it's just me...

Reply

Hey, I'll see based on the feedback. Thanks though.

Reply

Dhwani Jain
09:03 Jan 13, 2022

=D

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Corbin Sage
19:36 Jan 12, 2022

Great story! I admire your ability to tell a story just through dialouge.

Reply

Thank you, this was my first time :) Hey! I'd like to read some of your work, though I dont know where to start. Could you suggest some titles?

Reply

Corbin Sage
00:55 Jan 14, 2022

Of course! It all depends on what you're looking for- my newest story is "The Ring", and "Humanity" and "Humanity's Betrayal" are some of my favorites. I'd love some feedback on "The Ring" since it's new- but of course don't feel obligated to comment anything :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Philia S
12:33 Jan 11, 2022

Very interesting, I must say. Kinda confusing. XD But still, overall, really great! I'd like to know what you were thinking while writing the above, lol, if you'd like to tell- Also, what's that link at the end?

Reply

Haha, thanks!! Of course I would lol I have no idea. I just started typing. I imagine this to be like- a deranged sibling encounter?? Dont even ask lol Dunno, lemme check. Ohhh it was my browser security link

Reply

Philia S
10:00 Jan 12, 2022

Aha. That's cool. :D Btw, when are we meeting? Like for the collab. Tonight?

Reply

Sure! I'm fine now, or in two hours.

Reply

Philia S
12:23 Jan 12, 2022

Okay. I'm on the rp doc rn, if you can be there.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply