Sorry I'm Late

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Alicia Bolters said as the clink of the keys clattered against the kitchen counter and the dull thud of her leather purse was absorbed into the chair. “I had to get gas.” The smell of zesty seafood emitted from the warmed up oven.

The dull conversations of the television could be heard in the other room. Or rather the streaming service played from the Bolter family’s immense 86 inch smartTV. Alicia walked around the center counter and into the den and found her husband, Eric, napping on the couch with their two kids, Jennifer and Jordan, sitting on the ground each staring at their own devices.

“Hello loving family,” she said softly and leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed. Her husband’s eyes fluttered open at the whispered greeting and a gentle smile crossed his lips. He stood up from the couch, slowly at first, acting more than his forty five years, and tapped both of his children lovingly on their heads. They pulled out their ear buds.

“Mom!” they said in unison and ran to hug her. It reminded Alicia of the television shows she used to watch with her parents when she, herself, would sit on that very same carpet. She wrapped an arm around each child, taking note of how quickly they were growing. They were both nine but Jennifer was three minutes older than Jordan, a fact she very often reminded him of. Her husband sauntered over to her and kissed her cheek gently.

“I am glad to see you, these two wore me out today,” he said as she inhaled his aftershave and the smell of coffee on his beard.

“Oh, I’m sorry family, must have been a long, grueling day at the beach?” she asked oh-so-pitifully mockingly. It was summer break, and Lisa was the only one who didn’t typically spend all day in a school. While she maintained her position at Bolter and Finley, her two kids and teacher-husband took the day to drive an hour to the shore and enjoy the sunshine.

“Just awful, I think I still have sand in between my cheeks,” said Eric, committing to the bit completely with a full on-the-butt scratch.

“Ew, Dad! Ewwww!” screamed Jennifer. “Stop, stop, stop, you are not my dad!”

Giggling fitfully, Jordan began to mimic his father, bouncing around the room scratching his own backside and chasing his sister. “Yeah! Itchy butt! Itchy butt!”

The two bound around their small family den, leaping onto and off of the couch, giggling, “ew”ing, a picturesque brother-sister terror relationship. In the middle, Alicia stood, her husband’s hand around her waist. He kissed her cheek again.

“I love you, I love this,” he said. Lisa smiled.

Dinner conversation flowed as the family ate the seafood that Eric and the kids had picked up and kept warm for their mother. Since there wasn’t school, the three had similar stories, rather than the normal this and that of the school year conversation. Eric taught sixth grade in the school that both Jenny and Jordan went to. They dreaded the day they might have their itchy-butt dad as a teacher. But for now they were happy in separate classes in the fourth grade. The three did walk to and from school together every day, and minus a few typical brother-sister breakdowns, the arrangement had worked out fairly well. No nuclear events or end of the world showdowns this year. But, as Eric liked to remind everyone, puberty was only a few years away, and no one likes a teenager.

Jordan was in the middle of a story: “And then dad picked up the crab, and he flipped it…”

Jennifer cut him off. “Mom, it was so cool, he flipped over the crab and was rubbing it’s belly”

They finished the story together: “And it fell asleep!”

Jordan added little snores for finesse and Jenny added that it had also had little bubbles coming out of its mouth and was now in the process of trying to make little bubbles come out of her mouth.

Eric smiled at his wife across the table, he wiped his mouth. “How was your day, Dudley?” he asked, using his affectionate name for her. He’d been calling her Dudley-Do-Right since they met in college. She told him then she wanted to be an attorney for those who needed someone to do right by them. She wanted to stand up for what she believed in.

“It was good, busy,” she said. Then added “The damn DA won’t give us a break on the Michelson case, and if I have to hear another word from Thomas about adding his name to the wall, I swear I will find another place to put his name that isn’t as pleasant.”

“She means his butt!” said Jenny, with a full mouth of lobster roll.

“You bet she does,” dad said, reaching over and running his hand through Jenny’s hair.

“Dad! No! Butter! There is butter on your fingers and I can smell the fish and UGH!” Jenny said, struggling to shake off her dads hand.

“But I love you soooo much Jenny Fer! I just can’t help it! You and Jordan are my little fishies, and if we all smell like fishies so be it!” said Eric as he grabbed his son by the collar with his other arm and pulled them both into a bear hug. “My little fishes and I’m the grizzly dad!”

Both kids giggled as Alicia sat across the table from them, watching the tableau of her family with a smile painted on her face. It was the ideal situation, the ideal family.

Later that night after the kids had been tucked in, Alicia was brushing her teeth in the bathroom she shared with her husband and children. She stared through the spittle and floss flung residue on the mirror in front of her to see a woman she did not quite recognize. A woman wearing a mask.

“You look beautiful,” came her husband's voice from behind her.

“I’b id a batrtobe and hab a mouf full of oothpaste,” she managed to say, through the foam.

“I’d take you this way, over any other Alicia, any day,” said her husband.

“Are there many other Alicias out there?” she asked. But then… the question seemed to hang in the air out of her mouth, a speech bubble, she could almost see the words that had squeezed their way out of her lips floating before her in the mirrored reflection. Then the bubble popped.

She watched her husband in the reflection of the mirror and she could have sworn there was a momentary shudder in his facial features. Almost a glitch, or a lag that caught up with itself too fast. And then his smile was back to normal.

“None that I know of, and wouldn’t talk to them if there were,” he shrugged. “You coming to bed?”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” she said, putting her toothbrush down. “I want to wash my face.”

“Don’t take too long,” he said, tapping the door frame twice, like a confident carpenter making his final inspections, and then he slipped away down the hall to their bedroom.

Alicia, still shaken from what she’d seen of her husband’s reflection, braced herself on the sink. What was that? Was she just seeing things?

“Leesh!”

The voice seemed to echo up from the sink drain. It came so suddenly, and was gone so quickly that she questioned whether it even happened. But it definitely had happened. Just like before, it bubbled up like words in a balloon and then popped. And the voice, it was so clear. It was Eric’s voice. But not the Eric who had just left the room, because it came from the drain, and not the hallway.

No, no. She had just had a long day, bubbling voices and glitchy faces. The Michaelson case was getting to her. And Tom, relentless Tom. She just needed to rest.

She splashed some water on her face and wiped it dry with a towel. Afterwards, she walked out of the bathroom and poked her head into her childrens’ bedroom. Both were sleeping soundly on their sides of the rooms. Eventually, they’d have to buy a house where each of them could have their own rooms. Maybe in two years or so, but they didn’t seem to mind for now. They seemed to enjoy each other's company, and never put up a fuss about sharing, or space. Tucking them in tonight had been easy. They both were asleep within minutes of story time. Two perfect little angels.

When Alicia walked into her bedroom, she saw Eric already sitting in bed reading. But he was on the wrong side of the bed. In fact, the whole bedroom looked wrong.

“Very funny,” she said.

He looked up from his book, confusion on his face. “What?”

“You switched the room,” she accused.

“What on earth do you mean?”

Alicia crossed her arms, with a smile on her face, but when Eric didn’t smile back, or confess, her own smile began to fade away. “You switched the room around, Eric. You’re on my side. You put your books on my nightstand, and switched it all around. You made our room backwards!”

“I did not, honey, I have always slept on this side of the room,” he said certainly, “The side of the room without the window, because you like the sun waking you up, and I don’t.”

He was right of course. Her side of the room was the side with the window, and Eric obviously hadn’t changed the whole layout of the house. She walked to the window just to stabilize herself with some fresh air, and looking out she saw what she always saw: a train coming directly towards her!

She lost her footing and feel back onto her backside against the bed. Eric sprang from underneath his sheet and ran around the bed. “Alicia, what the hell?” He helped her to her feet.

“Train, the tra-,” she trailed off, rubbing her lower back. No. That couldn’t be right. There are no trains on second floors of houses. She carefully looked towards the window again and was met with the familiar sight of her back yard and the trees that surrounded their property.

“Did you say train,” Eric asked, looking worried.

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. I just slipped on this silly carpet,” she said, smoothing out the shaggy wool carpet with her toes.

Eric helped her into bed and crawled in over her, pausing long enough to kiss her deeply. She kissed back with all the warmth she could muster before giving him two pats on the hips, and he scooted over to his side.

“It’s been a long day, I just think I need to read a little, to escape into my book,” she said when she saw his disappointed face.

“N-n-never a problem,” he stuttered. His voice sounded oddly metallic. She looked over at him. He was smiling at her a little too joyously, as if he was trying to reassure her that her lack of desire was more satisfying than any actually satisfaction they could have.

He also wasn’t blinking.

He was just smiling.

“Eric, stop that,” she said and gave him a shove. Immediately, his face took shape and normal movement again.

“I’m going to hit the hay,” he said and kissed her once more on the cheek, rolled over and pulled his light’s chord, submerging the room into a half darkness; a ying and yang of awake and asleep.

Alicia sighed deeply, letting herself sink into her pillows, grabbed her book and opened it to the dog eared page.

There she found only gibberish. The words made no sense whatsoever. There was a mixture of letters, and numbers. There were some things that looked like hieroglyphics, and some other things that just looked like scribbles.

“Nope. No. No thank you, very much,” she said out loud, snapping her book shut. She looked over at Eric’s back, expecting him to say something about her words, but he was already breathing deeply.

Alicia pinched the bridge of her nose, and took a deep breath. “It’s just been a long day.” She thought about Tom Anhilius, and how silly Bolter, Finley and Anhilius would look on the wall outside her office. And she thought about the Mitchelson case… No, the Michelson case. Michaelson? “Jesus.” She decided that sleep was the only obvious course of action, put her book to the side and cranked her lightswitch to the off position.

She lay back down, head sinking deeply into the pillows, and within mere moments, she was in a deep deep

cavern!

And she was falling. Falling fast through the darkness, she could feel the wind racing past her, falling downward. She could see the ground below her slowly coming to meet her. Was it really her falling or the ground exploding upward to catch her?

The wind was screaming in her ears.

And she thought of her husband, and her two children. Her husband and two children, who were not perfect, not ideal. Her husband who snored, and who farted in his sleep. And she thought of her children, who argued constantly, and certainly did not go to sleep easily. And now, reflecting back, had all been actually really strange this evening. But she couldn’t continue to think about them because the wind was so goddamn loud.

No, no, that’s not right. That wasn’t the wind. Listen.

“Leeeeeeeeeeesh!”

That was Eric, that was Eric’s voice screaming at her.

But it was too late. The ground was so close now, rising to meet her with violent intentions.

She was so close to impact now that she could almost see the rhinoceros walking around, maybe thirty feet in the air.

Rhinoceros?

Twenty feet.

Why the hell are there rhinoceros? And is that Jimmy Oakland, her next door neighbor from her childhood home?

Ten feet.

Eric and her were locked in a passionate embrace below her, her toes were curling in pleasure, as he pulled at her hair. Eric’s hair was blue.

Five.

How was she watching herself have sex? And why were there rhinoceros?

“LEESH!”

Her eyes snapped open as she slammed into the the ground beneath her. It didn’t hurt. Through a small six inch by six inch plexiglass window directly in front of her face, she watched her husband, her brave and farty husband, punch Dr. Anhilius square in the jaw, knocking him out. She couldn’t help thinking about how handsome Eric looked in the new suit. The mask outlined his cheekbones beautifully and it really was a good idea to lose the cape, so outdated.

Behind him, he watched Jennifer and Jordan fiddle with the controls at a computer. She loved when they worked together on missions. They didn’t always get along, but they made a good team. They must have done whatever they were trying to do because there was a hiss around Alicia and the door of the stasis pod she was being held in released, as the two siblings high fived.

The three costumed heroes ran across Anhilius’s lab to the tube that had been holding their mother. All three peered in with beaming grins, and Alicia felt, for the first time in awhile, a real smile burst out from behind her teeth. Her family. Her wonderful, silly, goofy, family.

“Hiya Dudley,” said Eric, “Sorry we’re late.”