Draco Vigilans

“Touch the dragon.” They chanted. “Touch the dragon. Touch the dragon. Touch the dragon.”

I crouched behind a rock in the musty old cave, buffeted by the howling wind on the outside and the scalding dampness of the dragon’s lair on the inside. I was definitely getting a cold after this; I’d just climbed up to the tallest peak of this awful mountain, and my every muscle ached. Behind me, the gaggle of ghosts continued chanting and being useless, same as they had done the entire way up.

To be honest, I was sick of their dreck.

“Touch the dragon, Liliana!” Thundered the biggest, scariest and most insupportable of them.

My newfound powers as a medium were getting on my nerves. The ghosts might argue that I was made of steel, because I didn’t piss myself in their presence. But they made me itch to do something else.

Nerves of steel indeed.

“Or what, McKenna?” I hissed.

The ghost king choked at being addressed by his maiden-ahem- common name. The courtiers snickered. CriCri, the king’s court jester and the most considerate person in his company, supplied me with an answer.

“Or you will never rescue your love, the princess.” He bowed, doffing his cap and bells in my direction. The court behind him nodded and murmured their agreement.

“I’m a girl, CriCri.”

CriCri opened his mouth.

“And I’m straight as a lance.”

CriCri held a hand to his heart and knelt, looking to the musty ceiling of the cave as if stuck by divine inspiration. The court murmured appreciatively and sat on invisible chairs, disposed to enjoy his performance.

“I, too, my dear, am as straight as a spartan romance. But I would never turn aside a beautiful-“

“Or you will never regain your freedom!” McKenna sputtered out. Finally.

“Save the princess.” The crowd of ghosts started to chant, taken by this new idea. “Touch the dragon. Save the princess. Touch the dragon.”

I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing at them. McKenna scowled.

“Do you want your freedom or not?” He snapped.

I clapped my forearms at him. He threatened to smite me. Nevertheless, I advanced on the dragon. Freedom was not a thing to scoff at.

Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus. The words rang in my brain like an obnoxious breakfast bell. Though my new supernatural abilities had “earned” me a spot in King Taurus’ cadre, most of the time I was still treated like a maid. And I was certainly not paid enough to approach this huge thing who could eat me like an after-dinner mint.

Lying down, I was probably the size of its maw. Its dull blue, pentagon-shaped scales were the size of my forearm. The cave was the size of a circular cathedral, and the dragon took it all up, curled up tight with its head-thankfully-in the center and its tail on the outside. All the same, the tail looked sharp enough to slice me into itty bitty Lily bits.

“Not to worry, Fool.” McKenna was whispering to CriCri. “My young charge will soon find a charming gentlewoman who will not shrink at her fits of temper, and-“

For Fate’s sake.

“Has anyone considered that I might be wearing men’s clothes because I’m forced to traipse around mountains and tournaments all day?” I hissed.

“I beg your pardon.” McKenna said, with a slight bow and a knowing smile. The jester doffed his cap again, and his ghostly curls fell over his eyes.

I turned my back on them again, and scurried behind another, smaller rock closer to the dragon. I got a whiff of his sulfurous breath and wrinkled my nose. I pulled up my shirt over my nose and mouth, scared that the scent would make me faint.

Perhaps I should have been grateful that the ghosts thought I was a sodomite. Since they followed me around all day, they were present when I entered His Highness Prince Ludus’ chambers to sweep the floors and fireplaces and blushed like a besotted idiot when he so much as walked in to retrieve a handkerchief. As long as they were convinced “charming gentlewomen” were what did it for me, they would remain oblivious.

And out of my way.

“Save the princess.” The crowd of ghosts buzzed. “Touch the dragon. Save the princess. Touch the dragon.”

“There’s no princess in this cave.” I rolled my eyes. And then I stepped in a puddle, drenching my shoe. Scheisse. “There’s just mold.”

“I beg to differ.” Said a quiet, deep voice, echoing and five times as thunderous as the ghost king’s.

I realized the dragon was no longer sleeping-no longer there-and dread dropped like a block of ice into my stomach.

“Welcome, princess.” The voice murmured behind me. I tried to turn, but my legs weren’t responding fast enough. In front of me, CriCri pulled his cap over his eyes, and the king unsheathed his sword.

Kill it. McKenna mouthed. His eyes were serious, and I realized this was no longer a matter of passing a test.

I started to tremble.

“If you do not wish to wake a dragon,” The voice chuckled. “I suggest you ask your companions to remain silent.”

I forced myself to turn around. The world seemed to slow down around me; I felt like I was moving through water. My vision narrowed, and the cave seemed to go ten shades darker.

Shit. No, no, no.

 Behind me was a man with blue, scaled skin, a sharp face and pointed ears, and the size of three men together. When he spoke, his jaw unhinged to accommodate huge, sharp teeth. Oddly enough, he was wearing clothes similar to McKenna’s: a dark blue tailcoat(decorated with flowers, of all things), gray waistcoat and a spotless white cravat.

“I am so glad you are here at last.” The dragon took my hand and placed his lipless mouth over his own clawed thumb-in the manner of McKenna’s court. “I might gain some credibility in your company.”

I touched the dragon.  I thought.

My task complete, I fainted on the spot.