Chocolate Labs

       Discovering they used Chocolate Labs as a cover, was a very lucky coincidence. Now that I know, I feel foolish for never seeing it before. With Chocolate Labs being such a stupid name, and their goofy dog mascot who “sniffs out the best chocolate,” maybe it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that things there weren’t all that legit.

           In any case, I’ve come to Chocolate Labs for some time now with my ferret sidekick, Gizmo. Their famous chocolate fudge is quite pricey for such a kid-friendly looking establishment, so it caters to rich, snooty folk. They also allow dogs and have dog-safe chocolate, which is weird. Why do dogs need chocolate? In any case, these people sit around tables, while they talk and gossip, and their dogs lick their special chocolate treat from golden dog bowls. These people never pay attention to their dangling purses because they feel safe. Gizmo is a pro at sneaking over, crawling into these unwatched purses, and slipping out wallets, coins, jewelry, and any other nice things.

It’s a decently safe operation. If I’m ever caught, I’ll apologize profusely and claim I didn’t know Gizmo would do that. I’ll act like I’d have returned it right away if I had only seen. Most people would probably accept that, given the name ferret translates to furry thief. It’s expected of them. Gizmo never gets caught though. These people take so long to notice their allegedly beloved missing items, they might not even track the moment of disappearance back to this store.

           I’ve never heard of any complaints or seen any signs. We’ve made thousands of dollars and are somehow in the clear. People are kind of stupid. Also, careless.

           During my time at the candy shop, I noticed that while the usual clientele consists of plump kids, wealthy ladies, and sappy couples, there’s an alarming amount of big, body-builder type men in suits that vanish behind a back door. It intrigued me enough to strap a small camera onto Gizmo and help him through a door left open by a candy maker dumping trash out back.

           It didn’t seem important at the time, but the stuff the candy maker threw out seemed strange. The scent reminded me of smelling an old, slightly moldy penny, but amplified by a lot and mixed with a bit of melting asphalt. What in the candy realm would ever cause that smell? I don’t know. The sludgy goo I saw slide into the dumpster had a sickly green hue that looked like toxic slime. Come to think of it, the inside of the store always smelled kind of fake to me. It’s like a candle that claims to smell like fresh baked cookies. But I’m going on a tangent here.

           Gizmo, by instinct, always maps out perimeters when he is in a new place. He needs to know it all before the fun starts. This makes for excellent snooping video coverage. Of course, leave no trace is not a philosophy Gizmo understands well. There may come a day when someone finds little droppings he left or things he tore to shreds, but they’ll likely assume it’s rats. I doubt it looks anything like what rats do, but people don’t pay that much attention or know animals that well. It’ll pass.

           After letting Gizmo roam for a while, I gave his little crab stuffed animal a few squeezes, and the squeak drew him back. Then we went home to watch the video. I’ll say that ferret angle isn’t great. It’s basically seeing the world at shoe level. Occasionally he climbed up something or other and I got a better look. What I saw alarmed me.

           Along the walls were kennel cages. In each cage, were creatures unlike anything I’ve ever seen. They had a bright, blinding, blue glow. They bore some resemblance to puppies, but they had small antlers like young bucks. Their eyes spun like little whirlpools of magic glitter. A woman reached into one of the cages for a creature.

           “I bet so many people would buy these little guys. They’re so cute.” The woman nuzzled her face against the creature.

           “As babies. You saw the adult ones.” A man in a lab coat said.

           “Yeah, I know, but they’re just so cute. Throwing them in a chocolate batch feels like a waste.”

           “Have you not eaten our chocolate? They’re the sweetest tasting thing ever. I can’t get over it. Like their blood is pure sugar.”

           “Yeah, but…”

           “Just remember the adults.”

           “I hope the adults never learn how to get to our planet. They’ll kill us all for doing this to their young.”

           The man shrugged. “It’s not like adult cows have ever led a revolt over veal.”

           At this point the camera dropped. Gizmo must have jumped off something. The next bit is too bouncy to watch, and I imagine Gizmo is dancing around in excitement. Overhearing sinister plots has that effect on him. 

           I can still hear the woman in the background for a moment. She responded with, “Oh please. Cows don’t have the power. I don’t even think comparing this to eating lion cubs works. Those creatures could definitely kill us all.” 

           Hearing this I feel compelled to do something, which is an unusual feeling for me. It’s not like I’m exactly an upstanding citizen. Thieves are supposed to be against all forms of snitching. This is animal abuse though. I think, anyway. I love animals. I can’t let the chocolate makers hurt these innocent, or maybe not so innocent, creatures. Also, I’m frankly not sure keeping a secret like a candy shop taking alien creatures and using them to sweeten their chocolates is something I or anyone is capable of. This is a tell the world kind of secret. Being a thief doesn’t mean I should have any loyalty to protecting massive money-making corporations. No, this is all around different.

           I can’t turn to the cops, and I’m keeping a low profile, so the press was out. I needed to take matters into my own hands. That meant I could free the creatures or manage to threaten the company into stopping. Both options could only be resolved by breaking in. I let Gizmo sleep and eat a raw egg, and then we took off.

           I wore all black as one does when breaking into a place, and I wore gloves, a mask, and all that too. Best not to leave any trace. I also put a black ferret sized hoodie on Gizmo. He already looked like he wore a mask with the dark fur perfectly shaped like one around his eyes. We needed to go in after they closed, but also early enough to get in and out before the candy makers get started.

           When you’re a criminal, an easy break should never be celebrated. It should always be seen as a red flag something is about to go wrong. When I got to the back door, despite there not being any cars in the parking lot, it was unlocked. Surely, people in this situation would be especially careful. Had someone else already broken in?

           A voice in my head told me to run, and one of my feet slid back in agreement. Gizmo dug his claws into my pants and crawled up to my pocket. The silence needled under my skin causing me to shiver. The air felt a few degrees colder. I should’ve turned. I should’ve taken off. Curiosity got the better of me. I stepped into the darkness.

           A blue glow pulsed ahead, which I assumed to be the creatures. I saw another color too. The bright orange light seemed stronger and larger. I crept forward slowly. Gizmo trembled in my pocket.

           A growl rumbled through the room and echoed off the walls. A large, orange glowing creature stood above a vat of melted chocolate. It seemed to be staring into the chocolate like someone examining their reflect in a lake of water. The blue creatures watched this one curiously.

The orange creature laughed a hearty laugh. While the blue ones looked like puppy-deer, this one looked much different. When it looked up, it’s eyes flickered like a flame. It stood on two feet similar to a human and reminded me of a sasquatch with short fur and large antlers. It smiled and its teeth seemed to be thousands of needles. The thought crossed my mind that this could be the treacherous adult, but it looked nothing like the others. The transformation didn’t make sense in my mind. Was it supposed to be here?

“These silly humans turned you into chocolate. Candy.” The orange creature chuckled. “They’ll regret that.”

I wondered how long Chocolate Labs had been doing this for. No ill effects of the chocolate had been reported as far as I’m aware.

One of the blue creatures made a series of chirping sounds.

Orange Monster laughed again. “They think they can kill you by melting you into the chocolate? You sure pulled one over on them.” 

The puppy-deer melted down into a puddle and slipped out of the kennel. I felt Gizmo wiggle in my pocket and grabbed him. It’s nearly impossible to hold a slippery, twisting noodle bear like Gizmo, but I couldn’t risk him running out there. Mentally I pleaded with him to be still.

“I’d say you’ve done your duty. In a few months this world will be overrun with your kind.”

Blue chirped again.

“Yeah, I’ll help you home.” Orange Monster shook his head. “They’ll learn their lesson. You shouldn’t steal from another planet.”

Also, shouldn’t eat something without knowing what it is. Why did Chocolate Labs think it was a good idea to throw these blindly into their chocolate? How did they even get to this planet?

The other puppy-deer creatures melted and slipped their cages.

“Can’t wait to see how the world handles you as adults.”

All the blue creatures chirped. I could be making assumptions here, but it sounded quite cheerful. Gizmo continued to wiggle, and I held him desperately tight. The blues melted into a silver device that looked a little like a rocket. I got the sense they were leaving. If only I could hold Gizmo a little longer, then we’d be out of here and away from danger.

The silver vessel floated into the air and sped out the door. Well, the door was shut, so I guess I mean through. It burned a hole and cleared its path. Only Orange Monster remained. With a chuckle, Orange Monster took a claw to his wrist and cut through his flesh. He let his black blood, or at least it seemed black, drip into the chocolate vat. “They’ll like this little surprise too, I bet.”

Gizmo sprung from my arms.

“No!” I screamed. Then clasped my hands over my mouth in regret.

Orange Monster’s flickering eyes snapped to my location instantly. I ran after Gizmo as he bounded towards the creature. A loud roar from Orange Monster shook everything in the room. I was doomed, but I needed to protect Gizmo.

Gizmo lunged at Orange Monster, landed at its feet, and bit into its ankle hard. Gizmo shook his head back and forth as he tore into the orange flesh. Orange Monster wailed. My hands flew up to cover my ears from the deafening sound. Tears already streamed down my cheeks. Gizmo couldn’t possibly survive this. Orange Monster could kick him across the room and that’d be the end.

That’s not what happened though. Somehow the fiery creature collapsed to the ground, agony written all over it’s face.

“What are you?” Orange Monster cried. “We didn’t know this planet had such a warrior. In all our research…. how…how did we miss this?”

What the fuck was happening? There’s no way my little Gizmo was taking this thing down!

Gizmo made some hissing noises and some clucks. The creature turned towards me, and I saw the flicker of its eyes go dark. I stared at Gizmo. He stared at me. I stared harder, and so did he. Then he danced around like celebrating his victory.

Could Gizmo save the world? Maybe something in him poisoned them. It happened so fast. I walked over to him and kicked the creature to make sure it didn’t move again. A large pool of blood surrounded the creature. Did Gizmo hit some kind of artery? Then I glanced at the chocolate with orange glittery glow spiraling around in it. Gizmo climbed up my pants and hid in my pocket once more. I stood there and wondered what on earth this blood was about to do to the world.