Time and change

Sometimes, Ali dreamt of what could have been.

In her dreams, blood would enter her sight like how a bug would creep out from a sewer, or a hole. It would trickle down her walls, painting spindly lines of red that slid down in a puzzling pattern toward the floor. Her hands would tremble, every hair on her body standing up, screaming at her to run away run away run away but her traitorous feet would stay, glued onto the ground.

Idiotically, she would ignore the mad thumping in her chest, and her eyes would glue to the scarlet stains on the creamy walls. Enthralled, she would reach out toward the walls, watching the sunlight filtering through the window to kiss the tips of the blood, shading it pink. Behind her, splinters would fly into the air as each treacherous white and black key of her piano thudded to the ground, the cracking of wood a musical symphony to her ears.

The moment her fingers touched the slick red walls, the whole room would combust around her. The windows would shatter into million glittering pieces of glass, cutting into her skin and leaving imperfect marks all over her fingers, rendering them useless. The numbing air would shove itself into her lungs, and she would fling her arms into the air, laughter escaping her lips. The vast sky would greet her with open arms, almost begging her to come join the world, taste what she was destined for. She would be free, for the first time in her life.

Then she would wake up.

Because no one was allowed freedom in Eliana. Not really. Not ever.

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Shards of glass pricked her feet as Ali ran out of the castle, barefoot and vulnerable.

The jagged pieces of glass easily tore through her soft flesh, blood welling up from around the wound and spilling onto the ripped-up ground. Everywhere she looked, it was a messy tangle of shattered glass and bent iron structures, buildings that had once held memories now torn down to their very bones, crashing down onto the soil below. There were rusted signs, signs that used to symbolize something, anything, now just meaningless pieces of junk that lay bent on the cracked concrete. Behind her, flames danced in a sadistic triumph, kissing the tips of the castle towers and falling off balconies in seek of something else to devour.

Ali couldn’t even see the sky anymore, the once seemingly endless stretch of blue now charred grey as smoke lazily traced the clouds, slowly erasing the moon and stars.

Her breath came in sharp, short gasps, her feet slamming on the ground again and again and again, trying to run away from something, nothing, everything at once.

She hadn’t meant to do this. She hadn’t meant to do this at all. All she had wanted-all she was after- it wasn’t this. She stumbled, blood-slicked skin trembling in fatigue, but she didn’t stop. This pain was a distraction to what surrounded her, what she had become. Her mother’s words echoed throughout her head, a dull mantra of what have you done?

She couldn’t help it-her eyes was drawn to the places she knew, the places she recognized. And it seemed her legs did the same too. A flat laugh tumbled out of Ali’s lips as she surveyed the area she had reached. Broken pianos of all kinds littered the floor, piles of musical junk towering over her.

Slowly, she started picking up the wooden pieces on the ground, memories flashing in her head every now and then. Here, she had made some of her fondest memories. Here was when the cracks her life started to appear. Here was also when it came crashing down, like a stone wall collapsing after one too many stones being thrown its way.

She remembered the marble pillars that used to stand in a circle around here, sofas and tables stylishly scattered around the soft grass. Her piano, at the center of the courtyard, trapping her in the gazes of the audience every time she played.

She remembered casual tea parties under the sun, her dress brushing against her skin and laughter carried away by the wind. Playing hide-and-seek with her friends, stolen kisses under the dark shade, sugar drops melting on her tongue.

She remembered longing looks out the window, stupidly heavy trophies being shoved into her hands, playing the piano again and again and again until she wanted to chop her fingers to stop the ache in her body.

Slowly, she surveyed her surroundings, one eye never leaving the pile of wood she had collected. A sob threatened to spill out of her. Regret lumped up within her chest, rendering her breathless. Everything here was useless junk. Everything here was now to be abandoned, stuck in this despairing circle forever.

Her hands flew to her mouth, trying to stop the screams from getting let out. Her eyes pricked with her tears. She had done this. She had stolen everyone's dreams, future and memories during her pursuit of freedom-or what she had thought was freedom.

What she wouldn't give to turn back time...

Suddenly, she tripped over a small lump in the ground. Sorrow momentarily forgotten, she tilted her head. She could have sworn there was nothing there a second ago...

Then, a gasp tore out of her mouth as a mirror floated upwards, now level with her eyesight. In the mirror was not her reflection, but wisps of white, not unlike a thick fog.

"Do you really want to turn back time?"

Ali gaped at the mirror, thoughts racing through her head. But then she schooled her features into something more neutral. She hadn't taken those lessons in strategics for nothing. This was a opportunity-sent by whom, she didn't know, neither did she care. All she had to do was grab it.

"Yes. I want to turn back time. I want to re-do my actions. I want to stop myself from succumbing to my flimsy wishes." Faltering at the end of her sentence, she bit her lip, refraining from saying one last selfish wish. I want my dad back.

Ali gained a feeling that the mirror was peering at her, and although she could see nothing but wisps of white, she felt the mirrors curiosity. She twitched her eyebrow-she didn't take kindly to being scrutinized-but she held onto the mask of politeness.

"There will be large consequences for turning back time, young lady." Ali wanted to scream. She didn't care about consequences! What could be worse than this? "But I suppose I can grant you this one wish."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" With widened eyes, Ali looked on as a large black hole came into view, almost seeming to rip the air apart. With one final glance back, she walked in.

She was going home.