Lee’s heart was pounding.
He was told to wait. There he was—sitting, silently praying. Patiently waiting.
Lee wrinkled his little nose from the pungent scent of antiseptic, while people in white moved their legs in haste. Everyone in the pristine, white corridor always seemed to be rushing forward. Despite that, Lee thought they moved like turtles along the marble floor.
The clock hanging on the wall before him whispered, “Tick-tock.” Maybe, just maybe, these whispers were like barks of orders to the nurses’ ears. It felt like that to him, too. The people, the corridor, the clock. Is it weird that despite their clean, white color they appear dull and gray? he thought to himself.
Lee looked to his right, at the far end of the corridor, at the double glass door with a green Exit sign above it. It didn’t move.
But he waited. Patiently.
After all, he was told to wait.
Lee stared at his shoes with a dark red spot. They were beating a relentless drum against the cold floor. His socks are perfectly paired, like they should be. His mother would give him the “look” if they were mismatched. Now, how could his mother give him that look if she’s inside a room filled with strangers in white, eyes closed. Oh, how he wanted her to give him the tiger look again.
Lee creased his eyebrows. He should have worn mismatched socks.
Pushing his shoes from the floor, Lee hugged his legs on top of his seat. He pushed the corner of his over-sized eyeglasses with the back of his index finger. He gazed at the doors again to his right. It didn’t move.
Lee turned to his left and stared at the twin doors with a sign glowing red above it. It didn’t move.
But he waited. Patiently.
These doors will open. Of that Lee was certain. What he wasn’t certain was, of these doors, which one will open first? The doors to his right, or to his left? The answer in his mind filled him with dread.
Lee’s stomach grumbled. Aloud. The man sitting next to him didn’t seem to notice though.
The man looked familiar. It felt like Lee has seen him somewhere. His mother’s friend, probably?
“Umm, hi?” Lee began. “Do you know my mom?”
No response.
“I’m Lee,” he tried again, offering a hand. “I’m eight now.”
No response. Again.
Lee studied the man’s face. He’s shaven, but stubble seemed to be growing again. His eyes looked tired, and beneath them, a dark shadow. He’s bruised. There was a small cut on his lower lip down to his chin with dark, reddish stain. Like the spot on Lee’s shoe.
Sighing, Lee decided to rest his chin atop his knees. Strange, he thought. My heart’s still pounding. He sighed again.
It’s been four hours since Lee began waiting. Either of the two doors haven’t moved an inch.
But he waited. Patiently.
After all, he was told to wait.
Time seemed to be stretching and stretching and stretch—
The squeaking of shoes against marble floor echoed in the hallway. Lee perked up at the sudden noise. His heart jumped as well.
“W-what’s happening?” Lee whispered, suddenly feeling alarmed. He began pulling at his ear the way he always does when he’s nervous. His chest seemed tight, catching his breath.
Two new nurses entered the Operating Room with a metal table on wheels.
Then everything was silent again.
The man just stood there. His back to Lee, wringing his hands before he weaved them through his thick, dark hair. The man exhaled a loud, shuddery breath.
The man might be crying, Lee thought. Now, Lee wanted to do the same, but strange how no tears are coming out of his eyes. Lee bit his lower lip, urging himself to be a good boy. Behave, his mother always told him. Had he not remembered that, he would have bolted to the doors already, demanding to see his mother. Instead, Lee leaned against the cushion on the back of his chair. A good boy. Yes, I’m a good boy, he thought.
Lee turned to his right again, to the doors with the Exit sign. The doors are still. No one pushing the door to enter.
But he waited. Patiently.
Now it’s five hours, Lee thought while staring at the clock. It moved so slow, yet so fast. Lee found this strange. The way he found it strange when he’s playing with his neighbors, and his mother would call him saying playtime’s over. It was supposed to be three hours. It felt like thirty minutes. Now, it was five hours, and it felt like a whole day. Strange.
Lee went back to his fetal position. Gingerly, he turned to his right again. Nothing. Not a movement, not even a shadow of what was behind the doors.
But he waited. Patiently.
Lee prayed for a thousandth time.
But he waited. Patiently.
After all, he was told to wait.
Lee was deflating by the second.
But he waited. Patiently.
Lee was starting to lose his hope now.
Then, a creak.
Lee slowly turned to his right, watching the doors under the Exit sign at the end of the corridor move ever so slowly. It felt like eternity to Lee. But hope suddenly flared in his chest. Light filtered through the gap between the double doors. It filled the corridor with warm golden, white light.
Jerriel was here. He’s finally here.
Lee pressed his lips tightly, sending a silent prayer of thanks to God.
Jerriel came to Lee in sure-footed strides. As usual, other people can’t see him. Only Lee.
Lee almost broke into tears, but he refrained himself. After all, he’s a good boy.
Jerriel was wearing his gold-embroidered white robe, along with his bag of white leather hanging on one shoulder. On his back, a pair of white, iridescent wings that changes the color of its sheen when viewed from different angles were carefully folded. Then, he knelt in front of Lee and smiled.
“I returned as fast as I could,” Jerriel stated in his baritone voice that Lee always found fascinating. He talked with a rhythm short of singing.
“It’s seven hours,” Lee mumbled flatly.
Jerriel chuckled which made Lee smile. The most important thing right now was that Jerriel finally came. With good news, Lee hoped.
“Did you wait long?”
Lee pouted. “I thought you weren’t coming. But, I’m a good boy. And I waited. Patiently. After all, you told me to wait.”
Jerriel smiled and pulled something from his bag. It was a scroll. A glowing scroll. Jerriel waved it in front of Lee.
“Delivery,” Jerriel chimed.
Lee beamed at his Guardian Angel. He took the scroll from Jerriel, and ever so gently opened the scroll to reveal God’s answer to his prayers. God’s answer said:
A miracle is coming. My son, wait patiently.
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139 comments
A beautiful story. Kept me glued till the end.
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Hey hey! This is great for a first time! could you pls follow izzie q? Shes good too! Keep going!
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This made me totally hooked, wonderfully written!
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I really liked this story! Good work! The suspense was killing me 🤣 The detail was great and I always love a hopeful ending.
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Hey, Anna. Thank you! 😊
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This story was so good! I love how you chose to do it from the point of view of a little boy. I really enjoyed the repetition (But he waited. Patiently. Lee prayed for a thousandth time. But he waited. Patiently. After all, he was told to wait. Lee was deflating by the second. But he waited. Patiently. Lee was starting to lose his hope now.) Will you read my story “Gone” and let me know what you think?
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For someone that doesn’t write much this piece surely tells me otherwise. You have the same magic writers have. I’d love to read more from you. This was awesome.
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Thank you, Melony. I'll try again... 😊
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I honestly loved how you wrote it!
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A touching and good response to the prompt (one I couldn't think of). Since you said it was your first story, I have taken the liberty of making many suggestions. I hope you can understand them, since this isn't set up for this kind of editing. There are a few places where you repeat words too close together, which is easy for the writer to miss. Also, there are tense problems -- has, had, that sort of thing. You could sometimes use "he" rather than repeating "Lee" since the reader knows you are speaking of Lee -- I didn't point those out...
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Hello, Tamara! Wow. You have no idea how happy I am with your feedback. 😍😍😍 As a newbie to writing, it's quite difficult to find a writing group where people can help me with my stories. You have dissected my story and gave it a thorough evaluation, and for that I have no idea how to show my gratitude. You've pointed out a lot of things that I still can improve. I deeply thank you for the time and effort you've spent for this story. Your suggestions are really, really appreciated. Really helpful! Thank you, thank you so much!!! 😊
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I'm so happy you liked the editing. I hoped it would be helpful. When I first started writing I was unaware of some of the rules of the craft, and I enjoy sharing what I've learned over the years. (I have a story on here, if you'd like to take a peek--"The Coming Out.")
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Excellent Pj; I enjoyed reading it. I did not expect more wait but smiled to myself - In God's time, not ours. Keep writing. Thank you for submitting the story.
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Great story.
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A well-written story. You used repetition very effectively with the sentence, 'But he waited. Patiently'. You were able to create a lot of tension throughout by varying your sentence length to create a pace like a wave that rises to a crest and then falls (smooth - abrupt end; smooth - abrupt end; etc). Your attention to detail created concrete images in my mind. Nice use of the two meanings of the word 'patient'. Keep writing.
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Greetingz! Thank you. Really, thank you! Your feedback made me happy. 😊
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Wow...just, WOW. That was a really amazing read. I really don’t know what to say because I’m literally in awe right now. Great job, you did there. I LOVE your story. I really, really do. And it’s so good to see a kababayan here 👋🏻😊
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Oh, hi hello! Mabuhay! Thanks for reading. 😊 This is my first Filo encounter haha.
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The story is really well written. Seeing it in through the little boy's perspective has a sense of wholesomeness and purity to it. Great imagery as well!
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I simply waited with the boy... great weaving of words and repetitive phrases.
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What a great story! I loved how you didn't tell the reader where he was right away and what he was waiting for. Written really well!
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Great story and at the end he still had to wait again. Terrific!
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Thank you!
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I enjoyed this story a lot. Read it twice to gather my thoughts. I love the emphasize of having to wait. And the appearance of his Angel bringing good news. It had me curious of his previous visits. It's funny, I have a cousin named Jeriel. Lol. Nice work.
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Hey, Zion! Thank you! I, too, have a cousin named Jeriel. I just added an extra R. Hahaha.
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I think you're being modest about "new to writing", because this story is really, really good. I can remember being Lee's age and thinking and behaving in much the same way he did. I don't know if the guardian angel was meant to be literal or imaginary, but there have definitely been times in my life I've had to sit in a room waiting for something so long that I'm surprised I didn't start having hallucinations.
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Hey, Gip! Thanks for saying that, but really, I am literally new to writing haha. This is my trial-and-error story. Too bad I didn't have the time to edit it before submitting.
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Hey, your story was truely good. I really liked it and I am sure such masterpeice must be by an amazing personality. Great first story. Looking forward for more stories 💜
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Your bibliophilism is very evident in your writing. From novice to expert, writers read and your flow with words and context speaks highly of your dedication. This story did great with relating a child's pov with the world around him and I loved how it ended with hope. Something we could all use
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