139 comments

General

Lee’s heart was pounding.

He was told to wait. There he was—sitting, silently praying. Patiently waiting.

Lee wrinkled his little nose from the pungent scent of antiseptic, while people in white moved their legs in haste. Everyone in the pristine, white corridor always seemed to be rushing forward. Despite that, Lee thought they moved like turtles along the marble floor.

The clock hanging on the wall before him whispered, “Tick-tock.” Maybe, just maybe, these whispers were like barks of orders to the nurses’ ears. It felt like that to him, too. The people, the corridor, the clock. Is it weird that despite their clean, white color they appear dull and gray? he thought to himself.

Lee looked to his right, at the far end of the corridor, at the double glass door with a green Exit sign above it. It didn’t move.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Lee stared at his shoes with a dark red spot. They were beating a relentless drum against the cold floor. His socks are perfectly paired, like they should be. His mother would give him the “look” if they were mismatched. Now, how could his mother give him that look if she’s inside a room filled with strangers in white, eyes closed. Oh, how he wanted her to give him the tiger look again. 

Lee creased his eyebrows. He should have worn mismatched socks.

Pushing his shoes from the floor, Lee hugged his legs on top of his seat. He pushed the corner of his over-sized eyeglasses with the back of his index finger. He gazed at the doors again to his right. It didn’t move.

Lee turned to his left and stared at the twin doors with a sign glowing red above it. It didn’t move.

But he waited. Patiently.

These doors will open. Of that Lee was certain. What he wasn’t certain was, of these doors, which one will open first? The doors to his right, or to his left? The answer in his mind filled him with dread.

Lee’s stomach grumbled. Aloud. The man sitting next to him didn’t seem to notice though.

The man looked familiar. It felt like Lee has seen him somewhere. His mother’s friend, probably?

“Umm, hi?” Lee began. “Do you know my mom?”

No response.

“I’m Lee,” he tried again, offering a hand. “I’m eight now.”

No response. Again. 

Lee studied the man’s face. He’s shaven, but stubble seemed to be growing again. His eyes looked tired, and beneath them, a dark shadow. He’s bruised. There was a small cut on his lower lip down to his chin with dark, reddish stain. Like the spot on Lee’s shoe.

Sighing, Lee decided to rest his chin atop his knees. Strange, he thought. My heart’s still pounding. He sighed again.

It’s been four hours since Lee began waiting. Either of the two doors haven’t moved an inch.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Time seemed to be stretching and stretching and stretch—

The squeaking of shoes against marble floor echoed in the hallway. Lee perked up at the sudden noise. His heart jumped as well.

“W-what’s happening?” Lee whispered, suddenly feeling alarmed. He began pulling at his ear the way he always does when he’s nervous. His chest seemed tight, catching his breath.

Two new nurses entered the Operating Room with a metal table on wheels.

Then everything was silent again.

The man just stood there. His back to Lee, wringing his hands before he weaved them through his thick, dark hair. The man exhaled a loud, shuddery breath.

The man might be crying, Lee thought. Now, Lee wanted to do the same, but strange how no tears are coming out of his eyes. Lee bit his lower lip, urging himself to be a good boy. Behave, his mother always told him. Had he not remembered that, he would have bolted to the doors already, demanding to see his mother. Instead, Lee leaned against the cushion on the back of his chair. A good boy. Yes, I’m a good boy, he thought.

Lee turned to his right again, to the doors with the Exit sign. The doors are still. No one pushing the door to enter.

But he waited. Patiently.

Now it’s five hours, Lee thought while staring at the clock. It moved so slow, yet so fast. Lee found this strange. The way he found it strange when he’s playing with his neighbors, and his mother would call him saying playtime’s over. It was supposed to be three hours. It felt like thirty minutes. Now, it was five hours, and it felt like a whole day. Strange.

Lee went back to his fetal position. Gingerly, he turned to his right again. Nothing. Not a movement, not even a shadow of what was behind the doors.

But he waited. Patiently.

Lee prayed for a thousandth time.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Lee was deflating by the second.

But he waited. Patiently.

Lee was starting to lose his hope now.

Then, a creak.

Lee slowly turned to his right, watching the doors under the Exit sign at the end of the corridor move ever so slowly. It felt like eternity to Lee. But hope suddenly flared in his chest. Light filtered through the gap between the double doors. It filled the corridor with warm golden, white light.

Jerriel was here. He’s finally here.

Lee pressed his lips tightly, sending a silent prayer of thanks to God.

Jerriel came to Lee in sure-footed strides. As usual, other people can’t see him. Only Lee. 

Lee almost broke into tears, but he refrained himself. After all, he’s a good boy.

Jerriel was wearing his gold-embroidered white robe, along with his bag of white leather hanging on one shoulder. On his back, a pair of white, iridescent wings that changes the color of its sheen when viewed from different angles were carefully folded. Then, he knelt in front of Lee and smiled.

“I returned as fast as I could,” Jerriel stated in his baritone voice that Lee always found fascinating. He talked with a rhythm short of singing.

“It’s seven hours,” Lee mumbled flatly.

Jerriel chuckled which made Lee smile. The most important thing right now was that Jerriel finally came. With good news, Lee hoped.

“Did you wait long?”

Lee pouted. “I thought you weren’t coming. But, I’m a good boy. And I waited. Patiently. After all, you told me to wait.”

Jerriel smiled and pulled something from his bag. It was a scroll. A glowing scroll. Jerriel waved it in front of Lee.

“Delivery,” Jerriel chimed.

Lee beamed at his Guardian Angel. He took the scroll from Jerriel, and ever so gently opened the scroll to reveal God’s answer to his prayers. God’s answer said:

A miracle is coming. My son, wait patiently.

July 09, 2020 05:34

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139 comments

Wayne Hebb
11:02 Jul 17, 2020

Great story. A very poignant tale of a young boy waiting at the hospital on the fate of his mother.

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05:55 Jul 17, 2020

I loved this story. The suspense build-up through the narrative was classic. What's being waited for not revealed until the end. Still, it would've been a cliffhanger if the 'showing' happened much later. Nevertheless, the concept is novel and new. ✌️✌️✌️

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PJ Casyao
06:50 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you, Parvathy! 😁😁😁

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Courtney Stuart
02:55 Jul 17, 2020

wow, this was such an amazing story! i think you did an exceptional job at writing from the perspective of such a young narrator, especially when you included little details like the personification of the clock at the beginning, his socks, and the ‘tiger look’ - all of these were great, little things to include! i also really liked the concept of the guardian angel. overall, you did a really great job with this story, and i can tell it has a lot of potential for you to expand upon it in the future. i can’t wait to see what else you’ll write! 😊

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PJ Casyao
06:49 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you, Courtney! This made me happy. 😊

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Aubrey Maria ✌
00:32 Jul 17, 2020

I love how descriptive you wrote!

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PJ Casyao
01:49 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you, Aubrey!

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Talia M
23:52 Jul 16, 2020

Wow...amazing. the attention to detail was absolutely incredible! How you so brilliantly wrote from a young child's perspective, and how the story unfolded in the end...beautiful..absolutely beautiful!. I really enjoyed this story! Well done!👏👏 I would LOVE your feedback on my recent story if you have some time. Really looking forward to reading more of your works! :-)

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Veronica H.
22:58 Jul 16, 2020

This was well written! So he was waiting for his angel, and not for his mom in the hospital? You did a good job of building suspense, too. There are few technical issues except for some verb tense grammar shifts (past to present, and back again). What was the dark red spot on his shoe? Is there a way to indicate his age prior to when he point blank says it to the stranger?

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PJ Casyao
23:20 Jul 16, 2020

Hey, Veronica! Thanks for the input. This is an unfinished/unedited story, so sorry for that. Thanks for the pointers! I'll keep them in mind for my future stories. 😊

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Veronica H.
23:27 Jul 16, 2020

Of course! I would love for you to like/check out my story "You're the Only One I Trust" from the Waiting contest!

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PAMELA ABWAO
20:06 Jul 16, 2020

Sweet story I loved it

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PJ Casyao
23:17 Jul 16, 2020

Thanks, Pamela!

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Cho Blu
19:35 Jul 16, 2020

Great story. I love the guardian angel aspect and the answer God seems to give to many of us made me giggle. I felt like I was a kid again sitting next to him, waiting too. Thanks for the great read :) very convincing childlike viewpoint!

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PJ Casyao
23:16 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you, Cho! 😊

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PJ Casyao
23:16 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you, Cho! 😊

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Des Feller
19:15 Jul 16, 2020

Wowwwww..... I'm really impressed by this story. I love how you can feel Lee's pain, even for an eight year old. Augh, it really is amazing how everything connects, and I love how you introduced Jerriel, and just the whole thing was fabulous. Please continue to write! You have a gift

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PJ Casyao
23:15 Jul 16, 2020

Hello, Des. Thanks for saying that. It makes me happy. 😊

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María Barrios
18:42 Jul 16, 2020

This story was very descriptive. I liked that. The best part was the way it made me feel the pain of the boy. I felt Lee's pain very deeply. English is the second language I learned, so I might have some mistakes in punctuating and advanced grammar but I did notice that you wrote this: Now it’s five hours. I think it could be written as "Now it's been five hours." Also, I wouldn't mind receiving some feedback about my story ;)

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Great Osagwu
17:35 Jul 16, 2020

Great work. The ending was something special.

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PJ Casyao
23:12 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you!

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Nemo Doe
16:07 Jul 16, 2020

Very nice, I'm new to the community as well but this is one of the best I've seen. Thanks for following me!

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PJ Casyao
23:11 Jul 16, 2020

Hey, Nemo. Thank ylu!

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R. E. Dressler
15:31 Jul 16, 2020

Such a heartwarming story. Had me guessing the entire time what the prognosis would be. Thanks for sharing!

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PJ Casyao
23:10 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you, too! 😊

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Mry M
15:20 Jul 16, 2020

Lee did wait yah

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Zan Lexus
14:33 Jul 16, 2020

Feel like I'm repeating what a lot of people have already said, but that was a great and unexpected ending. ^_^

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PJ Casyao
23:09 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you! 😊

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San T.
13:02 Jul 16, 2020

Looking through the eyes of a child is something not many can do. And you did it so well. The body language of a child like pouting, sitting in fetal position.. all so nicely put.. lovely. I loved the guardian angel part so much.. who doesn't want to have one.

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PJ Casyao
13:40 Jul 16, 2020

Hey, Sanghamitra! Thank you! 😊

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Prakhar Mishra
11:03 Jul 16, 2020

Loved this story! Things that stood out to me were the writing and the detailing. It was easy to read and I could visualize the entire place. I think I noticed a grammatical error though. I'm not sure, but near the end instead of "It's seven hours" I think it should be "It's been seven hours". Other than that, it was a great story! Look forward to more of your work.

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PJ Casyao
13:38 Jul 16, 2020

Hey, Prakhar! Thanks, and yeah I have lots of grammatical errors here. Verb tense is the most prominent. Sorry, I didn't have the time to edit.

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Tammy Pieterson
20:37 Jul 15, 2020

An interesting ending. I love the suspense:)

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PJ Casyao
02:17 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you! 😊

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Eve Falls
02:42 Jul 15, 2020

This was a wonderful story, Pj! I thoroughly enjoyed it because of its simplicity and the hopeful feeling you made me feel. Would you, by any chance, be able to read and critique on my entry?

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Shirley Medhurst
20:22 Jul 14, 2020

Lovely attention to detail

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PJ Casyao
01:39 Jul 15, 2020

Thank you!

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