Prankster God (Fake)

Of all the gods and goddesses that he could have succeeded, why did Zeus assign him to replace Apollo?

(Full offense meant, by the way.)

When mortals think about Apollo, the god of the sun and a billion more things because he's an attention hog like that, they think of charisma, of healing, of music and elegance and fun. It's not an overstatement to say that he's thoroughly adored and worshipped everywhere.

No problem with that, really. As far as Galen is concerned, Apollo is one of the...normal ones, which is honestly pushing it too far, but sanity is scarce on Mt. Olympus so will he be picky? Not on Hades' beard, no.

All in all, Galen is more than honored to replace him indefinitely. Apollo isn't dead—he had just angered Zeus by doing something too explicit and disgusting for Galen to even think about, so of course, as one of the most reliable sons of Apollo, he had to fill in. Galen had never even seen his deity father until he needed to beg his son to accept temporary immortality. Typical god things.

That was some 300 years ago. Galen had lost hope in being human again after the first century.

Unfortunately, despite being given these remarkable powers and influence on humans, there is something that Galen had never exactly learned how to master.

Tricking mortals and making a complete fool out of them.

Let's face it: Apollo is one dramatic bitch. He could never survive one damn decade without inventing a stupid thing or two. Or a hundred. Galen doesn't count anymore.

Among these idiotic things he had started is the April Fool's Day. He had done it some millennium ago as revenge for his twin sister Artemis, and mortals immediately jumped on this prank ride because...well, because humans have always been morons themselves. Loving the sudden popularity, Apollo had gone ahead and made it into a tradition where he also participated in choosing a random worshipper and embarrassing the Fates out of them.

Every day, Galen finds a reason to hate his dad. Unsurprisingly.

Now, stuck in his 312th April Fool's Day, Galen lazily waits inside his biggest temple in Delphi, the famous location of the oracle or something. It used to be built in some huge cave, but Galen is a little claustrophobic, so he had to whisper into a priestess' ear and plant a tiny idea to relocate. Must he explain everything? Gods.

Visitors are few and far between, as humans never really drop by the temple unless they're desperate for a prophetic haiku regarding their life problems or a cure for another disease they had created. It keeps the temple clean and pristine, the concrete pillars and marble floor still as good as new. If Galen were lucky, maybe this day will pass without him needing to humiliate the first person to come through the temple at all.

A crash interrupts him from his sweet, sweet reverie, followed by a soft nervous chuckle. "Oh my god—wait, should I say gods? But what if Apollo gets..."

Never mind. He was practically coerced into accepting this responsibility and left to fend for himself. Why would he even think he could be lucky?

Galen sighs from his spot, dressed in purple robes and a strophion around his head. He had accidentally set the garland on fire earlier out of boredom, so his outfit is a little incomplete.

With how clumsy this mortal is, however, Galen doubts they'd notice. As far as anybody is concerned, he is merely a priest.

"Uh, hi." A young man with silver hair and heterochromia says, bowing slightly. "Are you the priest?"

"No, I'm Apollo," Galen deadpans, scratching somewhere at his left wrist. Wow, these robes are so tacky and uncomfortable to boot. "What do you seek, O esteemed traveler?"

Fear fills the human's green and blue eyes. "Apollo? You're—"

Galen mentally facepalms himself. What has the world gone to that nobody appreciates humor anymore? "Sarcasm, dearest visitor. I was being sarcastic."

"Oh! Yes. Yes, of course, you are." He scratches the back of his head, a constipated grin on his lips. "Why would a god be even here...haha." The man shifts on his feet, eyes not quite meeting Galen's. "Well, this is actually my first time to visit a temple of Apollo, so..."

Galen zones out as the human rambles, mind drifting to the stupid tradition. Shall he turn him into a python, then? Apollo would love that, wouldn't he? How about a hyacinth? Maybe a tiger? He once turned a drunkard into a grape orchard.

"Hello? Are you, uh, listening?"

"Of course," Galen swiftly replies. "Have you decided?"

"Yes!" The human covers his mouth as his voice carries through the hollow space. Dumbass. "I'm so sorry. But...yes. I'm an aspiring musician, so a prophecy about my career will really be appreciated."

Apathetic, Galen stares at a particular spot on his sleeve. That's it, then. He will make up a crap prophecy and possibly crush this guy's hopes and dreams. How perfect. "What do you play?"

"Harp."

"You do not look like a harp kind of man."

"B-but I am. I've been practicing for five years. It's—"

"You're going to die at 26 at the hands of a common thief who will mistake you for a noble." Galen internally curses. Who would believe that trash? It isn't even about his career, not to mention it isn't a haiku or a sonnet or whatever poetic garbage Apollo had been implementing.

Just as he is about to take back his words, the traveller frowns, visibly wilting. "Oh." When he looks up, his eyes are shiny with tears. Uh-oh. "I'm 25 and my birthday is next month."

Oh, no.

Did Galen just...?

"Who even told you to learn the harp so late in your youth?" he grumbles, a little ashamed at what he's done. He could come clean, but that would be breaking the whole tradition, which will in turn give his father teasing privileges for the next 50 years. He loves mentioning that time Galen had tripped on his robes during the Summer Solstice in front of all the other gods.

Instead of the flash of anger he's been expecting (humans have never been that original), the man simply nods, shoulders permanently slumped. "I've been a slave my whole life until five years ago. I only just recently learned that my real name is Theo." He shakes his head, a sad smile on his lips. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I've always been unlucky." Laughing, he turns for the exit. "Thank you for telling me. I'm going to travel and—"

"Wait." Galen stamps out the urge to fidget. Right. He's a god now. Three centuries and he still couldn't quite get used to it. "I was lying."

Screw Apollo and his lame pranks. Theo is polite, genuinely nice compared to most of his kind (if Galen had used some of his powers to look into Theo's past briefly, nobody noticed it; except maybe the Fates themselves). Galen had once tricked a man that his wife thought he was a loser, which isn't really that far from the truth, and that puny human tried to behead him. Theo is practically an angel in comparison, if such things exist.

Theo gapes at him, hands nervously tugging on his ill-fitting clothes. "Why—Why would you lie about that? T-That's mean, you know." He collapses on the floor, much to Galen's surprise. Theo gasps, a hand pressed over his mouth. "I thought I wouldn't have enough time to pay Kunikida back."

Galen had just told him he'll die in about a month and he's worrying about debts?

Who is this mortal?

"Happy April Fool's," Galen says, grimacing. Another one of the thousand horrible things he should not have inherited from his father. He should have done better than annually tricking oblivious humans, probably cursing their futures forever.

Even though some of them deserve it.

Theo blinks at him from the floor, eyes seemingly glowing when the morning sun hits it. "Oh, so that's why... I didn't know priests also participate in pranks." Albeit shaky, he still rises to his feet, waist bent in a deep bow. "Good day, I hope I—"

"Do not let go, child

Thy harp is more than a tool

Embrace your kindness."

An exasperated sigh escapes Galen as he makes his way to the dais where Apollo's gigantic golden statue is displayed, sitting on the platform. He has the not-so-sudden desire to blow it up into smithereens. "That's your real haiku oracle, Theo. Now get out of my sight."

Silence.

Galen glares at the unmoving Theo. "Well?"

"You really are Apollo, aren't you?" Theo stares for a long moment, eyes wide and knowing, before he hastily shakes his head with a flustered smile. "Wait, that can't be right. I apologize." His laugh sounds like one of the Nine Muses' lullabies. "Silly me."

Galen finds himself rendered speechless even as Theo gives a parting wave. "Thank you for not tricking me! Have a good day!"

He loses track of how long he stays seated, gaze focused on nothing.

Somehow, it feels like he's the one who was played.