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Fiction Lesbian Romance

Is it possible to get drunk, high or both by just smelling or looking at the substances that cause it? Was it necessary to consume said substances to feel that pleasure run through your veins?


I swirl the last few drops of the brown liquid around and around, the red cup the customary utensil to be used for the occasion.


“Relax Joyce, the beer is not going to kill you.”


I jump, the beer rising up from the cup and falling back inside with a slight splash. I turn around to see Lillian, and I can feel my stomach clenching inside, my shoulders straightening, and the vomit dangerously close to its destination.


She tilts her head at me, the smudged eyeliner around her eyes raising a question in my mind that I keep to myself, not risking the possibility of her volunteering the information by herself. Tendrils of her jet-black hair escape her high bun, framing her oval face and making my hands itch with the urge to curl them around my fingers.


No, the beer was not going to kill me. But she just might.


I turn back around and focus on picking up the paper plates and the red cups, all the while aware of her gaze on me, my every movement careful, trying not to drop anything and embarrass myself in front of her.


I consider myself a reasonably smart person.


But around Lillian, I couldn’t be more stupid.


It is her birthday today. I am not sure if she knows that I wished her earlier, and I don’t think I have the courage to now, not when it is all quiet and we are all alone. I may end up doing something I’ll regret.


I wished her when she had opened the door to let me and a few others in for her party. I had screamed it over the loud music emanating from the speakers, and she had looked over and smiled that damned crooked smile of hers. I don’t know if she knew it was me though, it could have been anyone.


I am just anyone to her now.


Does she remember how we used to be? How we walked on the sidewalk as wobbling four-year-old’s, holding each other’s tiny hands for fear of falling? How we played hide and seek in her huge house, hiding in the dumbwaiter with bated breath? Does she remember the sleepovers, the lemon sodas and the camping trips? Or am I just one of the many people who did all of that with her?


The plastic bag in my hand gets slightly heavier with each cup and plate I place in it. Cup. Holding hands. Plate. High pitched laughter. Cup. Lying on the grass and looking at the stars. Plate. Cup. Plate. Love. Love. Love.


I dip a cloth in a bucket and wipe the table, all the beer and food crumbs, the tang of the disinfectant curling into my nose and making me wince.


On hearing sniffling from behind me, I focus more on the task I have to do and clamp my mouth shut. I will not ask her what has happened. I will not ask her if she is okay. Because she isn’t. By asking her, I’ll only confirm an obvious fact and make it worse.


“Eddie, he – um – dumped me today. On my birthday. Can you believe him?” she says, blowing her nose into a tissue.


My hand stops wiping, unsure of how to respond to the information she so readily volunteered without any prompt at all from my side.


“I – um – I’m sorry to hear that,” I say, hoping my voice sounds genuine.


I am not sorry. Not at all.


“No, you’re not,” she says, and my heart leaps in my chest.


Did I say that out loud?


I turn around, and she gives me a slight smile.


“People were sorry to see me with that creep in the first place. But feeling sorry that he left me, no, no. I am sure that everyone was sorry it lasted this long in the first place,” she explains.


I shrug in agreement, not denying it. I didn’t even know the guy that well, but I hated him. She deserved better. Was better necessarily me? Or was I getting ahead of myself?


“Maybe the only people you need are the ones who have been there all along,” I say.


“You’re probably right,” she replies, brooding.


I tie up the plastic bag and go over to Lillian, placing it next to her feet with the other bags. When I get up to take the wet cloth, her hand clasps mine tightly. A jolt goes through my body, making me light-headed and bringing back the bile from the beer. My own drugs are now in contact with me, and my body aches for more.


“Joyce, can I ask you something? And be honest when you answer me,” she says.


I nod, not trusting my mouth to say what I need it to. Not when all the thoughts in my head have been replaced by the fact her hand is in mine.


“Why did you stop talking to me? Did I get too boring for you when we grew older?” she asks, and a bitter laugh escapes my lips.


Only if she knew.


As much as it emotionally hurts me, I pull my hand out of her grasp and take the wet cloth, wringing it out in the bucket next to me.


“Trust me, that’s not the reason why I stopped talking to you,” I reply, a forceful smile pulling at my lips while flashes run through my mind.


“Then what is it?” she asks.


“You really have no idea, do you?” I say, and she shakes her head, looking genuinely confused.


I clear my throat.


“I – um – well – you discovered boys,” I say, going for the safe way out, instead of telling her the whole truth.


“You began going after boys, and I started feeling left out,” I finish, though the truth still stands on the tip of my tongue, waiting to burst out.


“But if you were feeling left out, we could have gone after boys together,” she says.


This is it.


“I didn’t want to. I wasn’t and never will be interested in boys, not like that anyway.”


“So, what, you were interested in g –” she cuts off mid-sentence, realization dawning her features.


“I was, and still am,” I say, pulling at the cloth in my hands.


A silent moment.


“You could have told me. I would have helped you out, maybe even set you up with a few friends of mine,” she says, and I scoff.


“That wouldn’t have helped. That would have just reminded me again and again that I could not have who I really wanted, who I was really in love with,” I say, biting my lip.


“Who?”


I look at her, a sad smile pulling at my lips.


“I think you know,” I say, and look away, not wanting to see her reaction.


I hang the cloth on the edge of the bucket and take my purse from the counter.


“I should really get going, my mom will be worried,” I say, pulling my coat from the rack and putting on my shoes.


“Joyce.”


I stop in my tracks.


“Look at me.”


I slightly shake my head, my back towards her. She walks towards me and gently places her hands on my shoulders, turning me around.


Sneaking a peek at her, her expression is set to one of deep thought. With a nod, she seems to come to a decision. She rests her hands on my cheeks, and my face sets on fire. I jerk back.


“What are you doing?” I yell, feeling my neck flush.


Lillian’s hands rest on my cheeks again.


“What any best friend would have done,” she says, leaning forward.


I close my eyes as her lips meet mine, my hands snaking around her body as I desperately pull her closer. She deepens the kiss, pushing her fingers into my hair and holding me tighter.


I know that this is her apology for not understanding. This is my apology for not telling her earlier. She doesn’t love me the way I love her, she is just doing this to fulfill my fantasy. I also know that when the kiss is over, I will walk home, the imprint of her body still on mine, my fingers lingering on my lips. The rest of my life will be as it is supposed to be, as both me and Lillian find the people that we are meant to spend our lives with.


But this kiss will forever remain in our hearts, in our memories. It will be treasured and remembered with fond smiles. For it was a kiss of a broken friendship, of forbidden and unrequited love, of two girls who loved each other in different ways.

May 14, 2021 06:17

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44 comments

R. B. Leyland
10:16 May 15, 2021

Great comeback Mania! You had tension building all the way through then gave a perfect release at the end. Was good to see a story that didn't necessarily end with people skipping off into the sunset too, despite the fact that it was a satisfying, happy ending. Good to see you back!

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Writer Maniac
11:20 May 15, 2021

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I have written many stories before where it seems like it works out perfectly in the end, but the truth is that it doesn't always turn out that way in real life, and that's okay :) Thanks for reading!

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R. B. Leyland
12:01 May 15, 2021

Yeah it's a really good message! Good work :)

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06:46 May 14, 2021

Aw, this was a very sweet story and I loved the ending! Hope you never get writers block again-I never want to stop reading your stories :) have a good day!

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Writer Maniac
06:47 May 14, 2021

I hope that too, thanks for reading!

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06:48 May 14, 2021

No problem! If it's ok, could you maybe do the quiz in my bio? Or read one of my stories?

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Writer Maniac
07:02 May 14, 2021

It may take some time, but I'll be sure to check out a story :) I'll do the quiz right now!

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08:22 May 14, 2021

Thanks :)

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Valerie June
19:24 May 18, 2021

That last line was chilling. Sometimes things don't work out with a 'happily ever ending' and you have to be contented with what you have. Your story expressed exactly that. Not to mention how you captured the emotion in here so well. :)

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Writer Maniac
02:23 May 19, 2021

Thank you so much, I always really appreciate your feedback!

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Valerie Robinson
17:03 May 14, 2021

Aww, that is such a sweet story! I thought the narrator was a guy at first, so I was soo confused, then I re-read the first paragraphs then I got it :) 👍❤️ PS: I was wondering when you were going to write a new story. It's been too long :)

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Writer Maniac
17:14 May 14, 2021

Thank you! I was on writer's block, but now I'm thankfully out of it :)

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Valerie Robinson
17:19 May 14, 2021

Ohh, okay!

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Radhika Diksha
11:43 May 14, 2021

This is such a sweet story. You made a good comeback. Loved the story. The ending was awesome, I loved it. You are great as always.

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Writer Maniac
13:33 May 14, 2021

Thank you so much! Could you please read the story before this, 'The Right Decision'?

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22:42 May 22, 2021

Okay, that was awesome. I liked how you threw in those clever, thought-provoking lines. Nice job on description! Rando Writing Prompt: Write a story about a deep, long-lasting grudge between two people who used to be inseparable.

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Writer Maniac
02:24 May 23, 2021

Thank you so much for reading! I don't know if I'll be able to write a story for the prompt, I barely get time to write these days :) :(

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https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/95/submissions/68490/

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06:53 May 21, 2021

Great story. I especially enjoy the ending when Lillian gave Joyce a kiss, creating a special moment for both of them. You could feel the emotion oozing off the screen. I can't wait to read more of your stories.

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Writer Maniac
07:11 May 21, 2021

Thank you for reading!

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Jewel Robbins
22:12 May 19, 2021

Seriously, this story got me right in the feels. Well done! I felt everything right along with Joyce. That ending was perfection.

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Kanika G
14:46 May 19, 2021

This is a great story, wonderfully written! Welcome back!! I liked how you build it up and let the reader slowly discover various aspects of the story. I loved the ending, it was bittersweet! Well done!

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Writer Maniac
15:25 May 19, 2021

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

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Amel Parvez
06:37 May 19, 2021

DAMN! just loved it!!!!

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Writer Maniac
07:34 May 19, 2021

Thank you!

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Amel Parvez
07:45 May 19, 2021

no problem:)

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23:26 May 18, 2021

Hi Mania! I would like to know how it felt to be downvoted and how many points were you downvoted by?

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Writer Maniac
02:24 May 19, 2021

It wasn't a good experience. It was highly discouraging, and really didn't help with my writer's block. I was downvoted from 6100 to about a 100

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02:35 May 19, 2021

Thank you! Is it ok if I include this experience in my next downvoting story?

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Writer Maniac
03:34 May 19, 2021

Sure :)

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06:00 May 19, 2021

Never stop writing!!!!!!!! :)

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Writer Maniac
07:33 May 19, 2021

Never!

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Francis Daisy
02:03 May 18, 2021

Perfectly perfect love story about friendship. Love!

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Writer Maniac
03:30 May 18, 2021

Thank you :)

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Angelina Jeong
18:11 May 17, 2021

What an amazing story :)

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Writer Maniac
01:59 May 18, 2021

Thank you!

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Phoenix Langston
00:49 May 16, 2021

So good to have you back, Mania! You described Joyce's wretched feelings so perfectly. I was a little disappointed that Lillian would never be able to love her in that way, but I think they'll both be okay. The ending portrayed that beautifully. There was a little past tense mixed with the present at the beginning, but that was the only thing I found to be off about the story. Everything else was masterfully written!

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Writer Maniac
01:50 May 16, 2021

Thank you so much for the feedback, I'll be sure to fix that past tense as well! Thanks for reading :)

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Phoenix Langston
02:13 May 16, 2021

You're very welcome!

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Keya Jadav
12:37 Sep 21, 2021

Oh my god...I-I am speechless. It got a hurricane of emotions swirling inside of me. I feel bad for the protagonist actually, but at the same time, caught Lillian blameless. It is a wonderful story Mania, but one thing hurts, why did you stop writing?? You write so amazingly but what happened now? I hope you manage to post a new story asap. I'll be waiting :)

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Writer Maniac
00:40 Sep 22, 2021

Thank you so much! Actually I'm really busy these days, and don't write short stories at all to be honest anymore. I appreciate it, but I don't think I'll be able to find the time to write anytime soon.

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Keya Jadav
11:23 Sep 22, 2021

Oh, I get that.

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Writer Maniac
04:46 Sep 22, 2021

If you want to read my stories, I can give you recommendations of my favourite ones :)

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Keya Jadav
11:24 Sep 22, 2021

Sure, I'll check 'em out soon :)

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