Your Black Pen

Warning: There’s one guy who’s gay, so if you’re uncomfortable with that, feel free to leave. Thanks :)

Ten - Lukas

Lukas was a nice guy. You sometimes look at him in class, and thirty percent of the time, he glances and smiles at you. He’s too innocent.

One morning, you were early for school. Your mom had a business meeting, so she dropped you off at seven thirty-five when it started at eight. You decided to watch the basketball players, who were the only students that were there. You realized one of the players was Lukas, and you decided to wave.

He gave you a half-smile. Then he threw the ball in the hoop. At least, he attempted to.

“Lukas, you never missed one!” one of the guys complained. You soften, giving him a pity smile. Lukas's expression changed immediately. He scowled.

“Sorry, man. It’s the girl’s fault. She distracted me,” he replied. You were shocked, and suddenly tingling shivers crept over you. Your heart sank. He wasn’t as nice as you thought he’d be.

You left.

Nine – Aaron

Aaron was good-looking. He was one of the nine guys who had highlights in your grade. You found highlights attractive.

He sometimes wore glasses, but most of the time he wore contacts. He looks best with a red shirt, you decided. He was kind of short if you put him next to all of the other guys, but still, he’s an inch taller than you.

The next day, you found out that you and Aaron were chosen to help out in the library after school! You were shaking at first, but you felt some adrenaline that rushed in your body, that somehow made you thrilled.

He was there first, but he didn’t look up when you came.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly. You instantly regretted it, thinking he was texting. You leaned closer. He was playing a video game.

“Hey.” He still didn’t turn his head. “When you’re done with the books, call me.”

“I don’t have your number,” you answered quickly.

He finally stopped to stare at you. “I meant tell me.” Your brain shook your head at yourself. But then, you realized he wanted you to do all the work, while he was on his phone. Your eyes widened, but you obeyed, determined to impress him.

But in the end, he walked away.

Eight – Mitch

In third grade, Mitch stole your eraser and denied it, even though you witnessed it. You tried to get it back, but he reported it to the teacher, which gave you two days of lunch in the classroom alone.

In fourth grade, he sat behind you and kept pushing his seat backward. Your back was sore day after day.

In sixth grade, he ran against you during the school election. He became vice president.

You decided to skip him. She crossed out his name hard, going side to side until his name disappeared in the ink.

Seven – Will

You didn’t know Will that well. You checked his social media at midnight, and you instantly decided to skip him.

He was gay.

You leaned closer and scrolled. He was dating someone named Kayden. That’s your best friend’s brother.

Six – Leo

Leo was in your class since elementary school. He was a decent soccer player. You don’t like soccer much, but every time he kicked, your eyebrows fly up high. He was an Asian, Filipino, and he wore blue and sometimes neon green. You were partners with him in the science fair in sixth grade.

You thought about it for a moment. You couldn’t imagine dating someone like Leo. He deserved someone as athletic as him, someone who loved to sweat in a tank top and smell every day. Someone like Melissa Kent, you recalled. Melissa Kent was a swimmer and tennis player. She’d be perfect for him.

You shook your head and went to the next one, crossing out his name with a black pen.

Five – Ethan

Ethan was the kind of guy who wore caps every day. He had a plain and dark backpack, and he was a gamer. He was nothing but a gamer.

You love video games. You found out he played Call of Duty, which disappointed you. Your mom never would have let you played it.

He sometimes played Minecraft. You were still disappointed. You decided to skip, crossing out his name.

Four – Colt

You sat in the same row as Colt in homeroom. He was smart, especially in math, but was a sloppy artist. He sometimes wore a hat, and a green shirt too. You knew Colt wouldn’t focus much on relationships, considering he was more of an academics guy. Still, he was friendly and innocent and was great at being social. He was the kind of guy everyone loves.

You hesitated. You didn’t cross him out. You left his name there, empty, like a sky of nothing but bright altostratus clouds.

Three – Sebastian

Sebastian was odd. He puts milk before his cereal, saying that makes it more crunchy and flavorful. He doesn’t like soggy cereal.

You thought, I don’t like soggy cereal. But that doesn’t stop me from putting in cereal before the milk.

He was assigned partners with you for a short math project last month. He kept talking with his friends behind him in one of the four yoga balls the classroom had. Sebastian never did that to be mean, he just gets distracted easily. You learned to be patient with him.

In music class, he sat a few seats diagonal from you. He kept hiding behind the curtains, which sidetracked you and a few of your classmates.

Sebastian wasn’t trying to be funny. He had a disorder, but still, he was a trustworthy friend. You decided to leave his name blank. In your mind, though, his name was crossed out with the pen.

Two – Calum

Calum loves cross country. He was one of the fastest runners in eighth grade.

Again, you didn’t want someone athletic. You sighed, because none of them was a match so far.

You crossed it out with the blank pen. It was running out of ink.

One – Nehemiah

You remembered Nehemiah. He was shy, with his dark, raven hair and dimples on each side of his cheek. The last time you saw him, he was wearing basketball shorts. He was great at sketching, you discovered, and he hated ice cream. He was allergic to gluten, peanuts, and many dairy products.

You got out your yearbook from freshman year. He was skinny. You crossed him out with the dark ink. Not because he hated ice cream, or was allergic to dairy, or because he was skinny. You just had a feeling he wasn’t the right one.

Never did you realize he gave you the pen.

You looked at the list over and over. Without hesitating, you got out a red marker and crossed each one out again, hard, creating holes. You decided that wasn’t enough. Using your fingers, you ripped it into a hundred pieces.

You left the pieces on the ground.