324 comments

Science Fiction Adventure

𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita was lying on a bed in the hospital room. Her newborn child, Kai, was sleeping in a bassinet near her bed. He was so small and beautiful.

How? How could these people think of killing an innocent newborn?

She remembered the exact words the doctor said the day Kai was born.

‘He is underweight, he is not healthy, he won’t last long.’

Last long? Kai is not some kind of manufacturing product. He is a baby and it isn’t his fault that he was born underweight.  

Then the situation got even worse when the Citizons came. They read the law from the Law.

‘Any child born underweight, unhealthy, without an organ, with an extra organ, with any disease (mention in section B), or had any problem in any body part or organ, is not fit for the society, he/she must be executed the day he/she is born.’ 

Who? Who are they to decide who has the right to live? 

After some pleading by Lita and her husband, they gave Kai one month to gain weight. Kai lost more weight during the first week but by the second week, he started gaining weight again. Now he was here, one-month-old and healthy-looking but still underweight. 

The Citizons would come today to take him to his destiny.

Lita's husband, Akin, entered the room. He smiled as he saw his wife and his child, but it didn't reach his eyes. He came to sit on a chair near Lita’s bed. He started patting Kai softly on the back and singing a lullaby even though he was already asleep. 

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Akin asked.

“Yeah, he is,” Lita replied. 

She couldn’t say anything else because she feared that her voice might break. 

How can I let them take Kai away from me? No, I can’t, I won't.

“Hey, Akin, listen to me,” Lita said. “Can you do me a little favor?”

“Yeah, Wh-”

Lita cut him off in mid-sentence.

“Take Kai and run away, out of this city.”

Akin was shocked; he couldn’t process her words.

“Wh-what?”

Lita spoke again, slowly and clearly, “Take the baby and go out of this city.”

“Why?”

“Because people from the Citee are coming, they’ll take him away, kill him, and I can’t let that happen.”

“But what about you? You are so weak to even walk. How will we go?”

“I know I can’t walk, that's why I am telling you to take him away.”

“No,” he shouted. “I am not going anywhere without you.”

“Akin, why don’t you understand? Not everyone gets a chance; we’re lucky that we got one. The people from the Citee can be here any second. Now, the choice is yours.”


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

Akin looked at the baby and then back at Lita.

How can I leave her here? No, I can’t, I won’t. But….

Akin looked back at the baby. He was still sleeping, so small and innocent. How could he let him die?

…. I have to leave her to save him. I can’t let the Citizons hurt my family. 

Akin knew the choice was his, either way, he would regret it later. So he chose what felt right at that time. 

Lita handed him a backpack.

“It has everything you need, okay?”

Akin just nodded. He felt bad for leaving Lita here, but she had promised him that she will come once they are safely out of the city.

“You can get out,” Lita said, “of the hospital from the backdoor, there are fewer guards there. From there you can go to Street Five and then straight to the forest. Once you have entered the forest, no one is gonna come after you. If I-”

“If you?”

“I will meet you there.”

“There can be anything in the forest; beasts, savages, and who knows what else.”

“There is nothing you should fear.”

“Will you come?”

“Yeah, I’ll come, I’ll definitely come.”

Akin leaned in and kissed her.

“I will be waiting.” He said as he pulled back.

“You won’t have to wait long,” said Lita. “Now, take the baby and go.” 

Akin moved towards the bassinet. He had never taken a newborn in his arms and the doctors prohibited anyone from touching Kai. His hands were shaking as he extended them towards the child.

How will I take him to the forest?

The child looked so fragile that it might break if not held properly.

Akin slowly lifted the baby and rested his head against his chest; one hand supporting his head another one at the bottom.

I will, for Lita. 

He glanced at Lita, she was smiling, and there were tears in her eyes. He took the baby to Lita. She kissed him on the forehead.

“GO!” She shouted and Akin left the room.


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita started crying the moment Akin left. She felt empty. The only family she had ever known was gone now. She finally stopped crying when she heard footsteps. Someone was coming to her room. She closed her eyes and pretended that she was sleeping.

The noise of footsteps got louder and louder until it stopped at the door of Lita’s room. 

It’s the Citizons.

The door opened and at least three pairs of feet walked in. One of them whispered something to the other. 

Lita opened her eyes slightly to take a peek. There were three people; one man, two women. Lita closed her eyes as one of them, a woman, a nurse came towards her.

“Hello, Ma’am,” she said kindly.

Lita didn’t open her eyes. She was trying hard to breathe evenly. Her heart was beating very fast, her end was near. 

At least Kai is safe.

“Don’t pretend,” said the man, “we know that you helped them to escape.”

They knew. There was no need for explanations. Lita was guilty and they had caught her.

Lita slowly opened her eyes. 

I must face this.

“Arrest her!” The man shouted.

The other woman, a small, fat lady, started walking towards Lita but was stopped midway by the nurse.

“You can’t take her,” she said, “she is so weak, she can’t even walk.”

But this did nothing to stop them. The man took out a gun-like weapon, pointed it at the nurse, and pulled the trigger. There was a loud noise as the bullet left the gun. The bullet hit the nurse and she collapsed on the ground, that very instant. Dead.

The small woman took no notice of her and walked over the body to Lita. 


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

She is brave, she is strong...

Akin was now standing on the edge of the forest, Kai in his arms, not sure of what to do. 

They had safely come out of the City. Their most difficult part of the escape was the hospital. Akin had to fight off some guards at the backdoor to get out of the hospital. It was a tough fight but at last, Akin won.

I was lucky because the guards didn’t have guns that can kill people in an instant.

He kicked a stone, absent-mindedly, on the road. The stone rolled on the road and then suddenly disappeared at the place where the forest and road met.

Akin looked at it, eyes wide open. He blinked. 

What just happened?

He carefully lifted another stone from the road and rolled it towards the forest. It disappeared again.

Where did it go? 

He did this again and again, Kai balanced in his arms until he believed that the stone really disappeared.

What to do now?

He thought of going back to Lita, accepting his crime. But he knew the value. Lita wanted them to go away, he couldn’t waste her sacrifice. He had come this far now he couldn’t go back. 

He looked at Kai, he was still asleep.

“Mummy loves you,” Akin said to the baby. “I love you. You will be safe where we are going. You will be happy, that's what your Mum wants.”

He kissed Kai on the forehead and entered the forest.


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Are they all alright? Is Kai safe? Did they make it out of the city? OR Are they in some room like this, giving trials?

Lita was sitting on a chair in a room made up only of glass. All four sides were made up of glass. She knew that people were observing her but she couldn’t see anyone through the glass. 

“State your crime,” a voice said.

It came from nowhere in particular but at the same time from everywhere. 

She knew this voice. It was the same voice who asked her the same question about a month ago at the hospital. But at that time she had Kai in her arms.

“I helped my husband and my son, who was guilty of being underweight, to get out of the hospital.”

“This is your second crime?”

It was not a statement, it was a question.

“Yes,”

“State your first crime,”

“I gave birth to an unhealthy child.”

“You know your punishment?”

“Yes,”

She knew the punishment; she knew she would be executed but...

“Today evening, at 6 o’clock”

…at least Kai was safe or she thought so.

“Is that clear?”

“Yes,”

Someday Kai will understand why I did this. 

Lita closed her eyes and waited for death to come.


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

This is amazing. I just can’t believe this. How is this even possible?

Akin was now standing in front of what should have been thick forest but instead, there was grass, only grass for miles and miles with mountains rising far in the distance. He turned around to take in his surroundings. He couldn’t believe his eyes because where there should be a whole city there was just grass.

Where am I? Am I dreaming? No, I can’t be dreaming. The Citizons would have arrested me by now if I was dreaming.

‘All dreams are monitored. Any person dreaming anything rebellious or against the Citee or the Citizons is classified as a criminal, he/she must be executed the same day of the dream.’

What kind of Law is this? There is this word ‘executed’ in every law in the Law.

His train of thought was broken when Kai started crying, actually crying, for milk, for food, for…… his mother.

Akin sat on the ground, took his backpack off his shoulder, and took out Kai’s milk bottle.

“Now you'll be safe,” Akin whispered to Kai, “like your mother wanted you to be.”

***

Akin was lying on the soft grass looking at the beautiful cloudless blue sky. Kai was sleeping soundly on Akin’s chest. Akin felt so happy and so ….free. 

He wanted to lay there forever. He wanted to sleep but he feared that if he slept, he might wake up in his bed at their apartment.

Our apartment, Lita’s, and mine. 

Lita? What about her? How will she come out of the city now? Is she alright?

Akin lay there thinking about Lita when he heard the noise of a car’s engine. He took Kai off his chest and sat up straight.

In some distance, there was a small truck coming towards them. Akin stood up, Kai in his arms, and waved his hand at the newcomers. But he stopped when he heard a familiar voice behind him call his name. 

“Akin?”


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita sighed and sat on the bed. There were still 6 hours before her execution and this wait was driving her nuts.

Lita was locked in a cell which mostly looked like her interrogation room. All walls were made up of glass but this time Lita could see through one of them. In front of her cell was a similar cell. An old woman was sitting inside the cell on a bed. It seemed like she was sobbing. Lita tried to draw her attention, she shouted and banged on the glass but nothing happened. The glass was soundproof and bulletproof. She tried again once, twice, thrice. After the third time, she gave up and sat on the bed, sobbing. 

She hated every second of her life she spent without Akin and Kai. 

***

Lita didn’t hear it, she felt it. She was lying on her bed when she felt commotion in the corridor outside her cell. She sat up and looked out. The corridor was dark at first but after a few seconds four people; two male, two female, came running towards them. One of them, a black-haired girl ran towards Lita’s cell and started typing something on the keyboard outside the cell. All the others were doing the same. After typing for almost a minute, she nodded and smiled at Lita. The front glass of the cell started lifting. Lita looked at activities around her, with her mouth wide open. The glass was fully up by now. The black-haired girl entered the cell and took Lita out in the corridor. Once all the prisoners were in the corridor, the other girl started speaking. 

“Hello, everyone. I’m Valeria and these are my friends, Adela”-she pointed towards the black-haired girl- “Kano”- she pointed towards a tall muscular boy- “and Ezra”- she pointed towards the other boy- “we came here to save you all, to take you all out of this city. We have planned for this day for almost a year and now the uprising has begun. You are getting a chance to get out of this city. So, are you with us?”

“Yes,” Lita shouted before anyone else could even understand the question. Soon, everyone else joined them. 

Lita now felt something more than happiness, something she hadn’t felt for a month. Hope

***

As Lita came out of jail, she felt like she just entered another planet. Fights were going on everywhere, the Citizons v/s the People. The Citizons had their special guns while the People were fighting with everything they had, their arms, their legs, knives, daggers, etc.

Some other people also joined them in the escape. Valeria and her friends took them safely to Street Five and gestured them all to run to the forest. Lita couldn’t run so she just walked behind all the others. Ezra was leading them while Valeria, Kano, and Stella were watching the rear. They had also stolen some of the Citizons’ special guns. 

After running, walking in Lita’s case, for a few minutes they reached the forest. Ezra entered the forest without hesitation and he ….disappeared? 

Lita looked at Valeria for an answer. Valeria nodded and said, “I don’t know how this works, but I know that we’ll be safe outside of this city.”

Soon they were at the place where everyone had disappeared. Lita hesitated but entered the forest.


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

Akin turned around at the mention of his name. Lita was standing there with a bunch of other people. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He felt every emotion at once, happiness, shock, anger, everything. He couldn’t judge which emotion was the strongest maybe… happiness.

“Who are you?” said a boy, who finally noticed that Akin was there.

But his question was answered when Lita ran towards him and hugged him and Kai. She had tears in her eyes. She took Kai in her arms and started talking to him while Akin looked at the truck coming towards them.

Now we all will be safe.


August 25, 2020 14:31

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324 comments

Nirosha P
22:12 Sep 07, 2020

This story is so beautiful! The creativeness is unbelievable. It would be amazing if you could do a sequel or a part two. You know, maybe to explain how if you step into the forest it disappears...If you want of course. I would certainly read it!

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D. Shikha
02:13 Sep 08, 2020

Thank you so much:) I don't have any idea for a sequel but I'll try to write one.

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Arvind Kashyap
12:16 Sep 07, 2020

I can't comment on language as I myself am not good. But the story set up is good and can be extended as novella. Keep writing.

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D. Shikha
12:28 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much!!

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06:43 Sep 04, 2020

WOW! excellent! I really loved the story and I think it's a really creative idea. I think one piece of constructive feedback I'm gonna give you is maybe do more of 'show not tell'. For example, instead of saying "She finally stopped crying when she heard footsteps." You could say " My last tear trickled down my cheek and my face eventually went back from the bright pink, that's when a shuffling noise hit my ears right outside of my doorstep." Other than that, it was great! Good job on your first story

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D. Shikha
06:50 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks:) I'm glad you liked it. I try showing instead of telling but I always end up writing like 'she was afraid'. I'll try it again in my next story. Thanks again!! Stay safe & keep writing:)

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06:56 Sep 04, 2020

You too! It took me a while to get used to it as well - i still sometimes forget it - but it's practice what makes it perfect.

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D. Shikha
07:00 Sep 04, 2020

Yeah, practice makes it perfect. From now on I'll always try showing. P.S. Thanks for following me!!

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07:18 Sep 04, 2020

Your welcome!

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Jane Andrews
05:26 Sep 04, 2020

Hi Deepshikhal. I really enjoyed your dystopian story and I think you pitched it perfectly by making it a recognisable world with a few very ominous changes to the way society works. I also like the way you split the POV between the mother and father - this added a lot of dramatic tension and also created sympathy for the mother as she was forced to ask her husband to take the baby to safety, not knowing if she would see either of them ever again. I was impressed that you didn’t just concentrate on the dramatic parts but gave us the little t...

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D. Shikha
05:57 Sep 04, 2020

Thank you so much:) I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again for the feedback!! I can't edit it now, but I'll take care of the things you told while writing my next stories. Stay safe & keep writing!!

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Doubra Akika
20:53 Sep 03, 2020

Loved the character names!!! Your story was so creative and so thrilling. I really enjoyed it! I’d say to work on your punctuations more. You can install Grammarly. That’s what helps me or maybe ProWritingAid. You did an amazing job with how the mother thought throughout the story. Hope you’re staying safe! (P.s. if you get the chance, would you mind checking out my recent story?)

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D. Shikha
09:00 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks:) I'll work on punctuations. And sure, I'll read your story!!

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Doubra Akika
09:06 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks so much!

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D. Shikha
09:08 Sep 04, 2020

:-)

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Anshika Goyal
19:37 Sep 03, 2020

This story really got me overwhelmed with the deepness and all. Although this is a long story, it kept me interested throughout. Your dialogue mechanics are great too. And of course, congratulations on the concept. I hope I can learn to write like you. Seeing stories like yours I think I have a long way to go. Well, you nice, keep going. P.s- please check out my recent story "Gleba- a not so successful technology".

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D. Shikha
19:46 Sep 03, 2020

Thank you so much:) I'm so glad you liked it. Every writer have their own way of writing we can't compare them. I'm sure your stories are also nice. It's late night in my country so I'll check them out in the morning. Good morning/afternoon/night!!

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Anshika Goyal
19:56 Sep 03, 2020

My pleasure and of course you can check it out whenever you want ;)

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18:33 Sep 01, 2020

Great job! This was a really awesome story. You did a great job of using the prompt but still making it super creative and unique! And a great job with the names! They were different- in a good way- and fun!

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D. Shikha
18:38 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks:) I hope you submit your first story soon. I want to read it. HAPPY WRITING!!

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18:51 Sep 01, 2020

No problem! And I do too, hopefully it will come out this week. Thank you so much!

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D. Shikha
18:55 Sep 01, 2020

😊

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Kendall Defoe
16:18 Sep 01, 2020

Dystopias are very difficult to deal with sometimes, but I think this works. Brilliant pacing and storytelling...!

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D. Shikha
16:19 Sep 01, 2020

Thanks:)

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Nayab Ahmar
13:04 Sep 01, 2020

Wow, I loved this story so much, especially cuz I love the dystopian genre. Your writing is exceptional, I can't wait to read more of your work!! And btw, I love your profile pic of JK! Happy birthday to him hehe :) He's actually my ult tho OT7 for life. P.S I love how the baby is named Kai... maybe its just my moarmy self but I immediately thought of our bighit maknae Heuningkai hehe But anyways, absolutely loved the story line!! Would totally read more of this story!! Would you mind giving one of my stories a read? Either "Battle f...

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D. Shikha
13:15 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you so much:) I'm a little busy so I can't read or write here much. But I'll read your story. Mine too. And Kai is named after Kai from Exo.

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Nayab Ahmar
13:17 Sep 01, 2020

Ahh I love EXO too so :) And I completely understand, no need to read my story until you're free :) Thanks so much hehe!

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Alexi Delavigne
11:01 Sep 01, 2020

Wow I really enjoyed this story! I especially liked how you played with the timeline of the perspectives- how we know Akin has heard a familiar voice before we know Lita escaped. Well done!

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D. Shikha
11:53 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you so much:)

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. .
23:49 Aug 31, 2020

I loved the detail and the storyline was really nice!

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D. Shikha
02:13 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you so much:)

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. .
02:19 Sep 01, 2020

Np

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D. Shikha
02:20 Sep 01, 2020

😊

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D. Jaymz
17:44 Aug 30, 2020

You've written an excellent story 👏 Great job!

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D. Shikha
17:45 Aug 30, 2020

Thanks:)

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D. Jaymz
18:13 Aug 30, 2020

You're welcome 😊

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Rayhan Hidayat
10:47 Aug 29, 2020

An intensely emotional, thrilling dystopian story. It’s like 1984 but with what I’m assuming is aliens. So glad they had a happy ending. Keep it up! 😙

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D. Shikha
11:34 Aug 29, 2020

Thanks! I haven't read 1984 but it's in my reading list so I'll read it someday.

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Deborah Angevin
22:14 Aug 28, 2020

For some reason, I'm imagining it being a story of a comic. Great job, Deepshikha! P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "The Purple Sash"? Thank you :D

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D. Shikha
01:54 Aug 29, 2020

Thanks for reading:) And sure I'll read your story.

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The Cold Ice
15:28 Aug 28, 2020

You asked to read your story so I am here.It was adventure s story.Keep writing .Waiting for your next story.

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The Cold Ice
15:28 Aug 28, 2020

You asked to read your story so I am here.It was adventure s story.Keep writing .Waiting for your next story.

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D. Shikha
15:44 Aug 28, 2020

Thanks for reading:) I'll write more soon.

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Rebecca Lee
01:14 Aug 28, 2020

I am not a Sci Fi person, and I was not sure I would want to read it. But I did. And I have to say, not bad - and you are most certainly full of a creative imagination. Don't let people try to stop you from expressing yourself with your writing. My critique is simple - go back and read it again. That is what I used to say to my reporters. I hated red marking their stories, but I would tell them to read the story out loud at least twice, and one time, read it in the voice of your most respected professor or teacher who was trying to grade...

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D. Shikha
02:52 Aug 28, 2020

Thanks for reading and giving advice:) I'll surely read it again and try to make corrections. And sure, I'll read your story.

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Clara D Berry
00:10 Aug 28, 2020

Hi Deepshikha. I came to check out your story, as requested. I really enjoyed reading it. The world these characters live in is really scary. If Jenny from my story was here she probably wouldn't make it past birth either. I am really impressed with your English considering it's not your first language. I did notice a few mistakes: "He is a baby and it isn’t his fault that he is born underweight." Change "is born underweight" to "was born underweight." "He started patting softly on the back of Kai and singing a lullaby even though he w...

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D. Shikha
03:36 Aug 28, 2020

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it:) I guess you're right, the law includes deaf, dumb and blind so Jenny wouldn't have made it past birth. Thanks again for pointing out my mistakes and giving advice. I'll read it again, and try to put correct punctuations and edit other things you suggested. Since my grammar is not good so I need someone like you who can help me to improve. Thanks for the third time. I hope to get support from you on my next works. Stay safe & keep writing and giving advice:) THANK YOU SO MUCH! ~D

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Clara D Berry
03:51 Aug 28, 2020

You're welcome. As a teacher, I usually leave comments even longer than that when I find someone who is learning English, but this week I am preparing for the new school year so I could only read briefly and comment on what I noticed without rereading for editing purposes. I will be glad to come back in the future when I hope to have more time and read your new stories. As a fellow learner of languages, I really admire English language learners, since English makes a lot less sense than other languages and is therefore hard to learn if it's ...

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D. Shikha
04:07 Aug 28, 2020

That's what I need, a teacher. Well, English is not my first language. It is taught English in my school but no one takes it seriously. Whenever someone tries to speak or write English students mock them.

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Clara D Berry
04:13 Aug 28, 2020

I am very sad to hear that English is not taken seriously in your school. In my school, when people spoke in other languages, people got upset if they couldn't understand and were being left out, but they were really envious of others who could speak more languages. Maybe your peers are also secretly jealous. I hope I can make up for that a little by sharing my knowledge of the English language. What language do you speak? (Or do you speak more than one besides English?) I am always interested in learning about other languages.

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D. Shikha
11:58 Aug 28, 2020

I'm from India so my native language is Hindi. Our teachers motivate us to speak English, we even (try to) speak in English with our teachers. But when I try to speak in English with my classmates, they start laughing and saying, ‘Class is over, there is no need to speak in English now.’ Maybe they are jealous that I can speak English and they can’t, I don't know. I think I can speak English ‘cause I try to and they don't. And yes, I’ll be so grateful to receive more knowledge of English. Thank you so much! You are so nice, I don’t thin...

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D. Shikha
09:51 Sep 19, 2020

Hello Clara, Would you mind checking out my latest story?

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Katina Foster
14:13 Aug 27, 2020

Nice work! What happened when they entered the forest and disappeared? Did they travel to another world or wake up from the dream of living in the city? Keep writing! I enjoyed the story!

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D. Shikha
15:40 Aug 27, 2020

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it:) Well, It wasn't a dream. They entered the forest and were teleported to another place.

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Regina Perry
21:35 Aug 26, 2020

Wow, is this your first story? It's really good! I started taking notes as I was reading it, for proofreading purposes, but after a while, I got drawn into the story and forgot all about proofreading. The way you used 'citizen' and 'city' as names for officers or an organisation by simply tweaking the spelling was really clever. I would recommend that you proofread a bit more carefully in future. Here are a few things that I picked up on, along with suggestions for how to fix them: "Now he was here, one-month-old, healthy-looking but he wa...

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D. Shikha
01:40 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you so much for the feedback, Regina:) And yes this is my first story. English is not my first language, and I just started writing in March so I think I have a lot to improve. Thanks again for the suggestions, I'll edit them. ~D

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