Hey
Hello, who is this?
an old friend.
I’m sorry, I’m still not sure who you are.
I’m afraid I’ve lost touch with rather a lot
of old friends.
Do you have the right number?
This is George McGregor.
i know
And you are?
dont worry, youll remember me.
Could I get a hint, by any chance?
sure
u never saw me in person
I’m sorry, I’m very confused. Are you quite sure
that you don’t have the wrong number?
yes
i dont make that kind if mistakes
*of
In that case, would you mind giving me
a bit more to go on?
For instance, what’s your name?
i have a lot of names
which one do u want?
One that I would know.
sorry, that doesnt narrow it down much
ur going to have to be more specific
Well, how about where I met you?
u first met me when ur mother died
then we were good friends during the war,
even if u didnt know it at the time
All my friends from the war died.
And I don't believe any of their ghosts
would have grammar that bad.
No offence.
none taken
gotta keep up with the times
anyway, im not a gohst
*ghost
Who are you, then?
You say I know you from the war,
but I’m quite sure I don’t.
What regiment were you in?
none
Were you in the medical corps?
Or staff?
i was everywhere
I don’t see how that’s possible.
If this is a prank, I assure you I do not appreciate it,
and I will be blocking your number in future.
no, this isnt a prank
Well if it is not, then would you mind telling me
who, exactly, you are??
im not very good at exact
but this might help
every soldier knew me
on every side of every war
Ah.
Yes, that does make things clearer.
i thought it might
do u understand now?
I believe I do.
But how do I know it’s you?
ur mother died in her bed at 9pm on
the 15th of may, 1938. Ur wife died during
the london blitz, sometime around midnight,
sept 22nd 1943.
believe me?
Yes, I do.
Why are you texting me?
Is it my time yet?
If so, why not tell me in person?
no, ur fine
i wont come for u for a few
years yet
I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
its a lonely line of work
i wanted someone to talk to
i thought u might get it
If that’s all, then yes, I do.
i can go if u like
No, it’s all right.
Out of interest, why me, specifically?
dunno
u were there
i was bored
thought it was worth a try
I see.
If you don’t mind me asking, how
old are you?
too old for a job like this
it never ends
no holidays, no breaks
hell, i dont even get medical coverage
benefits are crap too
I can imagine that it gets rather taxing.
However, benefits?
I didn’t think that your particular sort
of employment would have those.
yeah, well
modern age and all that
i think i technically fit the requirements of
like 3 different unions
kinda ironic, when its the capitalist machine
thats always given me the most work
Really? Not war?
war is the busiest time of all
basically rush hour
capitalism takes them slowly, but its
constant
ppl die of starvation every day
lack of medical care, alcoholism,
dumb things like that
Sickness, too, I would assume?
yeah, but that tends to take the rich along
with the poor.
like, its always worse for them, cause they
cant afford medicine and stuff like that, but
hey, at least its a bit more equal
u cant pay off sickness
Would I be right in inferring that
you are, in fact, a socialist?
almost
ive always thought of myself of more of
a humanist
ironic
im not even human
What are you, then?
Pardon my curiosity, but one doesn't
get to talk to you every day.
nah its fine
idek what i am tho
its kinda confusing
I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure what
“idek” means…
oh sorry
i dont even know
i guess im sorta… made of ur ideas?
like, humanitys concepts of me?
that doesnt make much sense, sorry
No, I think I understand what you mean.
You are a personification of our
ideas of you.
yeah pretty much
tho im not really a person, so
im not sure about personification
Well, it’s the basic idea.
yep.
i guess thats why i have so many names
1 from every culture, pretty much
Are some more accurate than others?
ya for sure
the whole grim reaper business for example
its just silly.
for one thing, i dont carry a sickle
Which, would you say, fits the best?
Not sure about fits the best, but there’s this one
book called the golden compass
i like me in that one.
the author’s phillip pullman, if ur curious
I’ve read it; it’s quite good.
Out of all of your names, though,
what would be your favourite?
Personally?
um
i dunno
no ones ever asked me before
and tbh most of them are wayyyy off
“Tbh”?
to be honest
Ah.
i guess...
idk
my favourite would prob be smth like
“the beginning”
it sounds so much less hopeless than
the rest of my names
I see.
That makes sense.
This is entirely non sequitur, but have
you read The Book Thief?
You are, allegedly, the narrator.
huh
nope, i havent
thanks for the recommendation.
Do let me know how accurate it is,
if and when you do read it.
i will
do u mind if i text again?
sometimes,,,, its hard to do my job
w/out someone to talk to.
Of course.
Anytime.
Though I may not reply very quickly
if you text late at night.
haha, that’s fine
thank u
its been a while since i could talk
to someone
i scare most ppl
When one has lived as long as I have,
you become much less intimidating.
heh
good point
One last question, if you don’t mind.
In human terms, are you male or female?
technically neither
but out of the 2, who but a woman
could bear all the grief of the world
and keep doing her job?
Of course.
Thank you.
no, thank u
for the chat and the
book recommendation
ill check it out
Do. I found it quite enjoyable.
i will
bye
Goodbye, Death.
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102 comments
As soon as I read "Every soldier knew me" I was like, AH HA! Death. And I was right! This was a great story. Well done.
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Good job! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
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Yes, such a good buildup and reveal! My thought process was about the same as everyone else here, which is what a successful author is attempting to achieve, fabulous job. Also, congrats on winning with your first story, that's probably really exciting!
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The magic of this piece was how it captured the authenticity of a text based conversation. Death, unfortunately, doesn't sound like a woman at all. It was poetic to say...but I imagined a bored college guy eating Cheetos who thinks he's really clever.
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Personally, I don't find feedback such as "this doesn't sound male/female" very helpful, unless the topic is specific to an experience the other sex is physically incapable of having. You will find examples in both current culture and classic literature of males/females writing in a style that folks will deem "not female" or "not male." This is a limiting and somewhat silly frame of mind that creates cookie cutter characters. The fact that this story was written by a woman in her own real-life texting style should express the weakness of tha...
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Agree with Death not sounding like a women. The whole time I was reading I kept wonder, this kind of seems like a collage kid is pranking him, but also its obviously not a prank.
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Yeah.... I even refer to Death as a he. That's pretty bad of me, but he does text like my one friend, so....
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Congratulations on your win, it was a very enjoyable read, and don't worry about what anyone else says about it. You met the criteria perfectly - to tell a story only in text messages. The tone and language therefore completely suited the prompt. It was believable and supernatural at the same time.
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"technically neither but out of the 2, who but a woman could bear all the grief of the world and keep doing her job?" Ha. So true. On a more serious note, thanks for giving Death a friend. He is probably very lonely. He does have the souls he harvests, but most of them are probably either terrified out of their wits or may not even know they died, like those football players in Beetlejuice.
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Wait, in the story, isn't Death a woman? Just a bit confused because you referred to her as a man in the second part of your comment.
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Yeah... Death is technically neither, and I really need to mind my pronouns better, but this personification of Death texts like one of my male friends, so I instinctively refer to Death as a he.
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Sorry for the confusion.
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No problem, thanks for clarifying.
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I really liked the conversation style. It made me curious and entertained. Wasn't boring at all. Death sounds like a bored dude to me. But I know few gals who sound that way too
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I loved the succinct flow that texting provided as a vehicle. This contains so many levels of entertainment for a reader. The first , of course, is the guilty pleasure of eavesdropping on a private conversation. Then the mystery of identity and slow reveal. A comedic note or two with misspellings and corrections. We all know that 'if' appears in lieu of 'of' in many of our texts.(Almost all of mine!) Death feels compelled to rectify that error. I think that gives her a character depth. Well done and congrats!!!
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A very unique and interesting concept! Loved the references to The Book Thief as that is one of my favourite novels! I agree with others that Death didn't seem like a woman just through this text exchange alone, but hey, that might just be my stereotypical thinking! But I did really like the poetic line of "out of the 2, who but a woman could bear all the grief of the world and keep doing her job?"
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That's the first thing I would ask Death too: have you read The Book Thief?
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Great concept. Totally enjoyable. One missed opportunity for question to death: What happens after? Would work, even if the answer is idk.
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"but this might help every soldier knew me on every side of every war" <-- Awesome hint at who the mysterious guy is: Death himself.
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Very Very well written! Such an amazingly extraordinary and creative way to put ideas out there. I mean it was definitely fun to read, but it reflected on issues of gender (woman bearing grief of the world), philosophy (our ideas and conceptions of death), politics, socialism and capitalism. Reading your story is definitely a full-package deal. Great work!
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Woowwww! Great job on winning your first submission! I loved this story! A great thriller!
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How old is the person talking to Death? If their wife died in 1943, that makes them somewhere around 100 years-old.
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Wow. I loved how unique this was! And I loved how, in the end, you said that Death was a woman. Although I didn't really picture a woman while reading through the texts...honestly, the picture in my head was of a bored middle-aged working man trying to figure technology out :P But I'm also a sucker for stories that break gender stereotypes, so I loved this...
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Interesting concept! I kind of wish the "Death is bored, so starts texting random people" were pushed further here, because that to me is the most intriguing point. Would have loved to see Death make a quip about this guy being the first to really respond/carry on that long (because honestly, with how cagey Death is at the start, I bet most people would just get frustrated and block her). I think it's a shame to put "Death" right in the title. It robs the reveal at the end of all impact. Something more along "A Random Encounter" or "Text...
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I agree about the title. Maybe even name it after one of the lines that Death uses. The title didn't ruin it for me, but it would have been nice to have a more heightened element of surprise. I guess I can see people's point about Death not "sounding" like a woman, but I, personally, appreciated the fact that you flipped the typical Western concept of Death as male. I think the grim reaper is usually depicted as male. I also agree with Emily regarding the socialism vs. capitalism vs. humanism portion just in that it felt out of place, ...
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Oh my God that was so amazing. I totally think you deserve your win and congrats. What a great read, so well done! That made my day :)
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Wow, very nice I really liked it. I like how you put it in text form super creative!
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Interesting! This allows you to look upon this topic in a new perspective.
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Nice story..enjoyed it and creative work...keep it up
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this story is so good, it really gives me a new perspective on death. I think it was really good. Speaking as a middle grade student I know if this was a book that all of my friends would read it. It might even get assigned as a school project! I was wondering if you could share a tip with a young writer like me? you know to help me write better.
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I'm so glad you liked it! I'm a student too so I don't know how valuable any tips would be, given that I don't have a whole lot of experience myself, but one thing I've found is that people will tell you to "write what you know". Don't. "What you know" is most likely the same routine of school, home, extracurriculars. Write what you want to read. JRR Tolkein and C S Lewis only created the worlds they did (Lord of the Rings and Narnia, respectively) because they were the worlds the authors wanted to read about. I hope that's helpful!
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