By Caden Hill
The falcon peered downwards at his prey.
He soared hundreds of feet in the air above a roiling Alaskan sea. The water steamed and bubbled, smashing against the dark rocks of the coast to produce titanic upthrusts of freezing liquid.
But despite the turmoil below him, the old Peregrine was unfazed. He had braved winters cold enough that the blood began to still within him, and winds so strong that they reduced towering pines to little more than broken twigs.
He flew through it all.
For if he would not fly, he would not live.
And today the old Peregrine flew once more upon the will of the wind.
He was hunting Alaskan Sea-Ducks. They bobbed far below him on gargantuan swells, appearing as fruit ripe for the picking to the master hunter.
He swiveled his head, observing everything in his domain. On the shore, dark rock gave way to sylvan green forests, mighty pines and cedars standing to attention. And beyond the forest, great white mountains so tall they must reach to heaven. On the water, scattered fleets of dark seabirds rested, at ease among the churning waters.
The old Peregrine needed the seabirds to sustain himself, but he himself could not fly close to the water. For if he were to brush the waves with his wings, the water would soak his feathers and he would drown, sinking helpless into the depths.
But the falcon had an ally.
A moment of silence dropped, and then the bird felt a great surge beneath his wings. The wild Alaskan wind had changed, as the old Peregrine knew it would. It now blew in a steady, powerful stream from the sea to the land, tugging on the swells and coercing them from gentle giants into roaring whitecaps.
The ducks took flight in spurts, racing along the sloping water until they built up enough momentum to escape the pull of the ocean.
The falcon dove like a fighter jet, pulling his wings into tight deltas. As he fell at over 150 miles an hour, he felt the wind, seeking guidance.
Go left, go left, the air seemed to tell his feathers. And so he did, jockeying with his primary feathers to angle himself left.
Just in time. A stray gust swooshed through his prior position, just the eddies knocking him off balance.
The falcon corrected with a flip of his wings.
Move that way, the wind urged him. And so he did.
Angle up, angle up! It whispered.
Twist like this! The gusts cajoled.
Ready your talons! The wind screamed.
Foot by foot, yard by yard, by thousand-meter stretch, the old Peregrine stooped towards the unwitting waterfowl, carefully listening to the will of the wind.
He acquired his target—a fat old duck a few seconds behind the rest of the meandering flock—angling towards it like a sleek messenger of death.
A hundred feet above the roaring ocean, he thrust his wings out, angling his feathers to pull sharply up out of the dive.
Talons extended, the powerful bird of prey collided with the stricken sea duck.
It’s body went limp as its spine was crushed.
The other ducks scattered at an astounding speed, calling loudly.
To them it was a call to flee and escape the predator, but for the falcon, it was a victory march.
He gripped the lifeless bird tighter, hovering for a moment in still air. Then he stroked his wings hard, riding for home on an invisible current of air.
As he skimmed the forest treetops, a grand Golden Eagle looked down upon him from a large eyrie. A signal passed between them, an acknowledgment of titles.
You are my brother of the Ocean.
You are my brother of the Forest.
We live apart but together. May this always be so, for as long as there is an Ocean and a Forest.
As he climbed the flanks of the mountain, ascending into the thinner atmosphere, a pair of large yellow eyes caught his from a hollow in one of the last trees.
A Snowy Owl.
You are my opposite, O hunter of the Day.
You are my opposite, O hunter of the Night.
We live in an inversion, a sacred tandem. One cannot exist without the other. May this always be so, for as long as there is Day and Night.
And as he landed on a windblown scrape on a high mountain ledge, a Vulture glided gracefully by his cliff-built home.
You are Guardian of Life.
You are Guardian of Death.
As the sun and moon chase each other, so must we, for neither belongs when the other is risen. May this always be so, for as long as there exists Life and Death—is that duck I see?
Then the old Peregrine chased the Vulture off with an annoyed screech.
Having secured his territory, title, and dinner, the falcon returned to his scrape to rest.
The next morning, there was silence.
The ocean was calm and still, steaming in the pale light.
In the forest life seemed to have vanished, burrowing into oblivion.
Up high on the mountain not even the wind made a sound.
The wary falcon lifted his wings into the blue sky, flying west over the forest.
It was too quiet.
Then a tiny whisper of wind brushed his tail-feathers. There is another. The Wind told him.
Razor sharp talons sliced in front of him, their gleaming edges mere inches from his beak.
The new Peregrine had overshot his lethal plunge, but was swooping up and around for another pass.
The old falcon rolled right, and then dove for the forest floor. He would have the advantage in the tighter spaces dues to his shorter wingspan.
But he never made it.
The new Peregrine whipped the air with his wings and caught up, snatching at the other falcon’s tail-feathers!
Control shredded by merciless talons, the battered raptor wobbled, and then fell, crashing through evergreen needles bouncing off hard branches, and thumping into the forest floor.
He felt his left wing twist unnaturally beneath him and let out a startled caw of pain.
The new, young Peregrine swooped overhead, peering down his hooked beak. I’m not just going to kill you, I’m going to leave you, to give you a petty hope of survival. The strongest will survive. May it always be so.
Struggling to get up, the old Peregrine could do nothing but watch as the invader began to terrorize the other inhabitants of the forest.
He raged at the Snowy Owl, sending the night hunter flurrying into the deepest recesses of his hollow.
I am master of both Day and Night!
He murdered the Vulture, snapping it’s spine with a single decisive blow.
I control Life and Death!
The impostor even dared to harass the massive Golden Eagle, slashing at him with lightning fast talons swipes and dives.
I rule the Ocean and the Forest!
And as the hours passed, the Eagle flew away, the Snowy retreated, and every time the intruder passed the old Peregrine over, he repeated the same mantra as before.
The old, proud falcon huddled on the ground until nightfall came. When darkness finally closed over the earth, and the raucous cawing of the invader could no longer be heard, he raised his wings. The clever old bird had been faking an injury far worse than the reality.
He beat them once, flinching at the pain in his left. He beat them twice more, this time rising a little off the ground.
Things rustled in the bushes nearby, trundling closer with every second.
He beat them even harder, ignoring the stabbing rod of agony that thrust itself through his shoulder.
Shining eyes appeared in a patch of foliage off his right side. The raccoon sprang out at the injured bird like a jack-in-the-box teddy bear, clawing in a frenzy.
The old Peregrine lifted off into the cool night sky, driven by the new impetus to avoid being eaten. He was taxed to his limits to stay aloft, but he was not through yet.
Immediately after he cleared the treetops, a cool breeze announced the Wind’s presence. Where are you flying? Where are you flying?
He did not know. Two rival male Peregrines could not live in this area. If the intruder did not kill him prior, when the winter got cold and food got scarce, the young Peregrine would finish it.
The Wind whispered again. Go south…Fly away from here and find a new life.
He had no life but this.
In the south it is warm, and there is prey aplenty.
He had never hunted anything besides the Alaskan ducks.
In the south you can rest and heal.
He did not want to live if he could not live in his home. But…something told him he should listen to the Wind. An instinct written on his hollow bones led him to listen to the Wind, and the same instinct led him to answer:
You are my Master, my Freedom.
You are my Sea Flier, Day Hunter, Guardian of Life.
May it always be so. For as long as there is Ocean and Forest, and Day and Night, and Life and Death.
For as long as falcons have wings and the Wind fills their feathers, I will listen to the Will of the Wind.
Then the old Peregrine turned, and setting the ocean on his right and the forest to his left, he slowly winged his way south.
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138 comments
I like this story, but you did lose me in the middle. I think the part before the young falcon attacks is too long. I really liked the beginning, I really liked the end, but in the middle, I just kind of got lost. I really like how you have the falcon greet the other creatures, and how it has to chase the vulture off. Nice job!
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Thanks for the read and the critique. ;) Yeah, there are a few things that I'd improve if I could, but I can't now, lol. I might, however, create a revamped version in Google Docs. If so, I'll link it on this page.
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Thanks!
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Yeah, right now though I'm a wee bit busy with writing both my submission for this week's prompts, and a full length novel. :P
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No worries, I'm supposed to be writing right now too. Good luck with those!
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You might know Gerard Manley Hopkins' poem 'The Windhover' I caught this morning morning's minion, kingdom of daylight's dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, in his riding Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing In his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing .... ' I haven't tried to format this. Anyway, your piece reminded me. Leo I'm not a poet, just love poetry and your piece is an intriguing mix. I think it works well by the way, though, imo so...
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Thank you for the read. :) I am not familiar with the poem, though I may read it now... I actually intended it to be 100% prose--if my prose resembles poetry, then I count that as gain rather than loss. ;) I chose to use a few tried-and-true tropes and human images for the sake of economy. While they may not be the most elegant of choices, they audiences instantly recognizes them, allowing for greater meaning in fewer words. I have been accused of being an overbearing adjective user at times. ;) Personally, I like the way the redund...
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Firstly, thank you for all the recommendations you left on my story! I really enjoyed them all. Now onto your story. Your imagery is beautiful and your language is quite poetic, which are two traits I love. Someone else said this but it was quite fairytale-esque, which I think works really well for the prompt. Great story!
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Thanks for the read. :)
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No problem! I'm excited to read more of your stories. :)
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Very well written. I read it and enjoyed it. I will have to read it again later with an eye towards advice/suggestions.
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Thank you. :) I will be glad to hear what you have to say.
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Ah I didn't mention this, but sometimes the unspoken dialogue between birds made it difficult to understand who was saying what. At first I actually thought that the vulture was the guardian of life and the peregrine guarded death because the peregrine hunts the living while the vulture eats the remains, thus keeping the environment clean for the living. Still, it was a wonderful story!
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I will attempt to clarify, but I may just leave it up to the reader to decide. Got into a bit of a conundrum writing about the vulture, since either the vulture or the Peregrine could be guardians of life or death. XD
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I met an old man outside Spencers today. As I made to enter the departmental store he said, "can you help me?". I gave him a little money which is no enough to help him . He needs money as well as work to sustain himself and his family. Can you help him ? It will make him happy. Writing stories is not very difficult. I write as well as read stories . It's not very difficult. Cutting somebody to feel great yourself has never made anybody happy.
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Ola, are you saying that I'm "cutting" someone? I'm sorry, I don't understand.
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This story is gorgeous! It had beautiful imagery, and a very nice tone that reminds me of old fairytales. This is a great response to the prompt, and I like that the ending was the peregrine choosing to fly south, with the story revealing why he needed to. Well done! I'm excited to read more of your work!
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Thanks for the read. :)
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Great job!
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Thanks. :)
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This story was beautiful! I loved the metaphors and descriptions, those are two things I struggle with so I enjoy reading someone who does it well! It was the kind of story that makes you want to read it out loud, if that makes sense. It reminded me of the part in romans where it says “the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together.” The first part of the story was how God intended creation to be (mostly) but because of the fall things don’t work as well in harmony. I don’t know if that made any sense...
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It makes sense. :) Thanks for the read! And yeah, I kinda wanted to read it out loud to myself, but allergies suck at this time of year. XD
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A beautiful story. I felt a little sad. But then, life's like that. If you view the nature from a distance, it looks lovely but, like the falcon one has to make a living. Then each one becomes a prey for the stronger. As Sri Aurobindo said in his book 'life divine' nature is seeking to evolve beyond mind......it's impulse towards life which she has planted in certain forms of matter.
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Yeah, the story is meant to be a bit towards the sadder tone. I may end up writing a second part, which would then potential have an up ending, so you may get your happiness in eventually. :D
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I liked the open ending, while being sad it wasn't yet finished (regardless of whether or not you choose to continue it)
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Your imagery in this story is absolute perfection! I can see why you've mentioned it as one of your favorites. This is definitely my cup of tea ☕. I've often attempted to create a similar tone, but I haven't been able to distance myself from the characters enough. As soon as I create the distance, I either give the narrator a strong personality or erase all the disconnection in one go. It's definitely something for me to read, not to write. :P I would love to see more of this type of writing from you in the future! P.S. Do you prefer Leo o...
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Thanks so much for reading this! I really don’t care what I’m called—Caden is my real name, Leo is my pseudonym. I don’t care what you want to call me, but I do tend to go by Leo now. 😉
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VERY NICE Loved it
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10/10 :)
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Thx for the read!
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no prob :)
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Great job! I didn't think many people would write this one, and I was interested to see what people did with it! Awesome!
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Thanks for the read. ;)
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No problem!
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Any way the story could be better? :)
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Not that I can think of!
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Excellent. :)
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Wow, this was even better than your first story. I also enjoyed reading it. I agree with another commenter on this story; it did seem like something out of The Jungle Book. Great job!
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Thank you. :) I never thought to compare it to a Jungle Book story, but now that I look at it...
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You're welcome! Yeah.
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Ah, I see the Jungle Book connection too. Those are some of my favorite stories.
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I read it once a long while ago. I liked it, but honestly not that much. XD Maybe I need to re-read it...
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