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Funny Fantasy

“So, have you heard?” Splinter asked in hushed tones. The magical stump with a stylish carved beard and a small crack in the middle of his forehead was too gleeful. The kind of glee that only comes from gossip or a joke involving a pulled finger.

“I hear lots of things,” Oakaford answered. The captain of the Stumper Guard thought it was a ridiculously easy question, but he was pleased with himself for knowing the correct answer. He nodded, then turned to leave.

“Wait! That’s not all.” Splinter grabbed Oakaford’s shoulder. “I mean, have you heard about the Pirate?”

“Captain Arrow James?”

“Yes, that one.”

“Yes, I have,” Oakaford turned to leave again.

“Will you stop it! I’m trying to give you some juicy gossip – if you’d stay put,” Splinter was beside himself. “I’ve heard that he and Lady Nimmo might have a thing for each other.”

“Well, why didn’t you just say that instead of all the questions?” He took a step closer. “And as for that, I know nothing about it, nor do you.” Oakaford gave him a look. A look that said, if you disagree, that crack on your forehead won’t be the only one.

The town was buzzing about the new addition to Jorton. They could not get enough gossip about the dashing young Captain Arrow. Everything from his outfit to his hair was fair game. However, Captain Arrow pretended not to notice. He was too much of a gentleman to do otherwise and too busy building his new cabin.

“Alright, I believe it goes here,” Captain Arrow directed his troop of stumpers to place a log on top of several others. The log fitted perfectly.

“That wall is half done. Great job, guys.” Captain Arrow said.

“Let’s get a few more,” Tat, a stumper with a chiseled heart declaring that “L” loves “J,” said.

“Not today, boys. It’s late, and I have a dinner date with Lady Nimmo.”

The stumpers hung their stump bodies in disappointment.

“I tell you what. We can start at sunrise tomorrow.”

The stumpers practically skipped home, and there was much rejoicing.

“You gotta love those work-loving little guys,” Captain Arrow said to no one. “Even if they are a bit crazy.” He took his shirt off and gave himself a spit bath.

“Hey, Captain!” Flimlet peered into the half-complete cabin.

“Over here!” Captain Arrow put on a patient smile.

Flimlet, a dwarf wearing forest garb, a full beard, and an axe latched to his belt, walked around the construction site to Captain Arrow’s camp. The Captain hunched over a tub of water.

“How can I help you?” The Captain squinted his soaked eyes. “Flimlet? Right?” He dried his face with a towel.

“You got it,” Flimlet had a grumpy face, but to be fair, he always has a grumpy face. In this case, he was actually in a good mood. “I’ve been meaning to ask you a personal question. If you don’t want to answer, I’d understand.”

The Captain reached for a clean shirt hanging on a clothesline. “Ask away. I have little to hide.”

“Umm, well, I was just wondering,” Flimlet kicked a small rock. “I was wondering if you have any treasure left?”

The Captain grabbed his comb and stared in a mirror fixed to a tree. “I gave most of it away, and I’m sure pirates have discovered my other stash by now. Why do you ask?”

“I’m a dwarf. Treasure is kind of our thing.”

“Well, I’d love to discuss this with you later. I need to finish getting ready for a dinner date.”

“Oh, sure, sure. You got it. Another time.”

Flimlet left. The Captain finished his hair, grabbed a clean pair of pants, and went into his tent to change.

Green light filtered through the tent walls. The Captain knew only one person who emanated green light.

“Is that you, Trungen?” The Captain spoke through the tent wall.

“It is.” She sat on a log. “Are you busy?”

“Well, kind of. You see…”

Trungen was so accustomed to people giving her deference that she cut him off without realizing it. “I didn’t get an opportunity to thank you for donating your treasure to save us.”

“Oh, you know. I was glad I could help.”

“I want you to know I owe you a debt. Someday, I will repay you for your kindness.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“But I will,” she stood to leave. “And if you hurt Lady Nimmo, I will show you why people fear spirits.” She left, leaving the Captain speechless.

He emerged from his tent, not knowing how to feel. He was thanked and threatened. He started to have second thoughts about his retirement from pirating. Forest people were odd. Well, forest spirits were odd.

He had to hurry. It was almost time. He ran around looking for his dress boots. Chests full of clothes, books, personal items, and boots cluttered his campsite. The chests all looked alike. He opened one – not it. Two more – not it. Finally, the fourth chest contained boots. He ransacked through, trying not to remove any, but gave up. He dumped the entire chest – bingo. 

Now completely dressed, he began to run to Lady Nimmo’s when Jor stopped him. The Captain instinctively knew not to blow off the father of the girl you wanted to date.

“Hi, there,” the captain said.

“Hello, Captain Arrow. Do you have a moment?” Jor had already made his way to the log outlining the Captain’s campsite.

“Yes, sir, please have a seat.”

“I can’t thank you enough for giving your treasure to those dragons. You were the true hero that day.”

“Please, don’t mention it.” Captain Arrow kept darting his eyes to the sun to see how much time he had.

“You’re an extraordinary man.”

“I think you have the wrong guy. There is nothing extraordinary about me. Just a two-legged retired pirate.” He saw that it was almost six—time for his date.

Jor saw Captain Arrow’s eyes looking towards the sun. “Is everything okay? Is there something wrong with the sun?”

“Oh, no, no. I just love the sun, you know what I mean. Without it, we’d be in bad shape.”

Jor slowly nodded, “Yes. Well, anyway. I do have another reason for talking with you.” Jor’s expression turned serious. “Did you see my eyes during the battle?”

The Captain nodded. He could never forget those fiery eyes and fiery sword.

“It happens every time I need to defend myself or the people I love.” Jor looked to see if Captain Arrow was following. “I’ve heard you and Nimmo have been talking a lot lately.”

“Um, yes. We have been.”

“Well, I’m glad you and her are becoming friends.” Jor put a great deal of emphasis on the last word. “She needs a friend.” He emphasized the last word again. Then he patted the Captain’s shoulder and left.

The Captain ran. A few called out his name as he raced past. He put his fingers in his ears and kept running.

“There you are,” Lady Nimmo was sitting on a rocking chair on her front porch. “You’re late.”

Captain Arrow bent, resting his hands on his knees, attempting to catch his breath. He thought of passing the blame but instead gave his apologies.

“It’s alright. Dad told me he would talk with you and that you’d probably be late. Come on in. Mom made her lamb chop special. You’re in for a treat.”

The Captain finally caught his breath. He had forgotten how beautiful she was, even though he had just seen her that morning. She opened the door, and the aroma of really good cooking hit him.

“Are you coming,” she turned with a smile that melted the Captain’s heart.

“Dragons couldn’t keep me away.” He bolted through the door and closed it behind him. 

June 14, 2024 23:50

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17 comments

McKade Kerr
15:55 Jun 23, 2024

Great story, as always! People sure do love Lady Nimmo. Captain Arrow definitely needs to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, haha. I can’t imagine having both Jor and Trungen after you. Not to mention all the stumpers.

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Daniel Rogers
19:04 Jul 04, 2024

It would be horrifying 😂😱

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Heather Rogers
01:47 Jun 22, 2024

Yay! Lady Nimmo and Capt Arrow! More of their story please. 😁

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Daniel Rogers
02:24 Jun 22, 2024

Why am I not surprised. You romance readers are all alike - more love. 🤣😂 I'll see if I can fit them between dragons, shadow elves, and a war.

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Heather Rogers
13:26 Jul 14, 2024

Thanks, babe! You know what stories make me lose track of time! 😘

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Daniel Legare
16:30 Jun 20, 2024

I'm sorry, but what's the rumor that spreads here? That the pirate has a thing for Lady Nimmo? It seems like that's less of a rumor and more of a fact, as the pirate isn't denying it or anything. It doesn't really seem to be a secret. Why is the father asking why the pirate is looking at the sun? It seems at the end that the father knew all along that they were going out, so I'm just a bit confused.

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Daniel Rogers
02:13 Jun 21, 2024

Thank you for reading. Sorry for the confusion. The secret to a Lady Nimmo story is to not take it too seriously. It's meant to be fun 😁

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04:01 Jun 17, 2024

Decided to click follow because it's easier to find your stories that way. I've been virtually following all these Lady Nimmo stories. Still have to fit the earlier ones into the picture. Enjoyed the latest. Rumor has it . . . I hope Daddy isn't going to be a problem! I'm sure the problem isn't because he's an inferior pirate with only one leg. LOL. The cute little stumpers remind me of the minions. I visualize stumps who are people, but I'm still reminded.

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Daniel Rogers
15:12 Jun 17, 2024

Minions - I like it 😁 Thanks for reading my Lady Nimmo series. My "fun" factor went up tremendously when I started it. I like shorts, but series almost feels novel-like.

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21:19 Jun 17, 2024

Novel comment. LOL. I think a series of stories also happens because readers want to know more.

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Darvico Ulmeli
15:38 Jun 16, 2024

Nice and perfect. Lady Nimmo story -checked. Nicely done.

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Daniel Rogers
15:13 Jun 17, 2024

Thank you for reading.

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Irene Duchess
21:17 Jun 15, 2024

I noticed Flimlet is finally carrying his axe around. 😂 Love it and can't wait for the next installment. Find out what happens between Lady Nimmo and Captain Arrow. :)

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Daniel Rogers
02:15 Jun 16, 2024

I'm happy you noticed. So far you're the only one who commented on it. 🤣 I laughed when I wrote it - I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

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Irene Duchess
03:46 Jun 16, 2024

That you can. :)

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Mary Bendickson
13:37 Jun 15, 2024

Really liked the charm and interactions in this one.🥰

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Daniel Rogers
02:23 Jun 16, 2024

I'm glad you liked it. I was ready for a break from quarrelsome dragons and contentious shadow elves.

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