64 comments

Mystery

Everyone was hanging out at the cemetery in the town, it had only been built half a year ago but there were already many graves. They recently started to hang out there after school or during the night. "its almost 3 am!" Arrow said surprised.

"oh, we should get going then, i don't want this to be like a horror story." Aria then said, trying her best to not accidentally fall asleep. She was always hanging out there with the rest of them but almost always ended up falling asleep.

"well don't trip on the way out then." Hope said with a small snort, she remembered watching a lot of horror movies like scream to see all the cliches. (something i actually do) Aria was the one to only ever watch a horror movie and not care about the cliches or anything. Though she got very scared easily most of the time.

"This isn't going to end up like Friday the 13th or Halloween, now come on." Aria then grabbed hold of Zizi who was half asleep and started heading to the exit. She had recently watched those movies again and whenever she did she always becomes paranoid.

Arrow stayed behind though as he watched the other head for the exit, he saw Aria starting to run who then stopped a bit quickly and continued in a walk. He turned back around "you coming hope?"

She shook her head a little, she loved hanging out in creepy places ever since she and the others were in 5th grade. They would all soon be in 10th grade and they were all still going with it. "no no...im going to stay here a bit longer, you go on ahead."

Arrow sighed a bit worried but he nodded and headed towards the exit. He hoped that she would be fine and not end up like a cliche in the movies. "im gonna go watch Jurassic park..."

Hope watched and waited until all three of them were fully gone when she then walked over to a tombstone that was in the very back of the cemetery. "hope star 2004-20016"

"i'm sorry....i cant risk it..."

In the morning, Arrow woke up to see Aria on his couch watching one of the many Friday the 13th movies. Zizi was also there but it seemed like she had fallen asleep and had also fallen off the couch at some point. "why do i ever give her a key..."

"how long have you been in my house??" he asked, startling Aria who then fell off the couch almost landing on top of Zizi. He had given her and a few other friends a key to his house in case something happened. Though of course they used it for other reasons like this from time to time.

Aria held her hands on her chest as she breathes a bit heavily, Trying to calm herself down. She knew she shouldn't really watch horror movies in the middle of the night but she just couldnt help it. "i...was in here last night when we all got back from the cemetery."

Arrow kind of regretted giving them all a key to his place, but he couldn't just take it away from any of them now. A few years ago for a prank they had gotten inside his house and then tied him up. he had stayed like that for around an hour until hope had felt bad and untied him.

he sighed "wake up zizi, ill make us all breakfast."

None of them liked waffles and only Zizi liked toast, he needed something they all loved to eat. Pancakes.

He started to make the pancakes, he decided to make around 15 or so for all of them. Back in the living room he could hear Zizi and Aria both singing "this is Halloween" from nightmare before christmas. Zizi just went along with whatever the others did.

"does this...even count as a Halloween movie? i thought it was about Christmas..." Zizi spoke up. She didn't really watch a lot of horror movies but did on occasions.

"who cares?? this movie has some of the best songs i've ever heard!"

Zizi remembered that a few years back aria had watched Nightmare on elm street and then had a nightmare about Freddy. For the next few days Aria was convinced that she would die from him and didn't go to sleep for a while.

"pancakes are ready!" They then heard from inside the kitchen.

They all sat down and began to eat the food while talking about some of their other summer plans. "i heard there was a really old abandoned set of a horror movie...i wanna try and go."

"are you crazy girl? it won't be haunted but there'll probably be crazy people livin' there! my grandpa went to an abandoned mall a few years back before he had my mom and what do you know? there was like 5 crazy people that chased him!" Zizi said, talking with her mouth full.

After they finished eating they decided to go and visit Hope so they all quickly headed to Hopes house. It was a bit far away so they wanted to hurry up. "hey guys...?"

"yeah Zizi?" Aria asked as she ate a extra pancake that she brought with them. She ate almost every pancake for breakfast earlier.

"have you kinda noticed how hope sorta just disappears at random sometimes? its strange but...i guess she could just be a really fast runner..."

Arrow rolled his eyes a little bit as he held in a laugh, He felt like Zizi over thinks some times. "what do you think she is? a ghost?" Aria said with a snort-laugh.

They all reached the house and didn't bother knocking as they also had a key for her place. "hey hope? are you awake?" Arrow called out.

No response.

"Hope??" Arrow started to look around in spots where she could be, getting a bit worried.

"Ill...check the rooms.." Zizi then said and quickly headed to the rooms as aria followed.

The three of them looked all around the house, it was small so they would have easily found her. She was nowhere. Not a trace.

"why...dont we just head back? Maybe shes at the cemetery, we can check there later." Aria then suggests. She knew where she would be.

They all left hopes house being a bit worried for her, the most being arrow. "ill...see you all later" Arrow said as he watched Aria and Zizi head to their houses. He needed to find her.

Aria walked into her house and locked the front door, she walked into her room and locked that one as well. She opened up a drawer and took a picture out that was of her and hope as she sighed.

That wasn't the only thing she took out of the drawer though.

she also took out an old knife out of the drawer.

she smirked as she held the knife and the picture in her hands. "you deserved it..."

August 17, 2020 18:44

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

64 comments

This was pretty good overall, the plot was intense and mysterious. A few things here: When starting a sentence with dialogue, make sure to capitalize the first letter; "'oh, we should get going then'" should have a capital O. Same for the other sentences. When you wrote "They all left hopes house" it should say "They all left Hope's house". In the end, the sentence "She also took out an old knife out of the drawer" should be put in the same line as "That wasn't the only thing she took out of the drawer though." Again, I love the plot and...

Reply

B. W.
19:19 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you and yeah i still know i have to work with the capitalization stuff i dont remember what i was thinking with the part of "that wasn't the only thing she took out of the drawer though." and "she also took out an old knife out of the drawer." but eh i dont think that part was that bad but thank you again for this, and do you maybe have a favorite character or a favorite part of this?

Reply

I honestly liked Hope in the beginning, then Aria at the end. I don't know why. The ending was creepy and cool, I loved that part the best :o

Reply

B. W.
19:30 Aug 17, 2020

maybe ill make something like a sequel or a prequel to this story if any of the new prompts later on give me an idea to do it :) i want ya to take a guess though on why Aria did what she did, just for fun though at least if ya want to, maybe something about it would be said in the next one maybe :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Nirosha P
07:18 Aug 25, 2020

I loved the huge twist at the end. It really suited the rest of the story. Well done :) PS: Could you check out my stories? I'd love feedback :)

Reply

B. W.
12:42 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks i'm glad you enjoyed it ^^ sure i'll go check out one of your stories soon.

Reply

Nirosha P
12:16 Aug 27, 2020

Thanks! :)

Reply

B. W.
13:21 Aug 27, 2020

No prob ^^

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Basil Boi
21:39 Aug 20, 2020

Amazing! I love your plotlines and twists! What I'd have to say though is work on your grammar and punctuation. There are tools you can use like Grammarly, which is quite helpful. Other than that, an amazing story!

Reply

B. W.
21:48 Aug 20, 2020

thank you im glad you enjoyed it. Yes ill go onto Grammarly or some other thing to try and help me with my other stories. Did you maybe have a favorite part of the story?

Reply

Basil Boi
19:07 Aug 21, 2020

Yes!! I really liked the pancake part! It added a dash of innocentness before the big twist. Also the twist! *chef's kiss* Perfect!

Reply

B. W.
19:21 Aug 21, 2020

i didn't know what you were talking about for a second until a remembered the kitchen thing, but im glad you liked it im making other parts to it i dont think you have but i've made two other stories if you wanna check them out and tell me what you think. "her past" is a prequel to this and "first love" is a seperate and different thing

Reply

Basil Boi
19:23 Aug 21, 2020

Oh ok! :))

Reply

B. W.
19:25 Aug 21, 2020

can't wait to see what ya have to say and i hope you like them :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Kaitlyn James
03:55 Aug 23, 2020

It was a very consistent and steady plot and then a huge twist. It was very creative and creepy. Great job!

Reply

B. W.
04:03 Aug 23, 2020

thank you i'm glad you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part to the story?

Reply

Kaitlyn James
04:08 Aug 23, 2020

All of it! Every single part of the story was amazing. Since your'e such a great writer do you mind reading my one story I have? I just started writing and I need some pointers. I'm only eleven so don't judge me too much! lol

Reply

B. W.
04:10 Aug 23, 2020

oh gosh- i dont consider myself that much of a great one but thank you? ^^ sure ill read one of your stories i can try to give ya some pointers as well

Reply

Kaitlyn James
04:13 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
06:05 Aug 20, 2020

Very chilling story. I found myself intrigued while reading. I loved the twist in the end. I would rate this a 10/10. :)

Reply

B. W.
12:52 Aug 20, 2020

aw thank you im glad you liked it

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
D. Jaymz
22:22 Aug 19, 2020

You had a consistent plot with a nice twist at the end 👏 Some revisions will be in order to work on capitalization, mainly. But the story is solid and that is what is important, to write an engaging and entertaining story. Keep writing, that is the only way to get better (for all of us 😊)

Reply

B. W.
22:43 Aug 19, 2020

thank you i'm glad you liked it :) and yes i will work on the capitalization and other things that i have to do. You liked the twist but did you maybe like any other parts of it and a favorite character maybe?

Reply

D. Jaymz
04:49 Aug 20, 2020

Arrow is set to be the protagonist and can be developed more in another story and Aria is quickly becoming the antagonist and also can be developed further. So far Zizi and Hope are secondary characters. You could develop Hope later, creating a relationship with Arrow as a ghost. That is something that can be looked at — the relationships between your characters. If I were to choose a character that I wanted to see more of (developed) it would be Hope, because of the supernatural potential she represents. Many questions swirl around this ch...

Reply

B. W.
13:01 Aug 20, 2020

I'm so glad you liked it. And yes i do plan to try and make another story for this like a prequel or a sequel. Who knows, maybe your idea with arrow and hope ghost may be in it with some other things :) You might also see all those reasons answered that you have asked about the things with hope and aria, im not completely sure. I'm just so glad that you really liked this story ^^ I know its sorta short but i've been trying on how to make the things longer like how other ones are. But i have a feeling the next one would probably be longer th...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
I. F.
21:25 Aug 19, 2020

I loved all your characters and how they had this special bond over the horror genre. Adding two twists into the story (Hope is a ghost, Aria killed her) threw me off, I wasn't expecting the second one! There could definitely be part 2 and if there is I think it would be interesting to know why Aria chose to kill Hope. One more thing, personal opinion, it was hard for me to distinguish between your characters sometimes, maybe just describing one or two interesting physical traits they had would help. Other than that, Great job!

Reply

B. W.
22:10 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you im glad you liked it, i first thought of the hope being a ghost twist as the first and only one but near the end i decided to add a second twist because i thought it would be interesting and i wanted to. I also added the horror thing with them all because with hope being a ghost and even in one part if you remember i made one of them say "what do you think she is a ghost?" and yes if i find a prompt that will fit the idea i have (which may be what you said with wanting to know why aria did what she did) or something else completely...

Reply

I. F.
22:14 Aug 19, 2020

I can't wait for you to continue this story! If you have time could you read my new story "Rabbit in the Sky?"

Reply

B. W.
23:23 Aug 19, 2020

sure, i always have time i'd be glad to read it

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Jan H
20:04 Aug 18, 2020

I enjoyed reading the story. It has a good plot and the ending was great. The only suggestion I have is to work on capitalization and punctuation. Maybe use the free version of Grammarly, ProWriting Aid, or one of the other grammar checkers. They can help you see where you might need improvement. You have a great imagination, just keep practicing.

Reply

B. W.
20:09 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you, im glad you enjoyed it. Yeah i know i still gotta work on those two things probably on the next story ill try to use one of those that you and some others have been suggesting. Do you maybe have a favorite part of the story?

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
20:09 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you, im glad you enjoyed it. Yeah i know i still gotta work on those two things probably on the next story ill try to use one of those that you and some others have been suggesting. Do you maybe have a favorite part of the story?

Reply

Jan H
20:15 Aug 18, 2020

I liked the way you introduced Hope as being a ghost. And I especially like the ending with Aria being the killer, it was unexpected.

Reply

B. W.
20:17 Aug 18, 2020

i had a few other ideas with different characters but i thought the other ones were worse so i just went with this cuz i thought it was better. I may be going to try and see a sequel or prequel story type thing for this at some point

Reply

Jan H
20:20 Aug 18, 2020

I think that would be a great idea. You have the characters introduced, so why not expand on the story.

Reply

B. W.
20:22 Aug 18, 2020

i just hope theres a prompt i could use for the ideas when the new prompt comes out

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Aneka Williams
19:26 Aug 18, 2020

I sort of liked this, mainly for the plot twists from Hope and Aria. I’d read this in a full book. Outside of the good stuff, I stopped halfway through because it felt like it was kissing some passion. The characters felt a bit flat (besides Hope) because she intrigued me from the start. Also, I was a bit irked by no capital letters but if that is your specific style then it’s fine 👌.

Reply

B. W.
19:30 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you and yeah i'm still not really good at any of this and if i was able to ever make a full on book at some point maybe it would be something like this. I didn't really know what to do with the other characters like Arrow and Zizi i could have done some other things but i didn't get any ideas so i just kept the two of them in. I'm guessing Hope is your favorite character in this then if you had one and maybe parts then. I was thinking of trying to make a sequel or a prequel to this if i come to a prompt that might work well with it. I...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Lindsey W
04:57 Aug 18, 2020

I thought this was good! You have a small tendency to repeat things like I noticed at the beginning you mentioned horror story cliches 3 times at the beginning I think that if you made it just once or twice (but spread them out) it would have a better impact on the reader! Also the first time you mention cliches you add in parentheses, "(something i actually do)" personally, I think the story would be better without this addition, because it takes the reader out of the story that you've created.

Reply

B. W.
05:31 Aug 18, 2020

thank you and yeah i probably shouldn't have really mentioned the cliche's or "something i actually do" part of them sorry about those parts but im glad you liked it, i started to kinda look at some horror movies earlier and i guess i just remembered the cliches about them and decided to add them in. Maybe if i remember ill take away those parts but its half and half i will or wont. But im still glad you liked it, do you maybe have a favorite part of the story or a favorite character in this?

Reply

Lindsey W
05:49 Aug 18, 2020

Yeah! I liked the twist at the end where we learn that Aria killed Hope. I definitely wasn't expecting that. It would be interesting if you did like a second story, cause I'm super curious about the ghost of Hope is part of this friend group and if she outs Aria for killing her!

Reply

B. W.
12:47 Aug 18, 2020

I could try to make a part 2 for this if the new prompt later fits well with what i have an idea for but thank you i had a few different ideas for the story that wasnt this one but i think im glad i stayed with this one and not the others

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Khizra Aslam
04:50 Aug 18, 2020

Wow, this was really an interesting read and this story literally reminds me the novels of fear street series by R.L stine. I think you should write part 2 of this story as well. The end was really unpredictable.

Reply

B. W.
05:34 Aug 18, 2020

thank you, i know who R.L stine is but i dont think i've read any of the stories. So im guessing though that this story is very similar to fear street then? And yes i am planning on trying to make a part 2 if theres a prompt to fit with it, maybe a sequel or a prequel. Any of those two would probably work. I had thought of a different ending but decided not to use it and now you see the better ending i choose. Do you maybe have a favorite part of the story or a favorite character?

Reply

Khizra Aslam
04:38 Aug 19, 2020

If you are talking about your story then I like the character of Aria. It was very unprictable to crack what actually has been.

Reply

B. W.
12:53 Aug 19, 2020

Yeah i was talking about my story if you had told me the character you liked in the R.L stine thing i probably wouldnt have known. You said i should make a part two and yeah don't worry when i find a prompt that will fit it ill make a part two that would be either a sequel or a prequel

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lata B
01:02 Aug 18, 2020

I really think you should keep adding on to this story! This was really a great one to read! :)

Reply

B. W.
01:06 Aug 18, 2020

thank you, i was thinking that if maybe there was a prompt i thought would be good for it then i would maybe make a prequel or a sequel to it. but do you maybe have any ideas? i dont

Reply

Lata B
22:16 Aug 20, 2020

sorry, it took so long to reply :( I don't really know but it would be really cool if you maybe didn't end it there and like kept going. like what happens next?

Reply

B. W.
22:29 Aug 20, 2020

its alright, i know that a lot of people here wouldn't always be on here or would be busy. I forget ya already said something here but im glad your giving some more things with this. And don't worry i have a plan that my next story will continue with this, sorta like a prequel to this.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
22:29 Aug 17, 2020

Wow, this was really good! I love how is was suspenseful but extremely freaky until the end. Right, that end! Such a twist! Great job! ~Aerin P. S. Just wondering: are you a girl or a boy? I seriously have no idea and I just want to know...😅😅😅

Reply

B. W.
22:35 Aug 17, 2020

thank you, what did you think of the characters and did you maybe have a favorite part from it? i think so far out of the stories ive made i think this may be one of my favorites tbh. I'm a girl i always kinda get that though cuz either someone will call me a boy and i have to correct them or they ask because they can't tell but im kinda used to it now. But its fine im a girl

Reply

22:37 Aug 17, 2020

Okay, that’s actually what I suspected. You just had your name as your initials, so I wasn’t sure.

Reply

B. W.
22:44 Aug 17, 2020

its alright, i also gotta say i really like your name its really nice

Reply

22:54 Aug 17, 2020

Haha thanks

Reply

B. W.
23:45 Aug 17, 2020

no prob

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Avery G.
19:31 Aug 17, 2020

Wow, cool story! I agree with Kendra on working on your capitalization. But overall, amazing job!

Reply

B. W.
19:38 Aug 17, 2020

thank you, yeah i know i still have to work on that and itll probably take me a while. do you maybe have a favorite part or character?

Reply

Avery G.
02:03 Aug 18, 2020

I liked Arrow!

Reply

B. W.
02:06 Aug 18, 2020

Would you maybe want him in some other stories?

Reply

Avery G.
02:07 Aug 18, 2020

Sure! That would be fun!

Reply

B. W.
02:09 Aug 18, 2020

And just to let ya know ill probably try to make a sequel or a prequel to this story with all the same characters

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply