Lottie and the Rat

Submitted into Contest #237 in response to: Write a story about a first or last kiss.... view prompt

71 comments

Romance Adventure Fantasy

They always leave and they never come back.


It was a truth that slid down Lottie’s throat like a knife. It made her so jealous she couldn’t stand it. If she had only been born a boy, she could escape the village alongside them. It wasn’t fair. The world was a bigger place for the opposite gender. All because they had a dangling thing right between their legs! Men had access to places full of exciting things to see and new adventures. She drew her knees to her chest feeling small. Cold bricks pressed through the thin layer of her skirt while she watched a golden sun climb the morning sky.


“Lottie, get down from there! What do you think you’re doing?” a woman called out. “Your father will have my head if he sees you managed your way onto that blasted wall again.”


Lottie narrowed her eyes at the middle aged woman scowling in her direction. The maid's hands were placed menacingly on wide hips with her hair twisted into a straw colored bun. Her lips were a thin line of disapproval. How unfavorable the God’s had looked upon Lottie for her to be born a girl and for this old hag to be the one minding her. A heavy sigh escaped the young woman before she dropped to the ground with catlike grace.


“Your father! Your father! That’s all I hear from the lot of you,” Lottie stated irritably. “The least you can do for a bird trapped in a cage is to let it peek outside the bars every once in a while.”


Agatha, the maid, swatted at the back of Lottie’s head. “Dense child! Don’t you know how dangerous it is outside these walls? Be grateful your father built them. Those of us inside can sleep at night knowing we’re safe and sound. Stop scaling those bricks,” she hissed.


Lottie trailed behind the woman with her head lowered. She knew she should be grateful, but her father was overprotective. A leader among men and she, his only daughter. She was the shining gemstone of Rohese Village, a land filled with many roses. Even so, she didn’t wish to be a jewel. No, she longed to be a thorn among the petals.


Beware the land outside these walls – lest the rats hear your trembling call. First, they scratch, then… they maul. A traitorous rat is no friend at all.


Lottie knew the old wives' tale like the back of her hand. It wasn’t enough to fill her with trepidation at the mention of the lands beyond Rohese. She had already made up her mind. Tonight, when the moon filled the sky with the broadness of its pale white chest, she would escape into a new world. See, only one thing truly filled Lottie with terror, and that was the idea of living her whole life trapped between the four towering walls of her village.


~ * ~


“Are you certain about this?” Clara asked.


Lottie slid on a pair of brown trousers her brother had left behind and pulled an olive colored tunic over her wrapped chest. It swallowed her whole but at least it managed to hide her womanly shape. After sliding on a pair of bulky work boots it was time for the grand finale. Clara, another prominent daughter of Rohese, flinched as she watched Lottie bring a sharp blade against precious blond curls. The length of the older girl’s hair fell to the floor and Clara gave a horrified gasp. Lottie, however, stared at her own reflection in a polished bronze mirror. Her cheeks filled with rosy excitement at the male likeness looking back at her. If the outside world was only open to men – the solution was simple. She’d become a man herself!


“Where are you going to go? What if you run out of food?” The young girl's lips trembled with panic.


Lottie frowned. She had filled a sack with food and water to drink. She wasn’t naïve enough to think it would last. “It’s not like this is the only village. I studied maps in the library diligently. To the west are the Shores of Ondine,” the words rushed out of Lottie with enthusiasm. “It’s said that on its coast - there’s an ocean of sparkling turquoise water stretching as far as the eye can see.”


Clara cast her a doubtful look. “What of your father? Don’t you think he’ll come chasing after you and drag you right back? You know the law as well as I. Women aren’t permitted to leave the village.”


Lottie quieted at this. The truth of the matter was that she loved her father. Abandoning their home for her own selfish freedom wasn’t an easy decision. She had spent fifteen years among the roses and loved their people. An ugly rumor, though, had crawled its way down the corridors to her bedchamber. It was more disturbing than any ghost story. Her brother had gone to faraway lands securing trade routes which would bring prosperity to their father’s name and growth to the village. Yet, along the way, he fell in love and sent word that he didn’t have plans to return home. This turn of events left Lottie with the duty of marrying a powerful match at her father’s choosing, in less than a year, on her sixteenth birthday. One who would lead in her brother’s stead.


“Search and search he might,” Lottie smiled with a bitter twist of her lips. “But by then I’ll have disappeared long into the night.”


~ * ~


Warm air kissed the uncovered parts of Lottie’s skin as she left the walls of her home behind. A promise that the summer solstice was not far away. She felt only a small amount of guilt for deceiving Clara. It’s not like she could have told the younger lady where she was really headed. Her father would have scared it out of the meek girl before the moon traded places with the sun.


Lottie did have every intention of heading to the ocean, just not the Shores of Ondine. Instead, she gazed up at the stars in the sky until she found the brightest one, Polaris, and started her trek north. A sword she’d stolen from her father clung to the belt clasped around her narrow hips as she moved forward. The Isles of Thalassa sounded promising. She could become a fisherman. One large obstacle loomed ahead, however. To get to the Isles, she first had to pass through The Land of the Rat.


~ * ~


Lottie’s hands shook as she pointed her blade. She had expected this, wanted this even. She couldn’t run away in fear. A fortnight into Lottie’s journey and not only was she helplessly lost – here she was, diving headfirst into trouble. A delicate woman with long waves of dark emerald hair lay beaten into the dirt just ahead. Two large Rat-men loomed over her crumpled body. The men appeared human in all the ways that counted. It was only the burgundy pupils of their eyes that revealed the truth of their nature. It sent Lottie’s heart into a panicked frenzy.


First, they scratch… then – they maul.


“Who do you think you are?” sneered the rat to the left before lunging at Lottie with dirty claws.


Lottie had never used a sword but as the steel sliced through the large man’s belly, she learned her small stature gave her an edge against her opponent. Never one to hesitate, she dropped to a squat and went for his heels with a clean slice. With a loud cry he hit the ground with a thud and she turned to the man on the right. His moon shaped face turned scarlet with anger as he dove straight for Lottie and tackled her into the grass.


She felt sure this was the end of her inconsequential life, having lost her grip on the sword. Her cheek stung from the rat's impact and the weight on top of her squeezed the air from her lungs. Unconsciousness tugged at her as she heard the odd sound of a grown man letting out a scream. A heavy whimper followed it, and she felt a weight lifted from her body. Her head lightened as oxygen rushed back inside her chest. She opened her eyes to find a pretty face staring curiously at her.


“My, my. What do we have here?” asked a voice sweet like honey. Emerald locks of hair cascaded down the figure's shoulders. “A human who would bloody their hands for a Rat?”


Lottie quickly realized a mistake she had made as she sized up the celestial creature in front of her. He was not a woman after all, but a man. His skin was pale like a white rose against his sapphire robe. He knelt by her side, arms resting off his knees, sharp fingernails coated with inky black blood. Eyes she couldn’t see before were now only a breath away. They held her in place with an alluring intensity as scarlet pooled in their centers. A rat. An otherworldly beautiful - albeit dangerous… rat.  


“I can’t thank you enough,” he told her, a dimple flashing as he smiled. “My younger brother is relentless with his lackeys. Can you believe this is the fifth attempt on my life in a matter of days?”


Lottie cleared her throat before speaking in a low tone with her best imitation of a masculine voice. “Why is your brother trying to kill you?”


 “Why is a lone human like you wandering the Forest of Norvegicus?” the rat countered.


They stared at each other for several moments, each waiting for the other to break the silence. When it was clear neither wished to answer right away, the elegant creature dipped his human like face toward hers and stopped her breath with his lips. Shock raced up her spine as she tasted sweetness. His tongue took full advantage of her surprise and entered her mouth. What started as a gentle kiss soon turned into something hungrier. He captured her bottom lip between his teeth sending a warm thrill through her lower abdomen. Heat rushed to her cheeks as she realized her first kiss had been stolen and she shoved him away.


“Whaaa- what do you think you’re doing?” she screeched. “I’m a boy!”


“Repaying a debt," he told her. An offended look spread over his graceful features in response to her anger. “You saved my life. No one has ever bothered before. The truth is…” he said, pain creeping into his voice as he cast his eyes toward his blood soaked fingers. “I am a traitor. There are those who wish to see me dead.”


She felt a trickle of empathy at his words, but it didn’t abate the rage she felt at being violated. “You can’t stick your tongue into a person’s mouth without asking!”


He invaded the space between them once more, a flicker of fury flashing in his eyes. “You fool. It wasn’t for my own personal pleasure.”


His pleasant breath tickled her nose, and she turned her face away from him embarrassed. Perhaps rats weren’t like humans. “If not for pleasure,” she asked, “then… what was it for?”


“A kiss is an everlasting promise. One even a traitorous rat cannot break.” His voice softened as he spoke, “Inquire anything of me, and it will be given to you.”


Lottie’s body rocked against the cool grass, and she felt a wave of nausea hit her stomach. She had taken a large blow to the head earlier. Her vision wavered as she looked at the ethereal being next to her. Did someone like him possess the ability to give her what she wanted? And… what was it she wanted anyway? She longed to see the world outside of Rohese’s walls but look where she ended up! She had run out of food days ago, and despite feeling confident she knew how to get to the Isles, she was a foolish young girl lost in the woods. She knew better than to trust a rat and yet, she didn’t have much choice. 


“What I want? That’s simple,” she whispered. “I want to be free.”


“Freedom?” the rat murmured. A soft thoughtfulness tugged at his brows. “Alright then,” he said slowly, “that’s easy enough.”


“Hey mister,” Lottie said, a wave of sleepiness hitting her. She laid her aching head on the tender grass beneath her and looked up at the night sky. Who knew stars could dance in circles like the ones above them? “Are you going to tell me why your brother wants you dead?”


“Oh that,” he said, letting out an easy laugh. “I made a deal with a human. My brother believes it gives him the right to take something that belongs to me.”


The waning moon cast a soft yellow glow on the forest floor around them. The dark locks of the rat’s hair seemed as though they belonged among the luscious greenery of the trees. Rats were scary creatures. Even so, the pain Lottie was in must have worn her faculties thin. Before she knew what she was doing, her fingertips had sought out the loose emerald strands falling down the man’s shoulders. To her bewilderment, they were as smooth as silk. Not like a hideous rat at all. The last thing the young woman saw before drifting into a world of black, was a hesitant smile on a face so lovely she couldn’t believe it was real.


~*~


Lurching woke Lottie, along with a fragrant smell like flowers in full bloom. She nuzzled into it, taking deeper breaths, the scent filling her with a steady calmness.


“Are you quite alright?” asked a voice slow and sweet like syrup.


Startled, she opened her eyes. She blinked through blurry vision only to realize she was staring at vivid green hair in the light of day. Her arms were wrapped around the neck of a stranger. A strong back pressed between her legs, as a man… or rat rather, carried her piggy-back style. Shame burned her cheeks when she realized not only had she been breathing in his scent – he had caught her in the act.


Before thinking it through, her limbs flailed against him, and they both fell with a boisterous thump. She landed clumsily on top of him and to her added horror, she found she was dressed in the outer layer of his sapphire robe.


“My clothes!” she cried. “Where are my clothes?”


The white cheeks of the rat flushed crimson at her question. “You fainted and then proceeded to vomit all over yourself. All I did was clean you up and give you something less soiled to wear.” 


Lottie checked for the wrap around her breasts with wild hands. With relief she realized it was still there, even if it was a bit looser than it had been before. The rodent beneath her shrank away from the glare she fixed on him.


“You know,” she whispered. “Don’t you? Did you know all this time?”


She watched as he swallowed hard. His gaze dropped to her lips, to her chest for a split second, then quickly shot back to her eyes once again. He gave her a reluctant nod of confirmation. “These are my lands, Lottie. No one steps foot onto them without me knowing exactly who they are and what they want."


A sinking feeling squirmed in her belly. “I never told you my name.”


“No,” he agreed. “You didn’t. Your father did.”


The sinking feeling inside turned into a gaping hole when she realized their surroundings. Several yards away stood an extensive brick wall. Rohese, a land filled with many roses. The nearest neighboring village to The Land of the Rat. The sight of it made her sick with claustrophobia. Tears stung the corners of her eyes as a white ball of rage and helplessness overwhelmed her.


“A traitorous rat is no friend at all,” she spat at him. “What about my freedom? What about your promise?”


He met her with a steady gaze. “I haven’t broken it. I brought you all the way here to give it to you. What will you do, Lottie? Stay on the run for the rest of your life? That’s not freedom. Moreover, it’s selfish. Do you think you are the only rose inside the village who wants to bloom in the wild? It’s the law you want changed. The law that says women aren’t permitted to leave… I’ll change it for you.” 


She sat stunned at the power of his words. She found no fault with their reasoning. Yet, how could a rat bring about change to a law that had stood since the founding of Rohese? Another question tugged at Lottie. “How is it you know my father?”


“He and I share a vision,” he replied. “We both wish to see a season of peace among our lands. Naturally, we came to an agreement.”


A large voice boomed causing Lottie to jump. The man beneath her let out a soft gasp as her weight shifted against him. The voice, Lottie realized after a beat, belonged to her father. She braced herself for his anger but the words he spoke took her by surprise.


“Well done, King of the Rats. Your brother didn’t steal the throne out from underneath your decaying carcass.” Her human father lowered grey eyes at the young rat, but not with disgust. It was a look she hadn’t seen on his aging face often. A look of respect. After a moment, he dropped to one knee. “I see you didn’t encounter any problems locating your wayward fiancé. You brought her home in one piece. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Demand anything within my power... I will grant it to you.”


The Rat King smiled. “On behalf of your daughter, I do have one request.” 


February 14, 2024 23:20

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71 comments

Mary Bendickson
03:33 Feb 15, 2024

Racy side of the rat race. Thanks for liking my 'Sixties Teen'.

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Danie Holland
16:01 Feb 15, 2024

Your comments so often include cute little quips. Thanks for reading Mary!

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Alexis Araneta
01:49 Feb 15, 2024

I love how imaginative this story is. Great job!

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Danie Holland
14:02 Feb 15, 2024

My imagination do be running away when I write sometimes. Thanks so much for reading!!!

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Belladona Vulpa
22:11 Feb 22, 2024

I don't know how to start, so I will start from this: lovely story and such crafty way to go for it. You used immersive imagery, show/no tell way, dialogue in the right places, and an overall nice pacing of the story. Furthermore, the story felt familiar but not predictable and I believe the reason for that is that you used existing tropes and archetypes, but you did that in a good way/correctly. As with most of your stories, it can be expanded and I would be happy to read it. Last but definitely not least, the story gave off strong "ani...

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Danie Holland
23:40 Feb 22, 2024

Belladonna, you give me the best praise. 😭 So. I LOVE the female dressed as boy trope in romance so naturally I had to have fun with this prompt and give it a go. My guilty pleasure is romance stories 😭 some people say to stay away from tropes because they are “so overdone” and to them I just cackle. Because do you know how many body swapping/ gender swapping / arranged marriage stories I have read? MANY. But they are some of my favorites so I will literally hunt down that trope to find more stories that I like. People like familiar. It’s ...

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Suzanne Marsh
22:01 Feb 21, 2024

Very good read, Danie, that you for reading message me. Sue

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Danie Holland
10:53 Feb 22, 2024

Suzanne, thank you so much for reading!

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Greg Flury
00:43 Feb 21, 2024

Very well done. Totally forgot I was reading a short story... no, lemme rephrase that: I totally forgot I was reading, because there was nothing about your writing that called attention to itself in a negative way; there were no dialog-exchanges that left the reader wondering who was talking, and no scene changes that left the reader lost in the woods. I had skin in the game by the 2nd paragraph, and I was highly disappointed when the story ended so soon, lol. Your writing, and the story, are both engaging and novel-worthy. If you turn t...

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Danie Holland
14:48 Feb 21, 2024

Greg, you flatter me. My ego thanks you. She's a volatile creature. Sometimes she thinks we are very talented, other days she tells me to change my name, dye my hair, flee the country, and not admit to anything I have ever written. You know, it's all about balance. I especially liked your feedback about the scene changes not being jarring. I worried the time skip would hurt me, but it appears I pulled it off! I fell in love with Lottie and the Rat King. I could definitely see spinning this into a longer tale. Right now I'm just playing ar...

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James Moore
19:46 Feb 20, 2024

Great writing, it gives me a lot of ideas on how to improve my own, thank you. 👍

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Danie Holland
13:47 Feb 21, 2024

Hey James, thanks so much for coming to hang out and thanks for the praise! It helps battle my own inner critique. See you around!

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05:35 Feb 20, 2024

Lovely, romantic story with a nice ending with the humble dialogues by a loving father- “I see you didn’t ....... I will grant it to you.” I also enjoyed the angelic delicacy of your fantasy hero, Rat king.

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Danie Holland
13:15 Feb 21, 2024

Thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts! Her father does love her very much. I suspect the Rat King will make a wise leader and a good future husband. Lottie may still have some growing up to do!

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05:42 Feb 22, 2024

Thank you, Danie for this wonderful story. Have a fabulous week ahead.

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John Rutherford
17:27 Feb 19, 2024

A kind of fairy tale - great stuff!

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Danie Holland
13:05 Feb 21, 2024

It was a bit fairy tale like. I'm a sucker for those. Thanks for reading!

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Stevie Burges
08:45 Feb 19, 2024

What a wonderful story. I was captivated from the beginning. Well done you - looking forward to reading more stories from you.

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Danie Holland
12:57 Feb 21, 2024

Hi Stevie, Thanks so much for reading and leaving some praise. I do hope to write a bit more this year. We will see where the days take me! Best, Danie

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David Winfield
03:55 Feb 19, 2024

This is so good. The world you built pulled me in like a vortex. I’d love to read to full novel one day. Bravo!

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Danie Holland
12:55 Feb 21, 2024

David, you are too sweet to me! I fell a little bit for Lottie and our Rat King. Maybe one day it can be a longer tale. I'm still very much finding my writing voice. Thanks for reading!

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Judith Jerdé
02:16 Feb 19, 2024

Danie, your love for writing and story telling shines throuh each word on the page. You manage every time to make it seem effortless. I envy that, I feel like I struggle with every word I write.

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Danie Holland
12:40 Feb 21, 2024

Judith, you warm my heart with your words. I truly have always loved stories since I was a little girl! If I make it seem effortless that also makes me smile because trust me, its with effort! lol My hands don't like me too much so I have to go slow and take breaks often. I look forward to reading more from you!

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L J
20:40 Feb 18, 2024

your story is the very definition of fantasy. YA or otherwise. This would make a fantastic anime. Great job....hopefully will read part 2 soon? Thank s for taking the time to read mine..wow..lots of competition this time....

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Danie Holland
11:38 Feb 21, 2024

I take this as a HUGE compliment. I am obsessed with anime, bit of a nerd that way. I am so pleased you enjoyed this story and took the time to read. I got a lot of great feed back on this one, I may have to spin it into a longer story at some point.

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Yuliya Borodina
04:18 Feb 18, 2024

A lovely story that needs a Disney adaptation. I like your metaphors and the character's wide-eyed excited perception of the world, the feeling that something wonderous is going to happen, you just wait. Thanks for sharing!

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Danie Holland
15:44 Feb 18, 2024

Wow Yuliya, this is so sweet of you to say. I do love Lottie’s perspective that the world is a vast place full of exciting new things to see and places to go. She’s an adventurer at heart and fearless. She inspires me to be a bit braver myself. Thank you so much for stopping by and hanging out!!!

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Yuliya Borodina
15:49 Feb 18, 2024

My pleasure :) I'm curious, have you read Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson? Your story reminded me of it a little.

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Danie Holland
16:05 Feb 18, 2024

I have not! This is the embarrassing part where I admit I haven’t really been on a book kick lately. For the past few years I have been voraciously reading manga, manhuas, and webtoons. I have recently started getting into light novels with The Apothicary Diaries and that’s what inspired my beautiful male lead and his green hair. It’s funny where inspiration comes from! 😭😬 A favorite trope of mine in romance is when a girl disguises herself as a boy though so that’s what inspired this story.

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Yuliya Borodina
16:35 Feb 18, 2024

I don't think there's anything embarrassing about consuming stories in a non-novel format -- whatever brings you pleasure and sends imagination reeling! I am a bookworm, so I have never really explored manga, manhuas or webtoons. Anything you can recommend as a starting point? Something you absolutely love?

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Danie Holland
16:48 Feb 18, 2024

Oh my god. This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I LOVE introducing people to the combination of words and art. 😭😭😭 first tell me what you prefer to read and I’ll match you up with something I think you’d like.

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Kristina Aziz
03:14 Feb 18, 2024

The balance between showing enough to establish the setting and keeping that thread of mystery so I needed to keep reading was masterful! Really enjoyed this.

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Danie Holland
15:43 Feb 18, 2024

Kristina, this is high praise. Thank you so much 😭 I worried I made things a bit too obvious as I went on about the story. Really helps to hear the mystery was engaging through out!

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02:45 Feb 18, 2024

What an imaginative story of the journey from feeling stuck to taking matters into her own hands. This feels like it could be part of a larger novel. Props to you for crafting an engaging tale!

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Danie Holland
15:41 Feb 18, 2024

Brianna, thanks so much for the praise! I low key did kind of fall in love with Lottie and the Rat king. It would be so much fun to turn it into a full blown adventure instead of a 3k short story. I like their personalities quite a bit. Lottie’s a handful though. I feel like she will give me a lot of messes to clean up as an author. 😭

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Rebecca Lewis
01:07 Feb 18, 2024

This is a captivating and well-written story! You've done a great job of developing the characters and setting up a compelling narrative. The tension between Lottie's desire for freedom and the constraints of her society, as well as her unexpected interactions with the Rat King, create an intriguing dynamic. The dialogue flows smoothly, and you've effectively conveyed the emotions and motivations of the characters. This is a captivating and well-crafted story. Keep up the great work!

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Danie Holland
15:38 Feb 18, 2024

Rebecca, thanks for hanging out and leaving such a well thought out critique. I really strive to bring characters to life with complex layers of hopes and motivations when I write them. I’m glad that was conveyed and that I managed to keep the story engaging from beginning to finish. I worried that I saved too much of the romance for the last half of the story for a Valentine’s Day prompt but I like relationships that focus on other things outside of romance as well as the romance because in real life that’s how humans are. We all have our o...

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Karen Hope
01:03 Feb 18, 2024

Such a creative and complex story - with a message about love and freedom and so much more. You built an entire world and drew us into it. Not easy to do in a short story. Well done!

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Danie Holland
15:33 Feb 18, 2024

Karen, thank you so much for swing by and leaving your thoughts! Love and freedom are certainly pillars of a happy life.

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Kailani B.
20:48 Feb 16, 2024

Rats, roses, and romance. What an interesting and enticing mix! Thanks for sharing!

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Danie Holland
22:54 Feb 16, 2024

Lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my! Yeah, in hindsight it was an odd bag of things to mix together. Felt fresh. 😂 Maybe I view romance a little bit askew from the beaten path. Thanks for hanging out!

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Martin Ross
18:10 Feb 16, 2024

A lovely story with a powerful message about empowerment and respect! Great job!

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Danie Holland
22:52 Feb 16, 2024

Martin, so happy to see you pop here my guy. I love the way you can get to the heart of a story with one single concise line. It’s a talent in and of itself. ❤️

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Martin Ross
22:57 Feb 16, 2024

Thanks, Danie!

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Angela M
12:31 Feb 16, 2024

This is such a cool twist to a familiar story! You really brought these characters to life!

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Danie Holland
16:28 Feb 16, 2024

I actually get this comment a lot on my stories. That they are familiar and full of life. I hope this means that they are relatable and easy to connect with. (: Angela, thanks so much for swinging by!

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