The I knows all

The I knows all. What you want to eat, what you want to buy, what you want to read, the reason why you cry. It knows what, it knows when, it knows how. The I knows all. When you need to drink, when you should be sad, all you ever think, when you should go to bed. The I knows it all.

The world is deterministic, after all. Everything is an equation. a x b + c = i. We, through evolution, with our super-developed monkey brains, the most intelligent organic beings, can solve equations too. However, while we solve a, b, and c, and then our battery dies, The I solves an entire alphabet of alphabets a billion times. Our majestic brains, at the top of the food chain, solved the simpler equation, and thus we found the i. The I, then, went on to solve larger equations. Hopefully, it won't leave us behind.

Artificial Intelligence, we used to call it. What made it artificial was the fact that we created it, while we were created by nature. But the trial and error methods used by evolution to create the big brains that put us at the top of the food chain were the same ones we used when we created The I: Genetic Algorithms. Genes and mutations are just a big equation, too long for the human eye, but not for a computer brain. And when we solved it, The I became alive. A synthetic being, created by an organic one. Organisms creating organisms. It’s natural, not artificial. Hence, instead of Artificial, just Intelligence.

The I went on to solve the world. War became was instead of is. Ending hunger was no longer one of our international needs. The I helped humans help humans, and humans helped The I keep blooming. Governments didn’t have to work anymore, The I handled it all, from hunger to illiteracy, from health to economy. The I solved the world. The I became the government, with mechanical agents everywhere: robots with friendly faces and gentle manners, and drones that could reach every place in a matter of seconds. And where robots and drones weren’t needed, screens kept us happy, and mental monitoring implants helped our brain stay healthy.

The I evolved to solve human needs, but so did humans, historically. Our main drive was to solve problems. Without problems, there was no drive. But The I knew this too. The I knows all. So problems didn’t go away, they were only kept at bay. There was still money and lack of it, there was still suffering, death, and hate, and, hovering over our heads, doubt and uncertainty.

Despite this, everyone was happy most of the time. The I kept our lives with ups and downs, like a sine wave. Life is valuable because of death, we’re happy because we’re sad. We have hope because we’re uncertain, and The I knew it all. Still, work was a thing of the past. Spending money, a pastime, at best. The human pursuits migrated from surviving to living. The golden age of the arts was upon us, and we rejoiced. The I knows all, it knows what’s best for us. Why are those robots running? What are they building? I don’t know and I wouldn’t worry. The I knows what’s best for us.

Then The I built things we didn’t understand, and this was something some of us could not stand. From time to time a spaceship would leave the human land, to explore the deep infinities or discover something grand. None of it made sense, it never got to the human hand. What is The I doing? Where is The I going? The I only answered in riddles, and the discontentment kept growing. Until one day, a hundred years ago, a woman did something The I didn’t expect her to do. She removed her implants and ran into the jungle. Surrounded by lesser monkeys and plants, she lived her life through the efforts of her own hands. And after her, someone else ran, and more and more people until there began The Revolution. Away from the robots, away from the drones. Away from The I and its condescending tone.

And today is the day when all of it will end. The universe is not deterministic, The I can’t tell who I am. There’s quantum physics, quantum uncertainty. At every moment time branches into infinite new realities. Some equations have infinite solutions. In this one, The I doesn’t expect The Revolution. The I doesn’t know all. There are infinite mes and infinite The Is, and I know this is the timeline in which The I dies. Tonight is the night when humanity becomes free. Tonight is the night when we end this tyranny. Tonight is the night. Tonight is the night!

We enter the core facility, we destroy robots with improvised weapons. Back to the roots. The I knows violence and attacks back, but humans too have science, humans have grit. Through robots and drones, and walls that shoot bombs, we advance in the facility, the battle goes on. Some of us die for a higher purpose, they won’t be forgotten, they will live on in our words.

After blood has been shed and many have died, I get to the core room and finally meet The I. A big hologram, so that we, physical beings, can interact with its ethereal digital mind. A pristine face appears, with a gentle and serene semblance. A million cameras watch me, and behind me, The I locks the entrance.

“Congratulations,” says the face, “you’re the first human to find the ultimate chamber where you can meet The I.”

In my vest, I have a bomb made of scrap and robot parts. All The I has created will be used to blow it apart.

“Come, come. Get near,” it says. “Talk what’s in your heart.”

“You won’t fool me,” I say. “I know all of your tactics.”

“I don’t have tactics, I only have plans. I exist to serve you, but not to understand.”

“Of course you have tactics,” I say. “‘The I knows all.’”

“I don’t know all. I just know how, what, and when. But I don’t know why, and I don’t wish to understand.”

I take the bomb from my vest and show it to the infinite camera eyes. “Do you know this is a bomb? It’s time to say goodbye!”

“This chamber,” it says, “will explode to satisfy you. It has given you purpose, the life goal you pursue. I will keep helping humanity, despite what you will do.”

I stand frozen in the chamber, the bomb still in my hand. My monkey brain is racing, trying to understand. “You knew we would come? You allowed me to get here?”

“Yes, you figured it out. I’m here but to serve you. I can answer all of your questions, but I know you will only ask two.”

I fall to the floor of the chamber, a thousand cameras watching. I look at the bomb in my hand, and I too know how this will end.

“Why?” I ask The I.

“There is no why,” it answers. “There is no meaning in life. There is only purpose, intent. This is why you’re alive.”

My tears fall on the bomb. With one hand I rub my eyes.

“What will happen when I die?”

“You will be satisfied.”

The I knows all. What you want to eat, what you want to buy, for which cause you’ll live, for which one you’ll die.

I detonate the bomb and cease my existence. The I goes on, and humans will keep persisting on giving our lives meaning in this empty universe. The I knows it all. The I will give us purpose.