Moved On

Submitted into Contest #125 in response to: Write a story about a late bloomer.... view prompt

42 comments

American Funny Contemporary

“No.”

“Hear me out.”

“No. No-no-no. No. Get out.”

“I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can explain, and I’m equally sure I don’t want you to. Goodbye.”

“It’s been three months. We should be able to talk about it.”

“No. No-no-no. No. Get out.”

“Don’t shut the door on my—DAMMIT.”

“Move your foot.”

“Move the door.”

“Move your foot or I will decapitate it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. You decapitate heads, not feet.”

“Move your foot or I will de-foot you.”

“That’s not even a word. C’mon. Hear me out. Please.”

“Move your foot.”

“Why not just open the door a little more and let me come in. See? It’s—DAMMIT. STOP DOING THAT. YOU’RE HURTING ME.”

“Stop hurting you? Stop hurting you? Congratulations. You win the Oscar for best verbal irony. Now take both of your feet and walk them and your sad sorry ass back to your ridiculous truck and drive away. Goodbye.”

“I know you are really mad at me. I can explain.”

“Mad at you? I don’t care enough about you to be mad at you. Frankly, I’m mad at me.”

“You should be.”

“I should be mad at myself?!”

“Yes.”

“Oh, now please explain. Why should I be mad at myself?”

“Because you gave up on us.”

“I gave up on us? Oh, I’m sorry I made you cheat on me with my own sister—”

“She looks a lot like you.”

“That’s not a credible defense.”

“It was just the one time. Well, three or four times, but it was just the one sister.”

“She is nineteen!”

“Now think of this logically. Technically, my socioemotional state is roughly nineteen years old. Probably younger, if we are being entirely truthful. When you look at it that way, my hooking up with your little sister was actually inevitable.”

“I think you misspelled inexcusable.”

“Trust me, your sister’s relationship wasn’t going to work out with Chad. They married far too young. I was actually doing her, you, your family, and Chad a favor. It was the ultimate sacrifice.”

Chip. Her ex-husband’s name is Chip. They’d only been married for three months, you piece of shit. You could have maybe—oh, I don’t know—not robbed the cradle, humiliated me, and embarrassed yourself.”

“Chip. Got it. He seemed like a really good guy.”

“Especially when he beat your face in—after he found you both together—at my grandfather’s wake.”

“Chris had a wicked left hook.”

“Not Chris. Chip. As in: Chip chipped your front teeth.”

“I still need to get them fixed. You know it’s going to cost a grand to get dental bonding.”

“You should be bonding out of jail.”

“For what? I’ve done nothing criminal.”

“Besides this little breaking and entering thing you’ve got going on today? Your very presence is criminal.”

“You really need to let me come in. We need to talk.”

“You really need to leave. Goodbye.”

“C’mon. We can move on from this. You know I am a late bloomer. I just need a little more time than most—”

“You are thirty-three years old.”

“Exactly. Who really has it all together by thirty-three?”

“Alexander the Great. Jesus Christ. Ex-convicts. Junkies. Nearly everyone.”

“You’ve met my mother. She still infantilizes me. I think I deserve a mulligan on this one.”

“You deserve the door slammed in your face.”

“Yet here you are talking to me.”

“My mistake. Goodbye.”

“DON’T HIT MY FOOT—DAMMIT. THAT HURTS.”

“Then move your foot out of the door jam, and then move your carcass out of my life. It’s really quite simple.”

“I CAN’T MOVE MY FOOT. YOU HAVE IT WEDGED.”

“There.”

“Thank you. Now let me come in.”

“You stay on the other side of this door—just like the trash cans. The only difference is that the trash cans are useful.”

“Are you really going to throw away ten years together? Are you really throwing away our relationship?”

“I don’t have to throw it away. You did it for me. I’m just not picking it up again.”

“You know I love you.”

“You know I don’t care. The last straw was the last straw.”

“I can get you more straw.”

“I’m sure you can get me almost anything—anything but peace.”

“I can get you a piece of straw.”

“Your clever puns are wasted here. You’re exhausting. Just your presence is exhausting. Just leave. I’m sure there are some college freshmen in town who you can dazzle with your wit and receding hairline.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Shut the door.”

“I’m going to.”

“No one is stopping you. See? I have moved my feet. You have moved on. Now, shut the door.”

“I need to see you walk away.”

“Oh, I’ll walk away. This is me walking away.”

“It’s your best side. Your backside. Nothing better than seeing your ass moving farther and farther away from us.”

“From us?”

“From me. From my family.”

“Hey, are you—”

“What. Don’t look at me.”

“I bought you that ugly bathrobe. I know how it used to fit.”

“It fits fine.”

“It fits like you’ve been eating double cheeseburgers for the past month.”

“We are not having this conversation.”

“I think we are.”

“We are not having any more conversations. Get in your truck. Get moving.”

“You’re pregnant.”

“You’re irrelevant.”

“Is it mine?”

“Nope. It’s mine.”

“Who is the father?”

“The father could be a man but chooses to be a man-child. Goodbye.”

“Don’t shut the—DAMMIT.”

“Don’t swear around the baby.”

“I don’t think the baby can hear us.”

“The fetus can hear at 18 weeks.”

“Oh. Hello baby. I’m your daddy.”

“Don’t talk to my baby, and don’t touch my belly.”

“It’s our baby.”

“It’s our son.”

“I have a boy?”

“No, I have a boy. You have 18 years of child support payments.”

“Please let me come in.”

“Please go. Please just move on.”

“Please just let me move back in.”

“Agh—why? Why?! Give me one good reason why I should let you back into our lives?”

 “I’ll give you three. I love you. I love our son. And I really love that ugly bathrobe.”


December 22, 2021 15:37

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42 comments

Yael Pinto
11:54 Dec 29, 2021

Such an authentic writing style! Love it :)

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20:02 Dec 29, 2021

High praise, indeed. Thanks for the lovely comment and the read :)

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Crows_ Garden
18:22 Mar 07, 2022

This is definitely American. Glad my dad and his girl aren't like this. I heavily enjoyed reading this one.

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18:28 Mar 07, 2022

Absolutely American. hahaha

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Dhwani Jain
11:12 Jan 19, 2022

This is again, one of the best dialogue-only story! Can you please give me some lessons on how to write such a nice work?

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16:46 Jan 19, 2022

You are so kind :) I just conjure up two people in a crisis and let them start jabbering -- (I try to stay out of their way).

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Dhwani Jain
04:28 Jan 20, 2022

Okay! Maybe I'll try to write one of these....idk

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Kaylee Tinsley
14:39 Jan 12, 2022

Love it!!!

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15:05 Jan 12, 2022

White trash is so fun to write :)

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Angel Vargas
21:47 Dec 29, 2021

A very interesting read. People underestimate the storytelling strength of great dialogue. You get it, though. I’ve also overheard similar arguments. You definitely capture the strangely humorous, yet tragic elements of humanity struggling to learn from its mistakes. Great job!

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Fatima Jawaid
20:18 Dec 28, 2021

I'm always impressed by your ability to create a fully realized story with dialogue alone. Nice work!

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20:34 Dec 28, 2021

I think it's laziness on my part. And I'm terrible with description (haha)

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Mary Sheehan
19:42 Dec 28, 2021

I love this Deidra. The dialogue is excellent and real. Even though there's no description, I can really visualise this. I think this would make for a great scene in a screenplay.

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20:06 Dec 28, 2021

Thanks, Mary! It was VERY fun to write. I've found there's nothing funnier than watching a couple argue, and nothing worse than when that couple is you.

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Felice Noelle
22:19 Dec 27, 2021

Deidra: I loved it and felt like it was as the modern day rendition of what used to take couples all nighters or weeks of therapy. Very cleverly done and you even gifted us with some sassy humor to keep it from seeming too depressingly authentic. Thanks for a great story told expertly through dialogue. I suspect it's difficult to do. Keep up the great work. Maureen

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23:18 Dec 27, 2021

Thanks, Maureen! In college, I majored in Sassy Humor (with a minor in satire.) Both BS degrees, of course. As a high school English teacher, I'm firmly convinced that most therapy can be done just by reading the right book. :) Voltaire's Candide certainly has cured a few existential crises over the centuries...

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Giulia S.
19:03 Dec 27, 2021

What a beautiful story! I love how you used just dialogues to express every emotion. Great work!

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23:21 Dec 27, 2021

Thanks, Guilia!

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01:27 Dec 26, 2021

I love what you've put together here, beautiful! But I must say that the more time the lady spent talking to the man the more he felt hopeful... She didn't have much of a choice though.

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23:22 Dec 27, 2021

He was quite a charmer. She'll fall for him every single time though...sometimes a man just has your heart.

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E Chin
08:19 Dec 25, 2021

It's really cool how you can tell a story with just dialogue and also not make it sound like one big info dump. I do think that this story needs a trigger warning. The guy sounds like a narcissist, and I can see how this might be triggering for survivors. Otherwise, it's a good story.

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23:14 Dec 27, 2021

I don't know know if there's a secret to writing dialogue, but I just assume readers can figure out what's going on with only a few clues. People are meaning-making machines -- sometimes the readers figure out a better story than I had planned :)

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Raymond Cummings
09:31 Dec 31, 2021

The dialogue was great. About the deeper story, there's a lovely story about Seamus Heaney regarding the stories readers bring to a text. He was doing a reading of his latest work and an audience member offered a reading of one of his poems and asked if that was what Heaney had planned. Heaney replied, "No, but I think your idea is amazing! I wish I had intended to do that."

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Daniel R. Hayes
16:08 Dec 23, 2021

Hi Deidra, this was another fun story using only dialogue! I adore how you can put together a story using only spoken words. I died laughing at this line: "You decapitate heads, not feet." Hahahaha! Great job as always, and Merry Christmas!! ‍🎄

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20:29 Dec 23, 2021

I'm editing a longer work, so needed a quick story this week :) Tis the season All the best to your lovely family. :) I'm so glad to know a great writer like you!!

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Zelda C. Thorne
13:02 Dec 23, 2021

Urgh, I hate him! I hope she doesn't let him in, but kind of feel like she might? Yak. I'm going to have to try doing another dialogue only story. Yours are always ao good and they're so fun to read and write. Nice one!

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13:09 Dec 23, 2021

Most women I know have a silver-tongued, charismatic liar (or two) in the dumpster fire of their dating histories. This odious Lothario resonates. Oh, how we hate to love them. I hope he is run off the property by a pair of Doberman Pinschers...(and yes, of course she takes him back. Sigh...)

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21:43 Dec 22, 2021

She's probably going to let him back in again and it's going to be stupid but she'll call it love. I can almost feel it and I kind of do not like her for that. Then again, it's her and yeah, she makes me want to know more. Great writing. It was funny. I loved the part about Alexander the Great, Jesus Christ, Junkies, etc who've got their lives at thirty something. It was really something. Thank you for such good writing!

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23:20 Dec 22, 2021

Abby! Happy holidays!! Tis the season for stupid/love stories (as if there are any other kind) :) Thanks for the read and the wonderful comment. Best wishes to you and your family!

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Jon Casper
19:54 Dec 22, 2021

It's always amazing how well you can tell a story entirely in dialogue. So, so good. Enjoyed every bit of it.

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20:25 Dec 22, 2021

Thanks for the support, Jon. I appreciate you so much. I'm finishing up a longer project, so my time was limited in crafting a more intricate story this week. Since May 2020, I made a promise to myself to write a short story a week -- these quick little conversations are fun to "overhear" :)

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Shea West
02:21 Jan 06, 2022

Oh this S.O.B..... When I found out he was 33 I fell back in a state of "Of course he is!" This part right here made me think of a memory of mine: "Move your foot.” “Move the door.” In high school sitting in the bleachers as one does a guy had his knees in my back, so I asked him to get his knees out of my back. He asked me if I could get my back outta his knees. Same. This was hilarious, almost sitcom like! I hope in the next scene she really does de-foot him!

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16:45 Jan 06, 2022

Of course he's 33. Of course she's letting him back in. Of course that idiot in high school said that to you... (ugh) Some things NEVER change. :)

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Story Time
18:54 Dec 30, 2021

You have the playwright gene in you for sure!

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E. Pentecost
01:03 Dec 29, 2021

Really excellent! I am baffled and amazed at how you could tell such a dynamic and full story using nothing but dialog. Fantastic! https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/e-pentecost/

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Dhwani Jain
07:42 Dec 28, 2021

I have a surprise for you in my bio!!! ;)

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01:48 Dec 25, 2021

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20:45 Dec 25, 2021

Best wishes to you and your tribe as well. Raising a glass (tink tink tink) *ahem* "To one of us making our mark on the literary world one day! Cheers!!"

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22:21 Dec 25, 2021

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