Contest #37 winner 🏆

177 comments

Mystery

This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing.

Listen: I would scream if I had a mouth. I have a story. So that is what I will use.

You have seen him before. He might as well live in your periphery. He is tall and seems to carry his weight in his chest and shoulders. He has a narrow waist and legs that taper down to small leather shoes. 

Not that you've noticed any of this before. You've been distracted, haven't you? If I told you this same man walked by your home every day, paused to peer into your window, you wouldn't want to believe me. But you couldn't say for certain that I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong. 

He might be very close right now. He might even be in your house. After all, there are so many excellent hiding places, aren't there? The back of a closet, behind the shower curtain, inside a cabinet…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I promised you a story. And perhaps we still have time for it.

Understand: This man is not from your time. Spare me your disbelief. There are things beyond your comprehension. You are too old to think you know the universe.

Twenty years from now, this man lives on the coast with his five-year-old daughter. Their house, a patchwork creation of driftwood and corrugated metal, clings to the side of a rocky cliff. When the tide crashes in, the salt spray splashes against the windows. The sky is the color of steel, and the water is foam-flecked black. 

Everything is cold, harsh, and wet—except for inside the house. Warm yellow light spills out from a window, and a steady finger of smoke curls up from a slanted chimney.

Inside, the man reads to his daughter. He sits in a faded orange armchair by the fire, and she lays on her stomach in front of him, alternating her focus on the flames and the pages turning in her father's hands. 

"When you finish this story, can you read another?" 

He makes a show of looking at half the book that's still remaining and then looking back at her. "Already tired of this one?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just don't want this one to be over. I don't want them to ever end."

He smiles and agrees, even though he knows she'll be asleep long before he'll have to pick out a new book. He knows how she feels. He doesn't want any of this to be over. He wants to hold onto every second, close his fingers around them and keep them safe, keep them from marching on.

And it is at that moment that everything goes white—a blast of blinding light that disintegrates the scene into dust—and then fades.

When the man comes to, he is wedged into the cliff's face, soaked, hanging a few feet above the waves. Above him, the remains of his house: a couple stumpy wooden beams and one amputated orange limb of his armchair. Below him, inky black ocean.

His daughter is gone. He will search for her for a long, long time. 

What he finally finds is not what he is looking for. He discovers a way to go back. But innovation is never as neat as any of us would like. He can only travel back a set number of years, way before his daughter is born.

So before he goes back, he does his homework. He researches. He spends hours in the archives of war museums, flipping through files, searching for someone new.

Searching for you.

And then he makes the leap, jumps back a few decades, emerges the same, if a little nauseous for a spell, into a world transformed. The colors seem brighter here, the smiles wider, flashing ferociously, the eyes emptier and hungrier.

But of course that's what he would see. Him, an interloper. Here, a brave old world.

On his third day back, he finds you, speaks to you. He asks you for the time. His hands are trembling; his eyes never leave yours. Do you remember? It was a year or so ago. 

Your paths keep crossing, but he gets more cautious, becomes a flickering shadow, in and out of the corners of your life. Waiting. Watching.

So where is he now? Soon you might know better than me. 

He is tightening his resolve now, like a noose. 

Listen: You killed this man’s daughter. Not yet, not now. Twenty years in the future. Will it make you feel better if I say it was for a “cause”? Or for the “greater good”? It’s true. At least it’s true that you’ll tell yourself that when the time comes.

I understand you are not a killer. Neither is this man with the wide shoulders and tiny shoes who may be in your house right now. But the years change us. Stories change us. You will be protecting your family, your friends, when you send bombs across the sea. And he thinks, by killing you, he’ll be avenging the memory of his daughter.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. But think: Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high to pay? You will have an answer for that soon, in the trying years ahead, whether you can face it now or not.

You two are very similar. Do you find that interesting? Relevant? Perhaps not. You both love words and tales and the drama, mystery, and madness of being alive. 

See: His story is partly your story, too. 

But no more of this. I fear it may be too late, and I’ve done all I can. Please, listen

Not to me.

A sound. Can you hear it? It’s inside your home. Maybe the creak of a door or a soft muffled step on the carpet. Or a shallow inhale of breath that’s not yours...

He is there, right now. Do not run. Do not call for help.

Remember the story. He doesn’t want this one to end, not like this—and not deep down, not where it counts. Do you? 

The shadow in the corner. It’s not a shadow.

Okay. Your move.

April 15, 2020 02:39

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177 comments

Robin Owens
16:34 Apr 27, 2020

Goosebumps throughout and hot tears at the end. (maybe because I have a daughter?)

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Hayley Igarashi
13:11 Apr 28, 2020

Oh, Robin! That means so much to me. Hope you can hold your daughter tight. <3

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Barbara Eustace
16:06 Apr 27, 2020

What an amazing story. Well done. Raises all sorts of unanswerable questions. just glad it's daylight over here.

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Luke Stinnett
22:36 Apr 25, 2020

Such a great story!!!! I read it about 5 times, to make sure I didn’t miss anything. You should continue writing more stories like this , and you can be an AMAZING writer someday. Also, I would like feedback on the stories in my profile. Thx, and have a great day!👍🏼👍🏼😁

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Laiba M
22:23 Apr 24, 2020

Good job on winning the contest, Hayley!! I loved the story and the way you arranged your words so that they chilled my blood! Heheh, kept looking around after reading this :)

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Allison Darke
22:04 Apr 24, 2020

Wow! Such a captivating story! Your story is so good but it is your execution that nailed it!

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Shirley Medhurst
21:21 Apr 24, 2020

WOW ! I don’t know what to say... other than Congratulations ! Looking forward to reading more...

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Thalia S.
18:02 Apr 24, 2020

I absolutely love this. It was captivating from the first word and held my attention throughout everything. A perfect mix of suspense and description, beautiful characterization, and some incredible second person tense (which is hard to do!!) Congratulations on the well deserved win!

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Smudge Himmel
16:35 Apr 24, 2020

This is very well written! I was totally captured and I loved the chill this story sent up my spine.

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Hayley Igarashi
12:16 Apr 27, 2020

Thank you so much, Smudge! I'm so glad this story connected with you.

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Jackson Brown
16:15 Apr 24, 2020

Wow. Just wow. I was hooked from the start until the very end, and the story moved so beautifully. I was not expecting any story to make me that paranoid. You made the story so that anyone reading it could be the main character, and I didn’t want the story to end either.

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Hayley Igarashi
13:12 Apr 28, 2020

Thanks, Jackson! That was my hope, but it's impossible to tell if anything will work out as planned until you get in front of readers. Thank you for your kind words!

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Sk Sk
16:15 Apr 24, 2020

Great Job Hayley!! I absolutely loved your story. It made me think and wonder about life. Awesome Job!!!!!!

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Hayley Igarashi
21:54 May 17, 2020

That's the best kind of compliment. Thank you, Sk!

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Brenda Nichols
16:15 Apr 24, 2020

Congratulations, Hayley. Your story grabbed me from the first. I wanted to know why as much as I wanted to know who. Moral ambivalence makes for interesting reading. You had some great dark images, and I do enjoy reading and writing the dark side. Well done.

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Hayley Igarashi
21:55 May 17, 2020

Ahh I'm all about moral quandaries. Thank you for reading and for the lovely comments!

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Taskin Hasan
16:08 Apr 24, 2020

You did it awesome! I felt all these were going on with me... I loved that part where you left the story to us... and also your beginning, it was amazing and it led me to read the whole... last but not the least you took me to a breathtaking roller coaster ride and I literally enjoyed it!

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Hayley Igarashi
21:55 May 17, 2020

That means so much to me, Taskin! Thank you for reading!

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Fiona Sailman
16:01 Apr 24, 2020

It was so amazing! Chilling. It even made me pause and listen to the sounds in my house! Congrats!

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16:00 Apr 24, 2020

Congratulations Hayley ! Excellent story 1

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Nora R
15:36 Apr 24, 2020

Congratulations! I can see why your story was chosen. It's very suspenseful, and even just the first sentence pulled me right into the story. Very beautifully written, and the message is right there. The descriptions were amazing, and I love how dramatic it is. Keep on writing! And again, congratulations!

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Artemisia Pearl
21:40 Apr 22, 2020

Hi Hayley! I really enjoyed your story! I loved that you put in colons for a dramatic pause! It had my heart racing! I love the descriptive details of your story. I could precisely picture everything that was descripted, said, and imagined in the story. Finally, I love the element of mystery at the end of the story. You leave me wondering what happen to the man. To the victim. Keep up the good work!😁

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Hayley Igarashi
00:24 Apr 24, 2020

Rebecca, thank you for such a wonderful review! It makes me so happy that the descriptions, the ending, and even the colons worked for you. :)

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Zea Bowman
00:11 Apr 21, 2020

Woah...intriguing opening and an ending that makes you think. I can tell you put a lot of work into this story, and you have wonderful descriptions...I can picture the man in the orange chair, reading to his daughter. Great story.

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Hayley Igarashi
13:51 Apr 21, 2020

Thank you so much for reading, Claire! Your kind words mean so much to me, and I love that the ending made you think.

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Bloody Rain
06:21 Oct 08, 2023

Wow!Amazing Story Hayley! I hope you can write these scary stories more since i love those. I can't wait to read more!

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Julius Juryit
11:55 Sep 22, 2022

Are you looking for someone that can make you a millionaire by playing all types of lottery games. if yes contact this man call Dr Ayoola for help. I was financially down I was not able to pay my bills because all the money I have I use it to play lotto . But I love playing games because I believe in it and can also change my life if I win. I have been playing this lottery for so many years without winning one day I saw someone talking about this man call Dr Ayoola how he help her to win lottery by giving her the right number I was amazed a...

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Calvin Brawner
19:11 Jun 06, 2022

I be enjoyed this story I feel your pain I loved and lost someone like that on July 31 my wife of 34yrs 2017 truned around and scared the whole hell out of my daughter I had a stoke in March of the following year but the I find it again on someone totally different on her own light smart beautiful fitamd it broke my heart all over again God's playing games with me I just can't deal with another lost if it's not real wish we had a chance at a good life together well we can all dreams can't wait to read what's next until next time have a wo...

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