Satan and Satanslayer

It was a bright morning, the sun glaring down onto my face as I rushed through the busy crowd of St. Jones Street, my black bag slung over my shoulder, heavy with my thick overdue library book. People bustled busily past me as I rushed down the sidewalk, my worn-out sneakers throwing up dust as I quickly turned the corner. Sliding my sunglasses onto the bridge of my nose, I tightened my grip on the handle of my bag.

In the past couple hundred years, I had slowly learned how to casually blend into crowds, change my clothes in dark alleyways and take different routes back to my house. It was almost a habit now. St. Jones was always crawling with demon hunters looking for some demons to kill.

Preferably...me.

It had gotten rather tiring running around all the time, looking over my shoulder to make sure no demon hunter with a large bow slung over their shoulder and a large cross hanging from their fingers was chasing after me, but I had gotten used to it. I had to get used to it. The public library had been my safe sanctuary for a while. I always curled up on the soft plush chairs in the far corner of the library, pulling up my small knitted blanket and opening a thick novel, engrossing myself into a new world once more.

As I reached for the door handle of the library, someone grabbed me by my shoulder, whirling me around. My attacker was a rather blond handsome man, one you probably see on the cover of vogue with his sharp jawline and startling blue eyes.

But today, he seemed more like someone you’d see in a crackhouse.

“You!” He hissed, his messy hair blowing with the wind.

My eyes widened, “uh...me?”

Shoving his fingers off my grey sweater, I pushed open the doors and ran inside, running for the long shelves which were stacked with thick adult fantasy books, bending down and peeking from between the shelves.

The man rushed in after me, the librarian scolding him from where she sat, her glasses on the tip of her nose as she typed away on her computer. My eyes met his from where I hid.

Oh shit.

He ran after me, body hitting the corner of the shelf and pushing a stack of books to the floor as I slipped on the carpeted ground, landing face-first with a loud thud.

No one gave me a second glance.

Just as I was getting to my feet, my attacker was on me, shoving a large cross into my face and poking my eye, “begone, demon! Go back to where you came from you hellish creature! By the power of God...”

I waited patiently for him to finish, my weight balancing on my elbows.

“...you foul demon, I will send you back! I, Mathew Gordon will parish thee! Begone! Begone...why the hell are you still here?”

I raised my eyebrows, blowing my long dark hair out of my face, “you see, I’m too strong for you. I’m unharmable. Untouchable-”

He looked baffled. “Does it at least hurt?” 

“Yes, only because you nearly poked my eyeball out,” I said flatly.

“Does it burn?”

“Well...is it supposed to?”

The man scowled, “I wouldn’t know. I’m not a demon.”

“You’re one lousy demon hunter,” I muttered, shoving him off of me and getting to my feet. “Don’t you learn about this in your demon school?”

“Of course you do!” He said, looking offended. “Tell me demon, what’s your name?”

I brushed my butt, making sure there was nothing stuck on it, and picked up my bag with a loud sigh, “my name is Sarah.”

Mathew blinked, “you-you’re name is what?”

“What?” I snapped, annoyed. “Did you expect my name to be satan?”

“Well…”

I sent him a nasty look, turning around and making my way towards the librarian’s table, bumping into a rather angry-looking blond girl, her long hair tied up in a ponytail.

As she looked up, her eyes widened as she thrust something rather hard into my face, knocking it against my teeth, “by the power invested in me-”

“Hey!” I shouted, pushing her back. “Can everyone stop shoving crosses in my face?”

“B-but your-”

“Satan? He’s actually my father. In fact,” I aggressively pulled out my phone and shook it in her face, “I’m about to have dinner with him in ten minutes!”

The girl sputtered, still holding up her cross, “why- why are you still here-”

“Amy,” Mathew appeared behind me, “I found it first. Leave.”

It?

“Oh, shut up Mathew. You can’t even send a demon back to where it came from and you wanted to get married.”

I choked on a laugh.

“You wanted to get married,” he corrected angrily. “Now get out! Shoo!”

“Maybe you should tell that to it!”

“I am not an it!” I said loudly, throwing up my hands.

Both the mortals ignored me.

Amy shoved her finger into Mathew’s face, cheeks turning red, “this is why I broke up with you! You blame everything on me.”

“I broke up with you because you’re a bully!” He shot back.

I frowned, “wait, wait, wait, hold up. Doesn’t one person break up with the other person?”

“What?” Amy scowled.

“Like, he’d either break up with you or you’d either break up with him-”

“Amy, I’m calling the cops,” Mathew announced, pulling out his phone.

The blond-haired girl gasped in outrage, pouncing on him, “you coward!” She shrieked.

The librarian finally looked up, squinting at the two mortals fighting on the floor, tackling one another with their feet.

I sent her a toothy smile and shook my head, “mortals these days, am I right?”

She sent me a dirty look before turning back to her computer.

I took the opportunity to slowly move away, making my way to the librarian's desk, my pocket jingling with coins as I slipped my hands inside, counting out twenty dollars and dropping them onto the front desk.

The librarian ignored me.

I cleared my throat, sending a nervous look towards the mortals who were still struggling with each other, before saying, “um...ma’am? Do you mind hurrying up?”

The librarian looked up and said with her squeaky voice, “young lady, it’s not ma’am, it's Mrs. Hasty. Can you not read my nametag?”

Young lady?

“Er...yes, my bad.”

“What book?” She demanded, shooting the money a greedy look.

I pulled out my overdue library book, sliding it towards her, waiting for the librarian to take it and log it into her computer.

“Demon Family Tree,” I hummed, pushing the thick book closer to her. “May I leave now?”

“No,” she barked. “Stay where you are, young lady. My computer is restarting.”

I let out an annoyed sigh, tapping my foot against the floor, the bag still in my hands.

The mortals had seemed to stop fighting, the blond chick nowhere to be seen and Mathew sliding in beside me, “soooo…. how am I supposed to send you back to hell again?”

I looked up, groaning, “did it ever come to your brainless mind that I’m not actually evil?”

Mathew paused, processing what I had just said, “I don’t think that’s possible. Tell me, who was the last person you killed?”

“Well, you’re definitely on my hitlist now,” I shrugged. “So I suppose you.”

“Seriously. Ever robbed a bank? Tortured someone? Eaten someone?”

“I wonder how you taste-”

“Demon! This is not a joke!”

I rolled my eyes, “first of all, I’m like...four hundred years old. Second of all, I couldn’t give two shits about mortals. And third of all, daddy satan gives me all the money I want.”

“Daddy….satan?”

“I’m joking! Oh my goodness,” I breathed, debating whether I should slap him in the face or simply just leave the library. “Mortals these days just can’t take a joke!”

I turned back to the librarian who blinked up at us like we were crazy.

Mathew’s eyes widened from beside me as he quickly said, “we’re….cosplayers.”

“I’m satan and he’s satanslayer,” I said sweetly. “Also….about that overdue book. Am I good to go?”

I didn’t wait to see her reply as I slung my bag over my shoulder and ran for the door.