74 comments

Historical Fiction

Dear Dr M Cavannagh


As the head of a small archaeological team assigned to the Stratford-Upon-Avon site, I am writing to ask for your assistance in verifying the contents of a manuscript my team has unearthed in the recent excavations.


The manuscript was discovered within a refuse site and I have sent the original to the laboratory for analysis and dating.


Attached to this email is a transcription, maintaining the original spelling and punctuation, along with my own translation. It is my belief that this is a draft for a deleted scene in the play, Romeo and Juliet, and may offer proof that there were indeed several authors contributing to the works attributed to Shakespeare.


I would appreciate your professional opinion on the original transcript and the translation provided. 


Sincerely


Dr K Marlowe

———————————————————————

Friar Lawrence


(for ease of reading each second stanza is the translation, ye olde English is italicised and uncapitalised.)


*** 

a warning h’re f’r those who is’t wilt p’rsist.

poor iambic pentamet’r and rhyming couplets

abound this prose beyond these ast’risks.

thou art f’rewarn’d, readeth at thine own risketh!


A warning here for those who must persist. 

Bad Iambic pentameter and rhyming couplets

Abound this prose beyond these asterisks.

You have been warned so read at your own risk!


***


aye me! f’rsooth mine heart beest full with woe

the teen and burden weighs me with s’rrow

and all mine own weary soul doth caterwaul

valorous within wilt beest responsible.


Aye me! In truth my heart is filled with woe

The pain and burden weighs me with sorrow

And all my weary soul does cry with shame

The good within me must to bare the blame.




i be friar first and f’remost, toes to tonsure

these vestments shalt protecteth from censure.

bethink me blameless, free from all disgrace

this somb’r aspect hideth anoth’r visage.


I’m friar first and foremost, toes to tonsure

These vestments shall protect from all censure.

All think me blameless, free from all disgrace 

This somber aspect hides another face.




f’rgive me mine own fault, f’r i has’t sinn’d.

absolve me from rem’rse yond lies within

a pitt’d dull reflection, unf’rgiving

deny this last requesteth of the living.


Forgive me for my fault, for I have sinned.

Absolve me from remorse that lies within

A pitted dull reflection, unforgiving 

Denies this last request from me, the living.




reflection, from this coile, wouldst thou absolveth

the guilt and shame yond daily press resolveth?

F’r doth thee knoweth the secret, mine own sooth

yond mine own handeth wast culpable f’r sineth?


Reflection, from this coil, would you absolve

The guilt and shame that daily test resolve?

For do you know the truth that must be hid

Whereby my hand was culpable for sin?




the haunt’d eyes, mine own, pe’r in t’rment.

ill-s’rt’d choice madeth valorous intent

pray, striketh mine own evil from this handeth

wash’d crisp, as only god’s f’rgiveness can.


The haunted eyes, my own, peer back in torment. 

Ill-sorted choices made with good intent

Pray, strike my evil doing from this hand

Washed clean, as only God’s forgiveness can.




the fault is mine and mine high-lone to beare

Mine own guilt be great, yet still nay guilt to share.

f’r i hast did play a fooleth in tragedy,

the flight of cupid’s bowe with agony.


The fault is mine and mine alone to bear 

My guilt is great, but still no guilt to share.

For I am played a fool in tragedy, 

The flight of Cupid’s bow with agony.




mine own sin most wondrous, i weareth the sin of pride,

f’r mine own sins, two star-cross’d lov’rs died.

e’en though mine own heart is shatt’r’d by the deeds,

the endeth, it seemeth, doth justify the means.


My sin is great, I wear the sin of pride, 

And for my sins, two star-crossed lovers died.

E’en though my heart is shattered by the deeds,

The end, it seems, has justified the means.




unit’d anon in lamentations deep,

the montegues and capulets shall weepeth,

to seeth desire and lighteth extinguished

thine children thou has’t did love, anon lay dead.


United now in lamentations deep,

The Montegues and Capulets will weep,

To see their hope and light extinguished 

Their children they had loved, are now laid dead.




on pedestal of justice proclaim to thee

self righteous mine own eff’rts, pray pardon me.

upon themselves, this tragedy wast hath brought

with feudal foes, the families hadst fought.


On pedestal of justice I proclaim

Self righteous in my efforts to explain,

Upon themselves, this tragedy was brought

With feudal foes, the families had fought.




the fing’r of censure is did point home

and noticeth not the shaking of mine own.

one fing’r pointing out accusingly,

three fing’rs rightly did point backeth to me.


The finger of the blame is pointed home

And notice not the shaking of my own.

One finger pointing out accusingly, 

Three fingers rightly pointed back to me.




first mov’d wast i, in wanteth of m’re to read,

to mine own doth’r, romeo cameth to pleade,

and i, po’r fooleth, didst heareth the w’rds of love

from lips didst springeth, as if ‘t be true to prove.


First moved was I, in want of more to read,

When to my door, Romeo came to plead,

And I, poor fool, did hear the words of love

That from his lips did spring, as if to prove.




“good friar, heareth, mine own heart is wonneth,

mine own loveth is like a light yond is the sun.”

“oh? hast the fair rosaline succumb’d to thee?”

“nay, fath’r, doth not speaketh h’r nameth to me!”


“Good Friar, hear me, sir my heart is won,

My love is like a light that is the sun.”

“Oh? Has the fair Rosaline succumbed to thee?”

“Nay, Father, do not speak her name to me!”




and liketh the knave yond still that wast within

did glow and did praise the nameth of one f’rbid.

t’was juliet, h’r house a capulet,

and begg’d of me to did wed h’r to his name.


And like the boy that still he was within

He glowed and praised the name of one forbid.

T’was Juliet, her house a Capulet,

He begged of me to wed her to his name.




i quell’d mine own doubts and fain acquiesc’d

a secret marriage bed, willing i did bless

and on their way to wedd’d bliss, i hath sent them.

the first transgression b’rn of valorous intention.


I quelled my doubts and gladly acquiesced 

Their secret marriage, willingly I blessed

And on their way to wedded bliss, I sent them.

The first transgression born of good intention.




then beastly blooding bubbl’d from the hilt

the blood of tybalt accidentally did spilleth.

through feather-bed secretly cousins beest,

such cousinly loveth, tybalt wast not to seeth.


Then beastly blooding bubbled from the hilt

The blood of Tybalt accidentally spilt.

Through marriage secretly they cousins be,

This cousinly love, Tybalt was not to see.




from fair v’rona romeo wast hath sent

his life I did save from sentences of death.

but love can not existeth without it’s heart

in living, loving, lusting far apart.


From fair Verona Romeo was sent

His life was saved from sentences of death.

But man can not exist without his heart

In living, loving, lusting far apart.




and h’re is wh’re i wilt in sooth digress.

‘tis f’r mine own soul yond duly i confesseth

mine own knowledge of the plants and h’rbs i owneth

is such yond all the prop’rties i knoweth.


And here is where I must in truth digress.

‘Tis for my soul that duly I confess

My knowledge of the plants and herbs I own

Is such that all the properties I know.




f’r some healeth and some  harmeth ‘tis said

yond some can faken both, and mimic death.

the learning of this f’rbidden beldams’ry

is knowledge not did obtain commonly.


For some can heal and some can harm ‘tis said

That some can fake them both, and mimic death.

The study of this forbidden witchery

Is knowledge not obtained quite commonly.





f’r with this knowledge, secretly did acquire,

the solution cameth to me, as such did inspire

to feign a death liketh slumb’r, so to removeth

a bride from wedlock wh’re th’re wast nay loveth.


For with this knowledge, secretly acquired,

The solution came to me, as such inspired

To feign a death like slumber, so to remove

A bride from wedlock where there was no love.



success involv’d a complex strategy,

a lett’r to beest hath sent without peize

alloweth romeo returneth, his bride arouses

then neith’r to returneth unto their houses.


Success involved a complex strategy, 

A letter to be sent without delay

Let Romeo return, his bride arouses

Then neither to return unto their houses.




a planeth so neat, so crisp t wouldst not vexeth.

but v’rily f’rsooth, what hath happened next?

a beshrew did delay most unexpectedly

and w’rd wast hath heard yond death cameth suddenly.


A plan so neat, so clean it would not vex.

But verily in truth, what happened next?

A plague delayed most unexpectedly 

And word was heard that death came suddenly.




though juliet f’rsooth sleeps feigning death

so slow’d down wast h’r heart within h’r breast,

and thus planeth, po’r romeo unknowing,

f’r such a lett’r hath lost, yond wouldst beest showing.


Though Juliet in truth sleeps feigning death

So slowed down was her heart within her breast,

And thus a plan, poor Romeo unknowing,

For such a letter lost, that would be showing.




po’r romeo, so fraught, so w’rn, despairing,

to fair v’rona that gent hath returned, uncaring,

to witness of the death with his owneth eye

and by his v’ry handeth wast liketh to die.


Poor Romeo, so fraught, so worn, despairing,

To fair Verona he returned, uncaring,

To witness of the death with his own eye

And by his very hand was like to die.




the tomb doest gape young h’ro hast hath returned,

ill-met within didst findeth a husband spurn’d.

engaged, enrag’d, exsufflicate, eyeless eyes

oh heateth and blood hast slain- paris dies!


The tomb does gape young hero has returned,

Ill-met within did find a husband spurned.

Engaged, enraged with empty, eyeless eyes

Oh heat and blood has slain- Paris dies!




the vilest substances f’r evil doing

art oft times apothecary brewing

the smallest tincture touches lips intent

then death is the destroyeth’r and lament.


The vilest substances for evil doing

Are often times apothecary brewing

The smallest tincture touches lips intent

Then death is the destroyer and lament.




i gage unto the l’rd i hath tried to halt

the vileness of death within the vault

but i, lamenting, curs’d am cometh too late

f’r romeo, sweet knave, hadst hath met his fate.


I swear unto the Lord I tried to halt

The vileness of death within the vault 

But I, lamenting, cursed am come too late

For Romeo, sweet boy, had met his fate.




and curs’d wast i to waken juliet

with w’rds nay lov’r ev’r shalt f’rget

the young mistress shalt not f’rgive this sir

tardy wast that gent with message from h’r


And cursed was I to waken Juliet 

With words no lover ever shall forget.

The young mistress shall not forgive this sir

Tardy was he with messages from her.



afraid f’r mine own life, i didst away,

the madness of h’r grief, i couldst not sway.

and death cometh to gentle breast at lasteth!

so heavy sits the guilt ’pon this po’r heart.


Afraid for my life, I ran away,

The madness of her grief, I could not sway.

And death came to your gentle breast at last!

So heavy sits the guilt on this poor heart.




So, f’r mine own sins of trying to assisteth

love’s path, to smooth a way of least intermit,

valorous deeds aplenty, to death belongeth

prayeth, nev’r tryeth to right a wrong with wrong.


So, for my sins of trying to assist

Love’s path, to smooth a way of least resist,

Good deeds aplenty, now to death belong

Pray, never try to right a wrong with wrong.

April 09, 2023 02:25

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74 comments

Wally Schmidt
03:07 Apr 17, 2023

Michelle this story is just too. Too creative. Too well-written, Too technically brilliant. Too wonderful for words. Too.

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Michelle Oliver
03:19 Apr 17, 2023

Thanks Wally. There is a lot of creative license in this one, and true scholars are cringing and The Bard is rolling in his grave, but thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

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Wally Schmidt
03:28 Apr 17, 2023

I've read quite a few comments on other people's stories today. 'Suggestions' like why did you write this or it would have been more realistic if it ended this way, and I thought to myself, this is a site for fiction writers. Fiction. That point sometimes gets lost.

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Michelle Oliver
03:31 Apr 17, 2023

I don’t mind constructive feedback. It means someone read it, which is one more person than if I never put it out there. Critique away, I say!

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Wally Schmidt
03:33 Apr 17, 2023

I agree. I am just so friggin delighted if anyone even reads my stories, let alone comments on them.

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Roy Harp
19:08 Apr 16, 2023

very original, nice.

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Michelle Oliver
23:26 Apr 16, 2023

Thanks for reading it.

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Russell Mickler
15:56 Apr 16, 2023

Hoppin' Jiminy Crickets - Okay, I'll give you the Oreo treatment. Michelle, you are a glutton for punishment, and this is astounding, of course, and you've got some kind of zeitgeist going on here: https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2023/mar/23/ben-jonson-play-from-1603-may-contain-lost-shakespeare-sonnet-say-experts Next, I will nitpick you, though, but maybe others already have? If this is redundant, I apologize. 1. I'm uncertain if this is "Old English." 2. It's been a while, but I don't think this is iambic pentameter (10 syllab...

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Michelle Oliver
22:53 Apr 16, 2023

Hi Russell thanks for the critique. To address your points.. I never claimed it was a sonnet, only rhyming couplets abound as per the warning. I am not insane enough to try to confuse my brain even further. I told you at the beginning it was bad iambic pentameter! Iambic pentameter is not just about syllables but stressed and unstressed beats. I fudged it badly, but you were warned! Hehe As far as old English, well probably not, but hey it is fiction! As for being a glutton for punishment, well yeah, I suppose so. I nearly didn’t submit thi...

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Russell Mickler
23:09 Apr 16, 2023

Oh yay an explanation! (My brain has been twisting on this all day!) like, is there something I’m missing or don’t understand? (I’m a big Willie fan - I go to Shakespeare festivals every year) Ohhhhhhh okay I should have read the warning more thoroughly :) Laugh my ninth grade English class hit me over the head like a brick - my brain’s like, but but but … what does it mean? whew! Okay yay you saved me - I’ll let it go …. :) thank you! R

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Russell Mickler
23:11 Apr 16, 2023

Oh and thanks for indulging my OBSESSIVE compulsive behavior :)

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Michelle Oliver
23:24 Apr 16, 2023

Thanks for reading and being obsessed enough by my story to obsess over it. It’s quite a compliment. I am never upset by a critique, as it means someone, somewhere has read my work. That’s a win in my book. If you didn’t enjoy something about my story, you would have stopped reading, hard pass and onto the next story.

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01:24 Apr 16, 2023

This is such a fun idea and I applaud the effort. If you are interested in a tiny correction to your Shakespearean English, I could offer one, but it may be part of the idea that this has a different author (which prof. Cavannaugh would identify)

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Michelle Oliver
02:25 Apr 16, 2023

Haha, correct away! By no means do I profess to be proficient in the language. I am expecting some people more learned than I am, to pick this totally apart.

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03:23 Apr 16, 2023

You actually do a great job with the rhythm and meter and rhyme, but the -eth ending should only go on verbs in the third person singular. You have it added to some words (owneth eye, handeth) that are not verbs. Also, this is Early Modern English, not old English. Thank you for indulging my need to interfere in matters that I teach. You are wonderfully creative!

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Michelle Oliver
04:13 Apr 16, 2023

Thanks for the feedback, I know ‘eth’ is all over the shop here. I’m happy to have critiques from people who know more than I do. I nearly didn’t even submit this piece because I know that I am nowhere near an expert on this subject, and I know many on here would be, but I figured without submitting, I will never get feedback. My motto, never be afraid of constructive criticism, so thank you!

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Andrew Fruchtman
16:34 Apr 15, 2023

A daunting account doth thee burden thyself with, choosing to raise a bar to heaven for others to assail. A most rewarding undertaking spoken in the tongued voice of a quill master indeed. In other words: Good Job!

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Michelle Oliver
21:10 Apr 15, 2023

I thank thee for thy praise indeed my friend!

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Viga Boland
15:47 Apr 15, 2023

Michelle, there is nothing I can add to all the praise below except to say, if this isn’t the winning submission this week, then something’s off in Reedsy-on-Avon 🤣

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Michelle Oliver
21:07 Apr 15, 2023

Reedsy-on-Avon haha love it. Thanks for the vote of confidence. The Bard is rolling in his grave with this one!

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Viga Boland
21:28 Apr 15, 2023

LOL 🤣😉

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Delbert Griffith
13:53 Apr 15, 2023

Wow. Friar Lawrence as THE culprit. Madness and chaos and brilliance all at one go. Dammit, Michelle, if you haven't constructed a sonnet-filled tragedy that Willy S. himself would be proud of. To do all this in Middle English (I think) and then in the style of early modern English is a tour de force of writing! I bow to your greatness and applaud such a stellar tale. Amazing! Cheers, my friend. Job well done.

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Michelle Oliver
13:56 Apr 15, 2023

Thanks Delbert, you can call it what it is… insanity! This was a bit crazy to write. Thanks for giving it a read.

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Laurel Hanson
11:27 Apr 15, 2023

A perfect character for this prompt and a bold move to do it not only in iambic pentameter, but in "ye olde English" as well as modern. Well maintained metrical rhythm in both cases. For people who don't realize it (aka my high school students), i.p. is not just 10 syllables a line but specifically stressed (said students also didn't believe words have stresses!), so this is an accomplishment. On top of that, you've done it in rhyming couplets so talk about raising the bar! Even Shakespeare didn't usually rhyme. Well done.

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Michelle Oliver
11:43 Apr 15, 2023

It was a fun kind of insanity! Just checking my mental stability now! So many rhymes, so many stressed unstressed beats, so many words. Thanks for reading it and leaving a comment. I kind of felt transported back to my high school days when this would have been an assignment set in class. I started telling the story from Friar Lawrence’s POV but it didn’t feel right without the Olde English.

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Michał Przywara
20:49 Apr 13, 2023

This is a cool concept, not just because it digs into a side character and examines what the fallout was for him, but also because of how it's framed in the story, as a lost manuscript. So now Shakespeare's writing is called into question, further playing with the themes of right and wrong. The friar is certainly a good character for this prompt, and his lament is believable and fitting the story. But, it's also a very long monologue, so now I wonder - was it maybe penned by the actor himself, who wanted more stage time? Given it summarize...

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Michelle Oliver
23:00 Apr 13, 2023

Hi Michal, ambitious actors indeed. Yeah an incredibly long monologue, perhaps an alternate ending. Notice how the manuscript was found in a refuse pile, so either the one who penned it, or the one who read it identified is as rubbish and disposed of it accordingly. This piece grew exponentially as I wrote it, and my brain doth hurteth! Thanks for reading.

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Lily Finch
15:57 Apr 12, 2023

Michelle, you must have lived during Elizabethan England days in Stratford on the Avon with the Bard in a former life--you have pretty excellent character depth in this piece of writing. Practicing your writing in the same iambic pentameter is creative and nicely done. LF6.

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Michelle Oliver
00:15 Apr 13, 2023

The iambic pentameter was the hardest part. Thanks for the compliment. It’s not perfect but the fact that you could see some character depth in this different writing style makes me happy. It was a bit of a crazy write this week, and I’m still editing and reworking some of the stanzas.

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Lily Finch
01:17 Apr 13, 2023

Yeah, I get that but honestly so impressive, indeed! LF6.

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Rebecca Miles
13:15 Apr 12, 2023

Herculean efforts here Michelle and bravery of epic sorts taking on the big B! My first literary essay at the tender age of 14 was on the Friar in the play; a fascinating early character and it's great to see him tortured for his part in the misadventured piteous overthrows. I think there could be lots of stories writing from minor or supporting characters pov. It's been done in spades with the Greek epics, why not with the Shakespearean tales? Well done on pushing the boundaries this week, for us readers as much as for you the writer!

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Michelle Oliver
13:20 Apr 12, 2023

Thanks Rebecca, bravery or stupidity, two sides of the same coin. I am trying things that are different, challenging and/or out of my comfort zone. This was all three.

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Stevie Burges
08:21 Apr 11, 2023

Wow Michelle, when I think how much I struggle with bog-standard 3000 words for a short story and usually don't do so good, and then I sit and read this - well wow. So several authors of Shakespeare? One couldn't have been Michelle Oliver or we are into time travel. You have had some wonderful comments and I don't think my comments will help at all. Wonderful imagination.

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Michelle Oliver
08:31 Apr 11, 2023

Thank you Stevie. There was some speculation at one stage about Shakespeare and Kit Marlowe. There is some theory that they collaborated on some of Shakespeare history plays. Other conspiracy theories say Marlowe faked his own death and continued to write under William Shakespeare’s name. I thought this was a fun premise to explore.

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Stevie Burges
08:39 Apr 11, 2023

I was brought up on the 17th Earl of Oxford, probably having a hand in the writing, as well as Kit Marlowe. Honestly, if you'd written a history of who might have written Shakespeare, I would have admired it - but to write a piece that actually looked and sounded like Shakespeare was phenomenal.

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Michelle Oliver
08:55 Apr 11, 2023

Thank you again, I’m feeling very humbled by your praise. It is but a very bad facsimile of the Bard, he’s probably rolling in his grave at my attempt at iambic pentameter. Well, the less said about that the best! The meter was the hardest thing, I’d write, then read then rewrite again.

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01:18 Apr 11, 2023

Michelle, this is brilliant! I majored in both English and Theatre, and reading Shakespeare was one of my favorite subjects! I would never have thought of Friar Lawrence, but he is entirely perfect for the prompt! Your mastery of the language was beautiful, I really did feel as if I’d been transported to one of the Bard’s pieces! This section just made me so happy — “ then beastly blooding bubbl’d from the hilt the blood of tybalt accidentally did spill.” The alliteration is beautiful, and also just fun to read aloud! Well done! 👏👏👏

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Michelle Oliver
01:29 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks so much for your response. I got myself so tangled in words here it was difficult to know if I’d even told a story!

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Aeris Walker
23:59 Apr 10, 2023

I took one semester of poetry and produced a handful of terrible sonnets in all that time… I can’t believe you put this whole thing together so quickly. The old English (or is it technically Middle English?) reads so authentically, and then you add in a modern translation on top of that! I’m sure Shakespeare would have taken you in as an assistant in a heartbeat 😉 I can’t imagine how much work this was, but it was beautifully done and definitely something unlike anything I’ve read on here before.

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Michelle Oliver
00:21 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks Aeris, it was challenging and had me in tangles of words. The iambic pentameter was the hardest to get right and I fudged it—a lot! My plan on Reedsy is to push myself to try new and different things. Some will work, some will fail, but hey, I will learn and grow. Thanks for reading this one.

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RJ Holmquist
16:21 Apr 10, 2023

My goodness that must have been a lot work! The old English reads like a lost manuscript and the translation like good scholarship. Fascinating point of entry into a Shakespearian tale too. Poor friar! He was only trying to do what he thought was best, though he should never have left Juliet alone.

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Michelle Oliver
21:50 Apr 10, 2023

Agreed, this is definitely a story of someone trying to do good but not succeeding. Thanks for reading it.

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Michelle Oliver
23:40 Apr 10, 2023

RJ your comment about a lost manuscript inspired me. I have added a prologue. Does this work? Or does it detract from the story? Your feedback is most appreciated.

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RJ Holmquist
23:55 Apr 10, 2023

I think that is awesome! It feels to me like the prologue adds some nice atmosphere/intrigue. I think it also provides some good context for the reader to approach the piece from. As a nitpick, I might choose another word in place of "ancient." For me, "ancient" evokes Roman or Egyptian Era documents, but that is just my opinion. I like the use of Marlowe as one of the scholars. Maybe a little reclamation of family heritage going on? Great addition to the piece!

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Michelle Oliver
00:23 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks yep will re- look at that word… oh trusty thesaurus here I come! Thanks for reading again and giving feedback! Yes a little nod to Kit Marlowe, hehehe, glad you picked it up.

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Richard E. Gower
12:13 Apr 10, 2023

Wow! What a cross he had to bear for the rest of his life. This story is incredibly complex; so many layers within layers to peel away... To say that you have done this masterfully, in rhyme no less, is an understatement, but at the moment I am too awed to find a better one. -:) RG

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Michelle Oliver
12:30 Apr 10, 2023

Thanks Richard. It was something silly I challenged myself to do and now my brain hurts! Quite a new appreciation for the work of the bard, who must be rolling in his grave! Oh well they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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Michelle Oliver
23:47 Apr 10, 2023

Hi Richard, I have added a prologue to this, but am not sure if it works. Are you able to give me feedback on it. Does it detract or add to the story? Should I keep it in or not?

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Richard E. Gower
10:35 Apr 11, 2023

Hi Michelle, Regards the prologue. I am torn as to my opinion, because, IMO, the beginning of it with the reference to Stratford-upon-Avon provides an unmistakable antecedent for ANY reader, even someone who has just a passing knowledge of Shakespeare. That (to me) adds a cherry to this double-deluxe banana split of a story. But (for me) the sentence " It is my belief that this is a draft for a deleted scene in the play, Romeo and Juliet, and may offer proof that there were indeed several authors contributing to the works attributed to Sha...

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Michelle Oliver
10:41 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks for taking the time to respond yet again. I hear you about the mystery. My thought was to try to make it accessible to others… I’m torn myself. I hope others might weigh in on this debate and I appreciate all feedback.

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Mary Bendickson
21:40 Apr 09, 2023

Whoa! Michelle, How hard this must have been to write. Quite a challenge. What creativity. Very well executed.

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Michelle Oliver
23:28 Apr 09, 2023

Thanks Mary, yes it really hurt my brain, but I wanted to challenge myself to do something so very different. I’m not sure how successful it was but hey, I did it!

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Kevin V
13:40 Apr 09, 2023

This is extremely well conceived, Michelle! I admit to knowing almost nothing of Romeo and Juliet, therefore I was forced to Google some of this. The Old English (almost a throwback from my youth) is well done. I was able to follow it and the more modern translation helped with the bits I was unsure of. This sums the story up nicely from Friar Lawrences view: the feud between the families, the love Romeo has for Juliet who is from the rival house, the duel and death of Tybalt culminating in Romeo's banishment, and Friar Lawrence's unintend...

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Michelle Oliver
14:08 Apr 09, 2023

Thank you for reading this. There are so many levels of meaning to writing. There were three deaths laid at friar Lawrence’s door due to his meddling, Romeo, Juliet and Paris. He cannot be held accountable for Tybalt as this was probably an inevitable situation with the feuding households. But if he had gotten the letter to Romeo as planned, Romeo would never have killed Paris, who was not involved in the family feud, but only had the misfortune to want to marry Juliet. Perhaps I need to add some stanzas more specifically about Paris, but t...

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Michelle Oliver
23:49 Apr 10, 2023

Hi Kevin, I have added a prologue. Does this help with the story for someone who confesses not to know much about Romeo and Juliet, or does it detract from the main story? Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Kevin V
01:31 Apr 11, 2023

Hi Michelle, It by no means detracts from the story. My thing with the story is that all I ever knew of Romeo and Juliet was that they loved each other and then committed suicide. End of Kevin's knowledge. Your story inspired me to seek more knowledge of their story to better relate to this piece. I had no idea who Friar Lawrence was, the feud between the Montegues and Capulets, or that Romeo and Juliet actually married. The only thing that I didn't get, and probably no one would care but me, was the 'three fingers pointing back.' I assum...

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Michelle Oliver
01:45 Apr 11, 2023

Thanks Kevin, I’m grateful for your detailed response and am humbled by your praise, and delighted that the story inspired your curiosity to know more. Count Paris has a stanza or two still percolating in my brain, and I’m trying to work that in organically from the friar’s POV in this tale. It’s coming I promise.

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Kevin V
09:51 Apr 13, 2023

Hi Michelle, I think this sums it up nicely and really stands out as a unique piece for this prompt. One misguided act of compassion resulting in the death of three innocents. Romeo and Juliet want to be together. Count Paris wants to marry Juliet. Friar Lawrence gives a potion to fake her death so she could be with Romeo. This backfires, resulting in Romeo killing Paris, whose only crime was loving her. Then Romeo commits suicide and Juliet when awakened commits suicide out of her grief. One finger pointing away. Three pointing back. I'...

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Michelle Oliver
10:07 Apr 13, 2023

Thanks Kevin. I don’t hold my breath because I know the style will put lots of people off.

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Zatoichi Mifune
16:58 Jul 17, 2023

I agree entirely with Wally. Perfect take on the prompt. I expect the hardest part to write was the old English, or at least what looks like old English to the uninitiated (if that's the right word). You handled it amazingly.

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Michelle Oliver
22:29 Jul 17, 2023

Thanks, it was tricky, but fun to write.

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Amanda Lieser
05:15 Apr 27, 2023

Hi Michelle! Oh my gosh! This story was breathtaking! I admit I tapped out pretty quickly on the Olde English, but found the modern translation absolutely riveting. I loved the way it played on the story we all know so well while shedding light on a character who is not always discussed. Sometimes, as an adult, I ponder what Friar really could have done-I mean teens can be so stubborn. I contemplate whether or not just going along with it all was really the best choice? What more could he really have done? I loved that this piece mused on th...

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Michelle Oliver
10:06 Apr 27, 2023

Thanks for giving it a read, I was a little bit experimental with this one, and cause no small amount of insanity in the writing of it.

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