TRAPPED WITH A PSYCHO

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write about someone who purposefully causes a power outage.... view prompt

4 comments

Thriller

  The loud blaring of the alarm clock brought me back to reality.

I was having the best dream before the dream snatching alarm click decided to go off.

  I was this close to kissing my high school crush.

 Bloody blocker!!

I begrudgingly stood up from the bed and made my way into the bathroom

  My long blonde hair was literally everywhere. I look like someone who hasn't seen a comb or brush in like ages.

 I quietly observed my routines and got dressed.

 I have to go to work and the best part is that it's a night shift.

   Yay!!

Note the sarcasm.

I hate working, my mum decided to punish me because I snuck out of the house to party with my friends.

 I mean what does she expect am an adult now.

I laughed out as the look on my mother's face appeared.

  "Chloe Clarissa Harrison, what in the world has gotten into you"

  After one of her long lectures of being responsible she decided to punish me by not giving me my allowances, according to her ;

  "You have to learn to be responsible"

 I picked up my purse and went down the stairs.

 "Mum am off!!! I yelled as I walked into the kitchen.

 "You don't have to yell am right here" she said with an agitated look on her face.

 "Whatever" I mumbled with an eye roll but of course, she heard.

 She always does. It's as if she has supersonic hearing.

"You better watch that mouth of yours young lady" my mum said with a sassy tone, hands on her hips and her feet tapping on the floor board.

 "Sorry mum" I whispered

 "Now off to work. I'll be going for dinner with a friend be sure to take your keys "

  "Okay mum. Bye"

 "No kiss for mama? She asked still in her don't mess with me position

 "Of course there is" I ran towards her bad gave her a kiss "Love you mum"

 "Love you too baby"

  I made my way towards my custom made Ferrari, which is pink.

I inserted the key and the engine roared to life feeling the eerie silence of MacDonald's street. I reversed and drove off to my newly acquired work place.

 "Perfecto"

.........

    My mum was the one that secured my position in this hotel and guess what my work is.....

 Waitressing!!

That is like the worst kind of job (No offence, I love waiters. You guys are amazing. This is just for a good storyline)

 I've already made a new friend, Madison.

 She is just a little bowl of energy. Sassy, feisty, all out risk taker and that was what attracted me to her.

 I went into the dressing room and changed into my work clothes which consisted of a pencil skirt and a white shirt and of course, the apron.

 "What's up baby gal? Madison said with her fake western accent.

 "Am great. You look excited today, what happened? I know my friend way too well to decipher her emotions.

 She was all smiles, like toothy and stuff.

"Oh no big deal just that the boss's son is present" she said with excitement.

 I let out a squeal and jumped up and down like a high schooler.

I mean am one but not for long

 "Did you see him? Did you? I was really excited.

 Fernando has been my crush ever since junior high. He's like a walking Greek god.

 "You betcha"

We both let out a loud squeal

 "Both of you!! Mrs Patricia our mini boss yelled.

Our heads jerked towards her and our excitement quickly melted away.

 "GET BACK TO WORK!! She yelled in our faces.

We both scurried off to wait on the customers.

  "You!! She called out

"Yes ma'am"

   "I need you to go to the bar on the top floor and get me a Tequila bottle, now"

 I stumble out of the kitchen and towards the reception area. As I walked in I sighted Fernando but I quickly hid before he could see me.

 Whenever I see him, my heart begins to swell and imaginary butterflies fills my stomach.

  I quickly went into the elevator and luckily no one was inside. I took out my phone and started scrolling through my Instagram.

 I was unaware that someone had gotten in with me. 

After I was satisfied, I quickly put away my phone and looked up only to be meant by the electric blue eyes of Fernando 

   Oh biscuits

I quickly turned away. But from the corner of my eyes I could see him staring at me.

 Oh goodness gracious!

I was literally sweating out of nervousness and my emotions were everywhere.

 All of a sudden the elevator power went out.

 This can't be happening

I reached out to the emergency phone to call for help but of course there was no signal

 I think its because we're stuck between floors or something.

  "I've noticed how much you stare at me when you think no one's looking" he said staring right at

 "Huh? I questioned as I tried my best to be as far away to him as I can get.

  "You always have that cute little smile of yours" he took a step towards me and I took a step back. We continued till I felt my back hit the wall.

  His face was just an inch away from mine, if the we're any sudden movement our lips would brush against each other.

And I would love nothing more than that

 Shut up Chloe!!

You know you want it as much as I do

Shut up girl!!

 He placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned into my neck, be took a long whiff and breathed out.

 "W-what are you do-doing? I managed to let out.

"Me? Oh nothing. Just enjoying your smell" he said it so casually as though we've known each other for ages now

 My knees jerked as I leaned more into the wall of the elevator. I tried my best to get away but he had me at a tight grip.

  "P-please let me go" I mumbled as I tried to suppress my cries

 "Not gonna happen baby doll" his grip on my hand tightened as I struggled more

 "P-please I beg you. Someone please help me!! I yelled at the top of my voice

"No one will hear you because they think everything is working out perfectly. You see, am the reason the elevator stopped"

 "Well put it back into Motion"

"No can't do. Until am done with you" his tone changed drastically to that of a psychopathic maniac.

I knew in that moment I had to get away.

 I remembered my self defense practice and decided to use my skills.

 I raised my knee and it connected with his non existent family. As he crouched his groin something fell out of his suit pocket. I used my phone touch to search for it.

When I got it, it was some kind of remote so I pressed every single button on that.

I heard the ding of the elevator and I jumped with happiness.

 As the door opened I tried to get out but he held me by the ankle causing me to fall, I made us of the other leg and hit him in the face.

  I scurried out of the elevator and ran towards the stairs to get to the dressing room. I quickly changed and ran to my car.

 Started the engine and drove off. 

September 10, 2020 15:39

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4 comments

Anshika Goyal
09:46 Sep 17, 2020

Ani, this was well constructed, but many things in this story just threw me off. Like your punctuation is the worst, you really need to work on that, in addition to this you need to watch your grammar. I really hope that you are able to show more and not just tell! Also, the Ferrari really doesn't fit with the setting . . . You said you liked Madison, but then you also say Madison has fake accent. In addition to this, if you are already putting emphasis with caps lock or exclamation mark, you don't have to tell your reader that the chara...

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13:03 Sep 20, 2020

Thank you so very much for taking out time to read this. I perfectly understood everything you mentioned and I'll try my best to write better. This was my first ever prompt contest and it was unfortunate I didn't have enough time. Thank you so much for your critiques.

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Prachi Kumbhare
07:20 Sep 17, 2020

Well, I loved the writing but it would have been more fun if you could have elaborated the elevator scene because it was the most interesting part. otherwise, it was great.

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13:04 Sep 20, 2020

I also thought of elaborating that particular scene but I was racing against time. Thanks for taking out time to read this, I really appreciate it.

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