(Un)Forgettable love

Funny, they tend to say that love is unforgettable. It was for me, but for him? Not so much. Sure, it's been 10 years since we've seen each other, but am I really that insignificant in his life? Gotta say it's kind of disappointing when you meet your childhood best friend and crush again after this long.

After all of this time, you'd think someone like me would have moved on. Nope! I spent my years looking back fondly, dreaming of the day that I see him again. And as I remember all of this, I can't help but wonder how I got into this situation.

Me, a short teenage girl, standing in front of a clueless young man as she desperately tries to find the right words. I know that I should let it go, play it off as if I thought he was someone else. But I can't. I've waited too long, just clinging to his memory to let this be it. Why can't I just let things go?

I think back, wishing I'd just said a quick "hello" and not done the insane thing. But, oh well. What's done is done, I guess.

Oh right! I haven't really told you what's happening, right? Heh, sorry. I'm a little spacey at the moment. I'll have to give you some context as to what's going on.

First, my name... My name is Maria Guadalupe Ochoa. Nice to meet you!

I only graduated from high school a while ago, so I'm currently a Freshman in college. I live in a cute little apartment on campus in Boulder and attend the University as creative writing and Japanese language and culture major.

This is weird. I feel I'm being weird. Am I being weird? I hope not. Haha, so much for sounding confident about this. Sorry, I'll continue now.

I guess my day began as I was rushing out of my apartment, wanting to get breakfast before I got to my first class of the day because, well, I can't afford to miss or be late for my class. I ran to the nearest corner store and grabbed the cheapest food I could find, that being, a coffee, a doughnut, and an instant ramen cup.

I'd heard there would be a transfer student into my creative writing class from some of my fellow students. Of course, I didn't really pay mind at first since it didn't really concern me. However, I figured that they would need some friends though. So I told myself that I could probably talk to them.

I ran into the building and into my class. But I didn't expect someone to say, "Lupita! The professor want to speak with you! She's on her way here." I nodded, setting my food on my desk in the lecture hall, and waited for the professor. 

When she walked through the door, she smiled at me. I returned it with an awkward smile. 

"Lupita, how are you today?" She asked, watching me. I don't know why I always do this, but I watched her body language, looking for signs of disappointment. 

"I'm fine... Professor. You... you asked to see me?" I said after a while. Ugh, why am I so awkward. 

She nodded and gestured for me to follow her. Now... Many times people ask me why I always seemed so panicked whenever a teacher told me to follow. Well, it was something that happened in fifth grade with a false bullying accusation toward me, but that's a story for another time. 

I followed behind, trying my best to keep my pounding heart from jumping out of my chest as I followed her to the office of Admissions. I was confused. Professor stopped and said, "We're here! I would like you to show the transfer student around since he's never been on campus." She said. I didn't exactly hear what she said next as I made eye contact with a guy whose face I never expected to see again. 

I guess this is where the story actually begins. Heh. Sorry. 

Anyway, I stared at him as he smiled, and I remember thinking, This couldn't possibly be him. It can't be. My luck isn't that good. I guess I might have been a little too hyperfocused on his face that I didn't notice his extended hand. 

"Hello? Are you okay?" He seemed uncomfortable, icy blue eyes darting to the ceiling. I quickly looked away, eyes suddenly finding the floor. 

"Sorry about that. I'm Maria Guadalupe Ochoa, but people call me Lupita." I took his hand and shook it. 

"I'm Mattias Carron. It's nice to meet you." I don't really know how wide my eyes got when he said that, but he seemed a bit weirded out by me. I hope he still remembers me. I mean, who forgets their childhood friend?

****

I lead him around to the Department of Anthropology, explaining to him where the different majors could be found. I'm not exactly good with spoken words, which justifies the confused looked he would give me when I messed up on a phrase.

I don't know why, but I guess I wanted to hold onto something dear from my past. I might have gotten too ahead of myself when I did the dumbest thing possible. 

A couple feet from the entrance of the building, I stopped and turned to him:

"Hey, Mattias?"

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I've missed you, and... I was wondering, um... if you'd like to go to a cafe nearby to catch up?"

Followed by the words I had been dreading to hear:

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Have we met before?"

I felt something weird, a sort of... hurt... came crashing down on me, like a wave during a storm. And I came to the conclusion that there was no way that he remembered me. Ouch. 

I guess this is what got me here, standing before him, a clueless expression on his face. I must be looking pretty pathetic right now, trying to push down the look of disappointment. 

"Haha. No worries, I was trying to make a joke! Guess I made things awkward." I say, forcing myself to act like I was joking. Not easy for someone whose only emotions range from terror to "meh." He laughs awkwardly. "That's cool, so don't worry about it, okay?" He ruffled my hair slightly, as he used to do when we were children. I can't help but feel a bit of nostalgia as I smile. So much for Unforgettable love. Maybe what I need is to let go.