Johnny's Quest

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. We’ll call him Johnny. He was a beautiful little fellow, with big chocolate eyes and a head full of dark curls. Such a happy little boy with a winning smile. As soon as little Johnny could walk, he went out and made friends, lots of friends. Little Johnny was popular and fit in everywhere he went.

Until …

Johnny had never spent a minute thinking about IT, what IT was or why he would need IT. But gradually he felt as if he had lost something. Didn’t his classmates laughed at him when he couldn’t climb the rope all the way to the top? And didn’t he stumble in the cafeteria, spilling his pudding? And didn’t Patty loudly point out that he had used the wrong crayon to color his sky?

All these little mishaps and more, added up. The poor little tyke felt ashamed. He was convinced that everybody could see that there was something wrong with him. The other kids, of course, were secretly glad that Johnny had been picked on instead of them. But our little hero spent days, weeks, trying to figure out what was missing. He finally concluded that he must have misplaced IT, whatever IT was.

Johnny had two choices. He could either go in search of IT or cover up the fact that he had lost IT. Since he was still in grade school, he couldn’t very well go and explore the whole world in search of IT, which could be anywhere by now. So, little Johnny worked diligently on hiding the gap, the hole he believed had been left behind when he lost IT. His IT-hole.

Secretly, after school when he was alone, when he was supposed to be doing his homework, he made up stories where he was the hero who had his IT together, yes sir! And of course, in his stories, with his IT tucked safely under his arm, he always saved the day.

When he was with his friends and family, little Johnny smiled and agreed with everybody. He was such an accomplished smiler and nodder, he could have become a politician. But he didn’t. He was smart enough to know that politicians are under a lot of scrutiny and sooner rather than later, a journalist was bound to expose their IT-hole.

But, once he was old enough, Johnny did go in search of his own IT. Since everybody else was dating and finding a mate, he thought that would be the answer, but to his surprise – surely he was cute, friendly, and agreeable enough - many of his lady friends said, “IT’s not you, IT’s me.”

But he knew better. He knew they had seen, or at least sensed his IT- hole.

He tried moving to a different town and then again and another move. At first he started looking for his IT, wishing, longing to have IT back. To have IT all together again. He still remembered those early days before he slipped down the rope in gym. But gradually he forgot his mission and just found stuff to fill the hole. He had fun doing that, and often when the hole was almost filled, he had a glimpse of the memory of having IT. Only to have forgotten that feeling the next day. But the hole would not stay filled and demanded more stuff before reaching that magic feeling of almost having IT.

And one day the Sh hit the fan. He was so surprised, had never thought that he had any Sh sitting around. But there it was. All over the place, stuck to the fan, the walls, dripping off his family and the dog. Everybody stood around and looked at Johnny and the mess he had made.

And all those childhood fears of people seeing his lack of IT came flooding back. Johnny’s first instinct was to run. To go far away and not show his shameful face around people again. But his family, bless them, wouldn’t let him. They made him explain what he had been doing and why. Red faced, he admitted that he had lost his IT a long time ago and had been looking for IT while trying to cover up the hole for years and years.

His family tried to explain to him that they also didn’t have IT. That they had somehow learned to do just fine - well fine enough - most of the time - without IT. They told him that they had pockets full of Sh, and they even showed him some of the Sh they carried around. They tried to convince him that he too had loads of Sh and assured him that some of the Sh that had hit the fan could still be salvaged. They were sincere in their offer to help clean up. Even his little dog was eagerly licking the Sh off the floor.

But Johnny could not, would not believe them. He knew that, of course, they had their IT. He could just tell by looking at them that they had IT all together. Why were they lying to him? Why were they trying to make him believe that they could function as well as they did, without IT? They weren’t fooling him.

Embarrassed at having shown his weakness, he worked even harder to fill his IT-hole. His famous smile was a bit wobbly, and he pushed his friends away because he couldn’t take the chance that they too would see his hole, which was getting bigger each day. And he may have been just a teensy disappointed with himself as well.

“Enough, already!” his family said and showed him where he could find shushers. People who specialized in teaching others how to face the fact that, unless your name is Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela, you may never get your IT together. Their mission was to show others how to get by on Sh, like everybody else.

So, Johnny went to meet the shushers and being a perfectionist, he went to all the classes and listened carefully to what other IT-holers and newbie Sh-accepters were saying. He memorized all the right phrases and slogans, while practicing his smiles and nods.

Though, when he was alone, he still felt the loss of his IT. Since he couldn’t and shouldn’t, use the same stuff he had been using to fill the void, he now stuffed his IT-hole with everything the classes were teaching him. By golly! Johnny told himself - or maybe he used other words - he was going to become the best darn amateur shusher there ever was. He learned to use all the right phrases in any situation. He could tell you to count your Shs each day and to hand the quest for IT to Fate. He became famous for his agreeable nature, insightful comments, and winning smile.

But deep down, especially late at night, when he was honest with himself, Johnny believed that if he just worked hard enough, smiled big enough, said the right thing, with enough conviction, often enough, he would find IT.

And he did.

One day he was lucky - because IT has nothing to do with hard work. At a moment when he wasn’t paying attention, he glimpsed IT from the corner of his eye. In a flash he knew that that was his IT!

Suddenly he saw that everybody around him was reaching for their own IT as well. Encouraged, finally feeling almost normal, feeling closer to others than he had ever felt, he reached up. He stretched and rose to his toes, he held his breath, felt his heart pounding in his ears while his nails touched IT, only to watch IT slip through his fingers.

Suddenly he just knew that he was real, that he, though IT-less and flawed, belonged. With his brilliant smile he joined the world in the ago-old sigh. 

“Sh-it.”