passionate about passion

My birthday is the last day in March, that's kind of a joke in itself I was definitely not planned for but almost born on the day that everyone's making jokes. Which you would think I was doing if in reality I wasn't and everything I'm about to tell you is the truth.

Theres a world outside this world we don't know about, a magical place where the firefly's are the front doors to a secret magical existance between existances where your story does always come true.

I was walking home on a warm august afternoon on the trail behind the river while the sun was setting. As I was nearing the bend closer, the cool of night was settling in deeper, making the omni-esscent glow of the firefly's irredescent and unmistakable in thier beauty.

And thats when I noticed it, a glitter that stuck around to long and for maybe a second i thought I had smoked to much of that orange bud for spring has sprung you know.

Yet there it was again, just like any tinkerbell pixie, the blonde hair , the glowing skin, profound beauty she just seemed to be golden in every way possible. She had told me that beyond the word I knew , lay a secret society of tiny eco systems made upon my entire belief system within every thirty seconds of me that exists. Giving a sort of time lapse so for example the last thirty seconds to you has been thirty seconds but with in another world its been thirty years and theres been a thousand worker faeries training for years upon years to guide you to that destiny of your next thirty seconds.

Now I know what your thinking , the next thirty sixty maybe ninetys seconds at max must be the most important minute and a half of my life time. Which it was because I was suddenly blessed with a wicked angel that doused my every next step with a little glitter before touching down.

This magical pixie was promising me everything I ever wanted and all I had to do was change a minute and a half of my life to direct it into the opposite direction of where it was headed. A trickster game, and in the beginning it was kind of fun.

Catching her glitter as that bitch always giving me a hard time slips and trips with impeccable timing. Or even better the little glitter as I won the jackpot thirty times online gambling.

But then I started noticing the darker side of it, how that bitch never got her teeth back , or the outstandingly ghostly rage of forest fires after all my wins. I have had to endure and lose so the rationality of it to me was obvs. I didnt care.

This new pixie friend of mine made shit happen. And it was a perfect time for spring cleaning if you know what I mean. Let the rain cleanse for a little rejuvination, I'm ready for it.

Then she started asking for small parts of me. Parts I wasn't ready to give away but did anyways because I lived for that moment right before something big happens, the climax so to speak.

When I was baring soul to this magical faerie the world around me was as if time had stopped itself. Luxurious and green with hints of lavander splashs of color and scent of vanilla penetrate my senses the leaves also stand still never falling or touching ground.

But giving myself away always came at a price. At first I honestly never even noticed it, seeing and coming from so much darkness of things just being taken away. Always take take take take until you eventually just get accustomed to it and how it feels to have things taken away, that's what the norm is.

Until I noticed rejuvination was starting to become a total drowning of everything I held that weighed me down. When does it become unhealthy?

So I asked this magical being until this moment had actually just been an essence of oneself there was no need for a name until that moment just right now.

"Chepi" she told me is the algonquin native american name for mischief pixie. Your inner warrior woman, your will to keep going, your difference is your power!

Ofcourse after this I ask if its to late to turn back, that I fear I have actually ripped open an atmosphere that nobody involved would be ready for. The self doubt I actually have within myself to fail at something with no concrete outline is actually unbelievable and I realize Im actually just thinking im going to fail. No matter what no matter how hard i try push or conquer it somehow is inadequate and can be applied to almost every angle of my life that I know someone somewhere must feel the same thing at that same time and I remember I was on trial in the first place with the most important next minute and half of my life with the rest of my life depending on it, and i still dont even know what the question was.

Until this moment in time pixies were among folk lore and dreams among fairy tales. But I had believed and prayed and hoped in magic as a young girl and this mischevious promise giver was an excellent way to sprung on spring I was up for a little magic by now.

I asked her for the perfect man and give me she did he was perfect in every way. To look at, to smell, to scence, a picture on paper perfect in every way besides actually being there to touch. There was a cold emptiness to her promises. Select words were choice in negotiation with my magical chepi.

I asked her for the perfect job, and perfect it was, perfect pay, perfectly easy but there was no passion, no bigger picture, no destination for the dream.

I asked her for the perfect home. And perfect it was. It was perfectly empty and all the family that filled the memorys were obsolete because there was no one there.

As time came to pass I came to talk to my mischevious chepi less and less accepting the real magic within the moments that are real, as thats really where the magic lies.