97 comments

Thriller Crime Fiction

Trigger Warning: Language

David slipped on the latex gloves as he surveyed the stairs going down into the darkness of the basement. Although it was too early for the body to start smelling, he secured his double-layered mask before cautiously starting the descent. With each step forward, the stairs creaked eerily, filling him with dread. Usually, David loved going down the basement staircase for his daily rendezvous with his victims, who lay on the dusty wooden floor, bound and gagged and terrified, completely at his disposal to do as he pleased.

Today was one of those days. The days he hated and even dreaded, perhaps. One misstep and his front yard would be crawling with cops within hours. Apparently, catching serial killers was a priority for them. Maybe if they’d made a law against cheating wives who took your children along with them and never allowed you to see them again, David wouldn’t have had to resort to punishing these sinful women.

Every hardship is an opportunity. Wasn’t that was his Dad used to say? If his wife hadn’t left him, he wouldn’t have discovered his penchant for delivering justice in a, let’s say a creative way. No, sir. He’d just be the idiot plumber whose wife was cheating with his best friend. So maybe, it all turned out for the best.

David flicked on the hanging light bulb in the basement, peering at the cellophane-wrapped body of the twenty-two-year-old university student in the cotton flower print dress. It was a pity he couldn’t keep her longer, but she was hellbent on fighting him at every single opportunity, he thought, glancing at the bandaged gash on his forearm from four days ago. It still hurt. Bitch. Maybe he should have taken the friend, the gorgeous Latino with curves at all the right places. But then, it was the woman who lay dead in front of him who was wearing the right shade of lipstick—Honeylove, his wife’s favourite MAC lipstick—one he prided himself on being able to spot on a woman from far away.

As David began dragging the petite body of the young woman up the stairs, he wondered if the BPD had worked out the connection between the three women who had gone missing in the city over the past nine months. They were probably looking at commonalities in ethnicity, hair colour, eye colour, body types—the usual suspects. They’d never establish a pattern, which means they’d never catch him, thought David, chuckling at his own brilliance.

The grimace on the dead woman’s face, distorted by the folds of the cellophane, sent a fresh thrill through David’s body as he replayed the last thirty seconds of her life when she had groaned and struggled and pissed herself as his gloved fingers closed around her slender neck. Grinning, he closed the boot of his second-hand Honda Accord and stepped into his kitchen to grab a bottle of water—it was going to be a long drive to the woods where he intended to dispose of the body. His eyes were drawn toward the kitchen cabinet where he kept the doctor’s case and the folded white coat, essential accoutrements for luring in a new victim with a 100% success rate.

David paused. Was it too early for the next one? Each day, a standard warning issued by the BPD was being played on the morning and evening news urging young women to remain vigilant of their surroundings and whenever possible, inform friends or family about their whereabouts while stepping out after dark. 

What the heck! He’d carry them anyway. By the time, he’d finish disposing of Julie Shaddock—that was her name—it would be dawn and maybe, if he was lucky, he’d find a lone morning jogger on his way back. Everybody loved a doctor. Because doctors were so kind and virtuous, women got into his car unsuspectingly and a little in awe of his noble profession and good looks. Psychology 101.  

David grabbed the doctor’s case and the white coat and got into his car, reversing it out of the driveway while humming a tune.

***********************************************

The five o’clock alarm blared on the cellphone kept on the dresser at the other end of the bedroom. Rachel got out of bed groggily and shuffled over to the dresser to turn off the wailing alarm. The bright light of the cellphone screen yanked her out of sleep, reminding her that today was the day.

After a hurried shower, Rachel chose a white shirt and a blue striped suit from her wardrobe. Blue suit, blue eyes, she hoped the panel would notice during the interview. Not that it mattered as far as the result of the interview was concerned, but at least they’d see she made every effort to look presentable for the interview. At law firms, it was kind of a big deal. At the law firm where she worked, one of the most eminent law firms in Boston, it was a really big deal.

Rachel was up for promotion from Attorney to Managing Attorney in the Family Law department where she’d worked for over six years, clawing her way up from her starting position of Junior Attorney. Even though she excelled at her work and averaged fifty hours a week, climbing the legal totem pole had not been easy, although it had been financially rewarding. But did it make up for the life she had missed while working frenziedly—and some might say maniacally—over the past six years? Most people her age were married with young children. And here she was—still single, sharing an apartment with a friend on the outskirts of the city. The good news was she had saved enough to afford to live in the city and if she made Managing Attorney, Rachel promised herself, she would move to the city by the end of the month. Of course, she’d have to buy a new car too.

As she sprayed Love of Pink on her sleeves, Rachel wondered which shade of lipstick would be perfect for today. Of course, it couldn’t be flashy or glossy—it wasn’t a date, after all. That ruled out the reds, the purples and the corals. She had a whole collection of nudes too, but those shades made her skin look pale. She needed a bit of colour on her lips and a flush on her cheeks. Dose of Rose was a little too pink. Peach Blossom? Too peachy. As she opened the drawer, the lipsticks rattled to one corner. Rachel dug her hand into it and pulled out all the lipsticks that she hadn’t used in a while. Russian Red. D for Danger. Rebel. Diva. Coral Bliss. Didn’t she own any toned-down shades?

“Damn,” muttered Rachel, returning the lipsticks to the drawer.

Wait a minute! Her roommate Lily owned more lipsticks than her. Would Lily mind if she borrowed a lipstick just once? She wasn’t even back yet from her boyfriend’s place, where she’d spent the weekend.

Biting her lip, Rachel came to a decision. She went to the other room of the two-bedroom apartment and inspected the dresser.

One shade caught her eye. It was the lightest shade of rich pink in a creamy, no-shine matte finish. By the time Rachel had tried the shade on the back of her hand, she was sold. She applied the lipstick to her lips, thinking how well it contrasted against her skin tone and checked the shade name as she returned it to the dresser, making a mental note to buy one for herself. Honeylove.

It was six a.m. when Rachel got into her Toyota Camry, a hand-me-down from her elder brother, and pulled her seatbelt. While her interview wasn’t until 9 a.m., she wanted to reach the office early to pour over her interview notes while ingesting galleons of steaming coffee.

Her phone dinged. Smiling, she grabbed it from the dashboard and answered it.

“Hey! You’re up early,” she said brightly.

“I work for the Boston Police Department and I have three kids under the age of seven. I never sleep,” said a deep voice from the other end. “I wanted to wish you good luck. When are you leaving?”

“Now. Thank you,” she said, putting her phone on loudspeaker and reversing her car.

“It’s very early. Are you carrying your pepper spray?”

Rachel rolled her eyes. Her brother, a Lieutenant Detective with the BPD, had been working on the Boston serial killer case with the FBI for over four months since the discovery of the body of the second victim and the subsequent conclusion that the same perpetrator was behind both the kidnappings and murders. The serial killer angle still wasn’t common knowledge, but Rachel knew about it because her brother had told her when he shouldn’t have—for her safety, he insisted. Both women were in their twenties and had disappeared late in the evening while walking alone on deserted streets. The women were raped and beaten and tortured for several months before their dead bodies were found in deserted places around the city. A third woman had disappeared several weeks ago and the authorities suspected it was the work of the Boston serial killer.

“Yes,” said Rachel even though she wanted to point out that it was early morning and not late evening, she was driving a car and not walking alone on deserted streets, and a serial killer who’d been smart enough to kidnap and murder two women would probably not be outsmarted by a humble pepper spray, and in her hurry, she had forgotten the pepper spray at home when she had chosen a special leather handbag to carry to work today and forgotten to transfer all the items from her usual work handbag, wherein the pepper spray lay ensconced. In short, everything was okay.

“Great. All the best! Remember, if you find yourself in a situation...”

“Yes, yes. I’ll call you immediately because you never sleep,” said Rachel, trying to keep impatience out of her voice. While she appreciated her brother’s concern, his paranoia-fuelled over-protectiveness was quite stifling. She did not need such distractions on a day like today.

***********************************************

Finishing his cigarette, David threw it to the curb and rolled up the window. The air was fresh but still chilly at this early hour. He whistled and tapped the steering wheel with his fingers as he continued driving. Everything had gone according to plan. At the place where he’d buried the woman, it was unlikely her body would be found anytime soon. No body, nothing for the Police to go on with. He’d wait a while, maybe a few weeks or months, before finding another woman to keep him company in that cold and lonely house.

What was that on the road ahead? A woman in blue. A blue business suit. One of those power-hungry corporate types who paid no attention to their husbands and children—if they had any in the first place—and greedily chased after money and success. But what was she doing on the side of the road next to a stalled dented car that looked like it had been driven across the country and back several times?

As David approached the woman, he saw she was facing the opposite direction, looking to flag down a car that would take her toward the city. With a chuckle, David glanced at his cellphone screen that showed no signal. The unlucky bitch had broken down in that stretch of the road that never had any network signal. As he was passing by without any intention of helping her, their eyes met. She was pretty with blue eyes and auburn hair, tall and athletic. His eyes reeled toward her mouth, her lips, and electricity sparked through his extremities. He braked hard, the car skidding to a stop.

David flashed a smile at the woman, stepping out of his car but maintaining a distance. “Are you okay? Do you need any help?” he called out from next to his car.

The woman flung her hands in the air. She was clearly under stress. “I need to get to my office, but my car broke down and I have no signal.”

Her voice was sweet, like honey. David wondered how her muffled screams and groans would sound.

“Me neither,” said David, gesturing toward his phone in the car. “Come on! Let me give you a ride.”

Doubt shadowed her features. She hesitated.

“I’m a doctor, Ma’am. I was returning home after my night shift. But I can give you a ride in either direction until your phone has a signal and you can call someone for help.”

Her lovely blue eyes gazed into the backseat of his car, where she undoubtedly spotted his doctor’s case and the folded white coat.

Her hesitation evaporated. “Okay,” she chirped, locking her car and bounding across the road.

***********************************************

As Rachel got into the doctor’s Honda Accord, her nostrils were assailed by the stench of a cigarette. “Thank you so much,” she said, inwardly cringing at the smell. It wasn’t just the second-hand smoke. The whole car smelled like someone had died in there, like a rat maybe.

Rachel held her breath. It was just a matter of minutes. Her signal would be back as soon as they covered a few miles.

“You know what, I’ll take you in that direction,” he said, pointing toward the city. “I wouldn’t want you to be late for your important thing.”

As the doctor turned the car around, Rachel’s eyes were drawn to the cakes of dirt under his fingernails. Didn’t doctors scrub their hands several times a day? These looked like the fingernails of a man who’d spent the previous night... digging. She glanced at the backseat, where the doctor’s case lay next to the folded white coat. Her eyes lingered. The coat was ironed and folded without a single visible crease.

Rachel sat ramrod straight in her seat, glancing at her cellphone screen which still showed no signal. Her mind was running over her various options.

“You know, most people would just drive by without stopping. I wanted to help. It’s not okay to leave a woman in the middle of a deserted road,” he said, showing all of his crooked, yellow teeth.

You’re being paranoid, thought Rachel. None of this proves anything. So, he’s a bit shabby-looking with poor personal hygiene and looks nothing like a doctor. It doesn’t mean he’s not actually a doctor.

Rachel felt the heat of his gaze on her face and as she turned sideways cautiously, she saw him staring at her lips. He was definitely odd, she thought, gulping.

Always trust your instinct even when, and especially when, your mind doesn’t know why your instinct is sending those signals. When your instinct is telling you you’re in danger, you listen hard, okay? Never ignore your gut feeling.

Her brother’s words echoed in her mind. Was he being paranoid or was she being stupid?

Rachel made an instant decision. “My brother works as a Lieutenant Detective in the Boston Police Department. He told me...” she paused to think. “He said that it’s not safe to hitchhike with a stranger, but here I am.”

The man kept his eyes on the road, staring ahead blankly. “You didn’t have a choice, did you?” he said gruffly.

“No. I really needed to get to my office. And then you turned up. I really appreciate this, you know, you going out of your way to help me,” she said with what she hoped was sincerity and not revulsion.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said absent-mindedly.

Rachel exhaled slowly, thinking harder. “The FBI is involved, you know, in the investigations of the deaths of those two young women.”

The man’s ears seem to perk up. “The FBI?”

“Yes,” said Rachel calmly, tightening her grip around her keys. If the man tried anything, she would poke him in the eye and run away. “You know, my brother is so paranoid, he has me report my whereabouts to him hourly. I bet he knows my car has broken down and the exact location too. He’s probably already sent help,” she said, glancing at her signal-less cellphone.

The man looked at her again, his gaze lingering on her lips. He seemed to be making up his mind about something.

“Any moment now, we’ll hear the blaring sirens and see the flashing lights of the Police cars headed this way,” said Rachel.

The man floored the brakes and the car jerked to an abrupt stop. “Oh shoot,” he said. “I’m low on gas. If you don’t mind, can I drop you here? I think you’ll be okay since help is on the way.”

“Um, yes, thank you so much.” She scrambled to get out of the car.

As the man turned the car around and sped away without another glance at her, Rachel’s sigh of relief was audible. She mentally noted his car plate number and began jogging in the opposite direction, holding her phone up high and waiting for the network connection to call her brother.


May 23, 2021 06:22

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

97 comments

Susan Hudson
20:58 Jun 05, 2021

How brave of you to tackle this subject. How cleverly written! Thank god it ended well for this woman, and how sorry I am for the others.

Reply

Kanika G
03:23 Jun 06, 2021

Thank you so much, Susan! I couldn't end it badly for the main character. I'm glad you liked the story. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Tonibelle Chan
05:37 Jun 04, 2021

Oh wow, you had me on the edge of my seat! Great job!

Reply

Kanika G
05:51 Jun 04, 2021

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kanika G
06:47 May 23, 2021

One of the POVs in the story was hard to write - you can guess which one. Through this story, I've tried to show how seemingly inconsequential decisions (like what clothes to wear or what shade of lipstick to apply) can sometimes have monumental consequences. I hope you enjoy it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Zz Entwistle
17:58 Aug 05, 2021

A haunting and well-written crime story! It fit the prompt well, and I'm so glad that Rachel was okay...

Reply

Kanika G
06:57 Aug 12, 2021

Thank you so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mason Smith
16:24 Jul 13, 2021

I thought both point of views were written very well. Great descriptions and visual cues. I like suspense and this brought some to the table for sure. Hope to read more of your works on Reedsy now that I'm aware of this place. Thanks :)

Reply

Kanika G
07:13 Jul 15, 2021

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback. :) I will check out your stories too.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Aryansh Dubey
16:35 Jun 28, 2021

AWESOME! I totally got 'silence of the lambs' vibe with the shifty narrative and the mood and everything, especially the first half. As I said in a previous story of yours mam, you are great with dialogues, even internal ones here. I loved the way you dwelled so unabashedly in a dangerous place, in the very mind of the criminal with his p.o.v. a rather difficult tool, but my word, I loved it. Just.....I have a feeling, did you originally want to end it differently, but decided not to make things too dark? Just asking.

Reply

Kanika G
09:47 Jun 30, 2021

Thank you so much, Aryansh. This is one of those lucky stories that flowed easily. I think I conceptualized and wrote this in 4-5 hours in one sitting. I love stories like this one in the thriller/crime genre. Yes, it was hard to write from his POV, but when you're writing a story, you've got to be honest. I couldn't leave out his disturbing thoughts because that wouldn't have been honest writing. I was a bit unsure of the ending, but I wanted a positive ending. I wasn't sure how I would make it happen, but in the end I hope it came out plau...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Rohit Mukundan
17:54 Jun 19, 2021

Very cinematic. The way you build suspense with shifting POVs is just perfect. At first I thought the way he let her go was too easy, but when I think of real life serial killers that I've read about, they're not the geniuses we see in fiction. Most of the time they get away due to incompetence on the part of the authorities or an unwillingness to do a thorough investigation. And when they get caught it's usually because they're careless. And that lipstick scene... there's just so much dread and anticipation. The build up is like somethi...

Reply

Kanika G
09:53 Jun 20, 2021

Hello Rohit, thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I'm glad the dual-POV approach worked to create suspense. You've made good observations in your comment. I never thought on those lines but now that I think about it, you're absolutely right. I'm glad my story aligns well with that line of reasoning. Thank you very much. I really appreciate your comment. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ravi Srivastava
11:10 Jun 11, 2021

A very well-crafted story, Kanika. It is not easy to write a story in this genre, but you have managed it so well. It is always a pleasure to read one of your stories.

Reply

Kanika G
12:48 Jun 11, 2021

Thank you so much, Sir. Really appreciate your comment. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Sean Tarzy
22:49 Jun 09, 2021

Enjoyed this. The last part is very compelling and intense. One great line I want to point out: "Her voice was sweet, like honey. David wondered how her muffled screams and groans would sound." I do feel, however, that she got off a little too easy? Doesn't David (who appears smart enough) figure that she has his description, license plate, etc. to give to the police/fbi to track him down? Either way, I'd read the sequel. Good job.

Reply

Kanika G
06:56 Jun 11, 2021

Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked the story. I somewhat agree with you. I was conflicted about the ending of the story. In a real situation, I don't know whether a serial killer would let a woman whom he wants go. I think he'd be a little reckless and take her anyway (knowing that her brother and the FBI is working on the case). But I justify the ending as follows: he knows if he takes her, it would be risky because her brother would be personally invested in finding the serial killer. He's also scared knowing that the FBI is involved ...

Reply

Sean Tarzy
15:06 Jun 11, 2021

Ahh, ok. I read it thinking he knew she was suspecting him. Makes more sense now.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Shekhar Gupta
08:17 Jun 07, 2021

Very well written Kanika !! It is like a short thriller. It makes a very interesting reading. A difficult subject but handled with ease. Well done and keep it up!!

Reply

Kanika G
14:45 Jun 07, 2021

Thank you so much, Dad! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kristin Neubauer
17:23 Jun 06, 2021

Oh my gosh! What a story! I'm sorry I've been absent for so long....the past few weeks have been a blur lately. I keep starting stories but haven't managed to finish any on time and have not been able to keep up with reading. I am so glad you drew my attention to this one because I would have been kicking myself if I'd missed it. Brilliant execution (no pun intended!). You set up David's character so well in the beginning - such a sinister voice and backstory. But when you took us through Rachel's preparations and lipstick selection......

Reply

Kanika G
14:58 Jun 07, 2021

Thank you so much, Kristin! This was a surprisingly fun to write story. I enjoyed writing the dual POV and tried to create suspense using it (the reader knows something the character doesn't know). The end was a little tricky to make it convincing, but I really wanted it to end positively for the main character. I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks again for your wonderful comment. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mustansir Fazli
10:44 Jun 05, 2021

Yoooo, this was actually thrilling! I admire your choice of words, firstly. Dug the two POVs style of writing too, pretty unique. And hey, glad to see a fellow Indian in a decent corner of the internet! Cheers 😁 PS: I would love your feedback on my latest submission.

Reply

Kanika G
15:45 Jun 05, 2021

Thank you so much. Glad to know you enjoyed the dual POV style. I enjoyed writing it despite the dark theme. I will surely check out your story soon. Thanks again! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Hoor Amin
16:30 Jun 04, 2021

Wow! I loved it! Her intelligence!

Reply

Kanika G
15:40 Jun 05, 2021

Thank you so much!

Reply

Hoor Amin
22:30 Jun 05, 2021

You're welcome :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Pahani Wijeratne
16:56 Jun 03, 2021

Hello! I absolutely love this story. The plot is really interesting and it was awesome to read such a thrilling story. I love the lipstick shade too :D. Have an amazing day and God bless!

Reply

Kanika G
15:41 Jun 05, 2021

Thank you so much for your comment. :) I'm glad you liked the story and the lipstick shade. Thanks so much!

Reply

Pahani Wijeratne
22:43 Jun 05, 2021

Thank you! it’s my pleasure! :D ✨

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lucas Farrer
15:07 Jun 02, 2021

That was SO good! As well as completely terrifying, the sections from David's point of view were scarily believable and the paragraphs on choosing the lipstick genuinely had me on the edge of my theoretical seat. You truly are an amazing writer if you can turn something that innocent into a complete nightmare for the reader. Loved it (:

Reply

Kanika G
14:48 Jun 03, 2021

Thank you so much! I am thrilled to read your comment. It really made me smile. :) Thank you!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Writers Block
23:58 Jun 01, 2021

I could vision a motion series like CSI or NCIS

Reply

Kanika G
12:39 Jun 02, 2021

Thank you so much. Glad you liked it! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Rayhan Hidayat
22:58 Jun 01, 2021

THAT’S your trigger warning?? 😂 I couldn’t stop reading, this was one heck of a thrill ride. Not gonna suggest edits because there’s no point, but good stuff anyway 😙

Reply

Kanika G
12:39 Jun 02, 2021

Thank you so much! Glad you liked it. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mark Wilson
13:13 May 31, 2021

Another great story, Kanika! A roller-coaster ride of intrigue; it started dark and foreboding, then it's personal and poignant, then cathartic and celebratory. My favorite section was when she was trying to determine what lipstick to wear. You'd figure it would be a sentence or three, a paragraph maybe, but NO - You dangled that 'lipstick' on a 'stick' so well, that when you finally 'did' reveal the name, I was smiling broadly, and proud of myself for being right, and waiting. The thing about being a writer and loving words, is that yo...

Reply

Kanika G
09:57 Jun 01, 2021

Hi Mark, Thank you so much for your wonderful and insightful comment! I'm glad to know my little trick to create suspense worked, even though it frustrated you as a reader (in a good way) :) Your summing up of the story was great. "My favorite section was when she was trying to determine what lipstick to wear. You'd figure it would be a sentence or three, a paragraph maybe, but NO - You dangled that 'lipstick' on a 'stick' so well, that when you finally 'did' reveal the name, I was smiling broadly, and proud of myself for being right, and ...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Gaurav Thakur
09:33 May 30, 2021

You created a captivating story yet again Kanika. I was just wondering why do you mostly choose foreign setups in your write ups. I think you can weave magic in Indian backdrop stories as well. Looking forward to it and yes I'm gonna buy my wife a 'Honey Love' soon....thanks for the tip.👍🏻

Reply

Kanika G
14:24 May 31, 2021

Thank you, jiju :) I have written four stories with Indian characters and settings. They're all listed under my profile. I like setting my stories in diverse locations because on this blog, I'm writing for a global audience. I'm glad you liked the story.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ana Govindasamy
04:55 May 30, 2021

Wow. You are an amazing writer, Kanika, that was extraordinary. You had me in the edge of my seat every word, it was like there was a knot in my stomach that only untangled at the last sentence. The characters were really well written, and I loved the lipstick theme. Taking notes from Rachel, she’s one smart woman, and I was so glad to see she got out of it safe.

Reply

Kanika G
14:35 May 31, 2021

Ana, you are so wonderful! I love your comments on my stories because they always make me smile. Thank you so so much! :D

Reply

Ana Govindasamy
14:44 May 31, 2021

:D No problem!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply