Fantasy Funny

You look out the window and, not for the first time, thought about how wrong the weather forecast had been. You have to rub your eyes and pinch yourself to make sure that you’re not dreaming and that this is in fact real. To be honest, you didn’t even realize the weather forecast could be this wrong. Sure, there was the occasional sunny day when the forecast predicted rain, but nothing could have prepared you for the purple clouds gathered overhead and the sizzling rain splashing on the sidewalk. 

It had been three days since you had seen normal weather, if snow in August could even be considered normal. You typically wouldn’t consider that normal, but compared to the weather this week, you’d give anything to see a gray cloudy sky instead of the mauve gathered overhead. 

Donning your raincoat (like that would help anyway), you step outside. By this time, the sizzling rain has thankfully ceased, leaving the sidewalks peppered with small holes, but strangely damp. You shake your head, letting out a sigh before freezing in your tracks. Even the weather forecast could not have predicted the large mako shark that lands not even a meter in front of you. You jump back, startled as the shark stares back at you, apparently as confused as you were, before it flopped over, rolling down the hill, tail over fins. You hear the loud honking and squealing of tires on the road as you shook your head, wondering what other sea wildlife has fallen from the sky. 

As you head into work, you walk by an angry-looking porpoise and a sea lion who scampered toward you, whiskers twitching. You eye them cautiously as you skirt around them. 

“Don’t look at me,” you mutter. “I don’t know anything either.” 

The porpoise snorts. It would have rolled its eyes and cursed, you swear, if it could. The sea lion sniffs you again before waddling off, flippers smacking on the sidewalk that should be soaked with water.

Then again, you admit. It’s decidedly not the strangest thing you’ve seen all week. With the strange weather this week, you admit that you should have seen it coming. Yesterday, it was the nor'easter of tiny elephant figurines that swept through town. You barely got a wink of sleep that night, with the pitter-patter of what should have been snow on the roof. The day before, you shake your head as you recall the nightmare cleaning up had been, it was a torrent of fluorescent green slime, cold and slippery, that poured from the sky, the clouds a glowing turquoise above it. It had taken hours for you to scrape up the sticky goo off the windows, and even then, you hadn’t even made a dent in the green goo still plastered over your roof. Hopefully, you huff, the sizzling rain from this morning will have washed the remnants of the goo away.

The rest of the journey is mildly uneventful. You give silent thanks that a great white shark doesn’t land on your head, chomping you in two, or a giant squid does not careen into you, tentacles wrapping around you. When you near your building, you do notice several tuna fish flopping on the sidewalk, flippers tangled in sticky green goo, probably residue from yesterday’s storm. 

“Strange weather we’re having,” Bob remarks as you hold the door for him. You nod, following him in, shutting the door in the face of a curious narwhal. 

“What’s going to be next?” You ponder aloud. “A tornado of furniture? A hurricane of toys?”

Bob chuckles. “That would be a nightmare,” he comments, staring pointedly at an orca whale rolling down the street.

“Very bizarre,” you snort as you watched the orca’s tail hit a car, smashing the windshield in on the belligerent driver.

The elevator dings and you and Bob head separate ways. You to your office, Bob to the front desk. If not for the odd purple-tinted lighting, you could almost imagine it is a normal day. Just an ordinary summer, blue skies, mosquito bites, grills in the backyards. Not any of this nonsense, with squids coming from the sky or sweeping figurines off the sidewalks. If you were a child, you would have been amused and in wonder of the strangeness of what was going on. Certainly, you remarked as you watched two children run by on the street below, chased by a fur seal, you would have had much fun. 

You have to admit, you’re mostly adjusted to this strange weather. The day goes by without much thought to the weather. You’re too busy with phone call after phone call and meeting after meeting to be preoccupied with the sight of leatherback sea turtles lying on the roads or the walrus sleeping in the fountain, unbothered by the flashing of cameras around it. In fact, it’s almost three by the time someone raps on the door and you look up to see Bob’s smiling face.

“Weather’s on soon,” he says.

"I'll be there," you answer, following Bob into the common area where you joined your co-workers watching the large screen. 

“Welcome to the weather forecast. Tomorrow’s forecast,” the weather reporter sounded flustered. “Temperatures should be around 10 degrees Celsius and cloudy. Well, folks, as you are probably certain, we’re not quite sure what we’re dealing with. All over the country, strange weather phenomena are being reported. With a bean storm in Manchester, yes you heard us right, a bean storm, and it’s literally raining cats and dogs in London. We have Dr. Johnson, a famous meteorologist here to tell us more.”

“Thanks, Josh,” the voice switched to a smoother and deeper one. “We’re not quite certain what we’re dealing with, with the aquatic sea life coming from the skies or the elephant figurines.” It sounded as if Dr. Johnson is trying not to laugh. “The strangeness of it all is perplexing, we have to admit, but we think that the weather has been caused by a change in the jet-”

You sighed, turning away from the screen, letting the report drop into the background as you stare out the window, watching a few seagulls tussle with a giant squid. With the strange weather patterns, you only knew one thing for certain. It was going to be a long, and very bizarre, week.

June 26, 2020 22:43

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