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Creative Nonfiction Funny Historical Fiction

I am the legendary Dammit Tibbles, the mightiest huntress who ever lived. Fear me, all ye lesser creatures.


In truth, “Tibbles” is just what I've let David call me. I don’t care a dropped whisker for his calls, so it doesn’t matter if he calls me Tibbles, or Chunky Dumpling, or Babaganoush. It isn’t like I’m going to answer to any of it… though, when he eventually expanded it to “Dammit Tibbles,” it amused and flattered me on a deep level which I cannot quite explain.


I know it is the ultimate compliment, because I'm kind of a big deal in history. But we’ll get to that.


Despite the nonsensical name imposed upon me, he is a kind man, and I have been his “little lady” since two winters ago. He first came across me, shivering and half-starving, in a dirty alley where I had been dumped. Still young, I was able to eke out a meager living despite the competition, but fleas and the sordidness of my situation impinged upon my natural majesty during those hard few months. 


I knew I was destined for better than a grueling life on the streets, so when this particular human began presenting me with treats on his way by from time to time, I knew that this was a path of upward mobility for me, and I grew to welcome his visits.


Now, it wasn’t lick-at-first-sight. I continued my existence in that alley and in my surrounding territory, growing stronger, bigger, and healthier every week. I had even met another of my kind, a big, beautiful male with ebony locks and green eyes who mesmerized my young heart. We roamed together, and he showed me where to find the best mice.


A giver at heart – as kind and benevolent as I am regal – I was certain to save some of these murine victims to give to David in appreciation for all of the treats he had shared. If he was to be my human connection in this world, I wanted him to know that I did not take the relationship lightly. One should always gift their loved ones and dear friends, as a sign of respect and honor.


Oddly, he grimaced and never took the treats home with him, so perhaps he didn’t understand. I resolved to follow him home and deposit them directly onto his turf so that he would know they were, indeed, intended for his consumption.


After that, it was only a short time before I was allowed into his home (though, not with the gifts), and soon I found that the delights of a warm fireplace and tinned fish were too much to refuse. I saw less and less of my laddie love, until one day, I simply decided to stay and accept my regency. My dear tom had already found another, and so we had since said our formal goodbyes, though sometimes I would still sneak out at night and visit him for old times’ sake. These were the storied days of my youth – which I was soon to leave behind.


The months passed in pleasant repose. David was a quiet man of simple needs, who enjoyed petting me for hours as I rested against his leg in front of a cozy fire. He rarely entertained, so it was just the two of us, and though he was gone most days from our comfortable abode, I always greeted him in the evenings with mellow chirping and ankle weaves. He said more than once that I was getting a little too plump to fit between his ankles, and that he’d have to stop giving me so much tuna, but it was an idle threat, fortunately – for him.


One day, I unexpectedly found myself vaccinated and caged and stowed aboard a boat to cross the narrow sea, all in the span of a day. When we landed, David and I (and my soon-to-be-born kittens) were on a lush island where only the two of us mattered in all of the world.


As I surveyed my new domain, I remember thinking to myself that, truly, this must be what humans call heaven. 


Oh, the treasures that abounded here! I was so delighted to have the roam of the place that I increased my gifts to David many fold. Something else, too, intuited in me the need to become more productive in this manner, should I expect to adequately provide for my coming brood. 


I never understood David’s objections to my generous gifts, but they remained on the stoop and were never integrated into our evening meals. Nevertheless, I was certain to present something daily. My particular delight was a little creature which seemed to be a cross between a ground rodent and a bird. It looked like a bird, lovely glowing gold and olive feathers enshrouding it, but it didn’t fly like one. It simply ran and ran... and ran... hah!


It was such great fun that my whiskers twitch even now, remembering the thrill of those hunts. And the strange little creatures were everywhere, ripe for the plucking, so to speak.


It was during this time that I grew from just “Tibbles” to become “Dammit Tibbles,” legendary huntress extraordinaire. 


It was also during this time that I birthed my beautiful, healthy young kits. I got plenty of tuna while I was ensconced in caretaking my newborns, but never once did David think to reciprocate in bringing me my favorite bird. Humans just don’t “get it” sometimes, so I graciously overlooked the gaffe.


In short order, my little ones had grown enough to leave the nursery and join me in my hunts, the clowder of us wreaking absolute havoc on our new realm. 


Such were the exploits of Dammit Tibbles and her brood that we were even credited with a legendary achievement focused on that bird that I mentioned: I (we) had single-handedly wiped it from the face of the planet… a feat never before managed in the history of the world, and one which, to this day, is enshrined in human history books. 


They call it a “cautionary tale,” by which I can only assume they mean as a warning to all other species of our might: caution, Dammit Tibbles and her family are on the prowl here. Woe unto ye! 

February 25, 2023 06:33

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123 comments

N.M. Stech
21:39 Mar 03, 2023

This was just marvelous. The title pulled me in out of curiosity, and I chortled when I found origin of the name was disclosed. This story is so much fun! And it captures the nature of cats so well. I have two, and they, too, are insistent on bringing me these same “gifts.” I think I should be more grateful! Absolutely wonderful!

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Wendy Kaminski
22:54 Mar 03, 2023

hehehe :) Thank you so much, I really appreciate the kind and fun comment! :)

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Delbert Griffith
14:31 Mar 03, 2023

What a fun and deep read! My failed attempts at this prompt are highlighted by your extraordinary take. I found it beautiful and amusing and entertaining. Fantastic tale, my friend. Wendy, as per, comes through in winning fashion.

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Wendy Kaminski
14:55 Mar 03, 2023

Good morning, Del! And what a lovely thing to log in to - thank you so much for the heart-warming and most encouraging review! :)

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Suma Jayachandar
06:23 Mar 03, 2023

Wendy, This is a very well crafted piece that follows the POV’s journey from Tibbles to Dammit Tibbles. I found the blossoming of the bond between David and Tibbles so sweet and relatable. Especially the ‘gifting’ part.😀 But the cutest line in the piece has to be-It was during this time that I grew from just “Tibbles” to become “Dammit Tibbles,” legendary huntress extraordinaire. It’s cat pride and naïveté rolled into a stunning literary line. Thanks for sharing such a heartwarming story!

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Wendy Kaminski
15:02 Mar 03, 2023

hehehe :) Thank you so much, Suma! Always so lovely and smile-invoking, to see you on my threads. :)

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Wally Schmidt
01:59 Mar 03, 2023

Dammit Tibbles is a great name, but Babaganoush! wow I wish I had named my cat that. Although maybe it's more of a turtle name. I'll have to think about that one. You really captured some major 'catness' in this story-the 'gifts' of course. but also that aloof attitude. Well-written as always!

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Wendy Kaminski
02:34 Mar 03, 2023

hehe You may be right, the "noush"-part definitely sounds turtlish...! :D Thank you so much for the encouraging review, Wally - I'm glad you liked it!

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22:43 Mar 31, 2023

Loved it. So typically a cat's perspective. (I imagine) I was worried about Tibbles being brought to an island. Yes they do wipe out the bird population. Cautionary tale, indeed.

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Mike Panasitti
11:05 Mar 15, 2023

Your way of bridging the factual and fictional is truly splendid and is the defining feature of your authorial voice. What sort of mythological, or taxonomically strange, creature was the rodent/bird?

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Wendy Kaminski
13:52 Mar 15, 2023

It was the Lyall's wren: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyall's_wren. It had underdeveloped chest muscles for flight, which I think impacts at least one other species in that part of the world (kakapo). I think it has something to do with lack of natural predators over time - the birds just didn't need to fly.

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14:22 Mar 10, 2023

You really did a good job of writing from an animal's perspective. You nailed it. I will appreciate if you can comment on my book.

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16:41 Mar 09, 2023

This was great! I could "hear" the cat telling her story!

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Wendy Kaminski
23:13 Mar 09, 2023

Thanks so much, Christine! :)

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Simone J Fry
14:08 Mar 09, 2023

I really enjoyed this Wendy. A lovely read, put a smile on my face and some chuckles too :)

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Wendy Kaminski
14:54 Mar 09, 2023

Thanks, Simone!

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Simone J Fry
18:23 Mar 09, 2023

:) :)

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05:01 Mar 09, 2023

What a cute and funny story! It keeps the first-person perspective perfectly--never betraying felinity. Brava! I'm keeping this one in my head for a little while, because it has stuck with me: "One should always gift their loved ones and dear friends, as a sign of respect and honor."

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Wendy Kaminski
15:32 Mar 09, 2023

Thanks, Giuliano - I am so happy you enjoyed it! :)

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Susan Catucci
18:50 Mar 07, 2023

Were you as surprised as I to learn that a bunch (aka herd) of cats is a clowder? I laughed out loud when I saw it here! (I, being more of a birdbrain, you may have noticed.) So, so many memorable lines and phrases - ankle weaving (love it), lick-at-first-sight, and chunky DT was destined for the history books all along. And with attitude befitting a feline femme fatale. So enjoyable and smart - reminds me of the author!

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Wendy Kaminski
23:43 Mar 07, 2023

Aww <3 Thanks, sis, for the heart-warming-as-always review! I am glad you liked it, and yes - I had forgotten they were called a clowder, too! How drunk WERE those people that came up with group names, anyway...?! haha

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Susan Catucci
01:28 Mar 08, 2023

Well, I believe if you look at some bird names - all the tits and boobies out there - most notably, one poor little innocent without any say in the matter is known as a Great Tit - I leave it to your good sense what to make of it. I suggest the males of the species be precluded from labeling nature, Or, at the very least, pass a urine and/or blood test before doing so. Just a thought.

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Wendy Kaminski
01:56 Mar 08, 2023

lol! :)

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This is an awesome story! You can tell it is obviously from an unreliable narrator. I have to say, my cat has a much different story. He could never hurt a fly (Believe me, he has tried. Leaves are more up his alley!). He has a skin condition so he has many bald spots and he drinks out of the toilet even when the water is chlorinated and blue (getting into toilet bowls seems to be his only real talent!). He likes eating human food but doesn't know how to bite things, so we have to shred the meat for him. Overall, he seems very different fro...

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Wendy Kaminski
23:42 Mar 07, 2023

Awww, your kitty sounds like a sweet little individual, and aren't they all! Thank you so much for the kind comments on my story - I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Kathryn Kahn
21:18 Mar 06, 2023

Loved the name of your cat. It's a good story, as usual, but you had me at "Dammit Tibbles."

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Wendy Kaminski
21:33 Mar 06, 2023

Thanks, Kathryn! :)

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Ann Miller
17:04 Mar 06, 2023

Wendy, we used to joke that my brother's middle name was Dammit, as in, Adam, dammit. I love that Tibbles gets the moniker as well.

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Wendy Kaminski
21:55 Mar 06, 2023

haha Too funny! Thanks for reading!

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Andrew Fruchtman
13:43 Mar 06, 2023

Loved this. Loved the “voice” of Tibbles, the regal air of it. Anyone with a cat will recognize those “gifts” as a sign of affection. Great job!

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Wendy Kaminski
14:10 Mar 06, 2023

Thanks, Andrew! :)

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L M
07:40 Mar 06, 2023

T hi s is hilarious. I want a cat called Dammit Tibbles now.

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Wendy Kaminski
14:07 Mar 06, 2023

lol :) Thanks, LM! :)

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L M
09:15 Mar 09, 2023

Youre welcome.

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Brad Heald
23:32 Mar 02, 2023

Oh my gosh Wendy. What a pleasure it is to read your writing. I loved the treat deliveries, chirping and ankle weaves and, I say this with some embarrassment, I did not know and I'm old, so I hope maybe I just forgot, a group of cats. Clowder. Each of your stories I've read I've learned a new word and feel the smiles. Thank you!!

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Wendy Kaminski
23:48 Mar 02, 2023

My office was FULL of people today... like, packed! I could hardly get any work done for all the chatter (open-plan), and I'm on deadline with several projects, so my blood pressure was pretty high up there. THEN... at the end of the day ... my computer crashed. After half an hour with tech support, it's toast. I lost everything. Hard drive failure. I got home, had a donut, and read your review, and you know what? Good donut, but even better review - you really made my day so much better! Thank you so much for the kind words: I am really so...

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Ksenija Rubež
14:17 Mar 02, 2023

Dear Wendy, Even though "the cat mind" remains one of the greatest mysteries for mankind, I have a feeling that all the cats that I got to befriend or was generously scratched by would agree that this story is quite authentic to a cat's way of thinking. Other than the marvelous writing, your sense of humor is something else. "Now, it wasn’t lick-at-first-sight"; "and soon I found that the delights of a warm fireplace and tinned fish were too much to refuse"; "It was such great fun that my whiskers twitch even now, remembering the thrill ...

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Wendy Kaminski
15:11 Mar 02, 2023

haha! Thanks so much, Ksenija! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and leave such a lovely comment! :)

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Michał Przywara
21:50 Mar 01, 2023

Hehe :) Aww :( I think you nailed the cat's voice here. From her POV, she was just doing cat things - hunting, providing gifts for her extended family, and so on. Extincting things didn't even register - and why would it? That falls on us. Poor wrens though. An amusing story, and quite a sense of adventure too, when Dammit Tibbles arrived in new lands :) I'm now imagining all sorts of fun stories based on invasive species. Also, "when he eventually expanded it to “Dammit Tibbles,” it amused and flattered me on a deep level which I can...

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Wendy Kaminski
22:00 Mar 01, 2023

lol :) I get such a kick out of your reviews, thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave so much encouragement! :D

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Dan Coglianese
20:38 Mar 01, 2023

Great story! I love Tibbles' attitude. I don't think any line captures the true spirit of all cats more than, "I'm kind of a big deal..." Another fun read. I look so forward to all of your stories every week.

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Wendy Kaminski
20:50 Mar 01, 2023

You are too kind - I got a kick out of that line, too! haha So cat. :) Thank you SO much, Dan! I appreciate your encouragement and support!

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