FAILING HOBBIES

My wife said “You’re sitting watching TV all the time. That’s because you’ve no hobby. You had told me you had started by taking a course on homeopathy as a hobby so that you could treat the poor. That was before we were married. You had acquired a big box full of those medicines which remains unused. You said that system of medicine ran in the family as your grandfather in the village had practised it in ancient times. You received a diploma but your treatment was wrong from the start. The then gardener’s son had pain in the neck and took your medicines. Actually it turned out to be something very serious. You dropped homeopathy.”

I merely listened. She continued “Your close friend wanted to give you a dog to keep as your pet.”

I said “I refused for good reasons. We’re vegetarian and dogs need meat. Again my friend takes the dog out for dog-doo every day. I would hate to do that. Besides as I had pointed out these dogs bark and we’ll be needlessly hated for the disturbance. There is no vet near our home and if the dog falls ill I would’ve to take it out a long distance, whereas the vet almost lives next door to my friend’s house.”

My wife said “I said take up playing scrabble. I got that girl in the apartment next to us to come and help. She is said to be a champ. She came with the board and paraphernalia.”

“Nonsense! She came with a wordlist book which I couldn’t lift and for which I had to pay a big sum. There was no play with dice. Simply spellings to play trhe game. I was weak in spelling even in school days.” My wife merely listened. I continued “Whatever word I played that girl challenged. And she knew words which took the plural. I was confused. I lost every game I played with her. True she showed me those words which contain only vowels and so on. They aren’t in everyday use. That girl had a good memory whereas with all the problems we face I thought I needn’t carry those obscure words in my head.”

“Luckily for you, her family moved away from our neighbourhood and you were spared.”

I said “I remember the man who buys our old newspapers paid a handsome amount for the wordlist book which was so weighty.”

My wife said “I had suggested that you take up reading as a hobby. I brought you a few good books. The result was you never read any except the one on witchcraft. You said you would make it your hobby.”

“What’s wrong? Witchcraft was practised for centuries the world over. The book said witchcraft was in vogue even today.”

“After reading the book you said you could cast spells. You remember the fellow who delivered gas cylinders at home? He was arrogant and you said you had cast a spell on that fellow’s love life. You aren’t an adept.”

I said “That fellow gave up the job with the gas company.”

“May be. But now he is delivering soap in a motorized 3 wheeler. I was told he quit the gas company’s job as he got something better. You wasted your time casting spells.”

“My spells surely worked. You must ask about his family life. I gave up witchcraft because I found astrology more interesting.”

“You believed that charlatan who said that in one of your previous lives you were King Henry the eighth. You paid him to teach you. I then said it was nonsense but you didn’t believe me. When that fellow who was your guru was arrested you woke up to the fact that he was a cheat. He had cheated so many women and taken their gold jewellery. From astrology you jumped to philosophy. You joined classes being held within the confines of a religious organisation. You attended the course for a few days after buying so many books which contained sanskrit on one page with English translation on the opposite. Very expensive books. And they said that you had slept when the discourse was on.”

“Not only me. 2 others were also noticed sleeping. You see the concept of life after death and the arguments between the greats about death were so boring that I did go to sleep. The next day I raised some interesting issues with the scholar who was expounding.”

“I can guess what he said: These points were covered in my earlier discourses.”

I said sheepishly “Something like that. The terms used in Sanskrit are difficult to understand. I withdrew from the course.”

“The expensive books you had invested on are still in our premises gathering dust. They are weighty volumes. You said that even the dealer who sold used books didn’t want those.”

I nodded and said “I asked the scholar who taught philosophy if I could sell those books to his religious organisation, but he said enough new books were in stock. Considering the circumstances I’ve found a way out. I’ll donate them rubber stamped with the inscription that they were donated by me. The library of the senior citizen’s club said they would welcome such donations. And they would themselves arrange to collect the books from our home if I called.”

“Look at the money you’ve lost! And now making charges for the rubber stamp!”

I said “You’re always looking at money lost.”

“You’ve never even opened those books. And now you’re thinking of donating them!”

“Don’t complain about losing money. Don’t I get you things you need? Take for instance that green sari I bought for you recently.”

“You bought it at the vast discount at which it was offered. You’re miserly. Not only that. They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Remember your taking up gardening as a hobby? You saw the garden in my friend’s house. It was much smaller than ours but you were impressed by the number of vegetables that the garden produced. Then I know what you did. You got the head gardener from the horticultural society to advise you about growing vegetables. He visited us and you paid the charges he sought. He got us 20 pots with soil and 3 bags of manure besides seeds. One bag of manure is still rotting in our garage.”

I said “I’ve learnt that it requires magic fingers to grow vegetables. I’ve no luck.”

“That isn’t correct. You didn’t want to carry water from inside to water the plants. You waited for the plumber to give a new water connection which would pipe water to the plants. By that time the plants had withered. Then we went overseas and when we returned we were left with only weeds growing in the pots. You were too lazy to clean up the mess. You wanted the gardener to do it. He went somewhere and you lost interest in gardening. My honest feeling is your hobby is do nothing. Sit watching TV. Criticise me on my cooking and home management. Waste money on pursuing whatever comes to mind as hobby.”

I should say she had come up with the right appraisal of me!

END