Awkwardness

Trying to avoid getting her hair wet, Joanne ducks into the warm coffee shop. The weather prediction indicated it would be a cold and rainy day, but with the sun shining brightly when she went out to the train station, she completely forgot to take an umbrella. Getting off the train, she has to walk about five blocks to her workplace and with Murphy being his omnipresent self, that was exactly when the raindrops started falling. Sure that she has the worst hair frizz in the history of humankind, Joanne avoids rain at all costs. She does not want to walk around with a mane the entire day.

As she enters the coffee shop, she smells a mixture of fresh coffee brewing, warm chocolate muffins baking, all intermingling with the smell of old wood and a cozy fire in the fireplace in the corner. There are small tables scattered throughout the space, with a large comfortable chair here and there. There is also a counter against the wall with bar stools and enough plugs for people to charge and use their electronic devices. The place is quite packed, and she can see it is rather popular. People appear to be having business meetings and some look comfortable with their notebooks and laptops as if they have settled in for the day. Wondering why she has never seen this place before, she walks up to the counter to order a large mug of filter coffee with warm milk. And a muffin, she did not have time for a good breakfast. She was considering making herself comfortable and working for a bit until the worst of the rain has passed.

Turning around to look if there are any seats at a table available, Joanne sees a familiar face. Can it be…? Is it…? She cannot believe it! Jake! Sitting alone at a table, tapping away at the keyboard of his laptop. She had THE biggest crush on him at university, but he never made a move and she never had the guts to ask him out. Twenty years later he still looks the same, with longish brown hair curling around his ears and a barely-there beard. As subtly as possible she tries to see if he is wearing a wedding ring. Only after people start turning around to look at her does she realize the barista has been calling her order a few times, a little bit louder each time. “Sorry,” she says, turning to the barista. She glances around to see if Jakes noticed her, but he is still engrossed in whatever he is busy with on his laptop. Slightly embarrassed and feeling a blush creeping up her neck, she takes her order, pays, and goes to sit at the counter against the wall.

Taking a sip of coffee, she takes out her tablet and opens her electronic planner and calendar to see what the day holds. But she is not focused on what she is doing. She is wondering about Jake. Does he work close by? They studied Computer Science together, but is he still doing something related to computers? The way he touch-types on his laptop gives the impression that the technology is an extension of himself. Should she go and greet him? As the thoughts run through her mind, overthinking things as she usually does, she sees movement behind her. He got up! Is he leaving? Just then and there she decides to take the jump and ask him for a coffee or lunch date. Just maybe she lands herself a date for Valentine’s day…

She gets up and walks over to where he is busy packing away his laptop. He does not notice her until she is right next to him.

“Jakes?” she asks cautiously.

She takes a glance and sees that there is no wedding band, and also no white ring of skin to indicate there recently was one.

“Yes?” he looks up.

“It’s me, Joanne. We studied computer science together at university 20 years ago.”

He looks at her with a puzzled gaze. “Joanne?”

She does not hear the question in his voice and takes it as recognition. She quickly continues, afraid her courage will fail.

“I saw you sitting here and was wondering if you work in the area? How about lunch to talk about the good old days and to catch up?”

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?”

Oh god, he does not recognize me! Joanne feels herself blushing in full force. She looks at the door as if she is ready to make a run for it.

“I...I’m… I’m sorry,“ she stutters, “I must have mistaken you for someone else. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Blind with embarrassment she stumbles backward, bumping into someone.

“Hey! Look where you are going!”

“I’m so sorry!”

How many sorries will she utter today? She turns around to go back to her coffee and personal effects sitting patiently on the counter. She holds her head high and her back ramrod straight, but she is cringing inside, wishing she can simply disappear. The feeling of embarrassment glows through her body as she wonders how many people saw the exchange. She can feel the tears burning behind her eyelids, but she wills herself not to cry.

How could he have forgotten her? True, she did observe him any chance she got when at university, much more than he ever noticed her, but they did talk between classes, greeting and exchanging pleasantries. Did she make so little of an impression that he has completely removed her from his memory?

She feels like a complete idiot. Subtly glancing over her shoulder, she sees that he has left and that the rest of the patrons either did not notice the exchange at all or are not interested. Not even the guy she walked into. They are all busy with their own thing. Feeling relieved that she is so unimpressionable she can disappear in a coffee shop, she turns back to her coffee and takes a big gulp, her heart starting to slow down again and her blush dissipating.

So, that is Valentine’s Day shot to smithereens (again). Maybe she should call her single girlfriends for another anti-Valentine’s Day…