I Object!

Shane Carpenter felt on top of the world. He was on the fast track to becoming Valedictorian of his graduating class — he had a beautiful girlfriend, Maria Starmino, and his father had set him up with an internship at his law firm after Shane graduates. One of Shane Carpenter’s most prominent traits was that he was always on time. That was until three days ago.

“One more exam, and I am done with Law School,” Shane felt a plethora of stress roll down his spine. 

Maria spun around, and her flowery patterned dress followed suit, “That’s great, baby.” Her smile lit up the kitchen more than the sun ever could, “I’m going to cook a big meal tonight in celebration of your last days at Law School. Do you want anything special?”

“Surprise me,” Shane licked his bottom lip before admiring Maria’s beauty and passion for culinary. 

“Let me look through the cookbooks,” Maria began examining the various books family, friends, and fans of her YouTube cooking series gifted her over the years. She noticed one book felt out of place, unworthy of fitting in with home-style recipes. “What is this,” Maria held up a book with a woman on the cover sitting in a meditative position.

Shane’s eyes widened for multiple reasons, “Oh crap, I borrowed that from the library at the beginning of the semester. I didn’t want you to know that I took out a book for self-healing and emotional intelligence.” 

Maria’s cheeks puffed up as she pouted her lips, “You hid a book in the room I use the most in the house?”

“It’s the only books we have in the house. Trying to keep the balance, ya know?”

Maria laughed, “Like the balance inside of your soul. Look, I think it’s great that you wanted to do some emotional development.”

“The guys wouldn’t think so,” Shane rolled his eyes and rested his head on his muscular hand. 

“Well, all the guys are also single, so maybe they should follow your lead.” Maria leaned in and kissed Shane on his blushed cheek. “I won’t keep you. Go return the book, take your exam, and then we can have a relaxing evening.”

“Okay, I love you, babe,” Shane pulled Maria in, and they shared a few tender pecks. 

“Love you too.”

Shane took the book from Maria, and as he approached the front door, Maria called out to him, “One more thing.”

He turned around, “Yeah?”

“Make sure you don’t hide this year’s Christmas presents in the kitchen.”

Shane chuckled, “I’ll be back.”

***

Shane started daydreaming while driving towards the library, “I never turn anything in late. How could I be so careless?” While he internally scolded himself, Shane felt his car bounce, and a “pop” noise hit his eardrum. 

He pulled the car over and exited the vehicle to figure out what happened. Shane noticed the front right tire was now flat, “No, I don’t have time for this.” He checked his watch, “9:04 A.M.” Shane’s last exam began at 10 A.M., and he knew by the time he was finished, the library would be closed for the next few days. Shane was used to helping others get out of unfortunate circumstances — now he had to create a plan for himself, “No spare tire in the trunk like I even know how to change a tire. No time to call and wait for someone to come fix it. The library is approximately twenty minutes away on foot, and then another half hour to get to my class. Cutting it close, but I can do this. I’m Shane Carpenter, for God’s sake.”

Shane straightened out his blazer and began the most life-changing walk he had ever been on. There were a few clouds in the sky, helping the day not feel so humid. Shane kept a steady pace as his overpriced dress shoes clicked on the light gray, newly paved sidewalk. All seemed calm for the first five minutes: Passersby followed their daily routines, held by societal norms. 

A table was set up outside with a red-headed girl and her mother sitting behind it on Shane’s left. The young girl yelled to Shane with an exaggerated smile, “Hello sir, would you like to buy a homemade cookie? Fifty percent of the proceeds are going to Shriner’s Hospital for Children.”

Shane only had credit cards and a few bucks to pay off the overdue library book. “I’m sorry,” Shane said, “I’m kind of in a rush.” 

The girl’s mother stood up, “Sir, they’re only five dollars, and it’s for a great cause.”

Shane was well aware since commercials for Shriner’s Hospital would appear on TV every hour. But he had to get to the library, next to a class, then call about his car, and finally go be with his beautiful girlfriend. “I have to go, sorry.”

“Rich people really are stingy,” the mother barked at Shane’s expensive taste in fashion. 

Shane turned around to witness the mother with both hands on her hips and her daughter looking down. The woman’s comment, her demeanor, made Shane say, “I don’t want the shitty cookies!”

Tears formed in the red-headed girl’s eyes. Her mother flipped Shane the bird. 

“Real mature,” Shane said and continued on his way. 

Shane double-checked his watch as his walking pace increased, “9:30?!” Shane’s exam was going to start in thirty minutes—he was behind schedule. Shane studied his location, hoping to find a solution. He noticed a young boy delivering newspapers to the local businesses on his bicycle. The boy had wheat-colored hair, big blue eyes, and crooked teeth. Shane picked up his pace and grabbed one of the kid’s handlebars, “Hi, I know this is going to sound weird, but can I please borrow your bike? I will come right back with it.”

The boy’s eyes widened as his bicycle came to a halt, “My mom says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

Shane practiced a slow meditation breath he learned from his overdue book, “My name is Shane. See, now we’re not strangers.” 

Bicycle boy’s voice went up an octave, “I’m sorry, I have newspapers to deliver.”

As the boy attempted to escape Shane’s suspicious behavior, Shane used his might to shove the bike, knocking the kid on the ground. Shane placed the book in the front basket and started pedaling like he needed to win first place, “I’ll bring it back, I promise!” 

Shane felt the sweat stains on his white button-up as he invested all of his energy into getting to the library. His shoelace on the left shoe was untied, but he had no concern about tripping himself up. After much pedaling, Shane finally arrived at his destination. He leaned the stolen bicycle on the library’s bike rack and walked confidently up the steps. The moment he was waiting for—handing in a self-help book he only read two chapters of after three months of hoarding it from other patrons. Shane would never have to look at this book ever again. He placed his hand on the entrance’s handle, pulled with the power of Hercules, and the door didn’t open. 

Shane read a white piece of paper taped on the inside of the glass, “Closed due to remodeling. Sorry for the inconvenience.” “Son of a,” Shane threw the book at the door. “Wait,” Shane thought. Libraries had book bins where people can still return their old books if the library is closed. Shane picked the book back up and charged towards the bin. He pulled on the lever, and it barely budges. Shane noticed that because of the remodel, the book bin is overstuffed. Shane glared at the building with the bruised book in his right hand, “They’re getting this book back.”

Shane ran to the side of the library, checking to see if there were any cameras. The coast was clear. He picked up a rock, and before he knew it, he shattered the glass and began sneaking through the window. 

Shane’s plan was a plate of scrambled eggs on the floor at this point: Put the book on the front counter, pay for the broken window, give the blonde boy his bicycle back, apologize to his parents, apologize to the girl and her mom, apologize to his professor, convince him to retake the final exam, pray his car is still where he left it, call AAA about the flat tire, apologize to Maria for being late to dinner, and never check a book out at the library again.

“Freeze! Put your hands in the air,” a voice yelled behind him.

Shane threw his hands in the air and yelled back, “I’m a lawyer! Well, not yet. But I’m not a threat.”

“Then why are you trespassing,” the police officer questioned him. “For someone who wants to become a lawyer, you’re not that smart.”

The red-headed woman appeared behind the officer, “That’s the guy that made my daughter cry. He hates children!”

Shane spent the weekend in jail, missed his final exam, failed the course, wasn’t Valedictorian, and didn’t graduate that year. Maria thought he went on a binger or was cheating on her, but she wished it was one of those reasons for his disappearance when she found out what really happened. Maria and Shane broke up shortly after they released him from prison. Shane Carpenter felt on top of the world, and ever since, he wondered how his life would have been different if he and Maria had just ordered Chinese food that night.