From the Middle Child

I’m a people pleaser, thanks mom and dad. Well it’s not really their fault, but it is. I was raised by their every word no matter how contradicting they sounded with each other. Mom was as clear as day but dad was as clear as night. You know, those nights when you can hear every leaf rattling in the dark, heavy forest ahead of you. That was him alright! You can just tell that co-parenting was not their forte. It’s a little bit upsetting and it would be great if I could understand them but the only thing that would be better would be if they could understand each other. But she’s day and he’s night.

Just the other day they were arguing about some financial complications. Regular couple stuff, I understand, but it really seems more like a scheduled thing. Like they go out of their way to plan it all down to the tiniest detail. 

I imagine it going a little like this: 

“Hmm, maybe we should execute our very important argument on Tuesday night. What do you think honey?” 

“Well, my love, I was actually thinking what better way to enjoy our weekend as a family than to ruin it soon as Friday night is in our grasps!” 

“Dear!” he pauses. “What a wonderful idea!” 

Then they’d hug or something. Though let’s be honest, they’d probably have to be able to comprehend each other in order to agree on something of this caliber. To my advantage that only happens…once every blue moon.

Seriously though, how does one begin arguing even though you both have the same opinion on the same topic! And it all gets so personal so quick! To them it's a regular conversation at this point, well, to all of us. I admit, i'm used to it by now, but it’s still annoying. They can really start chewing each other up over something as dumb as tortilla chips. 

“Mm, these chips are my favorite!” exclaimed my mother.

“And yet you always claim I don’t buy you nice things.” said my father with a smug face.

“What is that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat?”

“What! When did I say that?”

“You said it with your tone.” 

“No I just meant that I myself like these chips and I knew you would like them too.” 

“Yeah right, and since when have you liked tortilla chips? All of a sudden you want to be nice to me, go back to your hoes!” 

“What hoes?”

“If you don’t want me as your wife anymore then divorce me and get the hell out of here!”

“If I leave then who is going to pay for your stuff!” 

“I don’t need no man to take care of me and I sure as hell don’t need you!” 

“Yeah? Cause last time I checked I've been paying your rent for the past 18 years!”

“My rent?! Our rent! And don’t start saying you pay for my stuff because why else did you make me get a job?! And those mere things that you pay, I earned that! I earned them by being a good wife! Everyday I come home tired from the damn sweatshops and I get to cooking for my whole family! Despite your lack of actually showing up for dinner!”

“And how do you expect me to eat here when I have to work?! You don’t think I get home tired every damn night! I barely even get time to eat at work! Maybe if my so-called good wife packed me lunch, maybe I would have more time to spend with my family!” 

“Oh so it's my fault that you're a bad husband and father?” 

“Bad fa- Bad father!? Who goes to all of our kids’ school conferences? Me! Not once have their teachers seen you stop by!” 

“And why do you think that is? I can’t speak Spanish with them!” 

“We’ve been here nearly 20 years and you still can’t speak English!” 

“Yeah well you’re acting like I didn't try more than once! How am i supposed to learn it if I don’t have time because my “husband” made me get a job because after all these years now he can’t pay rent anymore! And you don’t even help a little bit around the house! I go to work to get paid minimum wage for the most tiring jobs and get home to clean, cook, wash your disgusting clothes, and wash everyone’s dishes only to later give you nearly my entire paycheck!” 

“You’re saying I don’t help around the house but who cooked this past weekend?”

She scoffs,”Oh please, you cooked once more after six months and you left the kitchen a mess! When I cook I clean my pots and pans and the kitchen counters that I may have spilled on, but you? No! You cook a semi decent dinner and leave the kitchen like hurricane Katrina just stopped by!” 

“So what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to be a decent husband for once! What happened to the guy I fell in love with?”

“What happened to the lovely wife I once had?”

“I already told you that if you don’t want me you can just leave!” 

“You think the kids want me to leave, I’d have to take them with me.” 

“And how do you expect to take care of them if you’re drunk all the time!”

“And how do YOU expect to take care of them if you’re angry and screaming all the time! I know I’m not perfect, don’t focus on me! Focus on you!”

“Do you want your kids to suffer through their father’s death at this young of an age? Cause that’s where you’re going with all of this drinking you are doing! And you think I’m pointing it out to be evil or something but I'm not!”

“Oh now you’re going to tell me you’re worried?” 

“Yes, I am.”

“Don’t make me laugh! Don’t worry about me, it’s not like I come home drunk every night or something.” 

“No, no you just spend all night outside with your alcoholic brother and the neighbor until you come stumbling into the house, waking everyone up at 3 in the damn morning!” 

“There you go again speaking like a man. I didn’t know I married some dude!” 

“You’re calling me a guy? Well you’re right about one thing, I sure as hell have more balls than you do!”

And so on and so forth. This is how most of their talks go. Sometimes they last hours, days, weeks. I guess it will go on forever. It’s not like I can do something about it, after all I’m just the middle child.