Unfriendly Past

"I met Kyle when I was in 6th grade, and our friendship was the stuff of movies. He was pretty much the cutest boy I’d ever seen, and I couldn’t believe he would want to be friends with me. I had a crush on him the first few years of our friendship, but we agreed we’d work better as friends.

When we got to high school, we got even closer. Kyle was basically my only friend while I buried myself in books trying to get good enough grades to get myself out of the South.

He was my way of staying semi-relevant in high school. Everyone loved him, and I was vicariously popular. During one of our trips to Florida for spring break, Kyle tweeted, “You know it’s a good night when your lips are numb,” and tagged me. This was in reference to how drunk we were, but when break ended, the entire school was buzzing with the rumors that we had slept together. I had become the school slut, all because of his tweet.

And this is probably why our senior superlatives were “Best Couple Who Never Was.”

What no one knew, and mostly still don’t know, is that he was gay. Our friendship lessened the suspicion of his parents, who would have kicked him out of the house if he came out, and I was just about willing to do anything to help.

Fast forward to when we went to college. He had a long-term boyfriend that he was hiding from his parents, so when he finished school and moved in with his boyfriend, he told his parents he had actually moved in with me instead. His mom was sending me mail, and at one point a package got lost. I was so stressed out about his parents finding out. It was awful, and he never once thanked me for taking heat for him.

He and I had several arguments over the span of the year we were “living” together, most of which were over the pettiest things like communication and who said what. I had recently gotten a tattoo that meant a lot to me, and he told me, with an unnecessary amount of snarl, “Well I wouldn’t put that on my body.” I could feel the end coming.

Then one weekend while my mom was in town, and Kyle texted me asking if we could set up something so he could see her. I didn’t text him back for an hour, waiting for my mom to tell me what her plans were, and he texted me back, “Well I at least deserve a reply.” I couldn’t swallow it anymore. I fired back, telling him all the things I have done that I probably deserved something for too. I was so over having to constantly put him first. The next day we went out for brunch, and he didn’t look at me once, and we haven’t talked since. It upset me so much that I hit a pretty deep wave of depression and ended up in therapy.

I still miss him all the time, and I probably will forever, but when someone takes such a negative toll on your mental health, you have to put yourself first." Anna took the last sip of her drink as she finally ended her long story. She walked towards Christian and placed her hands at the small of his back.

"Really? You had to go see a therapist?" he asked perplexed.

"Well, I couldn't get over him for a while," she sighed and turned to him. "I know its ridiculous."

"No. It isn't." He replied.

"Really?"

"I'm going to tell you about my own little sad story." He held her hands softly.

"A horrible one?"

He nodded sharply and gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

"In 12 years of school, you have a lot of friends. Some for 10+ years and others for a short period. You think you’ll be friends forever... until you drift apart.

I had a friend for 7–8 years that I thought I would have for the rest of my life. We always talked about how we wanted to live next to one another and raise our families together. Until she decided she no longer wanted that.

After graduation we started to drift apart. No more daily conversations, no more getting together, that was that. It broke my heart. The one person that I thought I would always have by my side was gone. That’s a hard pill to swallow. From this I got upset, angry and just plain confused. What had I done so wrong?

After a while I had confronted this friend and asked her what happened to our friendship. Her explanation was kind of a slap to the face. She had basically said I was self-absorbed and she was sick of it. Now in my defense, everyone can be self-absorbed at times. Though, for the most part I was a great friend in my opinion and I would do anything within reason for her. I truly just think she had found people that she thought were better and that was the easiest way to explain it.

A few months later I left for college. After I was all moved in I figured I would reach out one more time to see if I can fix what had been destroyed. It didn’t work but at least I can say I tried. After that I fully gave up on the idea. It was the closure that one may need during a break-up. Some do say that friendships hurt worse than romantic relationships when they’re broken up.

After that all was great. I had made new friends at school and still kept in touch with the loyal friends from high school that I still had. I eventually got over being upset over this one broken friendship and started focusing on making other quality ones. It took a while but I finally was able to get to that point.

During winter break, one of my best friends from home wanted to go out to eat and go skating with me and this former friend. To be completely honest, it was weird. It was as if I were meeting her for the first time. I wasn’t sure what to say or how much to say. I don’t trust her anymore to indulge more than surface knowledge. Since then, we went back to not speaking to one another. I’ve been told from sources that others have noticed that she’s changed and she actually tarnished more friendships than just ours. I really got over everything after a while and moved on. Really glad I did that." Christian explained and sighed too.

"“Well I hadn’t thought about it until now.” She stepped closer. “The truth is now that’ I’ve had time I see that we dont always get what we want, I appreciate the friends and family I have left.” She reached out to place a hand on his shoulders.

“That’s not what you said yesterday.” He teased her, turned and walked to the window.

She followed him slowly. "Can't you see it?" She asked. "We're blessed to be with each other."

"Its wonderful!" He exclaimed.

"We've been through a lot of bad friendship experiences but I know this is definitely a bond to help us smile again." She said with a grin that summoned the dimple below one eye.

"I'm lucky to have you as a friend, Anna. I really am." Christian said cheerfully.

"I am happier Chris." She said and hugged him passionately.

"We're going to be best friends forever."

"Really?" She asked with eyes peering into his.

"Definitely Anna." He said shifting his attention to her eyes.

"I love you Chris." She said and closed her eyes to take in the lovely fragrance of his body. If she had found a friend, it was definitely Christian.