Have you ever been afraid?
Have you ever had that feeling when your heart pounds so hard it hurts?
Or the feeling when the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight?
That’s what THEY feed on.
The truly monstrous creatures of this world.
They crave your fear like how an actor craves applause.
It is their very reason for being.
Oh?
You don’t believe?
You simply don’t think that monsters are really out there?
Well maybe you used to.
Maybe you did.
Maybe when you were a child you had a happy life.
Maybe that happy life changed within a matter of days.
Maybe you were in your room when it started.
Maybe you were on your bed next to the window.
Maybe you looked outside as the sky turned gray.
Maybe you could hear your mother singing in the other room.
And maybe when the first rain drop hit your window,
Maybe you noticed that the sound of her voice was suddenly gone.
Ah, maybe now you’re starting to remember.
Maybe now you’re starting to once again believe.
But maybe you don’t remember the rest of this frightening story,
And maybe I should tell you what happened next.
It’s possible that they were heard from all around town,
It seemed as though there was a scream for every drop of rain.
Every grownup had vanished which left nothing to keep the monsters away.
Then that feeling began to grow inside.
Your heart pounded.
Your hair stood straight.
You began to sweat.
He could hear your heart pound.
He could feel the wind slightly change as your hairs stood.
He could smell your nervous sweat.
No wonder he found you.
After all, you did make it easy on him.
Maybe you can still remember what made this monster particularly horrifying.
Maybe it was the metal blades growing out of his spine like hair.
Maybe it was the lack of white in his eyes, or that he looked very familiar.
Maybe it was the ring he wore that looked like metal fangs on his pinky.
Maybe it was the way he licked his lips at the sight of you.
Or maybe it was all of that and maybe more.
You were about six or seven years old that day.
You were small, even for your age.
So it didn’t take much effort for the monster to stuff you in his dirty sack.
Perhaps you remember the smell.
That evil and horrendous stench.
The smell changes depending on the person smelling it.
Perhaps you smelled the very fire that your cousins died in.
Or, was it the odor of your older brother’s corpse?
No, I’ll bet it was the perfume of the woman that murdered him.
Whatever it was, it was enough to make you black out.
When you woke, you were shackled to the wall.
The metal cuffs felt like ice against your skin.
The dark concrete of the walls hurt when your feet swung.
There were no doors.
There were no windows.
There was no way out.
From the room you could hear it.
The screams.
Screams coming from every direction as if they surrounded you.
But these screams were mixed with something else.
Laughter.
Menacing laughter.
The laughter of tormentors.
The monster entered the room.
The same monster that took you.
You didn’t see how he came in but he did which meant there was a way out.
“The king wants to see you.”
He said with a hoarse voice as your shackles released you.
With one bladed finger he picked you up by your shirt and carried you.
You can’t remember how the two of you got out because you never found out.
You became distracted by the truly horrifying view that was before you.
It was so horrifying that there isn’t a word known to man that could describe.
No word can get even close.
Maybe you can envision it now?
The infinite halls,
The light of the purple fire candles,
The total and complete void of hope and happiness.
He carried you for what felt like days.
Do you remember where he took you?
He took you to the king’s throne room.
The room was like a cathedral in hell.
Large, stain glass windows, and black concrete walls.
At the other end of the room,
In front of a large stain glass window,
Was a throne.
Upon the throne sat a dark figure hunched over with their hands on the rests.
From the figure you could hear gravely breath as you approached.
When the monster put you down, you looked around the room.
Behind black concrete pillars hid various terrifying monsters,
Each one more vicious than the last.
The monster with the blades on his spine put a leash on you like a dog.
“Walk”,
The bladed monster commanded.
You marched towards the figure that sat upon the throne,
And chills ran down your spine with every step.
You got knocked down to your knees when you were a few feet away.
Looking down at the tears that fell from your eyes,
You heard a voice coming from the figure.
“Hello there.”
You looked up.
That was a mistake.
Now every time you close your eyes you see him.
You don’t know it,
But you do.
And that feeling returned so much stronger now.
Heart pumping,
Hairs standing straight,
Sweat soaking you,
You were so scared you might have even wet yourself,
And by that I don’t mean sweat.
You saw the king’s face.
Except it wasn’t much of a face.
It wasn’t much of a figure either.
He was made of a multitude of constantly moving insects.
Centipedes, to be precise.
He had glass eyes in his face,
He had armor and clothes and a crown.
Other than that, he was completely made of centipedes.
“You are very special to me.”,
He said in an iniquitous voice.
“You are amazing.
Your mind is so fearful and panicked.
A mind like yours is rare.
A mind like yours is powerful.
In fact, it made me.”
You gasped.
You realized it was true.
You created King Centipede.
He was just one of your monsters.
They came in your nightmares every night.
In fact, if one were to have looked in your desk in your room,
They very well may have found your drawings that you made every morning.
Every time they came for you you drew them.
You even gave them names.
And that’s when it clicked.
The bladed monster.
That’s why you recognized him.
He was one of your nightmare monsters.
You looked up at him,
“Knifey?”,
You asked.
He hated that name, but it was still his name.
He looked down and nodded at you with an evil smile.
“So,”
Centipede said,
“Since you are responsible for making me,
And therefore responsible for this lovely weather we’re having,
This forecast of fear if you will,
I’ve decided to give you a gift.
I thought,
‘Let’s not scare them and torture them for the rest of forever,
Instead, let's make them useful.’
Take our prized prisoner to the chamber!
And make sure you shut the door this time!
I can’t stand the sound of it.”
Knifey picked you up and led you through more dark halls.
The question kept racing through your mind over and over.
What did he mean by ‘make me useful’?
You contemplated this until you came to a huge door with a sign next to it.
“The Monstrofication Chamber,
Brought To You By The Fearful Mind Of…”
You most likely don’t remember the child’s name and frankly neither do I.
But their name didn’t matter because they were probably gone forever.
A child’s natural predator and fear is the monster.
But what if the child became so crazed,
So insane,
That they feared themselves,
And therefore became monsters.
This theory of yours was proven true when you saw a boy escorted in by a monster,
And then a few moments later,
He was a slobbering, harry, disgusting creature.
You were next.
When everyone had gone,
It was just you and Knifey,
Still not a good name in my opinion,
Just Knifey and you.
You then realized that it was the perfect opportunity,
An opportunity for an escape.
You swung back your leg,
Kicking knifey in the you-know-where.
In pain, Knifey squealed like a pig.
He dropped you to the ground and his hands went to guard his manhood.
Now being on the ground,
You kick his knee and he falls with a loud thud against the dark concrete floor.
Using the key you found in his pocket,
You unlocked your leash and ran.
But then you stopped.
Because a thought had just occurred.
Even monsters have fears.
And the monster in charge was your monster.
So you knew his fears.
And you knew that he hated the chamber.
And now you knew why.
You opened the door and ran into the chamber.
You were right.
The chamber was powered by electricity.
And Centipede was electrophobic.
In the center of the chamber was a Tesla coil with jumper cables.
Near the wall was a chair where the child would sit and be transformed.
Strapped to the wall, next to the chair, was a remote control.
Quickly, you grabbed the cables and the remote.
Once you did, you ran as fast as you could back to the throne room.
You were very very lucky to have made it there undetected.
Almost too lucky.
You heard the monsters coming down the hall,
So you instinctively jumped behind the throne where you attached the cables.
Your heart pounded.
Their monstrous footsteps echoed through the large room.
Your hair stood up straight.
The air smelled of death as soon as they were near you.
Your body began to shake.
You heard as Centipede sat on the throne.
This was it.
It was now or never…
“WAIT!”
Centipede said as you were about to press the button on the remote.
“I know you’re back there.
I know what you’re doing.
But in the end you will never get out of here.
Neither will the other prisoners.”
You gasped.
You had forgotten about the screams.
About the boy who became a monster.
You weren’t the only one there.
“If you kill me then this whole place will crumble,
You and all the other disgusting children would be dead.
Their blood would be on your hands.”
You wrestled with yourself.
You didn’t know what to do.
You think you’re the hero of this story,
Don’t you?
Well in life there are no heroes.
There are no villains.
You made that clear when you pressed that button.
Centipede screamed as electricity flowed through him,
Insect organs flew everywhere as the world began to shake.
The ceiling began to collapse but you decided to stay.
To stay and die being surrounded by the ever growing sound of screams.
You closed your eyes,
As you felt a large concrete chunk,
Crush you in one fail swoop.
You opened your eyes and gasped as you saw the open night sky.
A sight you thought you might never view again.
You stood up to see where you were.
You were in an open field.
You weren’t alone.
All of the other children and yourself had somehow survived.
You had also somehow been transported there safely.
You know it couldn’t have been a dream,
You have the scars from Knifey’s blades to prove it.
But no one would believe you.
Soon enough everyone decided that it was best to forget.
Forget about the monsters,
The storm,
And the screams.
Even you forgot about it.
It was so traumatic that you cannot bring yourself to even recall the memory.
You still live in the house you grew up in right?
You bought it from your parents?
You still live in your old room?
Maybe you should check in your closet and under your bed.
Maybe if you survived then maybe Knifey did too.
After all, it is a nice house…
So maybe I decided to stay!
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32 comments
wowwwwwwwwwwww it almost seemed like it was set in the future with all the 'maybe's and 'perhaps's and just the overall poetic format. And wow, sure sounds like a 'fear factory' to me lol. And just to think, our minds are simply THAT powerful, too powerful lol. Super nice job :DDDDDD
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Thanks. Hope the really long wow is a good thing. LOL.
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it was XDD just shows my appreciation of the story lol
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Thanks! I’m glad we have something in common.
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I enjoyed this story. It's brief and yet moving. It captures a lot of fears that many people have experienced in their lives and does not make them seem petty. For my critique, I would urge you to not name the monsters. Unknown terrors are often much more frightening anyway, and names like Knifey only diminishes the fear they engender. Second, I believe your story would benefit from more lengthy sentences, even paragraphs. It's formatted as a poem right now and the reader goes through it too quickly for all the meaning to be retained. Th...
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Thank you, that was what I was going for in the story. Wow, I never thought about that. I just thought that it would be a better way to conserve words to name the monsters than to mention them solely by description but you make a very good point. I chose the name of Knifey to make it obvious that it was a little kid’s monster but also to add a little bit of creep factor, though looking back I can see how that could be taken as comedic. Most of my stories are lengthy but this time I decided to try my best not to go over the word limit and t...
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Of course! You're so welcome. And I'm a proud Texan too :)
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No way! What part? I’m a born and raised Wacoan myself
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Nice! I lived most of my life in Dallas, and now am a bit farther east, in the great state of East Texas ;). -- That's a joke, because people here have almost state pride in living in East Texas. Not just Texas, East Texas!
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Lol I love that! Texas is the best. I wouldn’t rather live anywhere else (except New York).
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Hmm, it's definitely an interesting concept. There seems to be a missing element here. Like a part of the story, the reader is missing. I think it was have been better to learn more about the narrator's backstory at the beginning of the story. The formatting also seems to be in a poetry-like format. Though I love poems, there is a complex story where you're trying to tell that I feel is somewhat lost through that lens. If you wish to carry on the poetry-based writing. I'd make sure to establish a realistic setup and character. Poetry-based...
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Thank you so much. This is the first REAL bit of criticism I’ve ever gotten. I don’t know what the missing element was, it’s my first ever scary story, I’ve never even told a campfire story, ever in my life. I probably should have added some more hints to his history though I wouldn’t have given away the twist and the truth until the end cause I wouldn’t give up the suspense of it all. The poetry aspect was to keep it in that creepy campfire story style. It was also to keep me from going on and on. I believe that this poetry style will be k...
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I hope I wasn't harsh. I just want to help you out by voicing what I feel needs a bit more improvement. To truly set your story to the next level. You don't need to tell the twist just set up the narrator a bit more in the beginning because I felt I only really got to know him at the end. Exposition should be at the beginning. That sort of thing. I like the campfire vibe. Definitely changes my perspective on the work. And justifies the introduction a whole lot more. I like the poetry style, I use it quite often ws well. I apologize, I knew ...
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It wasn’t harsh at all! In fact it was refreshing! I’m used to getting sugar coded critiques from people who don’t want to hurt my feelings but then aren’t of any actual help so this was a nice change from my usual criticism. I understand, and I agree. The reader had no clue until the very end and that was part of why I did it but I guess it may have been taken a different way than I expected. I will keep this in mind when writing my next story. When I said that I never meant for the name to be comical I never wanted that to come across as a...
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Thanks! I used that reference because as a theater kid and as an actor that is something that I have felt and it is something that fuels a performance so I though that that must be how monsters feel about fear. Of course there are grammatical errors (Ive never done good in English class lol), I will see about putting it through an editing software in the future, thank you so much!
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Personally I prefer Musical Theater or Comedy. My favorite roles are always villains. They get to be funny while being the center of attention unlike most comic relief characters.
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OMG! YOU’RE A THEATRE KID TOO!?!?! What roles have you played?
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I will start out by saying your imagination is quite good so keep on using it to the max. To me that is the most important as a writer. It will keep a readers attention more than one that deals with everyday life. Most people want to be taken away to another world to escape this one. I would say to you when it comes to the use of "that" re-read your story and say the sentence without the word. There were times it was needed in your story, but other times you didn't need it. It's an area I have worked on myself and been critiqued on. ...
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Wow. This was amazing!! I feel like this connects to me because even though I'm a teen, I still have fears. Most of them revolve around the dark.
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Thank you so so so much! You say such kind things to me even though I don’t deserve them.
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:) Aww, well, I try to be kind because Christ is kind, but everyone deserves to be treated well with kindness and respect.
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AMEN!
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The world definitely need kinder people. Half the time, though, the people who are unkind don't know Christ, so I think that's part of the reason. Not saying that those who don't know Christ are always bad, though.
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