AFTER ....THE ACCIDENT?

AFTER ……..THE ACCIDENT????

I am staring up at a ceiling that isn’t  mine, on a hard mattress in in a bed that definitely isn’t  mine, in some kind of  nightshirt  that I would never have to worn to bed or anywhere else.!

Where are my clothes? Where am I?  I have to get out of here. What’s this, bandages around my wrists?  And what is this tag on my wrist? It says Harrison Carmichael?  Who is Harrison Carmichael?  My name is Jack. Jack Keller.  It’s always been Jack Heller.

Is this some kind of joke; is it Halloween or April Fool’s Day?

 This is not funny. The digital calendar on the wall up there says it is Monday. Monday? I need to be at work. Monday is the busiest day at work. I could get fired if I’m late again.

 Where do I work anyway?  Why can’t I remember? Where are my phone and my watch?  Have I been robbed?  That it.  I’ve been mugged and robbed and those thugs have me locked up somewhere…somewhere that looks like a hospital.

My head is spinning. Have I been drugged, have I been drinking? No, it can’t be that. It seems like morning. Yes, the clock up there says its 8: 35. AM? Oh no, I’ll be late to work. Unless it’s 8:30 at night? The shades are down so I can’t tell.

This is some kind of big mistake. Why would anyone rob me?  I’m not a rich man. I don’t belong here.    Was I on the way to work when this happened? When what happened? What did happen? Did I crash my car?  Wouldn’t there be a police report? I know this isn’t the police station. At least I don‘t think so.

I don’t see a buzzer. Maybe if I could yell, someone will come. But my throat hurts like hell. My tongue feels frozen.  Whoever did this to me? And why?

Omg, it looks like my right foot is in a sling. I can’t sit up. I need help. What have they done to me, these robbers, these crooks, these thieves? Maybe it’s a ransom situation? They beat me up, these thugs and they are holding me for ransom?  Oh, I need Laura to call my attorney. Maybe they have already gotten into my bank account.  

If I was in an accident. I would know, it wouldn’t I?  What kind of accident? I’ve never had an accident. Not a serious accident.  Just a couple of fender benders like everyone else.

Laura doesn’t know I’m here. I have to call Laura. But there’s no phone. The bastards. Oh Laura, I need you. Laura can get the police and call our attorney. Laura can get me out of here. Oh wait, Laura is on a business trip to Montreal.  

Wait a minute, just a minute. Let’s think about this. Laura has a sick sense of humor.  Did she set this up with her book club buddies to punish me for forgetting our anniversary? Now, I am remembering the time on April Fool’s day she sent me a telegram saying I had been fired and not to come back to the office. That wasn’t funny. But it made her laugh to see the look on my face. Who sends telegrams anymore? So weird!

Or how about the time she said our dog Blinky was missing. But he wasn’t .I went crazy looking for him.   He was over with the neighbor’s dog.

That’s it, it’s a practical joke, and Laura gets it from her folks. They love a practical joke. Are they paying me back for forgetting their anniversary?  Maybe I am in a hotel room and they knocked me out with an Ambien and wrapped me up like this. Some joke!

That foot is wrapped pretty strangely. Maybe Laura got the kids in one the joke, Maybe our 8 year old Donny put my foot in the sling. He’s crafty.  I bet he could make a sling. Something he picked up in Boy scouts.

If I’m in a hospital room where is the buzzer to ring for the nurse?  Maybe it’s this button. Nothing happened; I didn’t even hear it ring. It’s a phony button to make me think I’m waiting for the doctor.

What if it is a hospital and I’m waiting to go into surgery?  Omg, I’m allergic to Pentothal. I could go into shock and die!

Surgery for what? Is anything broken? What kind of accident was I in? Maybe I had concussion. I’d have a headache. What does that mean? Shouldn’t there be a phone here somewhere even if the buzzer isn’t working? I’ll look in the drawer. Nope nothing  here but a bible.

A bible? Maybe I’m in charity ward, a monastery? I haven’t seen any nuns, though. And there are no crosses on the wall. It kind of smells like incense in here though, doesn’t it.

 Maybe I’m in a prison hospital bed, maybe I killed someone. Oh my god.

Maybe I hit someone with my car. Prison hospitals probably are understaffed. That’s why I don’t see any nurses and they won’t give me a buzzer because now I am a criminal.

I don’t see any cameras, but someone must be watching me.

Maybe it’s worse than that. Maybe I’m in the morgue! What does a morgue look like? Maybe I’m waiting for someone to come and wrap me up and slide me into the wall. Maybe that’s why there’s no buzzer, no phone!

Maybe I’m ……Maybe I’m dead?  Oh, no, I never finished writing my will or my last will and testament!  I’m too young to die, I haven’t even retired yet..

Wait, here’s someone waving at me way way past the end of my bed, out there in the darkness.

“Jack, Jack Jack! I’d say break a leg but you don’t need good luck. That was a great performance Jack! High five.  Man, I really believed that you were recovering from a hit and run! Welcome to the High Street Players.  Glad to have someone with your acting chops on board!”

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