71 comments

Thriller







9-1-1, what’s your emergency?




Hi, I’d like to order a pizza.




Excuse me, ma’am? Did you say a pizza?




Yes.




You do realize who you’re calling, right? 




Yes, I know exactly who I’m calling. I’d like to order one large pizza with—  




If this is a prank call, ma’am, I am not amused. But if it’s not, I’m more than happy to transfer you to Papa John’s or Domino’s. 




No, no, don’t transfer the call.




Is there an emergency, then? If not, I’m going to hang up. You are wasting precious time I could be using to save lives. A woman at your age should have no problem ordering a pizza on their own.




Don’t hang up, just... whatever you do, don’t hang up! Please, listen. I... I’m really, really hungry, and I think I’m gonna starve to death if a pizza doesn’t get here soon.




Oh. Oh, I think I’m getting you now. Just stay on the line, ma’am. Help will shortly be on its way.




Send your fastest deliveryman, please.




Of course. We’ve traced the call to your apartment complex. What floor and what number?




Fifth floor, number forty-six.




That’s quite high up. We’re contacting the fire department too, just in case. Hang on a sec; just getting someone to pull the channel.




Sure.













Okay, ma’am, now you have my undivided attention. Help is on its way, so please stay on the call until we get there. Are you alone right now?




A large pizza with mushrooms and cheesy crust, please. I’m sharing it with my boyfriend.




Your boyfriend? Is he the reason you’re calling?




No pepperoni, no. I’m sick of sausages.




Mhm. And he’s listening to you order pizza as we speak, is that right?




Yes, that’s right.




Okay. Has he injured you?




Are black-eyed peas a topping?




I see. Are you bleeding?




Extra sauce, please.




Right. And where are you bleeding from?




Um… corn. Do you have any corn?




Corn? Ma’am, what do you… oh, an ear of corn. Okay, that’s not too bad. Are you in immediate danger now? Is he still trying to hurt you as we speak?




He’ll… he’ll be very hungry if the pizza doesn’t come soon. 




Okay. Understood. Is there any way you can... hello? Hello?




What was that, babe? Oh, okay. Sorry, babe. I’ll tell her. Hello?




Ma’am, please don’t hesitate to put the phone down if you believe this conversation will endanger you. Is it safe to speak now?




Yes. My boyfriend doesn’t want black-eyed peas on his pizza. Or corn.




Listen, ma’am, where exactly are you in your apartment right now?




We’ll probably be eating in the living room.




Is it possible to get away from him? Can you leave the building?




Oh, you know, we’ve just been in that stay-indoors, lay-in-bed-all-day mood lately.




He’s holding you captive, is that what this is?




Don’t worry, he’s a really sweet guy. I can hardly hang with the girls these days because he spends all his time with me, haha.




Okay. Is it possible to leave the living room? Can you get someplace safe, maybe the bathroom?




No, you don’t have to cut the pizza. My boyfriend always does it himself.




What, cut the pizza? Oh, I see. He has a knife, or some other sharp object, am I right? Is that what he used on your ear?




Don't worry, he's had a lot of practice.




And you think he’ll use it again if you try to leave the living room?




Yeah, just ring the doorbell. I won’t be going anywhere.




Okay. Does he let you go to the bathroom? Can you try to excuse yourself for a bathroom break?




I... I don’t know. I guess I could try.




Calm down, ma’am. Think this through. Whatever you do, don’t let him find out that you... hello?




What did you say, babe? Oh, sorry. Don’t worry, I’m almost done, she’s just going through our order. Okay, okay, I will. Hello?




Yes, hello?




We’d also like one large diet coke, please. I think that should be everything. We’re paying with cash.




Ma’am, you can put the phone down if you think it will make things easier, but try get to the bathroom and lock yourself in. That will reduce the likelihood of a hostage situation when we arrive, which should be within the next seven minutes. Is that all clear? Ma’am? Hello?




...just five minutes, babe. I just need the bathroom for five minutes, please. No, babe, I promise I won’t do that. We’ve been in here for a week and I’ve never done that before, have I? Hm? I just wanna play Pocket Camp while I’m on the toilet, is that so bad? No, no one’s on the phone. I just finished ordering, why would they still be there? Hey, babe, what are you… No, don’t, babe, please don’t. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I… no, please, NO! STOP IT! STOP IT! HELP! BABE, PLEASE! Fuck, oh, fuck… fuck… shit… oh my god… oh my fucking god, I can’t believe I made it… oh my god...




Hello? Ma’am? Is everything alright?




No… I mean, I don’t know. Oh, god, it hurts. I made it to the bathroom, just like you said, and I locked myself in. But he cut me in the... in the stomach, it’s bleeding and it hurts so much.




I warned you not to take the phone with you, ma’am.




No, I had to. I just… I can’t do this alone. God, I’ve been so lonely. I need to hear from someone that isn’t him or I’ll go crazy.




Okay. Stay strong, ma’am. Help is on its way. First, are you sure you’re safe?




I think so.




What’s that sound?




He’s banging on the door and yelling my name. I... I think it'll hold, but could you please hurry up?




Okay. If you’re sure you’re safe for the time being, you need to treat your wounds as soon as possible. Is there a first aid kit in the bathroom?




I think… yes, there is. There’s… um… iodine, and some bandages.




It’s better than nothing. Now I need you to tell me if there is any way to exit the building from where you are, without using the door.




Ouch!




Ma'am? Is everything alright?




Yeah, it’s the iodine. It stings. Ow. Okay, I think I’m done. It hurts a lot, but I don’t think it’s too serious.




That’s very good to hear. Have you found an escape route?




Yeah, the window, but he nailed boards over it.




Can you find a way to take off the boards?




He keeps a crowbar under the sink. I… I’ll try my best.




Stay strong, ma’am. The fire department will be here soon to rescue you, while the police will take care of your boyfriend. How are the boards coming along?




Just one more… fuck… okay, okay, that’s got it!




Can you get the window to open now?




Yes, I can, but there’s no way down.




Don’t worry about that. Ma’am, can you describe for me what the window looks like from the outside, so that the firefighters know where to deploy the inflatable cushion?




Oh, there’s the truck! I see them! It’s… uh… tell them it’s a window overlooking a blue recycling bin.




Perfect, just hang on a sec.
















Babe, what the hell are you doing?!




Okay. Now, you should be able to see them inflating the… what’s that noise, ma’am?




He keeps a hatchet under the bed, for emergencies. Shit. Shit, he’s trying to break in!




Two officers are on their way up. When the cushion is done inflating, the firefighters will signal for you to jump. Can you see them now?




Yes, I see them, and they see me, but please tell them to hurry up!




They're going as fast as they can. Keep that crowbar close. Whatever happens, ma’am, stay strong. Can you do that for me?




Okay.




Thank you. Now… ma’am, what was that sound?




BABE, I BEG YOU, PLEASE STOP!




There, that’s the signal! Ma’am, you have to jump!




Shit, shit, SHIT!
















Ma’am? Hello? Hello? Is everything alright?




Hi. Yes, sorry, I dropped the phone when I landed, they were waving at me, so I jumped, yes, I’m fine, I can’t believe it, I only got a scratch, thank god, thank fucking god.




Oh, that is such a relief to hear. Did your boyfriend manage to hurt you again?




No. I’m watching him get put into the police car.




Good. Ma’am, thank you for being cooperative and listening to my instructions.




No, it’s you I should be thanking. For getting here on time.




Well, you did say to send the fastest deliveryman. Enjoy your pizza, ma’am.








August 19, 2020 05:04

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71 comments

The pacing was very much like humor writing, but the subject was not funny at all. Somehow the combo worked really great! This was the pineapple and canadian bacon of abuse stories. Kudos!

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:28 Aug 20, 2020

Thanks for stopping by! You’re the first one to point out the humor, my intention was actually for this to be a black comedy. And yes, that must be the most perfect, thematically-appropropriate analogy for my story 😂

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Write on! :)

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Brandon Johnson
16:37 Aug 19, 2020

Great story! I've heard this case and it was very creative of you to turn it into something of your own! Everything looks clear and flows well so nice job!

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:57 Aug 19, 2020

Thanks so much for the comment! :) Keeping a good flow was my main problem in a dialogue-only story so I'm glad you liked the way it turned out!

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14:42 Aug 19, 2020

Oh wow, this is AMAZING! You excelled at the prompt! Ahhh this was so good!

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Rayhan Hidayat
14:57 Aug 19, 2020

Thanks so much Aerin! :D This prompt was very hard for me to do so I'm glad you liked it! I just hope I didn't put in too much swear words in there :P

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16:17 Aug 19, 2020

Haha, no problem.

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Sia S
10:53 Jan 20, 2021

OH-EM-GEE ........ AHHHHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING FROM THE AWESOMENESS OF THIS STORY!! LEMME PUT MY SUNGLASSEZ ON. .... 😎😎 This. Was. So. Dang. Good!!!!!!!! Omg, love this oneee!! I like dark humour, so this was a pleasure! (But now I feel kinda mean for laughing at this)...

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:43 Jan 20, 2021

Yay thanks! 😙

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Sia S
17:11 Jan 20, 2021

:D

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Claudia Morgan
16:40 Dec 31, 2020

Wow. The fact this happens in real life too- Anyways I loved this, I would be so stumped with this prompt but you nailed it!

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:21 Jan 01, 2021

Thanks a million! I'm so glad to see people are still reading this story even though I submitted it ages ago haha

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:21 Jan 01, 2021

Thanks a million! I'm so glad to see people are still reading this story even though I submitted it ages ago haha

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:21 Jan 01, 2021

Thanks a million! I'm so glad to see people are still reading this story even though I submitted it ages ago haha

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The Cold Ice
14:42 Aug 26, 2020

Wonderful story. Just for the prompt. Loved it. I fond the starting Hilarious. But as the story went it became serious. Well written. Would you mind reading my story “The dragon warrior?”

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Rayhan Hidayat
19:58 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks! I just did! 🙂

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Jen Park
07:28 Aug 19, 2020

I've heard a case similar with this, so I can relate to this more. How clever and unforced conversation you have knitted between them! Even though I felt bad the woman, I couldnt stop wondering at her brilliance. She was a lucky case, of course, because abusive boyfriends are really becoming an issue and it's not easy to run away from that relationship.

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:42 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you for the comment! Yes, this is actually inspired by a real life case, just thought I’d expand on that. I’m so glad you found the dialogue alright, this one was a nightmare to write! 😫 And yes, you’re definitely right, you just gotta watch out for these kind of people...

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