The 2020 Effect

Dear Finn,

Vanilla. Chocolate. Two different flavors. Both ice cream.

They are great together. And apart. You're probably wondering what I’m talking about.

I’ll let you figure it out yourself.

Much Love,

Becca

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Dear Becca,

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t get it AT ALL. But whatever.  Anyway, I chose black over red. And it was a stupid choice. I am never doing that again. I'm sorry and I really mean it. I love you so much.

-Finn

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Dear Finn, 

I don’t understand. Black over red? Is that like your new favorite color? Or are we trying to say the same thing?  Your confusing me as much as I'm confusing you. 

Things haven't been going well for me lately. I feel...sad. This is going to make me more sad, but I don't want to bring you down with me.

Much Love, 

Becca

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Dear Becca,

Sad? Why don’t you come to me? I care about you a lot. You know that. I make mistakes, but that's normal. Did I do something? Your not responding to my texts, but responding to my letters. Becca, I'm serious. Did I hurt you?

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

You didn't do anything. It was my fault. I'm falling apart. I’ve known it since last year. Everything is changing. Including you and me.

I care about you, I told you though, vanilla and chocolate ice cream go great together, but I feel like I would like them more if they were apart. Individual. 

Finn, This last year, I was scared. 2020 scared me. I don’t like this each anymore than the last. And I don't think I ever will.

Much Love,

Becca

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Dear Becca, 

Meet me at my house tonight. I need to know what's going on. I have to. It's killing me!

2020 was scary, but we made it through. 2021 will be better, if you just BELIEVE it will be. I know things didn't go the way we planned, but that's all right. It's a part of life.

Please Becca. I miss you.

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

I can’t. I want to but I can’t. I'm chained. Stuck. Alone.

Even when you're with me, I still feel alone. And that's because of me. I miss you too, but 2021 will NOT be better. 

I just know it. Trust my intuition.

Much Love, 

Becca

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Dear Becca,

Intuition? Chained? Alone? Stuck? What does that mean?

Becca, tell me. I’m not kidding. This is pissing me off. Why won’t you just TELL me what you mean?

I’m trying to understand, but you are making it REALLY hard.

I think you need to see a counselor. I want you to feel better.

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

I am seeing a counselor. Not. Helping. Don't be mad. I would tell you, but I choose not to. And I don’t have to.

I want you to figure it out on your own. Because you need to learn to be independent. 

I’m afraid. To tell you what I mean. Sometimes I think that if i did, you’d hate me, or I’d hate myself.

I already hate myself though.

Much Love,

Becca

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Dear Becca,

Oh my god. Holy crap.

I want you to stop this before you get hurt. I can't, I would NEVER forgive myself if you got hurt. Becca, DO NOT do it.

I figured it out, and I can’t believe it. Please don’t.

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

You figured half of it out. The other half is missing. 

It's too late. I’ve already been hurt mentally and physically.

I'm sorry.

Much Love,

Becca

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Dear Becca,

You. Need. To. Stop. This.

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

I heard you pounding on the door. Luckily my parents weren't home. Then you came inside, looking for me. I was in the closet.

I have been this whole time.

Much Love, 

Becca

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Dear Becca, 

You knew I was going to help you. Why were you hiding?

I'm afraid for you. I can't do this anymore. What the hell do you want from me?

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

I don't want anything from you. You still haven't figured out the second part. I don’t know what's wrong with me.

And I don’t think I ever will.

Much Love, 

Becca

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Dear Becca,

I wish you would tell me what's wrong, but I think I understand the “Vanilla and Chocolate” metaphor.

We should break up.

Not that I don’t like you, but that's what I got from the first letter.

It’s probably better off that way.

-Finn

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Dear Finn,

You did it. Finally, I thought you’d never guess. And I know you slept with Riley Issacs.

I don’t care anymore. We can’t change the past. We had so much free time with COVID quarantine, that we grew apart.

We knew it would eventually happen. Just not this way.

Love grows apart because of the 2020 effect.

Much Love,

Becca

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10 years later...

“Mom, who was Finn? That's who sent you all these letters…..” Gianna, Becca’s daughter said, flipping through the letters.

“He was my old high school boyfriend.”

“Well, I was going through all your letters and I’m only getting one side of the story, so I’m really confused.” Gianna looked up.

“Well, 2020 was a horrible year, when the COVID-19 pandemic started. During quarantine, Finn and I grew apart, like most high school relationships do, and I found out that he cheated on me.”

“He did? Wait is that my dad because I never see him?

“Uh…” Becca trailed off. She didn’t know how to put this. “No. I dated his cousin Nick and that's who your father is. You never see him because he’s in prison.” 

This was the first time she had told her daughter this. Especially at age 13.

“Did you love Finn?” she asked.

“Of course I did. I would never hate him. But like I said in the letters, some things are better apart. Like vanilla and chocolate ice cream.”

“Okay mom, seriously? Is that the metaphor you used because you wanted to break up?” 

“Yeah…..”

And Becca spent the rest of the afternoon wondering what she should do. So she went on Facebook and sent him a DM.

"How are you???"