Deal

Hailey was always very self-conscious and this led her to believe she was unlovable. Alexis felt the same way but she had a longing for Hailey since they were at the very least fifteen years old. Hailey was a very touchy person and would often show affection in this way. Alexis was no where near able to identify if it was platonic or not. While watching movies at slumber parties Hailey would snuggle up to Alexis and this made the longing grow even stronger.

       As they grew older the friendship became frequent days spent together just to be in each other's presence but the pain began in college. Hailey went away, two hours to be exact. The only contact was text and the rare video chat. Alexis thought about Hailey in every person she laid beside and it made her stomach churn in disappointment and loneliness. It didn't matter how much Alexis's partner cared for her- they simply were not Hailey.

       As one summer drew near and college came to an end, Hailey came home and immediately requested to hang out with Alexis. They planned on dinner with Hailey's brother and on the car ride to the small family owned restaurant Hailey confessed to having a girlfriend. A heavy weight settled in Alexis's stomach. Nothing could compare to Hailey's smile or laugh and now she had to share her with another. She felt as if this was very unfair due to her own selfishness. She made a deal with herself to not let Hailey know she was so utterly jealous. It was something she knew would spoil their friendship which she worked so hard to craft into something magnificent over the years.

       She stayed by Hailey's side in order to hopefully turn her thoughts around. Even though it was yet again selfish she couldn't help but feel that they were bound to one another and at some point, maybe in the past, Hailey felt the same. Untill that day came Alexis would wait, for she was stubborn and wanted nothing more to be held in Hailey's embrace. She wanted to love her and buy her flowers and show her what it meant to be showered in proper affection. However on the other side of this relationship Hailey felt very worried. She knew of Alexis's little (well, not so little) girl crush on her.

Not wanting to lose her, Hailey went out of her way to continue hanging out with Alexis. She did this to the point where it brought her exhaustion. Alexis grew weary of the other girls antics but nonetheless continued on like normal. They were like two bulls in a china shop of emotions, each one slightly hurting the other but unintentionally and on foreign grounds. Alexis spent many nights comparing their star charts and coming up furious everytime another sign told her they were irresistibly compatible. It wasn't until the break-up that everything changed.

Alexis got a phone call late one night just before bed. The caller ID had her frantically swiping the green call button; it was Hailey's brother. Hailey had been broken up with, or maybe it was the other way around, the call was way to frantic to completely comprehend. Alexis slid on some joggers and a cozy sweater before rushing out to her car. This was it! In a sick twisted way, maybe fate would allow her to finally have Hailey all to herself. She cruised over the speed limit to the little house not even a minute away and entered without as much as a knock. It felt like a second home.

Upon asking where Hailey was Alexis got the response of, "In her room. It's been three days." Instantly Alexis marched down the hall and gently jiggled the door knob. A soft sob could be heard and it utterly crushed Alexis to hear such a pitiful sound from someone she loved so much. It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach and instantaneously she was nauseous and filled to the brim with anxieties of what was to come of their friendship. The door opened to reveal a curled up Hailey in the center of her bed, hair unkept and old mascara stains on her now sunken-in eye bags. Alexis dropped her belongings and ran to Hailey. It gave her so many emotions to hold her in that moment that she began to cry too.

The deal was off as Alexis decided to cradle Hailey's head into her chest and press a feather light kiss on her forehead. This awakened another gut wrenching sob from Hailey and her swirling emotions. What to do, what to do. Was it okay to kiss her back? Was it truly okay to let friendships become more? Hailey didn't know and she needed emotional space but the physical contact was still her love language so being held was somewhat healing.

In the morning, Alexis helped her best friend clean off her old makeup and she even brushed and braided her hair. They turned on the television and watched a nostalgic show they both shared when they were younger. Sounds from Hailey's brother could be heard in the kitchen as he made breakfast for everyone. It was like they were all just one happy family for a short while. Even though neither would say a thing to the other, the love was there. It was so thick it hurt them both to be away from one nother and the thought of a newly hurt Hailey infuriated Alexis to the point of almost calling Hailey's now ex lover. Yet she didn't, out of pure respect for what they still had.

When two souls are fated to one another it may feel like love but it may only work out as platonically aligned stars. Nothing is more poetic than finding your soulmate in someone you don't necessarily have to be romantically involved with. Maybe it will happen and maybe it won't work out but it's all a test of who we are and where we truly belong as humans. Will it be enough to make a deal with yourself or are you too stubborn as well?