Quarantine Style

The lights were out.

The window was open, an evening cool breeze blowing in.

The room air was stuffy with the day’s heat lingering inside.

A dog barked somewhere outside, sounding happy to see the hellish sun finally set.

A man and a woman embraced each other, pulling close despite the heat, trembling with passion. It was something they both wanted from the day they met, which was earlier today, at the beach. A true heatwave, summer love.

“I want you,” he sighed.

“I want you too,” she sighed back.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

He leaned in to kiss her and in the darkness his lips landed on fabric. Strange, he thought. I’m pretty sure that’s where her face is…

He shrugged and tried again, aiming a little higher that time. Again, fabric. He could feel a warm gust of air rushing through it.

“Babe, are you wearing a mask?”

“M-hm,” she moaned wetly. “It’s mandatory.” 

She pulled him closer and rubbed her mask over his mouth. It was the weirdest kiss he ever had, feeling like someone was trying to smother him with a napkin.

“Baby, I can’t kiss like this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“It’s stupid. We’re going to have sex in masks?”

“M-hm.”

He sighed. “Look, I get condoms, okay? Totally fine, gotta be safe. But masks? I’m not sure they’re gonna do much in this situation.”

“We have to do whatever it takes to stop the virus from spreading,” she said. “And I want to play my part. But, you know, not say no to sex.”

He sighed. Well, could be worse, he thought. I’m not sure how, but it could always be worse.

He kissed her mask and tried ignoring it, feeling the warm breath underneath the protective fabric.

It helped. He began taking off her top and she unbuttoned his shirt. A piece of clothing fell off. A squirt of cool liquid sprayed on his freshly exposed skin.

“You’ve got lube?” he asked, sounding pleasantly surprised. “Oh, baby, I see you’re very well prepared-”

He sniffed.

“Is that disinfectant?”

“M-hm,” she moaned, spraying some over herself. “Doesn’t the smell just make you crazy horny?”

He blinked, thankful to the darkness for hiding his dumbfounded expression. 

“Um.. yeah, totally.”

“I just wanna soak myself in it all…”

He felt her hands on his chest, rubbing the disinfectant and spreading it around. It felt nice, like a massage, if only it would be so weird. 

“Are you wearing gloves?”

“M-hm. Do you want a pair? I can give you a mask too.”

“I…” He imagined the two of them rubbing their bodies together in hazmat suits. “I’m fine, thanks.”

She clicked her tongue, playfully. “Not very mature, babe. What if you’re infected?”

“I’m not infected.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Do you have a doctor’s certificate?”

“No, but I’m feeling fine and I don’t have a fever…”

“Okay, but what if I’m infected?”

“You-” he paused. “Surely you wouldn’t be having sex with someone if you knew you had the virus.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” she said. “I’ve been cooped up in this stuffy hot apartment for months now and I’m in need of some… company.”

She pressed her whole body against his, the disinfectant liquid acting as a lubricant, making their bellies slippery at the touch.

“Wait,” he said, pulling away. “You’re good, right?”

She giggled. “I’m a bad girl.”

“Not that,” he said, trying to keep his mind focused. “I meant the virus. You’re healthy, right?”

“Sure.”

“That didn’t sound convincing.”

“I’m healthy. I’ve had no contact with anyone for two months. All my food is delivered to my front door and I disinfect everything twice, before touching it. I also have no sexually transmitted diseases and am substance clean. I got over smallpox as a kid and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” he said. “No need to be snarky, baby. I was just being careful.”

“Can we continue now?”

“Sure. Just… ease on that disinfection thing, alright? It smells weird.”

“It’s organic,” she said, sounding a little insulted. “Wouldn’t want any chemical shit on my body.”

“Organic? How can a disinfectant spray be organic?”

“It says on the bottle.”

“But does it work? I mean, that ‘chemical shit’ is what kills the virus…”

“Of course it works.”

“How do you know? I haven’t heard of any organic substance that can effectively deal with the virus-”

“Oh my god, can we please just fuck?!”

An awkward silence fell between them. The dog kept barking outside, as happy as ever, the breeze kept blowing in, cooling their disinfected skin. The apartment was completely dark and all they could see were silhouettes of each other.

“So,” she finally said, concern evident in her voice. “You think an organic disinfector wouldn’t work?”

“I… I’m not sure,” he answered, fighting off nausea from the pungent smell. God, how much did she spray on me? “But I wouldn’t bet my life on it.”

The words left his mouth before he could stop them.

“I see,” she said. “Huh.”

“Baby?”

He heard footsteps as she walked away. A bright light went on, causing him to squint, covering his eyes with his hands.

“Baby, are you okay? Are we still doing this?” He saw her standing in the corner of the room, as far away from him as possible. God, she looked so hot in her bra and panties. If only she would take that mask off...

“I think you should go,” she said, sounding distracted.

He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if I overreacted about your precaution. I understand these are difficult times-”

“I may have killed you.”

He blinked. “Ha?”

“You said the organic disinfector doesn’t work,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve been using it since the beginning of the quarantine. Have you any idea how many doorknobs I touched, how many people I’ve spoken with and had s-”

She cut short, catching herself.

“Wait,” he said, frowning, his eyes getting adjusted to the bright light. “I thought you said you were cooped up here for two whole months, getting food from delivery?”

“I… lied,” she said, blushing behind the mask. She shrugged. “It’s something I say to guys. For some reason, it gets them super excited, if they think I was all alone for two months.”

He couldn't believe the words. “So… All that talk about ‘being so horny that you can’t breathe’ was all a lie?”

“Oh, no, that's all true,” she said. “It’s a condition I have where I need to have sex almost daily or my hormone balance collapses. You can imagine how stressful this lockdown has been for me…”

“You-” He paused. “Wait, what condition?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, sighing. “God, I hope I haven’t killed you now. Or any of the other guys!” She covered her masked mouth with her palm in realization.

He was still thinking about what she said earlier, about her ‘condition’. “So, you have to do it almost every day, huh? Like, have to?”

She rolled her eyes. “You guys are all the same. That’s all you can think about, knowing full well that I may have infected you? And I’m supposed to be the clinically horny one here!”

“Nah, you’re not infected,” he said, waving a hand. How could such a glorious woman get infected? “You don’t have a fever.”

“Still, I could carry it.”

That got him worried a little. “How many guys have you been with?”

“39.”

He blinked, surprised to hear the answer come so swiftly. “In your whole life, or…”

“In the past two months. Plus, seven women.”

His jaw dropped. Who is this woman?

“Um, hey, you’re drooling on my carpet.”

She is a goddess amongst men. “Baby, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not bothered by masks or disinfection sprays at all, look!” He searched the pockets of his shorts and his shirt, fishing out a crumpled face mask, putting it on in a hurry.

“Look, mask on, lives saved! Come, baby, let me ease your condition.”

He made a step towards her, and she tucked away in the corner even more. “I seriously think you should go. I think I totally infected you. I think I’m developing a fever.”

She felt her forehead, face concerned.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “You can’t get a fever instantly. It’s your mind panicking after I said that I never heard of an organic disinfectant that works. That doesn’t mean that yours doesn’t work.”

She looked him in the eyes. “You think so?”

He nodded. “I know so.”

She looked down at her feet, fiddling with her fingers. Dear God, she’s so pretty. And what’s with her ‘special condition’? She’s a real treasure!

“Relax,” he said. “Let’s both relax and enjoy that cool breeze coming through the window and this cool organic disinfector. How about it, baby?”

“I guess,” she shrugged. “But I did warn you. Don’t come knocking on my door if you get sick.”

“Baby, I think you’re the sick one here,” he said, playfully. “With that condition of yours. I think you deserve dedicated care and attention 24/7, to keep those hormone levels of yours in check.”

She smiled under the mask. “You’re so sweet.”

“Hey, I can’t even begin to imagine how this quarantine must have been for you, up until you met me. But it’s all going to be better now, you’ll see. I’m here to make it all better.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Those are some big words.”

“I have the means to back them up.”

She didn't have a reply. Instead, she picked up the disinfectant and turned off the lights.

“Alright then, babe, let’s do this quarantine style.”

The dog outside squealed as someone poured a bucket-load of dishwater over it, annoyed by the barking. The gentle breeze stopped blowing, the air masses stabilizing over the city, getting ready for another hot night. The air in the room became even more stuffy and heavy with the scent of disinfector, as two bodies engaged in the cleanest, safest sex ever performed by two individuals, during the hot summer nights.