Fantasy Historical Fiction Funny

Trying to Forget.

"Well, well, well. It's J. I missed you for a few lifetimes, did you get the Messiah bit out of your system?"

You better believe it. I thought it would be a doddle and a giggle, but it was anything but. All I wanted to do was to say a few sensible bits of advice and they started to read all manner of stuff into it."

“Par for the course, J, and no hearing aids at that time, so bound to be mishearing. What's your name this lifetime, I take it it's not Jesus again, is it?"

"You kidding? It's Bob, and I'm definitely not going the Messiah route again. Geeezzzz, that was some lesson in best laid plans... et cetera."

"That's often the way, Bob. You could do the television evangelical stuff, much more lucrative, and way safer? Also, the television screen is much more hypnotic and you'd convert more into a believing zombie mode."

“I'm over it. Well, I was a bit green back then, and I had definitely lived a sheltered life before I tried that ‘holy stint.’ Boy o boy, that woke me about what pain's all about. We all may be spirits but identifying with bodies has a few ‘fish-hooks’ in it. I haven't ventured into the converting business in the last twenty lifetimes. In fact, I put a few metaphorical nails through some pricks that gave me a hard time, here and there. Anyway, aren’t you getting sick of the stink of the burning flesh by now?”

“No flesh to burn. When they arrive at my place they still think they are human with a body, and of course, I have to oblige with the punishment shtick otherwise they just carry it on into their next lifetime. It’s kinda sweet if you think about it. All the souls know they are not the unmitigated pricks they make out they are. I mean, they wouldn’t seek me out if they were. I'm surprised you haven’t woken up to this yourself. You set yourself up in your reforming zeal to make changes, but you weren’t really needed back then. But it was a good game for you, well until the end. By the way, I lost sight of you for a while back then, where did you go.”

“I went up to India, someone said they had a ‘handle’ on this living crap so I gave it a try. I came back as I got fed up of stepping in all the cow-crap; it was everywhere. However, I learned from them how to do a few parlour tricks like walking on water and how to make booze out of water a bit quicker than the usual method. By the way, any idea where my BFF Mary is. Not my mother, my bit of ‘how’s yer father?’”

“Oh yes, she did quite well after she got over them nailing you up, but she did get over it. Naturally, the disciples had their noses out of joint for a while, but she found some mushrooms that seemed to make them smile a lot, even when some people threw stones at them. I believe she lived to a ripe old age of forty and died with a smile on her face too.”

“I notice in the book that they got some things I supposed to have said wrong. I said, ‘Blessed are the freaks, as they will inherit the mirth.’ One thing they did get right was me telling you to get behind me. Hell’s bells, Dev, I was on a fast and you kept taunting me with apple pies and other goodies.”

“I was just having a bit of fun with you. How come, BTW, you are remembering all this stuff. Did you manage to bypass the forgetter device for this lifetime?”

“I guess that must be it, but you are in a better position to know that than I. Do you sometimes slum as a human, or are you just staying on the straight and narrow?”

“I’m still enjoying watching humans make rods for their own back. When I get fed up with it I’ll ask for volunteers to take over and then get down and grubby like the rest. I still find it fascinating at present, with the ingenuity of human beings and their justifications for when they want to do something dodgy. Don’t forget, I get to see the good things too. Humanity, except deep deep down, has forgotten that they set the game up this way themselves, well itself really. Surely, during your enlightened phase, you realised that it’s all about fooling ourselves that we don’t know what the score is. However, let’s leave that, what are you up to now, or what are you going to get up to?”

“Actually, I feel a bit lost. I’m not about to start preaching again now I know we live life after life. Also, I’m not anxious to feel those nails again, or even being ‘water-boarded.’ I have this hankering to be a luthier. I’d make violins rather than guitars but experiment with some of the more exotic timbers. It rather turns me on. But I do feel rather inhibited with this knowledge I have, especially now after meeting you again. It makes striving and taking things seriously rather redundant. I suppose you could give me a zap, couldn't you? Not too severe, I don’t want to be ga ga.”

“One way, Bob, you could do it for yourself by jumping off the cliff near here. I’d make sure you went through the forgetter.

"I suppose you’ve done the female thing; it's very much coming into its own now. Man kind, and I do mean males, are waking up to the realisation that they are just shit when it comes to overall governing, the women are much better at it. They are not as adventurous, maybe, but they are a lot saner. You could still be a luthier, but get involved in reforming as well, which seems to be a thing with you.”

“I’ve had a few lifetimes as a female, but I think I did it instead of coming down to your place. The shit I had to put up with as a 'tart,' balanced my books for a few more lifetimes to come. No, I think I’ll stick to being male again if I can, it’s just so much easier standing up to pee.”

“Are you going to do the ‘cliff thing?’ If so, I’ll see about guiding you after the forgetter to a decent maternity place and even steer you to a family whose father has a good stock of exotic timber,” the devil said with a laugh.

“Thanks for the offer. No, I’ll take my chances that my ‘enlightenment’ will wear off naturally. I wish I’d known more about this back then. I wouldn’t have gotten on a ‘high-horse’ and saved myself some anguish. You say, and I believe you, that we do it all to ourselves, but it hurt like 'hell,' back then, if I could use your place as a descriptive example.”

“Glad to oblige. If your enlightenment becomes too onerous, there’s always the asylum, they shock people into forgetting just about everything. Unfortunately, it also tends to take a lot of the interest out or life as well, but it is an option.”

“Thanks, Dev, I’ll go the slow route, but I wouldn’t mind the address of anyone with a good stack of well-seasoned timber, preferably exotic. I can fiddle away until a degree of dumbness takes over again and I can relax a bit.”

September 30, 2020 06:00

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Lynne Street
00:05 Oct 15, 2020

Wow, this puts a real twist on life. Very engaging to read. I had to stop and think at some references; but thinking inspired by a written phrase is always a good thing. And the wry humour is delightful. ... I did wonder how " But it was a good game for you, well until the end." would read if it were separated to two sentences: But it was a good game for you. Well, until the end. Altogether, worth the read.


Len Mooring
20:22 Oct 15, 2020

Thanks, Lynn, I'm pleased you were amused. Thanks also for the suggestion.


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