Speak Before You Think

Another day at the office and I just can’t seem to say what I mean. I always mean well, but it comes out wrong and too short.  I’ve been here for six months already, and it feels like six years. “Hi Steve, how are you today? I need you to finish up these financial reports as soon as you can,” Joe said, throwing the reports on Steve’s desk. Steve’s brain was quickly processing what to say to Joe before it was too late.

I could say that I will work my hands down to the bone just for you. I could even say that I would be glad to burst an eye vessel to double check the numbers. Instead, I replied, “Sure, I’ll get it done for you.” I really missed the mark on that one. I’ve always had this problem where I come up with great things to say, but it always comes out wrong. Sometimes I even think of great things to say after the fact, but I miss my chance every time.

I look over and see Amy across the aisle from my cubicle smiling at me. I have a huge crush on her. I could tell her how beautiful she looks today, or how sexy her eyes are. I have a thing for sexy eyes, they get me every time. I restrain myself because those remarks could get me in trouble with the firm’s very strict sexual harassment policy. I smile back and watch as she grabs her coffee cup. She has to walk past me to get the coffee. So here’s my big chance to tell her how amazing she looks today. Quickly, I think to give her a compliment on her eyes that are so big and beautiful. As she walked past me I said, “Hi Amy! You have really big eyeballs!” She gave me a weird look and said, “Thanks.” Wait a minute, what did I just say? I think I just blew my chance again. Well, maybe another opportunity will come up to impress her with a witty remark or two. 

I start working on those financial reports, when suddenly the phone rings. I answer and listen as a customer starts yelling at me for his accounts being wrong. He goes on and on about the numbers in accounts receivable being wrong. I quickly look up his account on my computer and I discover that he’s talking to the wrong person. Adam is the one in charge of his account, and he must have made the mistake. I wait for five minutes for the man to stop yelling, all the while thinking of what to say to him. I had the idea to tell him to make sure he had the right person on the phone before yelling at them. The man stopped yelling to take a breath, so here was my chance. “Sir, you need to talk to Adam. I will transfer you, have a good evening.” I listened to him yell again before I pressed the button, “You all are idiots and it’s not evening, it’s the morning!” Oops, I got that wrong again. I always seem to do that.  

Well, it’s back to work. I started crunching the numbers, when Ben interrupted me by running up to my desk. He looked like he had a lot to say. I sat back in my chair and listened as he told me about how his wife wouldn’t stop nagging him about doing the dishes. He wouldn’t stop, and just kept going on and on about it. Feeling agitated, I thought of the perfect reply for him. Just man up, and do the dishes for crying out loud. She’s your wife and I’m sure she does a lot around the house because you're so lazy. All you want to do is sit around and watch football games all day. Instead, I said “Well, just do the dishes and maybe she will leave you alone.”  Ben gave me a mean look and replied, “Thanks for being on my side you big jerk!” I watched as he went to Ryan's desk directly behind me and started repeating his story.

Another day at the office I thought, getting back to work. I thought to myself how nice it would be to have a normal day. I looked at the clock and realized that several hours had passed. The next thing I saw was Joe running over to me like the building was on fire or something. “Do you have those reports done? I have the clients on the phone and they want them now.” I immediately had the thought to tell him that I was trying to work on them, but with the constant interruptions I only managed to get through half of the report. 

Instead I said, “I’m almost finished with them.” Joe looked at me with great anger and fired me right there on the spot. The news took me by surprise, and without thinking I yelled, “How dare you fire me! I’ve been working hard all day on these financial reports! Maybe if you would have given me these reports earlier in the week, they would be finished!” I threw my arms up in the air and said, “All day I have to work with so many interruptions it’s a wonder anything gets done here.”  Joe looked very surprised, because Steve was always a reserved person and he didn’t expect this type of reaction.

Steve looked at Joe and proclaimed, “I’m glad you fired me, because now I can move on and do something wonderful with my life!” He looked over at Amy who was staring at him with those big sexy eyes. “Amy I really like you. I think you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. It would be my great honor if you would go out with me sometime,” he said smiling.  

“I would love to, and for the record I like you too. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out ever since you started working here,” she said. Amy ran over to him and gave him a big hug. Steve looked at Joe and said, “Finish the reports yourself, I quit!” He tossed the reports up in the air and left with Amy at his side. 

Steve realized in the end, that if he just talked more instead of thinking about it, he would be more successful at what he wanted to say. In a few years time, Steve married Amy and they started their own accounting firm. Joe’s accounting firm on the other hand, ended up going out of business. 

Daniel R. Hayes