129 comments

Mystery Historical Fiction African American

August 15th, Wednesday

9:45 PM

1923


You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Your mind flashes back to Bakari, as the burly white men drag him down the dark road. Tears slide down your pale cheeks, remembering how he cried out your name in his husky voice. 

*****

“Are you sure nobody will see us here?” You asked Bakari after you had walked up to him. He didn’t respond.   

For days, both of you had met up in the same place: a graveyard. The stones on the graves looked like they would tip over at any moment if a gentle breeze came by. This was the cemetery for black people, as one of the signs said. Since the government allowed segregation, the white and black people weren't even buried in the same place. You shook your head and sighed. The cold breeze made your arms feel chilly, and you rubbed them in hopes that you would be warmer.

"Are you absolutely sure nobody will find us meeting up here?" You asked and glanced at Bakari.

He shrugged and said, "I dunno. I heard from the other slaves that guards never come here."

"Hopefully not."

"Miss Cruz, I don't wanna put you in danger," Bakari said, avoiding your eyes. You knew he called you that because that was what he was used to, but you had told him that he didn't need to say that.

"Bakari, shush. I don’t care if I get into trouble,” you told him, your arms crossed “and stop with the Miss Cruz stuff.”

"If you say so."

"You know what, I do say so."

Suddenly, the ruffling of the leaves sounded very unnatural, and you knew somebody was there.

"Show yourself!" Bakari yelled, turning around and holding you behind him.

Two white men came out from behind the bushes around the cemetery and race towards Bakari, grabbed his arms, and held him to the ground. One of the men turned to you.

"Ma'am, this is your first warning. If you are caught near a black person again, we will confiscate all of your belongings." One of the men said, sounding like a robot with their politeness. You knew that they were only speaking that way because of your family's high status. 

"Let him go," you told them in a warning tone, snarling at the men. The men stared at you in what looked like confusion, Bakari still in their arms. "Let him go!" You screamed again after a while.

"Sorry, Miss Cruz. We can't do that. He's black, and he can't be with you." one of the men apologized, his cold blue eyes glaring at you. You slap him in the face, your teeth bared.

"This is a cemetery for blacks! He can be here, he’s black." You declared, pointing to the sign. 

The man you slapped felt the place where you hit him, and his mouth curved into a frown. "You ungrateful, rich bi-"

"Carson, shut up! We aren't supposed to disrespect them, remember?” The other man yelled, blocking you from Carson.  

“Ugh! Fine,” Carson grumbled, flipping you off. You stuck out your tongue, grabbed Bakari’s arm, and tried to pull him away from those stupid men.

"Would you like one of us to escort you to your home?" The other guy asked, smiling fakely. “Just to be safe,” he said, pausing. “A black person might get you.” 

You shook your head, glared at the men, and crossed your arms. "I can get home by myself."    

*****

"Esperance, why don't you get a bit of fresh air? Forget about that stupid boy. What's his name... Bahari... whatever. Just forget about the stupid black boy!" Your mother yells. "We live in separate neighborhoods for a reason." 

You roll your eyes, wiping the tears off of your face. "Fine, I'm going out for a walk."

"Not yet, missy. I'm not done talking!" Your mom exclaims, grabbing your arm as you pass by her in the kitchen. She leans against the plain, gray door frame of the kitchen. "You should be more like your sister. She doesn't go to where the poor black kids are."

"Enough, Mom!" You yell, biting your lip.

"You're lucky you aren't a slave, or I would give you a proper beating!" Your mom says, shaking her fist at you.

"Okay, see ya later!"

You grab your favorite burgundy coat and leave the house. When you stuff your hands inside the pockets of your coat, you discover a white scarf. Your eyes water as you hold it in your hands. You remember how, although she was poor, Bakari's mother bought supplies to make you a scarf because she thought you were a very sweet girl. Every day during the process of making the scarf you pleaded with her to let you subsidize and provide them with money and food. 

As a prosperous and affluent white family living inside of the yellow lining, your family's reputation is important. If anyone else ever saw you giving to Bakari, everything of yours and your family's would be gone. 


The people of the government have no mercy on people inside the redlining. 


You think, shaking your head as images of Bakari's beautiful, big brown eyes pleaded with you. He was definitely an equitable man, but he was prejudiced when the topic switched to black rights.

"I don't understand why they treat us so wrongly." he would grumble, his arms crossed. "we're people too." 

You agreed with him on that. Although you had been taught that whites were dominant and blacks... just weren't, you didn't believe that. You had secretly hung out with the black kids when you were a teen, even acted like one.   


   But now that he was with the government they were probably hurting and torturing him. 


You clench your scarf more tightly. 


Or maybe... just maybe... he's already dead. 


You shake the thought away, knowing that Bakari wouldn't let that happen. He might've let the men drag him away, but he wouldn't let them kill him.


But in Levittown, you never know what might happen. 


You see, someone standing many feet ahead of you, and lift your hand, which has the long black oil lamp your mother gave you. You thought he was dead, but there he is, right in the middle of the dark street, smiling urbanely at you. 

"Bakari?!" You exclaim, squinting at the figure. "Bakari, is that you?" You call, running towards him. 

As the figure comes into view, you see Bakari's bulky frame. On his body are welts and bruises.  

An image comes to mind. Bakari coming out from a bright room with beautiful designs. His body was covered in bruises and slaps, but his wide smile shone through all of that. He winced in pain, but his smile was genuine.

"I missed you so much," you exclaim, running into Bakari's arms.


I don't care if anyone finds out!


"I know you did." Bakari teases, grinning.

"Oh, shut up, and let me hug you," you tell him, shaking your head and grinning.


July 27, 2020 15:20

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

129 comments

Zion Hintay
21:52 Jul 31, 2020

Wow, really nice piece you've written here. I like the tone and atmosphere that you presented of that time period. You're implementation of the prompt to the story was well done to. I'm glad you decided to leave it on a happy ending. The world could always use more joyful conclusions. Kudos, Z

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
22:21 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you, Zion! I totally agree! This world does need happy endings. Una vez más, ¡gracias!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
. .
03:05 Aug 21, 2020

This is so good! I've read a few of your stories, this has got to be my favourite! 😃😃😃😃 ------------------------------------------------------------------ I also love the way you wrote 'August 15' 🧡💛💚💙💜🤍🤍 I really like this like.......... WOW👏👏👏👏

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
18:17 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you so much, Sarah! Hope you enjoyed my story and again, thank you. ;)

Reply

. .
03:13 Aug 22, 2020

No, thank YOU for letting me read this!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:47 Aug 23, 2020

Lol, no thank YOU for commenting! :)

Reply

. .
23:00 Aug 23, 2020

:)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Kira Krieger
16:09 Aug 08, 2020

*"Ma'am, this is your first warning. If you are caught near a black person again, we will confiscate all of your belongings." ~ Would they actually threaten Miss Cruz, especially with her high status. *I don't know how believable the two white men are. I would agree with you if it was a normal white girl but with her family's high status I don't think they would've even thought of talking to her like that no matter where she was or who she was with *Would her mother even care to try to remember his name? *Why are they in the kitchen? *...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:02 Aug 08, 2020

Well, the warning was a bit considerate, considering that if a person from a white family was found with a black person, everything of white family's would be gone in an instant. It doesn't matter if Esperance has high status or not, because if you had high status, hanging out with a black person was even more frowned upon. The mother didn't remember Bakari's name... she said another name and then she basically said she didn't care what his name was. Esperance's mom was in the kitchen, but Esperance was in her bedroom. She was starin...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Beautiful and mesmerizing story, you had me hooked the whole time. Well done! If you can please check out my story It Was A Good Day.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
01:55 Aug 07, 2020

Okay, thank you! I appreciate that you read my story! I will check out your story soon! :)

Reply

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

This was a mesmerizing, beautiful, read. I like that you went this way with the story, well done!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
01:54 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you so much! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kristin Neubauer
14:17 Aug 06, 2020

Hi Raquel - what an important story. I wasn't sure of the time period, but after reading the comments, I gather that you are weaving the story among different time periods and that is such a interesting and original idea. And important, as I said before, to really shine a light on how prejudice and racism, sadly, continues through the ages. I'm a new writer and hesitate to give much of a critique, but I guess the only thing I would suggest would be making the female character more convinced that Bakari had been killed. That way, when he ap...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:30 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you so much! They only reason I haven't put out a story yet is because I've been working on a story with my friend Emalyn. And I have a lot of ideas for the prompts, I can't decide on one! :P

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Arvi Krish
06:56 Aug 06, 2020

Really wonderful story! But I just wonder, is colour still an issue nowadays? (you have written in your comment below the answer, 1600-1950) I have seen movies on issues like this but first time reading such an issue Enjoyed it :-)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:35 Aug 06, 2020

Color used to be a serious issue in those times. Nowadays, it still is, but it isn't so serious and sometimes it isn't... clear. I kind of wanted to do a serious story on an issue from the past, but for history you have to look at it through a neutral point of view, because there are many sides to history. Anyways, thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Gopika Ashokan
04:20 Aug 06, 2020

You did a really good job with second person POV. It was effortless. Thanks for writing!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:25 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you! It's definitely not effortless, lol. The second person point of view is actually one of my favorite.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Freddy Iryss
03:20 Aug 06, 2020

Raquel, I like the way you used the second person narrative to give closeness to a period in history that is still relevant in today's America. I'm glad the story has a good ending and Bakari is alive. You asked in another comment/reply how to improve on your dialogue. So, for example, you can strip back a little: 'The other man yelled, blocking you from Carson.' You don't need 'yelled', it's clear he's not whispering. You use 'yell' in at least four places and it's not needed, neither is 'exclaimed.' Keep writing stories like this:-)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
12:00 Aug 06, 2020

Okay, thank you for the suggestions! I appreciate that you read my story. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Grace M'mbone
14:07 Aug 05, 2020

Yours is a beautiful example to learn use of second person narration from. I loved it Raquel. Keep it up. I love the content of your plot. This was a delightful read and it would be an absolute honour to have you check out even one of my stories. Wow. I loved the whole of it😘😍

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:08 Aug 05, 2020

Thank you so much! I will totally check your stories out! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
A. S.
15:28 Aug 04, 2020

Great job. I love how relatable this concept is to what is happening right now. The story was really well written. Second person point of view can be really hard to do, but you totally pulled it off.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
16:44 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you! I appreciate it!

Reply

A. S.
16:46 Aug 04, 2020

You’re welcome. ;)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
𝔸. Triangle
14:25 Aug 04, 2020

I'm not a huge fan of romance but I enjoyed this one. It was something new and fresh. It was a really good read and you wrote it beautifully. Sincerely, A.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
15:00 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you so much for reading, I greatly appreciate it! :)

Reply

𝔸. Triangle
03:46 Aug 05, 2020

Of course! You're a great writer with a lot of potential!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:07 Aug 05, 2020

Thank you, and same to you! I loved the story you wrote for the last week's prompt!

Reply

𝔸. Triangle
14:24 Aug 05, 2020

Thanks and your welcome! Your friend, A.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Mila Van Niekerk
11:07 Aug 04, 2020

Nice, I really liked it!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:57 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Psuedonymous H
08:27 Aug 04, 2020

This was a very good read and I enjoyed it very much. There were some minor issues with it though, like the placement of the commas in a few places. For example, "You see, someone standing". I don't think the comma was really necessary. Definitely doesn't ruin the story. I also liked how you turned it into historical fiction-I love this genre. 😊😊

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
14:57 Aug 04, 2020

Wait, what? Oof, that was an accident! Of course, people don't put commas there! Yikes! Lol, sorry about that! Thank you!

Reply

Psuedonymous H
16:45 Aug 04, 2020

No need to apologize... Anytime 😊😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

👏👏👏👏 ~Ⓐⓔⓡⓘⓝ (ℙ.𝕊. 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪? 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
20:13 Jul 31, 2020

Sure, Aerin! Thanks! :)

Reply

Thanks! 😄

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Deborah Angevin
14:31 Jul 31, 2020

I liked the use of the 2nd person and the ending! Thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Would you mind checking my recent story, "A Very, Very Dark Green"? Thank you :)

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
15:19 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you, Deborah! I'm happy that you liked the story! Sure, I'll check out your story, no problem!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Shirley Medhurst
09:55 Jul 31, 2020

I'm glad you asked me to read your story - I really enjoyed this. I wasn't too sure what era it was set in though or if it was a 'fictional' society??? I thought in some parts it seemed historical/factual yet other parts felt very modern...? I also wondered about "smiling urbanely" - not quite sure what you meant by that here....

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
11:54 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading, Shirley! Urbanely means: (of a person) courteous and refined in manner. The date that the story took place was 1923, a time where racism was still a very serious thing. Hopefully you found this helpful, have a nice day/night! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Aanisah King
23:15 Jul 30, 2020

Beautiful, especially the last line.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
23:41 Jul 30, 2020

Aww, thank you so much! I tried! ;)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Elle Clark
18:59 Jul 30, 2020

Hi Raquel! Here to give some (hopefully helpful) feedback, as requested. I’ll go fairly deep but let me know if it’s too much and I’ll chill out a bit if you want me to review any future stories! Firstly, axe the author’s note. Put it in either as a comment on here or a note on your bio but never put author’s notes in your stories (the judges really don’t like them). There are some really lovely bits in this. I like the underlying theme that racism is wrong and that everybody is equal - I think that comes through very strongly. There...

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
19:07 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you, Laura! I really appreciate all the feedback, you don't know how much this means to me! :)

Reply

Elle Clark
19:34 Jul 30, 2020

You’re very welcome! Was it too much or is that the level that you were hoping for?

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
21:14 Jul 30, 2020

No, you're good, because that was exactly what I wanted! Harsh but realistic advice.

Reply

Elle Clark
21:19 Jul 30, 2020

Oh good! Happy to help in the future - just drop me a comment.

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
21:21 Jul 30, 2020

Now I know, thank you (once again - I love saying 'thank you').

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Khizra Aslam
07:57 Jul 29, 2020

Hey, you asked me to read your story so here I am. Very well written and I like the way how you end it. Great job. ❤

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
13:46 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you, Khizra!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
RBE | We made a writing app for you (photo) | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.