The Secret

“The Secret”

SUNDAY 11:14 PM

“You know, Larry, that’s pretty damn good work if I do say so myself.”

“Yeah, I suppose so but I don’t think we should be standing out in the open patting ourselves on the back like this. We got everything back in the truck so let’s get outta here.”

“I know, but it just looks so damn good. An expensive billboard like that finally sayin’ what it shoulda’ said in the first place.”

“Warren, your politics got you in trouble before and if we don’t get our asses moving they will again.

“Hey, get behind the truck. A car’s coming.”

“Looks like we dodged a bullet with that one. Going the other direction they didn’t see the sign.”

“And that’s a shame because when the sun comes up tomorrow everyone in the county is gonna know that Roy Spencer, our longtime Sheriff, is hiding something.” They’ll know because that’s what the sign is telling them now.”

“When are you going to tell me what it all means? I agreed to help you but I don’t like being kept in the dark.”

 ‘”Just wait, it’ll all come out before the election happens. Come on, it’s time to go.”

“Hey wait a minute, I can’t find my cellphone. Shit, I gotta find it. The sheriff’s boys are probably gonna check this out in the morning and if they find my phone I’m dead meat. Damn, why did I ever let you talk me into this?”

“Larry, relax. I’ll just call your phone from mine. Roll your window down so you can hear it.”

“That won’t work. I set the ringtone to vibrate.”

“Shit, let’s get out and look for it. There’s a flashlight in the glove compartment. Your phone’s probably up on the ledge of the billboard where we were standing.”

“Man, I sure hope so because if it’s not on the sign it’s gotta be out there where I took a leak”

“What the hell, you could have whizzed right by the sign instead of out there in the weeds.”

“Look, Warren, this whole stunt was your idea so get outta’ my face. I got the flashlight. I’ll be right back.”

“I’m going with you. Two pairs of eyes are better than one.”

“Warren, hold it! Headlights coming, duck down.”

“Man, we got lucky again. Everybody’s coming from the opposite direction and I don’t want to be sitting here if the next guy coming from behind us and catches that billboard in his headlights.”

“Let’s check the sign first. Keep the flashlight on the ground in case I dropped the phone while I was walking. Let’s do this quick.”

“You were working on the right side of the platform. Let’s look there first.”

“Nothing here, Warren. Shine it over where you were standing.”

“Nothing here either, these weeds are so high. I guess we’ll have to look in your little outdoor bathroom.”

“It was over by those bushes. Man, this is not looking good.”

“Why in hell did you set your phone on vibrate. Nobody could hear it ring except birds and critters.”

“I just thought the less noise we made the better. Why did I get myself into this?”

“Stop saying that. You’re in it and so am I so let’s get your damn phone and get the hell outta’ here.”

“It was right by that dead bush. That’s where I peed.”

“Here, you can have the flashlight. I don’t need to see where you did your business.”

“Damn, Warren, I’m shining this thing everywhere and getting’ nothin’.God, two grown men actin’ like we’re back in high school.”

“Well, Larry old buddy, we can’t stay out here all night. Let’s head for home and keep our fingers crossed that your phone is someplace where nobody will see it in the mornin’.”

“Okay, and remember if Julia asks you any questions I was helping you fix some things on your boat.”

MONDAY 9:40 AM

“Hey, Warren, did you see the TV this morning? You’ll love this one because I know how you feel about Roy Spencer.”

“Hey, morning Bart. Uh, no I didn’t see it, what happened?”

“Somebody did a number on one of Spencer’s billboards out on Buman Road. Under his name they covered over the words “Reelect our Sheriff” and wrote “RESIGN, We Know Your Secret”. There was a camera crew out there and it’s all over the news. Even the Sheriff had people there.”

“Well, gee, that’s not right. That’s just plain vandalism, probably some crazy high school kids.”

“Come on, man, I know about the bad blood between you and that guy. You’ve been bitching about him for as long as I’ve known you. I gotta’ believe you find that funny.”

“Well, yeah it’s definitely funny but that son of a bitch has it coming. He’s been working out on the edge of the law for so long he’s gotta be hiding something.”

“Well, I gotta get back to that brake job on the Audi. How’s this tune-up going? You ever work on a Mercedes before?”

“No, but the price-tag doesn’t make any difference. They all work the same, some just have more expensive parts and their owners don’t seem to mind paying the difference.”

“Yeah, good luck. Oh, I think I hear your pocket vibrating.”

“Hey, Larry. Your cell number came up. Did you go back out there to find your phone?”

“No, I feel kinda stupid. It was in my jacket pocket in the back of your truck the whole time. I found it after you dropped me off at my house.”

“Well, I’m glad you found it, that’s one less thing to worry about. I just heard that our little painting project was on the TV news this morning.”

“Yeah, I saw it. They said the Sheriff himself was getting involved to investigate it personally.”

“Let him investigate all he wants. There’s no way he can link it to us.”

“Well, that’s why I’m calling you. See, last night when we were finished and I was loading all our stuff into the back of your truck I…well, I sort of forgot a little box of spray nozzles for my spray gun.”

“We didn’t use the gun we used rollers and brushes.”

“I know but the box of nozzles was in my toolbox with everything else and I had to take them out to get to the masking tape we used for the letters.”

“So what’s the big deal, Larry, they’re just nozzles.”

“Yeah, but they’re the kind contractors use. You can’t just walk into Home Depot and get them.”

“Okay but I still don’t see the problem.”

“The problem is they aren’t mine personally. They belong to my boss. I had them with me for a job he put me on.”

“So tell him you lost them and pay him back. Problem solved.”

“Warren, you’re missing the point. The Sheriff will probably find them and then he’ll be knocking on the doors of every commercial painter in town and there’s only four of them.”

“And your boss will see the box and know they were the ones he gave you. Wonderful.”

“Man, I’m gonna be in some deep shit if he does. Why in hell did I ever let you talk me into this?”

MONDAY 6:26 PM

“Larry, it’s me. Walk outside or someplace Julia won’t hear you.”

“It’s okay I’m in the garage. What’s up?

“All I could think about all day was that box of nozzles and if the Sheriff showed it to your boss yet.”

“I didn’t hear a thing. Maybe no one found the box yet. Either that or the Sheriff just didn’t put two and two together.”

“I’ve been thinking and I just don’t see how someone who’s not a professional painter would know they were anything special. Maybe we’re worried about something that’s not worth worrying about.”

“Yeah, maybe, but I’m still on the line for the cost of the nozzles and my boss will expect me to pay for them.”

“Relax, the sign was my idea so I’ll pay you back.”

“I know it was your idea and you still haven’t told me why you did it, or should I say why we did it?”

“Just keep watching the news and you’ll find out.”

TUESDAY 8:02 AM

“Morning, Bart.”

“Hey, Warren, good morning.”

“I couldn’t help but notice the Sheriff’s Deputy sitting in his car out front. Any idea what that’s all about?”

“No, but he was already sitting there when I got in around 7:30. He hasn’t gotten out of his car the whole time.”

“Well it looks like he’s tired of sitting because he’s out of his car and heading this way.”

“Good morning, Deputy, I’m Bart Turner. How can we help you?”

“Good morning. I’m looking for a Warren Kowalski, is he here today?”

“That’s me.”

“Mr. Kowalski, can I speak with you for a minute, maybe outside by my patrol car?”

“I suppose. Bart, would you mind having Marco pull that Escalade into Bay Three for me?”

“Mr. Kowalski, I’m here to find out what you know about the vandalism on one of the Sheriff’s campaign billboards. It’s out on Buman Road and it happened this past Sunday night.”

“All I know is what I saw on TV.”

“So you have no idea who might have done the damage?”

“Someone who doesn’t like Roy Spencer would be my guess but I don’t suppose that narrows the list down much, does it?”

“Meaning what?”

Meaning there’s a whole lot of folks around here who think he’s a crooked, lying asshole.”

“Does that include you?”

“Yes I do. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“I was told to come here this morning to find out exactly what you know about the vandalism. I was also told that you and Sheriff Spencer have had personal issues that go back over twenty years. He believes that you or someone you know might be behind what happened.”

“You know, in a strange what I find that kind of a compliment, that with the long list of folks who think Roy’s a crook he’d send you out to see me so soon after the big sign crime was committed. He must really be rattled to send out to talk to an auto mechanic. Was I at the top of his list?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss those details of the case. Now, Mr. Kowalski, where were you on Sunday night?”

“I was home alone all night. I’m divorced and I live alone.”

“Can anyone verify that?”

“If there was someone who could verify I was alone I wouldn’t have been alone, now would I?”

“Alright, let’s keep this civil. Did you leave your home for anything?”

“Yeah, I took my dog out for a walk. Would you like him to verify that?”

“Kowalski, that’s enough. This is a serious matter and you could be in serious trouble. Vandalism like that is a Class 5 felony.”

“Then come back when you have a serious warrant because right now you’re keeping me from my work. Have a nice day and be sure to say hello to Roy for me please.”

“Warren, sorry to interrupt but I need to talk to you about that Escalade.”

“That’s okay, the Deputy was just leaving.”

“I got the impression you needed a way to get that guy out of here. I hope you aren’t in some kind of trouble.”

“No, nothing like that. It’s just the Sheriff being himself, a suspicious bully. He was a sneaky little shit in high school and he never grew out of it.”

“So he suspects you were involved with that billboard thing?”

“Yeah, something like that. I guess all those times I gave him a hard time to his face and with my letters to the newspaper have come back to bite me in the ass.”

TUESDAY 7:10 PM

“Warren, did you see the Six O’clock News on Channel 12? The billboard story is like a really big deal and I’m getting nervous.”

“I thought you were calling about the missing nozzles.”

“No, nothing happening there yet. I guess they’re still out there in those deep weeds.”

“So the Channel 12 News, I didn’t see it. What did I miss?”

“”Well, they had a reporter in front of the sign again like they did this morning but they also showed some man-on-the-street interviews with people asking them what they thought of the message, the one we painted on.”

“Damn, I wish I would have been watching. I was trying to get my lawn mowed before the rain comes.”

“You should have heard some of those people. The reporter asked them about the Sheriff’s secret and they had all kinds of weird suspicions. One guy said he heard about some bribery going on and a woman said she heard a story that Spencer was spending taxpayer’s money on his personal expenses.”

“Wow, not even forty-eight hours and the rumors are flying already.”

“Yeah, but listen to this one. This other guy said his brother got pulled over for speeding and got out of paying the fine by paying the deputy instead. Who knows how much more crap is going on out there?”

“Hey, hang on a second, there’s someone at the door. Geez, it’s the same Deputy who came to the garage this morning.”

“Damn it, Warren, this is getting crazy. They know something. Why did I ever get into this?”

“Relax, I’m sure the guy’s still on a fishing expedition. He’s got nothing but Spencer’s making him keep up the pressure.”

“Call me back after he leaves.”

“Hello, Deputy. I guess I didn’t answer all your questions this morning.”

“No, you didn’t. May I come in, it’s starting to rain.”

“Sure, come on in.”

“Mr. Kowalski, we spoke with someone who said they saw a dark colored pick-up on the side of the road near the billboard. It was around the time we believe the vandalism occurred. I checked with Motor Vehicles and found out that you own a gray Ford F150.”

“That’s right. You saw it in the driveway. It’s the one that looks like a thousand other dark colored pick-ups in this County.”

“Would you mind if I took a closer look at it?”

“Go ahead, knock yourself out. I’ll watch you from the window though, you know, because it’s raining.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be right back.”

“Larry, it’s me again. The Deputy’s still here. He’s out looking over my truck.”

“Oh shit, what if he finds some drops of paint or something?”

“He won’t. I looked over the bed real close yesterday and it’s clean. If I missed a spot the rain’ll take care of it. Hey, I’ll call you back, he’s coming up the sidewalk.”

“Okay, come on in. Did you solve the case yet?”

“Mr. Kowalski, I didn’t appreciate your snarky attitude this morning and I don’t appreciate it now.”

“Look, Deputy, I know you’re just trying to do your job but I’m really getting tired of all these questions. I know Roy Spencer is pushing your buttons but that’s your problem. When you get back to the station you tell him to get off my back. Now is there anything else?”

“Not for now but please don’t leave town in case we need to talk with you again.”

“Okay, I’ll postpone my two-week vacation in Europe just for you and Roy.”

WEDNESDAY 8:45 AM

“Morning, Warren.”

“Morning, Bart. Do I have any visitors in patrol cars today?”

“No, but there was one circling the parking lot about half an hour ago. You sure must have pissed someone off.”

“Yeah, I think I’d better watch my back.”

THURSDAY 6:08 PM

“Larry, turn on your TV, Channel 12, you won’t believe what’s going on.”

“We’re still eating dinner. Let me call you back.”

“Okay, and when you do make sure Julia is out of earshot.”

THURSDAY 7:22 PM

“Okay, I’m back. I missed the news. What’s going on?”

“Well, our beloved Sheriff, Roy Spencer, has decided it’s time to retire.”

“What, you’re kidding!”

“No, it seems that he’s decided to step down to spend more time with his family.”

“Man, that’s bullshit and we both know it. We changed the sign on Sunday and four days later he thinks it’s a good time to say goodbye. That’s just too much of a coincidence.”

“It sure is. And he didn’t even have the guts to announce it in person. A woman in his office did it and when a reporter asked her if it had anything to do with the sign she refused to answer and walked away.”

“You wouldn’t tell me why you wanted to change the sign. Did you know this would happen.?”

“I wasn’t sure but I had a hunch. Spencer is a jerk but he’s no dummy. He’s a fighter. If anyone accused him of something specific they’d have to have a lot of evidence to make it stick. He knew nobody would try that. I just figured if someone made him nervous enough, made him wonder who and what the sign meant, he’d cave. It looks like I was right.”

“So when we painted the words, “We know your secret”, there really wasn’t a secret?”

“Right. All the sign was supposed to do was mess with his head. There’s no question that a guy like him has secrets, probably lots of them. When we got the TV stations and the public buzzing about what the sign meant he couldn’t take the chance it wasn’t real. We used the power of a rumor to get rid of a crook.”

“Well I’m just glad this is finally over. I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing something like that. But I confess, a part of me wants to do it again.”