Take Your Resolutions Seriously, Lest It Turn Into Something Unpleasant

Last year, when I had sat down with my family and we'd written down our resolutions, I took it as seriously as I had every year before that. Meaning, I didn't care whatsoever. I wrote down a few things, some simple, some funny, and a few more serious, but I never expected myself to actually act on what I had written down. But now that it's New Years Eve I can't get over the incredibly intense feeling of anxiety that is filling me with the sense that if I don't complete every resolution I made for this year, something bad is going to happen.

That's the series of events that led me to waking up at 5:00 in the morning to go for a run. Resolution One: Go on a run every morning. The run was horrible, as it was under freezing and I was exhausted from waking up so early, but it got done.

I then proceeded to go and get a smoothie from a local smoothie bar. Resolution Two: Eat healthy. That was more enjoyable as the woman working the counter was incredibly kind and the smoothie was incredibly delicious. Another one down.

Next stop was my house to do some meditation. Resolution Three: Meditate for at least 5 minutes every day. Easy enough.

By that time it was nearing 8:00am and I resolved to give myself a short break as a reward for completing three of my five resolutions. That's where I went wrong. One hour turned into two, and then three, and then I decided to take a nap. Which, in hindsight was a horrible decision that I should've recognized in the moment, and yet, here I was, 10:30 at night running through the city collecting litter.

Resolution Four: Help collect litter. I ran around downtown picking up as much trash as I could, nearly getting run over several times in my haste, for longer then I'd have liked. But it was done, and there was only one resolution left.

I knew this one was going to be the most difficult, so I allowed myself to rush home to prepare. I stuffed all of the supplies I knew I would need into a backpack, and headed over to the neighborhood adjacent to mine.

I was near vibrating with excitement as I walked down the streets and through the rows of quaint houses. I was almost done, and I wouldn't have to worry about this for much longer. When I came to the house I was looking for, an unassuming one story house that held only one resident, I couldn't help the shudder of excitement that ran down my spine. I was so close. The house was decorated with a series of sprawling Christmas lights that reflected off my skin in a rainbow of dizzying colors.

I walked up to the door and knocked, praying that they were home, cause if they weren't, I wasn't going to find them, and I wouldn't be able to complete all of my resolutions on time.

To my relief a jolly sounding, "Be there in a second!" faintly sounded through the brightly painted door and I smiled. My friend opened the door, her bright blue eyes narrowing in on me as a wide grin spread across her face.

"Oh my goodness! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed, waving me through the door. I obliged and stepped into the home.

The words tasted bitter on my tongue as I explained, "Just finishing up some resolutions I wrote last year."

She laughed, a bright sound as she gestured for me to sit on the couch, "It seems like you're a little late for finishing up resolutions."

I dropped my backpack onto the ground and bent down, opening the zipper and sticking my hand inside, looking for the item I desired.

"They'll be finished soon enough." My hand closed around the object and I smirked.

"Then what are you doing here?"

I walked towards where she had plopped down on the couch and was facing towards the TV that was very quietly playing the New Years Countdown. My eyes widened. I'd been so distracted that I didn't even realize what time it was. The counter displayed fifteen seconds.

"I just wanted to be a better friend, visit more often."

I was right behind her now, and I firmly grasped the baseball bat in my hands. My chosen weapon to finish the job.

10.

9.

8.

I raised the bat.

7.

6.

5.

I took a deep breath. I was going to end this.

4.

3.

2.

I swung it forwards, aiming for her head.

1.

She whirled around and caught it, ripping it from my grip. In her other hand there was a kitchen knife. I gasped as she stabbed it right below my sternum.

0.

"Happy New Year!" she chorused with the TV. I sunk down, blade still imbedded in my torso. I quietly realized I had been right to be anxious. I hadn't completed my final resolution, kill her. I had known of her violent habits underneath the surface, and yet, my reluctance to truly follow my resolutions had resulted in this.

She stepped around me and out the door, where she was going I had no idea, but as I fell completely onto the floor, gasping for air, I knew it didn't matter where she was going, I was going to be dead either way. I shuddered and ripped the blade from where it was stuck in my body. I convulsed as it came free with a sickening squelch. I rolled onto my side, vision going in and out as I managed to turn towards the TV. I dazedly stared at the puddle of red that was spreading beneath me. Couldn't be long now. I glanced up towards the screen, blinking at the celebrating figures that were blurring as tears filled my ears.

With no one but the gleeful cheers of the TV as an audience, I whispered, "Happy New Year."